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Original poster

It's a boy! But..........

72 replies

Flumpytigger · 10/01/2007 13:57

Hi,

I feel so bad about saying this, and I am so so happy that my little flump is doing ok after so many scares and tests we have had over the past 4 weeks but... the midwife has just told me that we're having a boy and I feel so gutted.

I know it probably sounds so awful and I'm so sorry if anyone is upset or offended by my post, I just had my heart set on having a little girl and I'm so worried about how I am feeling right now

My hubby is over the moon because he really wanted a boy and I haven't told anyone how I am feeling. I especially don't want to say how I am feeling out loud because flump has ears

I feel like such a bad mummy now

I am so so happy that we have made it to 22weeks and have come through all the tests and scares etc to being having a healthy baby, if a little on the small side, but I just can't get rid of that 'sad' feeling..

I just wondered if anyone else had felt like that and had any advise or words of comfort that it's just a silly feeling that will pass?

Thanks
x

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mellowma · 10/01/2007 14:00

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geordiemacminx · 10/01/2007 14:01

I had always thought I was going to have a little girl, and its what I wanted, when I found out I was having a little boy it felt really really weird, especially as everyone around me was so pleased. I promise you that your feelings will change in a few days. Get your cheeks down to next and have a look at all the gorgeous boy clothes, think about how that little boy is going to love his mummy so so much, think about how much less hassle he will be when he hits teenage years.. think about having to clean under his foreskin and hving him wee in your face... ok dont think about that!!!

Seriously though, there are so so many positives, and most of my friends that have boys and girls say that boys are so much more loving than girls... not that girls arent nice too!!!

Love and hugs

Booboobedoo · 10/01/2007 14:03

Flumpytigger: I had similar feelings. Is this your first?

I just let myself feel disappointed for a couple of days (he has ears but can't understand English yet!), then went out and bought the cutest little boy outfits I could find. We also named him.

I'm due in a few weeks, and now I think I'd almost be disappointed if I had a girl! I feel like I know him already.

Don't feel guilty: just acknowledge what you're feeling, and you'll get over it more quickly.

flamesparrow · 10/01/2007 14:04

It passes... I didn't find out until DS came out, and it took a good few weeks to get over the loss of my 2 little girls (had always pictured 2 daughters playing together, and that image for the future was suddenly shattered). BUT, one day I looked at my little boy sleeping in his cot and I was suddenly overwhelmed with "I have a son" and all the good things that went with that.

It is a form of loss, but one with the blessing of you have gained something wonderful as well as losing a dream iyswim.

My image of my two daughters has been replaced by a big grown up son to give me man hugs

northerner · 10/01/2007 14:06

We don't get to choose what sex our baby is. Some women don't even get the chance of having a baby.

You are very blessed to have a healthy baby boy on the way.

Tortington · 10/01/2007 14:07

and girls are pants anyway

geordiemacminx · 10/01/2007 14:10

I shuder at the thought of having a girl if she would be half as much hassle as I was to my mum when I was growing up!!!

frumpygrumpy · 10/01/2007 14:11

Your feelings are normal and will settle sweetheart. My gran always says children bring their own love and it is so very true. One day you will feel like you would lie over a railway line to keep him safe.

My little boy stroked my face the other day and told me "mummy, you are beautiful".

Original poster
Flumpytigger · 10/01/2007 14:20

Little Flump will be my first.

I know I am definately blessed to be having a healthy baby and I appreciate that even more than anyone could imagine because we have been through it just recently with problems, tests, scans waiting - the unknown.

You have all made me feel better in that I am not alone in feeling like this and you are probably all right in that this feeling will pass.

I do have so much to look forward to whether I have a boy or a girl but I just feel guilty for feeling like this. Love should be unconditional and I feel like such a bad mummy.

Geordiemacminx - you are so right though, I have so much to look forward to, and by the sounds of it; many laughs and love ahead

Flamesparrow and Booboodedoo, what you have said has reassured me in that I hope I feel the same. I'm sure I will, I couldn't believe the overwhelming relief when I found out that all the tests came back clear that I will hopefully forget about how I am feeling now..

xx

OP posts:
Socci · 10/01/2007 14:21

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piglit · 10/01/2007 14:22

Boys rock.

Socci · 10/01/2007 14:22

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frumpygrumpy · 10/01/2007 14:23

Don't feel guilty, its perfectly normal. You already love him so much - you are worried about the poor wee thing having a dodgy mum . xxx

Pinkchampagne · 10/01/2007 14:24

I have 2 boys & they are great! Both very different personality wise, but both very loving.
You will adore your little boy the second you clap eyes on him, I can guarantee you that.

frumpygrumpy · 10/01/2007 14:24

I have 2 girls and a boy. I love them all so, so differently. And I love them all. And I was worried about loving my second less than my first.

Original poster
Flumpytigger · 10/01/2007 14:26

Oh frumpygrumpy your little boy sounds absolutely adorable! What a sweety!

I think deep down I always felt that I would bond with a little girl more than a little boy Does that sound weird?
I was very close to my mum and I was one of two girls. I'm just not used to boy's which probably sounds silly because I am married to one!

Also it's probably crazy that I want a girl, in that I too was an absolute nightmare for my mum when I was growing up geordiemacminx!

xx

OP posts:
PURPLEKAT · 10/01/2007 14:28

Don't feel bad! I felt exactly the same when I found out I was having a boy. Cried for days and couldn't think about anything else (and I already had a 5 year old girl)! He is now 15 months and the most gorgeous, cheeky and loving little thing.

hippmummy · 10/01/2007 14:29

It will definitely pass.
No-one wants to admit out loud that they feel disappointment because it does sound so ungrateful, but I felt like this when I found out I was having a boy.
As soon as that baby is in your arms you will not care
With DS2 we decided not to find out, and I think I preferred it that way. When he was born and my husband said 'it's another boy' I was thrilled! x

geordiemacminx · 10/01/2007 14:30

No, not weird at all, my mum and dad got divorced when I was tiny, and I have a sister too, so always hoped that I would have a girl and that we would have the same relationship that I have with my mum.. although sometimes it doesnt work out like this.

I bet your mum is over-joyed at having a grandson.. I know mines was as she has 3 sisters, and obviously me and my sister!!

scorpio1 · 10/01/2007 14:30

dont worry, i think this is normal, especially as you had a picture of what your bump was.

with ds3 bump,i desperately wanted a girl. the sonographer told us he was infact a boy, and we asked 'oh really?' in a downhearted voice. we were sad for a few days!!

then, i grew to love him more because he was a boy and im used to that,and i was over the moon about him being ok.i felt lucky in the end!

It will be fine.you may have a pink flavoured one in a few years, or you may have lots of boys!im certainly going to be well protected into my old age with 3 sons!

i hope your pg goes well,and enjoy meeting your little man

NAB3 · 10/01/2007 14:33

First time around I really wanted a girl. I had just finished nannying for a gorgeous girlie and it was all boys in my husbands family. Towards the end I started preparing myself for a boy as I didn't want that initial disappointment. Every time I imagined my baby in the cot it was a boy in jeans and a shirt. My second son is actually wearing those clothes today, though we didn't have them when I was pregnant. When my husband said we had a boy I just felt like "I know". It was fine and lovely and I wouldn't change a thing!! I have since had a girl and another boy and I would have been just as happy with 3 boys. Don't beat yourself up about this. I am sure lots of people have had an initial feeling of disappointment but it won't last and when you first hold your baby the sex will be irrelevant. Good luck and congratulations!!

LadyTophamHatt · 10/01/2007 14:40

If I had the energy and brain power to search I'd find the thread I started when I had my 20 wk scan.

After 3 boys I really liked the idea of having a girl.

..of plaiting her hair
..of buying pretty clothes and flowery tights
...of having a child who sat and played quietly (rather than hurling themselves around every room in the house)

I could go on and on...

And of eventually being the mother of the bride!!

Baby no4 will be my 4th boy(still waiting fro his arrival, I was due yesterday) and now I can't imagine anything else.

I was dissappointed and I did cry for the little girl I';d never have but thats why I found out at the scan.
I knew that by the time the baby was here I'd be over the saddness and would enjoy him from the second he arrived.

Fimbo · 10/01/2007 14:42

I envisaged that my 2nd child would be another girl, but was blessed with a boy instead. He is so cute and cuddly and always wants "Mummy cuddles". I always imagined in my head being the mum of 2 little girls but that feels wrong now.

Original poster
Flumpytigger · 10/01/2007 14:57

Oh Ladytophamhatt I loved your post, particularly as that is how I feel. In that I had visions of all of those things too!

I have family friends who have all girls and some who have all boys. The girls are much more independent and are happy and content to play quietly on their own, but the boys want to be in the centre of everything and throwing themselves around so Boisterously.

The boys are much more of a handful and I think I'm worried if I'll cope. However you have all said such lovely things about having boys

Everyone is so so happy that we're having a boy; particularly my mum and hubbys mum.

I think my mum would have liked a boy and a girl rather than two girls, although she'd never say that.

Your posts have made me lol but also nearly cry.. thank you so much for being here and caring enough to reply to me!

OP posts:
bosscat · 10/01/2007 15:05

oh flumpytigger don't worry it will pass. I have 2 boys and they are so cool I couldn't do them justice here describing them! I didn't care either way when I had ds1 what sex the baby was as long as it was healthy etc and I was so over the moon and knocked out with love for ds1 that when ds2 came along I would have been really disappointed if it was a girl! and all my family were saying "are you secretly hoping it will be a girl so you have one of each" and I really wasn't. Now I have 2 little boys running around and they are fab. Its funny how you are looking at your friends boys and thinking they are hard work, I honestly look at my friends girls and don't think I could cope with all the hair twisting. I love the rough and tumble and maleness of them. They are just so sweet. Its all in our heads you know, a child is a child and you will love your little one as much as you would have a girl. Just enjoy it all and don't worry! I promise you will fall head over heels, they are just fab x