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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

It's a boy! But..........

72 replies

Flumpytigger · 10/01/2007 13:57

Hi,

I feel so bad about saying this, and I am so so happy that my little flump is doing ok after so many scares and tests we have had over the past 4 weeks but... the midwife has just told me that we're having a boy and I feel so gutted.

I know it probably sounds so awful and I'm so sorry if anyone is upset or offended by my post, I just had my heart set on having a little girl and I'm so worried about how I am feeling right now

My hubby is over the moon because he really wanted a boy and I haven't told anyone how I am feeling. I especially don't want to say how I am feeling out loud because flump has ears

I feel like such a bad mummy now

I am so so happy that we have made it to 22weeks and have come through all the tests and scares etc to being having a healthy baby, if a little on the small side, but I just can't get rid of that 'sad' feeling..

I just wondered if anyone else had felt like that and had any advise or words of comfort that it's just a silly feeling that will pass?

Thanks
x

OP posts:

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nappyaddict · 11/01/2007 01:45

my mum was upset when i told her i was having a boy. it was because she knew it would remind her of my brother (he died)

by the time i gave birth she was relishing in the fact it would be a boy and that i was naming him after my brother.

she didn't want me to find out but i am glad i did cos it gave everyone time to get used to it.

i never really minded if it was a boy or a girl but i did keep looking at girly dresses cos all the babies in our family are girls so would have been nice to buy girly things. however i don't think i was that bothered (more bothered about the cute pink things i could buy) when i found out i was over the moon all the same. however i think if i'd have 5 more months looking at girly stuff in the shops i might have got more attached to the idea that it would be a girl.

finding out was probably best for you cos as time went on you would have only got more hopeful for a girl. least now you can getused to him being a boy before he gets here.

SoupDragon · 11/01/2007 11:38

Yes, I meant 3 boys That's the second time I've missed the 3 key

Thing is, I didn't really want 3 boys particularly, I think I just convinced myself I did because I assumed it was unlikely I'd have a girl, I knew what to do with boys and was clearly a Mum of Sons. I think it just proves that there really is no reason or logic to how the brain works when it comes to having children. You generally love them anyway once they're in your arms staring up at you.

TenaLady · 11/01/2007 11:41

oh its wonderful, i know you have probably heard it all before but the boys are so loving and a lot less trouble into their teens. You will absolutely love him once he is here.

My stepdaughter put me off girls, phew was so relieved when i got my little pudding.

Lact8 · 11/01/2007 11:50

I decided to find out what we were having on my 3rd pregnancy (had 2 boys already) and was in shock to find out we were having a girl. Every time I've been pregnant I've wanted a boy and part of me was horrified to find out it was a girl

But I'm glad we found out when we did because it gave me a few months to get my head around the idea. And of course as soon as she was born all my feelings of doubt disappeared and I can't honestly remember now why I was so opposed to the idea of having a girl in the 1st place!

Original poster

Flumpytigger · 11/01/2007 14:39

Well I went for it & I spoke to my hubby about how I was feeling last night and he was really sweet and understanding. So I don't feel like such a monster anymore.. and thanks everyone for the reassurances, you've all been brill

We also went in for another scan this morning (I'm having to have growth scans every 2 weeks just in case). All my bad feelings went away the minute I saw him again on the screen and his little heart beating away. I know now that I love him no matter what - no matter the flavour!

He kept kicking everywhere the ultrasound was digging into my belly - it was so sweet!

OP posts:

Booboobedoo · 11/01/2007 15:02

Good to hear Flumpytigger!

You're more than halfway through now, and you'll be cuddling your little boy before the year is out.

PeachyClair · 11/01/2007 15:06

I was quite shocked when ds1 was a boy (note I have ds2 and ds3 now so it was meant for me LOL), but its onenof those things that you do get over quite easily in most cases, its a shock but thats it. pregnancy is a time of mixed hormones and planning, all these images and expectations need a slight readjustment- but thats it, slight. It will take a short time but it will happen- and when you get your boy it'll not only be OK, it'll be great

naming him is a good idea: I think naming ds3 early on helped me sidestep that he wasn't a girl. you go from an imaginary relationship to a real one.

Congrats that all is OK now. These bumps- they're so worrying aren;t they? LOL

Flossam · 11/01/2007 15:32

Oh dear. I'm getting all emotional. I always thought I would have a girl too, first off at least. However when I was expecting DS I thought he was a boy. We found out at the scan, and I was right. I was a little dissapointed, but DP was delighted, so it made up for it. I'm 5 weeks pregnant now, and aslong as I get to have my baby I really don't care much what it is. I adore my DS and would adore another one. Plus we wouldn't need to move for a while.

Speaking of mistakes, my friend recently gave birth to the 'wrong' sex following being told in the scan it was a boy...

Troutpout · 11/01/2007 19:53

i wanted a girl with my first pg...i had a boy. He was so wonderful that i wanted another when i got pg again.
But I had a girl.
she's wonderful too

colditz · 11/01/2007 19:57

Most women want a girl until they actully get their boy. It's because you know what to do with girls becuse you are one.

When your baby comes, you won't even really think of him as " My son, the boy" (lol) he will just be your baby. And by the time you have to start dressing him in "boy" clothes, he will be old enough to have stamped all over your heart, and you wouldn't swap him for the moon on stick.

SoupDragon · 11/01/2007 20:43

"It's because you know what to do with girls becuse you are one"

Um... I haven't a f-ing clue what to do with BabyDragon!!

annieapple7 · 11/01/2007 21:18

I think it has all been said here, but boys are lovely - I have 2 DS, 4 and 2, and pregnant and due in 2 weeks. I always thought I would have girls (because I am one, of course and am one of 2 sisters) and thought boys would somehow be alien. But they are loving and although boisterous, simpler than girls. My friends with girls and boys say girls can be more emotionally demanding, whine and complain more...boys just love cars, trucks and getting muddy.

I don't know what i am having next yet but i am expecting a boy, because that's what I make! I will be stunned if its a girl, and wonder how she would fit into our male-dominated household!

Are there any women who don't want girls, only boys? It always seems to be the other way around!

popsycal · 11/01/2007 21:24

Boys are fab
I love being A Mum of Boys
ds1 tells me 'I really love you, Mum. And I am not lying....'

Being a boy's mum is just the best - so much so that if I had a 3rd, I owld love a ds3

JanH · 11/01/2007 21:40

I wanted a boy first time round and got a girl - she was so wonderful I wanted another girl - unlike troutpout I did get what I wanted, but no.2 girl was so unlike no.1 girl she was like a different species

They are all individual little people, sorry at cloying sentiment but it's true, who they are is more important than which sex they are

DueinApril · 16/01/2007 19:37

Dont worry... it's natural to have a preference, and to be disappointed when you dont get what you want.

Coming up with a name is what helped me the most. I expected a girl, but forced myself to come up with a boy name before I found out, just in case.
When they pointed out his thing.... I didnt think "it's a boy," I thought "it's my Darren." I was able to picture him playing in my floor, and I use his name, and he looks up at me.... I'm still his mommy, after all!

It just helped me get out of my disappointment from not getting my dream, and allowed me to come into reality, where I am having a precious little baby!
I also havent been buying any blue stuff! haha (green is prettier, either way!)

And... if you actually like your husband.... think about how much alike this child and he will be! Wont it be fun to watch them together? Then your next child could be a girl, and he'll be protective of his little sis!

Dont fret if you mourn for a little while. Eventually you'll likely grow to love your baby, no matter what!

charliecat · 16/01/2007 19:40

Youve probably had loads of reassuring posts, but heres one more....I wanted a boy, and was convinced I was having one and was very shocked to give birth to a girl...so much so that the first words out of my mouth to DP were...."we will have a boy next time"
I fell asleep shattered and woke up the next day to dd and was over the moon with her...she / it...could have been a toad, but she was all mine. Which was all that mattered!
You will love him anyway. Promise. Dont stress.
I now have 2 dds and have no desire whatsoever for a boy, family complete.

shimmy21 · 16/01/2007 19:55

Wanted a girl first time - got handsome, intelligent, sociable and funny ds1

wanted a girl second time - got intense, witty, sensitive, affectionate and bright ds2.

I'm so glad now that my wishes didn't come true and I do really believe I was meant to have these fantastic children and not the girl I thought I wanted.

Don't feel guilty because when you have your boy you will be amazed that you ever felt this way and your beautiful boy never needs to know, does he?

Lwatkins · 16/01/2007 20:00

Please nobody take offence to this and jump on me but I could never imagine feeling dissapointed at the thought of not getting 'what I wanted'. Babies are babies, they don't come with an order form. I was just so grateful at my 20 week scan that everything was ok, i really didn't care what the sex was. I found out and was told it's a girl and have been totally overwhelmed and happy at the thought of a daughter, though I would have been equally happy with a son. But in knowing i feel only happiness, and no dissapointment.
There are so many women who for one reason or another cant have a baby, or who miscarry or who's children are born with various problems, healthy and happy has always been and will only ever be my only request.

shimmy21 · 16/01/2007 20:09

of course you're right Lwatkins and that's where the guilt comes from if you don't exactly feel like that.

yomellamoHelly · 16/01/2007 20:11

Felt the same way initially with both my ds's. Got used to the idea after a couple of weeks with both and by the time they were due was thoroughly excited at the idea of finally meeting my boys. Personally I was glad to deal with all these feelings before meeting my little ones. Then I could revel in how amazing they were.
It's really great being a mum to a boy anyway - boys' toys are much more interesting too.

lazyemma · 16/01/2007 20:12

well, obviously you're just a better person than the rest of us, Lwatkins.

(not jumping on you, by the way!)

It's a very human trait to build up an idea of what will happen in the future and then be sad when the actuality doesn't match that picture. Of course it's horrible that some people can't have children, but you'd have to be impossibly saintly never to get upset about anything because someone somewhere has it harder than you.

I don't know whether I'm having a boy or a girl and I won't be at all disappointed if I have a boy, but if I'm honest I would marginally prefer a girl. I'm sure though that when I have the baby, as you say, I'll just be delighted if everything is in approximate working order.

shimmy21 · 16/01/2007 20:12

In fact I remember now that my biggest fear was in my first pg was that the baby would be of ambiguous gender (had watched a scarey medical programme) so If people asked me what I wanted I said I don't care so long as it's one or the other.

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