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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

It's a boy! But..........

72 replies

Flumpytigger · 10/01/2007 13:57

Hi,

I feel so bad about saying this, and I am so so happy that my little flump is doing ok after so many scares and tests we have had over the past 4 weeks but... the midwife has just told me that we're having a boy and I feel so gutted.

I know it probably sounds so awful and I'm so sorry if anyone is upset or offended by my post, I just had my heart set on having a little girl and I'm so worried about how I am feeling right now

My hubby is over the moon because he really wanted a boy and I haven't told anyone how I am feeling. I especially don't want to say how I am feeling out loud because flump has ears

I feel like such a bad mummy now

I am so so happy that we have made it to 22weeks and have come through all the tests and scares etc to being having a healthy baby, if a little on the small side, but I just can't get rid of that 'sad' feeling..

I just wondered if anyone else had felt like that and had any advise or words of comfort that it's just a silly feeling that will pass?

Thanks
x

OP posts:

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Azure · 10/01/2007 15:12

Just wanted to add that I felt the same when expecting my first - I hadn't appreciated how much I wanted a girl until I fould out it was a boy and was sad for a while (plus guilty at feeling sad). By the time he came along I was completely over that feeling and couldn't imagine the baby being anything other than a boy. When I found out I was expecting a second boy 4 years later it didn't bother me in the slightest. BTW the main reason I had wanted a girl was that my sister had had one the year before and I imagined them playing happily together like she and I had done. As it turns out her daughter is a real tomboy and loves playing pirates etc with my eldest, so it did turn out how I had imagined after all.

peacemakeruk · 10/01/2007 15:15

My youngest DS who is 6 asked me yesterday how old I would be when he was 16, I told him and I asked him why he had asked, his reply was "so I know how old you'll be when we get married" How cool is that

northerner · 10/01/2007 16:10

My ds is 4.5 and he is adamant he is marrying me. Daddy will have to find a new wife he says

Cadbury · 10/01/2007 16:14

I understand how you feel but take it from me - lovely as my dd is, girls are much higher emotional maintenance (at this stage) and I wouldn't swap the affectionate cuddles I had this afternoon with my ds or the special mummy/son bond we have for anything.

cece · 10/01/2007 16:26

My DS is 3 and says he won't be getting a job when he is older as he will be with mummy

hunkermunker · 10/01/2007 16:28

This is why I think finding out the gender of your baby is dangerous.

You will adore your boy, I am sure.

I can tell you fab things about boys, if you like? I have no desire for a girl (though nieces are fantabulous, I have recently discovered [proud auntie] ), although before I was pg, I always assumed I would have a daughter because I am a girl [weird leap of logic]

It's very hard to form a bond with a fuzzy image on a screen. But once you have your baby in your arms, you won't mind what's in his nappy - unless it's dirty (or you're fretting about how many wet ones he's producing, etc, etc, etc).

Don't worry, honestly.

marthamoo · 10/01/2007 16:32

I absolutely guarantee that you will adore him...I always envisaged myself as having girls: I have two boys. I would not swap them for anything and now cannot imagine having girls.

And lol at custy's "girls are pants anyway"

Booboobedoo · 10/01/2007 16:33

I know a couple of my friends haven't found out for the reasons you mention hunkermunker, but I wanted to know because I had a hankering for a girl.

I think LadyTophamHat said the same thing when she went for her scan. I wanted to get any disappointed feelings out of the way, and start bonding with my boy. I just felt that being disappointed on the day of the birth would have been so much worse (even though, as you say, I probably wouldn't have been).

I suppose it depends on your personality type.

(btw we had fertility issues too, and had to have help to conceive).

marthamoo · 10/01/2007 16:36

northerner - conversation with ds2 (5) the other day:

ds2: I don't know what I want to do when I grow up
me: well, you've got lots of time to decide...I tell you one thing you could do...you could have babies and then I will be a grandma and I will be very happy
ds2: [dead serious] Mummy...mans can't have babies
me: well, no...you have to find a nice lady, like Daddy did...he found me and I had the babies
ds2: [bottom lip wobbling] I don't want to go away and live with a nice lady...I want to live with you for ever...

Honestly, flumpytigger - little boys are magic

mellowma · 10/01/2007 16:47

Message withdrawn

goingfor3 · 10/01/2007 16:56

I really feel against people finding out the sex of the baby for this reason.

The way you are feeling is perfectly natural but if you hadn't found out his sex until he was born the thought would barely have passed your mind.

Booboobedoo · 10/01/2007 16:59

I think people should be given the choice. Pregnant women are treated like children frequently enough as it is.

At our scan there was no way of avoiding seeing he was a boy! Daddy was so proud...

sunnysideup · 10/01/2007 17:15

flumpy, I have a ds and as others have said I can guarantee you that when yor ds is here you will adore him.

Really, you have NO worries.

All the things that worry you now, you will find ADORABLE when he does them...

"oh, look he's throwing himself around the room boisterously, isn't he GORGEOUS??"

You'll be besotted, he will be able to do no wrong and he will be the most beautiful thing you have ever seen!

I don't have a girl so I'm not comparing, but I do know that there is a special intensity the way boys love their mums....

rainbowgirl · 10/01/2007 17:55

i had the opposite experience. i would have been a bit gutted in my heart if they'd told me my second baby was going to be a girl. i've got one already and she is wonderful but such a handful!! however as the pregnancy goes on, i'm getting really nervous about how to handle a boy, as it will be so different! specially as it's just me and my daughter so i guess we are quite an oestrogen-fuelled household. and i've been so stressed in this pregnancy. but as it goes on i just want him to be healthy. babies are a miracle however they come about and whatever sex they are; as someone said earlier, we are truly blessed to be mums at all, so just acknowledge your feelings, don't feel bad for feeling them, and look forward to the arrival of your little man! (btw my daughter was never that cuddly as a LO, so independent and feisty, and i did used to be jealous of the little boys who seemed so besotted with their mums!) hth

frumpygrumpy · 10/01/2007 18:09

LTH I remember your thread. Are you really about to pop , can't be!!!! Seems like 15 minutes ago. Boy, you pop 'em out like Pringles

Original poster

Flumpytigger · 10/01/2007 18:22

I would never ever get rid of a baby just because I had my heart set on a boy and I can't believe people do! I can feel him kicking away like crazy now and it feels so right..

I am also definately glad that I know now in advance, rather than finding out after labour & bursting into tears because I expected a girl what with all the hormones zipping around inside me at that time! I will hopefully, like you all say, forget about these guilty feelings as quickly as they appeared!

It certainly sounds like I have a lot to look forward to regardless; which deep down inside I think I know. It's just all come as a bit of a shock, silly I know; but I was so adament he was a she!

OP posts:

Original poster

Flumpytigger · 10/01/2007 18:24

Typo - I meant to say 'girl' on the first line not boy

A boy seems to be sinking in!

OP posts:

jalopy · 10/01/2007 18:26

In 18 weeks time you'll be laughing at this thread.

frumpygrumpy · 10/01/2007 18:30

I was never that much in agreement with finding out the sex of a baby in advance....until I had twins and wanted desperately to know so I could get myself well prepared! In your case, I think you've hit the nail on the head. It is good you know now because you already know and love this baby and it will save wrestling with your feelings at an emotional time. (I didn't particularly love my dd the minute she was born but when my love for her did arrive, it arrived by forklift truck ). I think its all going to be just fine.

aprilmeadow · 10/01/2007 19:47

When i was pg for the first time i really didnt mind either way as i was pleased to be having a baby, although i think deep down i thought i would have a girl, mainly, and dont ask how i figured this out, because my friends had all had girls. When ds waved his bits at us on the screen we named him and i started to bond with him. He is 21mths now and whilst he can be a pickle, he is so loving and cuddly and loves nothing more than to play with his toy trains and play with Mummy and Daddy. I am pg again (24wks) and am having a girl. I am pleased but i would have been pleased either way as i 'know' boys.

I like having the time to get my head round what flavour we were having. I am sure you will be fine xx

SoupDragon · 10/01/2007 19:55

I went through this with DS2 - I found out by accident at a 37wk growth scan, it was blimmin obvious he was a boy I am delighted I found out then because I was gutted he was a boy, absolutely devastated. Needless to say when he was born 3 days later I loved him immediately and all the disappointment had been dealt with 3 days earlier. I would have hated to have been told "It's a boy!" on the day and have felt the disappointment then.

I now have DD and found out at the 20 week scan she was a she. Needless to say I was gutted I wasn't having the 2 boys I'd convinced myself I would have... There's simpy no logic!!

NotAnOtter · 10/01/2007 19:58

i dont get that soupy - how can you not have 2 boys and have ds2?

paddyclamp · 10/01/2007 21:11

I'm lucky to have one of each. When i was preg with my first (DS) i desperately wanted a boy so i found out the sex at 20 weeks scan in case it wasn't to be - like a lot of you have said, wanted to deal with disappointment in advance. Luckily though fate was good to us and we got the boy we wanted.

Really didn't mind what i was having with DD. But it's a good job that i wasn't dreaming of pink and frilly, playing quietly with dolls type cos she's not like that at all - and i'm soooooooooo glad.

Boys are great, me and DS have such a bond and he's so loving! DD is loving and cuddly too which is nice. Now that i've got my DS and my tomboy DD and can think of nothing worse than having a girly girl

hunkermunker · 10/01/2007 23:17

Booboobedoo, I had fertility problems with DS1 and had to have help to conceive too.

Also, pregnant women aren't necessarily being treated like children in not being told, it's because some people will abort if the gender of their baby is wrong. That's why they won't tell you at two of my local hospitals, anyway.

JanH · 11/01/2007 00:06

I think soupy may have meant 3 boys, NAO? (The 3-boys-club on MN is very vociferous!)

Flumpy, I sort of know what you mean - when I was pg with DS2 (my 4th) I already had 2 DDs and 1 DS and I was kind-of wanting another pink one; I found out from amnio that he was a boy, at c 20 weeks, and I was a bit disappointed - but I had another c 20 weeks to get used to the idea and when he was born he was just gorgeous and it didn't matter

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