Having twins and terrified

[UCH12]

Hi all,

My wife and I found out yesterday that through IVF we are having twins.

We already have a wonderful 3 and a half year old miracle and she is everything to me and us.

To be honest I'm going through mixed feelings of shock, upset, but mostly fear of not being able to look after my family well enough financially and not giving our wonderful daughter all the love she deserves. I'm terrified. House, car, buying 2 of everything.

My wife wanted to put 2 embryos because after failed treatments she couldn't face doing it again. I don't think she really considered twins as a realistic option.

I agreed this is how we should go. I now resent her slightly for doing it but would NEVER say this to her or blame her.

It is what it is and we have to accept it.

I regret using 2 embryos. It sounds awful. I feel guilty writing it.

This isn't how I should feel when we're lucky enough to finally get pregnant but I'm upset and it may sound awful, but part of me wishes we weren't. I didn't want twins. At all.

The thought of duel crying feeding etc etc and all that goes with it is terrifying me.

I can't be happy and both of us have different views.

I'm in a bit of a daze and scared that i won't be able to handle the responsibility or enjoy it. I feel guilty as I shouldn't feel like this.

Anyone feel the same regards to twins being a surprise? Especially when you already have a child?

I haven't told anyone yet as only at 7 weeks so very alone right now.

[scienceteachergeek]

Hi there

I didn't just want to read and run.

We had an early scan 4days ago and found that I am carrying twins. We didn't have IVF but did have a fertility drug because I don't ovulate without help. I am 8 weeks today.

We are both terrified as you are. I'm the main earner of the house and am already feeling an awful lot of financial pressure.

I'm desperately trying not to think these worrying thoughts because I know I'd be so devastated if I lost one, or even worse, both of them.

I'd hate for you, or me to have been worrying about something which may not even be relevant by the 12 week scan. We'd feel terrible about our negativity.

Just a thought.

[m0therofdragons]

I have an 8yo and 4 yo twins - 3.5 years between them and the age. It's a great age gap. I would describe it as constant rather than hard. We laugh harder than I ever knew we could and that really balances out the tough times. Financially it hit us hard as I couldn't go back to work as planned as 3 in childcare want viable for us but note I they're at school and I'm working we realise it was just a few years and we're fairly comfortable now. We even get lie ins on the weekend as the 8yo gets the little two breakfast! 3 is a great dynamic as 2 often play and one can do something on her own or have some one on one time with me without the other feeling left out. There are logistical issues but honestly, you will have a very happy fun home ahead of you. My twins slept so much better than dd1 ever did. You will cope and you will enjoy them just make sure you give each other space away (like an hour or two here and there at first). I would also advise a cleaner for a couple of hours a week for your own sanity - we couldn't really afford it and went without other stuff like wine. It did make a difference in the first year.

[m0therofdragons]

Wow so many auto correct errors. Hopefully you can figure out what I mean

[UCH12]

I hope so, how do I get to that point now?!!! 😊

[UCH12]

I totally get what you meant!!

Thanks for writing. It's lovely to hear from someone with the same age gap. It helps to hear the positives and about laughing hard.

The cleaner is a definite. No doubt. Also, motherofdragons? That's inspiring!! (Grin)

[Mermaid36]

Firstly - congratulations! Secondly - don't worry about panicking - we've all done it!

I'm 25wks with identical girls - no fertility treatments, no ivf, just "luck". When we first found out, we swore a lot, and got quite hysterical!

Make sure you join TAMBA - they have loads of resources available, including specific multiple birth antenatal classes and seminars, breastfeeding webinars etc. They also have discounts at places like Mothercare! And a helpline to call whenever you need it.

Get your wife to join some of the twin groups on FB too - they have breastfeeding ones, twin baby wearing groups etc. There are also loads of twin buy/selling groups - we picked up 2 bouncer chairs for £15 each instead of £50+ each new, and they are in immaculate condition! Twin parents often like to sell to other twin parents.

I'll be delivering early due to other complications and the levels of support from friends and family we've been offered are amazing. We've had offers of food for the freezer, people to come and walk the dogs, to help us clean etc. All really practical stuff as our girls will be in hospital for a while. I'm fairly overwhelmed by the stuff people have offered to do!

Honestly, it's complicated and a complete head-fuck at points, but you'll get into the swing of things. Feel free to PM if you want to.

[Cakeymum]

Don't feel guilty about feeling like this.

3 years ago ish I had an early scan at 8 weeks due to a bleed and we found out I was carrying twins (natural conception). I freaked out, didn't want that, wasn't what I had "planned", was angry, worried etc. Then slowly over the next few weeks I warmed to the idea
Unfortunately at my 12 week scan we found out we had lost one, was totally mixed emotions - part sad, part relieved dare i say it.

You will cope though, and I'm sure your thoughts and emotions will change many many times between now and when they arrive :)

[UCH12]

I honestly think I'd be relieved although the thought of something I created dying is awful (also a ridiculous thought about the twin losing out).

I'm so sorry you went through that but I know that I need to wait for the 12th week.

I know it's a roller coaster and this is the beginning, thank you for writing.

[UCH12]

Haven't cried yet, am not someone who does that a lot. But have been on the verge for 2 days.

I've been through awful times before, and this isn't even bad, but it's a shock. Huge.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS WRITTEN SO FAR. I'M HUMBLED YOU'VE TAKEN THE TIME.

I'll keep re-reading all your posts

[Beansprout30]

I have no experience whatsoever of twins, I'm only just pregnant with my first so not even experience of being a parent!

I can totally get your worries and stresses though especially financially, I'm stressing over how we will cope when baby arrives but I think you just find ways to cope don't you. It'll be very hard but also so rewarding, I'm sure you will do just fine once the little ones are here. Best wishes to you and your family

[UCH12]

It's the best thing in the world. Congratulations on your first. I have loved every second. Literally. My life is all about her and the smiles she brings.

[mrsdoughnut]

28 weeks with identical twin girls. I had some help to ovulate...me and my husband found out at private scan at 8 weeks due to my morning sickness being horrific and we had a feeling...lol

It has taken a good few weeks for the news to sink in and in fact I still don't think it has!

We haven't bought 2 of absolutely everything. The double pram I found the most expensive but ebay have some bargains and fbook twin mum groups -twin mums uk - has so much advice. Tamba, Twinversity & twins uk has lots of advice.

Your in for a roller coaster of a ride and we have had to pull the purse strings tighter but honestly... babies need love warmth food and a few clean clothes to start with. Also when you break the good news you'll be surprised by how many people want to help.

You are in shock. The good news is you have a good few weeks for the news to sink in.

Welcome to the very special club.

[UCH12]

Thank you. I really am in shock.

Can't imagine what others will say. Just got to get to 12 week scan first.

Congrats to you too.

[MrTdad]

Hi, I'm in more or less the same situation though no IVF. I've been awake for 3 hrs, though thankfully my son has just got up so I'm now watching cartoons downstairs (a welcome distraction). I'm freaking out about the twins thing with all the emotions above. Added to which our 2 bed starter home is tiny and unlike others I'm no big earner.
When the twins are born my son will be entitled to free childcare which is a positive in a sea of aaahhhgggg. I suffer with anxiety anyway so it's no surprise that I'm freaking out about this. The love I felt for my son when he was born I hope I will feel for the twins but naturally I am nervous.
My wife never wanted kids but she is a terrific mum so we decided we would like a sibling for our son (for me, my sister and I are close and good support in difficult times). But I never dreamed of 3!!! New car X2 as I need mine for work , new house needed but we can no way afford one now let alone with only one of us working!
Difficult times ahead.

[TUFC1983]

Hi,

Apologies for bouncing an old thread to the top - first time poster and all that.

This came up when I googled “is it normal to be scared when expecting twins” - similar to the OP, my wife and I have just found out (at our 12 week scan yesterday) that we are expecting twins to go alongside our 3 year old daughter.

So I totally relate to how the OP was feeling, because I’m doing the exact same thing. Worried about the logistics, the finances, how our relationship will be affected and how our daughter will be impacted. There have been plenty of tears (mainly from me!), and a sick feeling of worry in the pit of my stomach that has stopped me from truly enjoying this moment.

I must see that some of the original replies have been comforting and encouraging that although it’s a challenge, it’s certainly not the end of the world. I don’t know if any of the original posters are still active on this site, but it would be wonderful to hear how those expecting twins got in once their twins landed.

In the meantime, any encouraging words or stories from people who had had twins in their second pregnancy would be gratefully read. These feelings of fear and panic are going to subside - right?