LTH, I had a horrible pregnancy with dd. I refused to believe that I was pregnant and when I went into labour I had all control taken off me, I was told what to do, how long I would be pushing for, what painkillers I would have, etc etc. They even took my TENS away from me saying it was useless. The birth was horrible.
The second pregnancy was a little better because I knew what to expect and where to go for help. I found it very hard coping with both the pregnancy and with dd, there were times I could hardly look after myself because I just went crazy, and not in a nice way.
I decided on a home birth because I wanted to exorcise the ghosts of the last pregnancy and birth. I guess I felt very cheated and wanted to claw back some control.
Dh wasn't too sure tbh and I know others behind my back said I wouldn't do it, I'd end up in hospital, it was a stupid thing to do etc etc. Dh didn't exactly back me up with the whole thing so I was very much on my own. But in a way that made me even more determined to prove everyone wrong. dd was a small 6lb 14oz and I had been assured that this baby would be just as small.
I went to ante-natal classes run by the NCT and they told me lots of things that I never knew. I left the classes feeling more confident and informed. They were the only support I had and I was very grateful for it!
I remember coming on Mumsnet in the final weeks, the threads are still in the archives! I remember reading WWW's account of her homebirth which sounded horrendous. But I didn't worry too much, I don't know why. Perhaps because I was still slightly mad at that stage it didn't register that anything could potentially go wrong.
The birth itself was everything that I had envisaged. My waters broke at 5am and the contractions were very slow. I went shopping at Morrisons and baked a cake in the interval. Then about 4pm I got fed up and rolled around on the birthing ball, that really speeded things up! The midwife checked me at 5pm and found I was only 3cm dilated. The pain was still very much bearable, but at about 5.30pm it became more intense and I went on gas and air. I started pushing at 6pm and he came out more or less by himself about 15mins later. He was a pound heavier than dd, that doesn't sound much but I'm very slight myself!
I remained in control the whole way through and remember every aspect of it. I would definitely do it again if I had another pregnancy (please God no!). I think that once you are in labour things just start to happen and your body takes over. Being in a relaxing environment helps nature along, your body isn't as tense, your state of mind is clearer and you are more attuned to what you need to do.
I hope everything goes well for you, I really do. CAT me if I can help at all. I don't know what your situation is exactly, but stick with it, stand up for what you want to happen. It's YOUR body, YOUR baby, YOUR labour. And if people aren't going to be supportive of you then tell them to get lost. They'll come round eventually, as my dh did.