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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Surprise pregnancy -did you tell people it was a surprise? Did people ask?

24 replies

Astrophe · 30/01/2016 10:28

DH and I have 4DC and just discovered I'm pregnant. We are not unhappy, but it's taking some getting used to.

I'm worried people will ask "was it planned?", or assume it wasn't...not that it's unusual or shameful to have a surprise addition, but I don't want it to be something my child carries around forever iyswim.

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bluewisteria · 30/01/2016 10:34

'Yes, I accidentally fell on my husband's penis', is my favourite response to that question.

I'm expecting DC3, planned, people keep asking me if it was. So bloody rude.
I completely understand you don't want your child to worry about this later in life. I would just tell everyone it was planned. People can be malicious, even in a 'joking' way. You don't want to give your child a complex if uncle ted has a few too many one Christmas and makes a joke out of it.
Many congrats on your pregnancy!

marmaladegranny · 30/01/2016 10:35

You can answer them lightly - 'Yes it was an accident - so delighted that it happened'.
That is how I handled it many years ago and DS has matured into a very decent unscarred man, despite my DDs constantly telling him he was not only an accident but almost born down the toilet!

goodnightdarthvader1 · 30/01/2016 10:36

Sorry to tell you, OP, that I've had that.

Been with my DH for 8 years, married for 2, own our own home. Pretty ideal circumstances according to the traditionalist older generation. Told my next door neighbour (60 yo+) I was pregnant (with a smile on my face) and she asked me "Are you pleased?"

No, it was a total accident and I'm devastated.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 30/01/2016 10:40

I told people it was a shock-we found out 3 weeks before our wedding though and were going to start trying after that so if people are nosy enough to ask I just tell them that.

Original poster

Astrophe · 30/01/2016 10:45

Thanks Bluewisteria - first congratulations I've had (I haven't told anyone yet).
I think my anxiety is doubled as we are already a large family and some people can be quite unkind about large families :(

OP posts:

bluewisteria · 30/01/2016 11:59

Just tell them your children are so fabulous you had to have more...

MrsPCR · 30/01/2016 12:17

I don't think the fact it's your 5th will have much to do with that question being asked. If anything, you're long past the 'it could only ever be an accident DC3' so clearly you like a big family.

Similar to GoodnightDV, married 3 years to DH of 8 years, own home, late 20s, yet soooo many people have asked if DC1 was planned. I think people are just nosey and don't really realise what they are asking.

Congratulations

Kitkatmonster · 30/01/2016 12:19

Lol, I recently discovered I'm pregnant with DC3, 10 years after last pregnancy. Family responses have varied from 'was it a surprise' to 'I assume it was planned' why people feel the need to ask/comment is beyond me. I am quite comfortable being honest though and just saying 'it was a surprise but we are very happy about it, thank you'. I could say 'none of your business so feck off' but I can't be bothered with the drama :)

madsaz76 · 30/01/2016 12:27

I was a definite shock - siblings aged 16,15 & 10 - mum had just had major abdominal surgery when she found out. She was advised to abort me (this being the 70s)

The family had a meeting and all agreed the obstetrician could bog off. I've always known and felt special that they kept me despite a doc saying mum should get rid etc.

Mum just told everyone I was the best kind of surprise. I like the "accidentally fell on my husbands willy" response but I've always done sarcasm

Jenjen86 · 30/01/2016 12:29

Mine was a surprise and people do ask me (which actually is very rude when you think about it). Sometimes I just say yes he is a very happy surprise but if they catch me in a bad mood I might make a sarcy comment haha. I know I was a surprise baby and I turned out ok so I don't see it as a bad thing :)

Owllady · 30/01/2016 12:32

My third was unplanned and I always tell him he was my bonus baby :) he was definitely meant to be here

shutupandshop · 30/01/2016 12:32

I have 4. I normally say I like shagging or Im irresitable. Normally shuts nosey feckers up

Owllady · 30/01/2016 12:32

Sorry, I meant to say congratulations!

nehagarg · 30/01/2016 12:34

All the bloody time! Its my first and I have been married 4 years. You'd think the question was nonsense in my case. Not only is it rude and nosy, its stupid to ask someone who has been married 4 years and is having her first.

SirChenjin · 30/01/2016 12:36

We have a surprise - he really was a lovely surprise (8 and 10 years between him and his siblings, DH is 53 and I am almost 47)) and I have no problem telling people if they ask how many children I have.

No-one has ever asked if he was planned though.

Shanster · 30/01/2016 13:54

I'm in he same boat with this pregnancy - my third. It was a shock, but after I got over the initial panic we're all really pleased about it. The only negative is that I'm afraid of people's reactions. My parents think I 'do too much' already, just because I live far from family, have 2 kids and a full time job (with some travel). I feel like just screaming that lots of women have 3 kids and a career, its really not that unusual!!! Everyone assumes it was an accident, and I just respond that it was a surprise, but a lovely one.

I do remember my MIL asking DH with #1 if it was planned...at which point we'd already been married for 5 years?? People are so odd, and its such a rude question to ask!!!

5madthings · 30/01/2016 14:03

I am 31wks with Dc6, my others are 16, 13, 11, 7 and 5. This pregnancy was a bit of a suprise, we finally had all the madthings at school etc.

People have asked and I have been honest and said it wasn't really planned, or said it's our bonus baby. But tbh we are seen as unusual as we already have five. People have been loveky about it, think we are slightly mad but I agree with that.

Our issue was telling family more than anyone else, that was actually Ok.

Ultimately the closer I get to due date the more excited peoole are getting as well, esp the children

5madthings · 30/01/2016 14:06

Posted before I finished.

As I was saying peoole are excited for us. Also dh and I got married last may, after 17 yrs and five children. There were jokes made about a honeymoon baby etc and us having more. We have joked thst we figure we may as well have one legitimate one given the other five were all born out of wedlock.

sepa · 30/01/2016 16:48

I have been with OH for 10 years. We have a house and very settled. I get asked if ours was planned. Sometimes I tell people that he or she is planned (as they were) or if I'm in a narkey mood I ask them if it matters if the baby was planned or not.
I find it a rude question to ask to be honest. If your telling people your pregnant then even if the baby wasn't planned you have decided to keep the baby and they are very much a wanted part of the family as a planned baby is!

lljkk · 30/01/2016 16:53

me, DH, and almost all of our close relatives are results of unplanned pregnancy. None of us have ever been ashamed of it and freely mention it.

You could dismiss saying I'm a weird furriner but DH's family are as conservative English as they come. tbh, I'd take a very view of people who think 'unplanned' is important.

That said, MIL (result of unplanned 4th pregnancy herself) did ask if I was horrified to be pg with DC4. hmmm

BlueBlueBelles · 30/01/2016 17:05

I still tell people now that DS2 was a complete surprise. I had PCOS and needed fertility treatment for ds1. There's a v. Small gap between the kids, and they don't look alike at all, so I've had some very strange questions tbh! But he was a good surprise

Junosmum · 30/01/2016 17:45

I tell anyone who'll listen what a surprise DS was. Most people already assume anyway as I was very very vocal about not wanting kids. Wouldn't change it for the world now though!

Jenjen85 · 30/01/2016 18:40

Congratulations OP I'm worried about our families reactions when we finally tell them once we've had our 12wk scan (I'm 9wks) was a HUGE shock as I got pregnant with the coil in and had told everyone I didn't want another child until DD WAS at school (2yrs old) so to say me and OH we're shocked when we found out is an understatement we are really happy now but dreading what people will say (mainly in laws and MIL)

Original poster

Astrophe · 31/01/2016 00:06

Thanks everyone for your responses, and congratulations to you other ladies who are expecting too :)

Quite right, if you are telling people you're pregnant you are obviously keeping baby, so it is a nosy and rude question to ask. I might tuck away some of those sacastic responses responses for a rainy day .

jenjen, like you, I'm most worried about telling family, as there was some negativity over DC 4, sadly.

I think part of my anxiety about worrying what people will think (I didn't care at all with DC4), it actually worry about how I feel about it- I feel guilty and mixed up because I'm not as thrilled as I was with the others (due mainly to the financial stress this will put on us, and the fact that I always get pretty sick and I'm not sure how I will hope with the pregnancy plus 4 kids), so I think that's making me fear others people's negativity too.

OP posts:

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