told I couldnt have children, now 6 weeks pregnant and my partner doesnt want it

[peepsxx]

Hey, I dont know if things like this are talked about here, but im breaking. Im 28 and so is my partner. Its a verynew relationship of only a year. We both unfortunately live with our parents, finance is not great due to him starting a new career, our lives are not great to bring a child into it. The problem is I have 2 blocked tubes, endometriosis and polycystic ovaries and was told this would never happen to me. I broke, mended and got to a point I was ok with this...its taken 8 years mind you! He is absolutely firm on he does not want this child...and there is only 1 decision and I would destroy his life if I go through with it! My family think its a miracle etc...my head is fried...could this be my only chance? Couldi work this out? And if his mind isnt changed how can I destroy someones life I love?

[5BlueHydrangea]

I don't possibly see how it could ruin his life. A little inconvenience perhaps?? Some men are incredibly selfish.
I got pregnant accidentally and the father - who had been my boyfriend for a year - initially said he would stand by me, even though we split soon afterwards, then once dd was born turned and it was all - she's not mine blah blah. Anyway other than once when she was 5 weeks old he has never laid eyes on her or had anything to do with her. She is now 22 and I think of what he has missed out on. More fool him! I could never have aborted her even though I was only 18, she is a true blessing.
Think of you, and your growing child. He can do what he wants, his loss at the end of the day if he walks away.

[alltouchedout]

Your body, your choice. He does not get to tell you what to do.

[DrCoconut]

If he doesn't want to be a dad let him walk away. No contact, no money claimed etc. You can and will manage alone if having the baby is what you want. This removes his claim that his life has been destroyed to a large extent so is one less stick to beat yourself with. I have been in the position of having an unplanned pregnancy in a dire situation so I'm not saying this lightly. My son is now 17 and I have no regrets. However, it must be your decision what to do as that is the only way you will be able to live with it. Hope you work out what's best soon.

[Iggi999]

You are 28 - this is not a particularly early age to have a child.
You have been together a year - you say this is very new, but many people are married in less than that.
You live with parents which isn't ideal, but they are clearly behind you if they say it's a miracle.
It is hard to face a future without someone you love, but you'll love the baby far more than this - you've mentioned ivf so you clearly do want dcs, or I would respond differently.

[Seeyounearertime]

How would you feel if you aborted then he left anyway?
What if you aborted now and then in a year he left you? In 5 years he left?
Would you not feel aggrieved that you aborted?

Ultimately it's your decision, a child will be your child from now until forever, a boyfriend, partner, husband etc might only be temporary.

[flanjabelle]

What are your circumstances personally, away from your bf? Are you financially able to cope with a baby?

So sorry you are in this position. If I was in your shoes I would keep the baby. I would also ask the bf for space while you get your head around it. The pressure from him is not good for you.

[hownottofuckup]

I think it's quite obvious that he is suffering from selfishness himself, and those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

It's up to you but personally I would prioritize myself (and a DC I never thought I could have) above someone who tried to emotionally blackmail me.

[ButtonMoon88]

This is incredibly sad.

I must say it, so please forgive me, but I would end my relationship with him regardless of whether I decried to keep this baby or not. He isn't exactly sounding like a supportive loving man!

Do what's best by you, if you keep the baby it sounds like your family will wrap you all up in love!

Why don't you give yourself the rest of the week to think about it? Keep talking on here aswell there is lots of advice!

[Annarose2014]

Can't believe the manipulative shit he's giving you about not wanting to be the guy who abandons his kid but you'd be MAKING HIM wah wah waaaaah.

Bull shit. It'd be his CHOICE how he acted if you kept it. His full adult choice. He's making you into a villain! For not wanting an abortion! The cheek of him!

[BOTTERSNIKESandGUMBLES1971]

Gosh. I suppose it depends on how much you want a baby (you sound like you have a supportive family).
Assuming you and BF both knew there was no chance of babies from the off, then I can understand his upset/confusion.
HOWEVER... this might be YOUR one and only chance. He can change his mind in the future can't he - with another partner?
You sound like you would love to have the baby.
Would your relationship ever recover from whichever decision was made?
I don't think mine would have done.

[horseygeorgie]

It wouldn't destroy his life. When I got pregnant, the 'Father' (one night stand with an old boyfriend) didn't want to know and told me to abort. He out some pretty bad pressure on me and I almost did. I changed my mind, had my baby and he has never even met her. We talk occasionally just so I know A) he is still alive and B) where in the country he is!

Shockingly, his life was NOT destroyed and you cannot believe how much for the better your life is! It is like the best bits pre child have been in black and white and now everything is in glorious technicolor. It has been bloody hard at times but well worth it.

[IfNotNowThenWhenever]

I was in your situation once, or similar. I was a bit younger, and I wanted to split with the father but keep the baby. He put so much pressure on me, I caved and aborted.
Now, I hadn't been told I had fertility problems, but it was the wrong decision, and I regret it even now, many years later. My best friend has similar problems to you, and at 38 she will now probably never have children, which causes her immense sadness. Embrace this. It IS a miracle.
You are young, you will find a better man and have a happy life. He will calm down eventually.
It sounds to me like he doesn't love you as much as he should anyway, as when you love someone, you want them to be happy. He should be thrilled for you that something you thought could never happen is happening.
Put you first, don't be pressured, and move on.

[Annarose2014]

Oh and by the way - it's guys like this who end up having kids a few years down the line with someone else.

Imagine how you would feel if you did it, then the relationship didn't survive anyway, then a few years down the road you hear he's having a kid. It'd be Hell.

He's intent on taking away your only chance to be a mum, but you're not doing that to him.

[CookieDoughKid]

What does your doctor say? Is this a miracle baby or are the odds good that you can have another child after this one (whether or not you decide to keep it?)

You need to reset your expectations of your bf. It can be incredibly hard to enforce child maintenance payments.

Having children is wonderful but there isn't a day that goes by that I find bringing up children really hard (and I have a dedicated partner).

You can do whatever you want if you put your mind to it. Life does fall into place and its absolutely devine having a child.

Take bf out of equation. What do YOU want?

[CookieDoughKid]

My good friend who is 48 has not found a man to settle down with. She is coming to terms that she will never have a child. She lives life with sadness unfortunately and regret.

[Topseyt]

If it may well be your only chance to have a much wanted baby the I would say take it with both hands.

You didn't do this deliberately, you had been told it was extremely unlikely to happen at all and had struggled to come to terms with that.

It did happen though, and congratulations on that.

You want the baby. You would regret not going ahead with the pregnancy. It is your body, and yours alone. Therefore the final decision is 100% yours.

He can either be involved or not, as he wishes. He doesn't even have to be on the birth certificate if you don't want to put him on it. Therefore his life will not ruined (how melodramatic of him anyway ).

Do the right thing for you. It sounds as though you have a lovely, supportive family around you.

[Champagneformyrealfriends]

My friends DH did this. He came round eventually. I think men have a right to voice their opinions and opt out provided it's clear that's what they're doing from very early on. That doesn't make him not a selfish git though. Have your baby-you'll regret it if you don't (judging by your pp). Congratulations! How wonderful that you're pregnant considering you thought you never would be! What a blessing! Xxx

[Sunshine511]

A friend of mine fell pregnant at a young age after a one night stand and decided to have a termination. She is now happily married and has been told she can't have children which has devastated her. She worked with the information she had at the time but that was her chance and if she had only known, she would have taken it. To choose abortion is a very hard choice for any woman to make and one that I feel would be something you may regret for your whole life. You have no guarantees that your boyfriend will still be your boyfriend in the future and you can find love again, hard as that may sound. This is a time when you're going to have to be very strong and my heart goes out to you. Please don't make a decision because you're being pressurised. You'll have to live with this choice forever. I understand your boyfriend's position but why is he being so unsympathetic of your position? Maybe in this difficult time, his true colours are showing? It seems to me that your happiness and your future isn't as important to him as it possibly should be. The person you spend the rest of your life with should prioritise your happiness above their own. I'm not saying that should mean he should be delighted with the news, but he should at least be able to be understanding to you at this difficult time. Sending hugs and xx

[Nottodaythanks1]

You need to start getting angry with your dp. He's emotionally blackmailing you!

Have your precious little miracle, forget about him, and have a happy life!

[BathtimeFunkster]

OK, so now you know your boyfriend is a nasty cunt who doesn't love you.

Nobody who cared about you would put pressure on you to forgo what is, essentially, your only shot at motherhood.

Do you want to be a mother?

Timing's not ideal. But this is your chance.

Your family is right. This pregnancy is a miracle.

The only bad thing about it is the crappy excuse for a father your child will have.

But crap fathers are, sadly, a dime a dozen. Mothers make up for shitty fathers all the time. So can you.

Now just get this nasty prick out of your life, your head, your face, and start to enjoy your pregnancy.

Congratulations

[Samantha28]

Remember you have choices here . They are your choices, not his. That's the way human biology works.

None of them are easy, I know that. Whatever you do, you will feel guilty and have regrets.

1. You could have the baby and give it up for adoption . Either by strangers or by someone in your or your partners extended family .
   

1. Or you can have the baby and bring it up alone . Or hope that your partner changes his mind about seeing his child ( he doesn't have a choice not to financially support it ) .
   

1. Or you can have a termination .
   

You have to do what is right for you. Don't do anything for him - you could terminate the pregnancy for him and he could walk away the next day.

[wannabestressfree]

I went to see my friend today and her baby she gave birth too yesterday. I am 37 and have an illness and numerous problems that would mean I couldn't conceive now and carry.
My 'mistakes' and miracles are 18, 14 and 11. I have largely bought them up by myself. I am so so glad I did. There is sometimes not a right time. It is scary and its bloody hard work but I would pick my lads over anything or anybody....

[expatinscotland]

Have the baby. Don't do anything for him.

I'd ditch him, tbh.

[Mslg]

IMHO, the relationship is over. I wouldn't be with someone who had this reaction to a pregnancy.

You don't need this selfish twat, you will be fine on your own with he support of your friends and family. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

[mellowyellow1]

Agree you have to take your bf out of the equation.

All that matters is what you want - I had a termination at 28 and it was quite hard even though I was adamant I didn't want a child, so to have one when you kind of do want the child must be even harder.

Maybe your bf is scared and confused but he still should be more supportive.

Good luck