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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Was it planned ?

24 replies

Notrobusta · 20/12/2015 06:45

I am expecting a much wanted and planned for third baby. The amount of people who have asked us if it planned is amazing. I appreciate that our age gap between baby and next child is large (7 years) but I still think it is really rude.

I suppose I am being a little sensitive but I am starting to get a little angry now although smile and say yes it is planned, to be met with shock and disbelief.

Any tip son handling such comments?

OP posts:

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Arfarfanarf · 20/12/2015 07:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helloelo · 20/12/2015 07:14

"Did you plan on being so rude?"
(I'm pg again and ds is under 1)

Peppapigallowsmetoshower · 20/12/2015 07:19

Love it arf!

I got this too. My son is 2 soon so it's not even the age gap! I got it because I had pnd and really struggled with the newborn stage/adjusting my expectations vs reality etc. I said at the time that I'd never do it again as it was so very difficult. I wasn't lying, I believed it and am still frigging terrified but I love my son so much and really wanted him to have a sibling so we PLANNED to have another, we PLANNED to extend and complete our family, we timed it, we tried and hey presto, were expecting. I've been met with some "oh these things happen" and many faces.

If it's announced, I always just say 'congratulations, what lovely news'. It's common manners.

Rpj16 · 20/12/2015 07:19

"Yes if course, you didn't plan your children?"

"We have been trying for several years, yes it was planned, thanks for asking"

If its a stranger..."yes it was planned, I get asked all the time too, do people ask you? How far along are you?" Looking at their stomach no matter if they are pregnant or not (Might be a bit rude!)

A lot of my work colleagues asked me if it was planned (it certainly was!!) I just said we had been trying for some time so it was expected. Gets annoying though, at times I felt like saying, 'no and I've missed the abortion cut off, thanks for bringing it up' just to make them fuck off! Lol.

Now all I get is, 'do you know what it is?' ...uhhh a baby!? I tell them the sex which is followed by 'is that what you wanted?'

And also loads of advice and tips of women who have never been pregnant and don't have children who are younger than me. (Granted I unfortunately look about 16 which makes me look irresponsible when I am actually 27!)

Sorry long responce. Touched a nerve! Congratulations with your pregnancy!!! :D how far along are you?

sepa · 20/12/2015 07:26

I HATE being asked this. After 10 years together you think I suddenly forgot how to take the pill. Of course my child is planned ffs!

My reply is usually "does it matter if the baby was or wasn't planned?"

I find it really insensitive to be asked. My sister was an oopsie baby and during an argument between my mum and dad she found out and she struggles with the concept and believes that she is a mistake which is such a nasty way to think of yourself or any child. It's a bloody rude question to as if someone's child is a mistake!

CuppaSarah · 20/12/2015 07:27

First time I was repeatedly asked if my pregnancy was planned. It was, but being 23 people seemed to think I was too young to be a parent. So I ended up saying DD was a surprise as it was less awkward than the whole 'but why would you choose to have a baby?!'

This time round people just compliment the age gap we'll have between DD and the baby. Which stings as we wanted a smaller age gap but it didn't happen. Why can't people just congratulate me and then leave their opinions to themselves.

1frenchfoodie · 20/12/2015 09:30

i vote you use arf's response . Not Been asked was pregnancy planned much but when I was at the bank changing accounts to my married name the cashier worked out I'd got married at 5 months pregnant and gave me a bit of a judgy 'ooh, pregnant when you walked up the aisle'. Ended up saying we'd been engaged for over a year so the intent was there but bet arf could have helped with a better line.

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 20/12/2015 09:35

I never cared tbh. Had a big gap between children and people were making conversation. Friends and family weren't asking about my sex life, they were talking about a very big and life changing event and how that fitted in with my plans in general.

I think mostly people are trying to be friendly and interested. Their intentions were nearly always kind ime.

BrienneofQarth · 20/12/2015 09:41

I had a group of friends ask repeatedly if I conceived at one of their wedding receptions. Repeatedly. In the end I asked them if they were really desperate to know when I'd been having sex with my husband? And no, it wasnt their wedding.

Belleboo23 · 20/12/2015 10:22

We only just started telling people this week and I've been asked so many times was it planned or they just say accident along with the raised eyebrows from people but dh hasn't been asked at all it must be a woman thing. This is our 3rd and I also have a big gap my youngest is 8 plus already having one of each I think people assume you must be done!!

Dixiechick17 · 20/12/2015 12:42

We were asked this and it didn't really bother us tbh. Our DD wasn't planned, not that it mattered, we were still over the moon and my response was that it was a happy surprise

Loki17 · 20/12/2015 17:54

I'd just say 'what do you think?' and smile sweetly. Watch them squirm as the rudeness of their question hits them.

hellsdells82 · 20/12/2015 20:14

When people ask me i make it obvious its none of there business... cuz really they are only asking to gossip elsewhere anyway with a question like that...

Me - im pregnant
Them - ohh was it planned?
Me - why?
Them - {awkward silence}

Shuts everyone down in an instant. Really... why does it matter to them amd i bet you now they cant have an answer for that and if they do... they talk about you too much and have just give it away.

Ughnotagain · 20/12/2015 20:18

I hate this, it's so fucking rude. I don't know why anyone thinks it's a reasonable question to ask!

ShowYourSeams · 20/12/2015 21:14

I didn't get the 'was it planned' question, but telling people we were expecting twins we got asked a lot if they were 'natural'. 'No, they're a new synthetic, unnatural type of baby!'
The silly things people say to pregnant women!

limeandsoda93 · 20/12/2015 22:11

Worried about how I'm going to respond to this (11+2 and only told a few). Think I'll just say happy surprise. Already had somebody ask 'are you happy about it?' well yeah, or I wouldn't be telling you!

MrsPCR · 20/12/2015 22:28

My brother's first response was if it was planned or not!! As a pp said, nah, we've just been together 10 years, married 3 and suddenly in our late 20s forgot how contraception works!

It has shocked me the number of people who have asked if it was planned. I've made a few sarky comments at times and asked if they would like continued updates on mine and DH's sex life! Then again now that I'm 26 weeks one friend did ask about that the other week!

mamapoppins23 · 20/12/2015 23:09

Honestly it shouldn't matter if it was planned or not in the first place. People should just be supportive anyway, really it's none of their business.

sykadelic · 21/12/2015 04:25

I'd just reply: "If you're wondering whether you should be happy for us the answer is yes, we're extremely happy to be expecting". You could always try a ruder: "do you really think that's an appropriate question?"

It has honestly never entered my head to ask someone if the baby was planned. I've wondered before based on their body language but I'd never ask. Damn :S

Blueturquoise · 21/12/2015 04:44

Out gorgeous dd is no 3 and 2 months old now - inspent so much time silently fuming or laughing (depending on mood ) at those stupid insensitive enquiries! We too have a 6!year gap. The iron my is she was the only one that was actually properly planned!
Enjoy your pregnancy op, it s a lovely age gap! Our elder two are besotted with their little dsis and I m really enjoying and cherishing the new born stage. It s been a wonderful time and dd has already brought so much to our lives.

ohh actually just remembered an incident where j was calling over to neighbours, the dh in the family is a bit if an arse - we wouldn't have known them well their dd is in my dd s yer at school- he hadn't known I was pregnant and in his surprise he saud 'oh congratulations I had no idea you were even trying ........'

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 21/12/2015 04:50

I certainly had that with my DS's pregnancy. But in my case it was pretty justified as we hadn't been together long and I was quite surprised myself lol.

I think people over share nowadays, probably because of social media, and they say stuff that would never have been muttered in the polite society of yester year.

gemsparkle84 · 21/12/2015 08:40

Ha ha I get asked this. My hubby and I are both in our early thirties, got married last year and have been together for 9 years. I think people either thought we couldn't have any or didn't want any. This is a much wanted baby, when we were both ready I don't think anyone gets it!!!

29redshoes · 21/12/2015 10:19

I get this all the time too. We've been married three years, I just turned 30, and we bought our first house earlier this year. It's a bizarre question but I don't think people mean anything by it, I just smile, say yes and try and move the conversation onto something less awkward!

Beansprout30 · 21/12/2015 17:45

I know I'm in for this question when I announce our pregnancy because I've always kept my cards close to my chest when it comes to having babies. I'm not looking forward to the questions especially after having taken a while to concieve anyway, all I'm hoping for are happy, positive responses... We shall see

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