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Original poster

Surname conundrum

20 replies

SeldomAthleticFC · 19/11/2015 23:29

I have 2 DC from past relationship. They have my exH's surname, as do I. It's a fabulously cool and unusual surname. Let's say it's Hendrix.
I'm now 24 weeks pg with DP's baby. We have no plans to get married. He has a regular boring surname like Smith.
I can't very well give DC3 my surname because it's my exH's name and neither DP nor exH will be happy with that.
But if I give DC3 DP's surname, it'll have a different surname to me and I don't like that. If I revert to my maiden name, I'll have a different name to DC 1&2 and, anyway, I like being Mrs Hendrix! I don't much like Mr Hendrix but I like his name.
I've thought about hyphenating my surname so it has both my DCs' surnames in it but Hendrix-Smith doesn't really work. And wouldn't it be a bit weird to take DP's name when we're not married? Has anyone else done that?
If only I'd stuck to my feminist principles and stayed Ms Rumblebutt.

OP posts:
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CalypsoLilt · 20/11/2015 08:50

Post over on the baby names forum, they love this sort of thing!

KatyN · 20/11/2015 08:56

Are you planning on changing your surname when you get married? Is there anyway this can happen before you have the baby.. You could just Chang your surname and get married later!
The baby is going to have a different surname to you unless you do that, as it would be odd to give him your ex's name.

The cool/boring but is just annoying. I went from being a b surname and always at the front of everything to much later in the alphabet. It annoys me a LOT"! Your only option there is to create a new surname for your new family, maybe go for Hendrix after all?

K

cth1982 · 20/11/2015 09:55

a friend of mine who is not married just did the double barrel surname with her two kids - if you have zero intention of ever changing your surname then its probably the best/easiest option

PennyHasNoSurname · 20/11/2015 10:02

Id give the new baby DPs surname or your maiden name, then use your current surname as a middle name. Still a link withyou and its siblings, but I agree itd be rather odd to name new baby old dps surname.

Sandsnake · 20/11/2015 10:23

Perhaps you could change your name to double barrel with your maiden name e.g. Mrs Hendrix-Maiden Name. DC3 can be double barrelled with your maiden name and your DP's name e.g. Baby Smith-Maiden name.

That way you share a name with all three DCs and your DP shares a name with DC3. You get to keep the Hendrix you like (in part).

Good luck working it all out!Smile

1frenchfoodie · 20/11/2015 17:23

It wouldn't be all that strange to give the baby 'Hendrix' as a surname would it? It may originate from your ex but it is your surname now after all. Is your current partner bothered? If not then why not do that.

Original poster
SeldomAthleticFC · 07/12/2015 21:12

Thanks very much for your replies - sorry I'm so late responding!
DP is definitely not happy for his DC to have my exH's surname (even though I take the point that it is my surname now).
I am leaning towards giving DC3 my DP's surname and I add DP's surname to mine as a middle name - that way all my DCs will have part of my name and the two fathers aren't put out.
Still 3 months to go, so I have time to think about it.

OP posts:
DadDadDad · 07/12/2015 22:24

It's so good when the OP comes back with an update. Wink Best wishes with DC3. Flowers

novemberchild · 08/12/2015 07:42

DC1 chose to use my maiden name, and double-barrel it with her father's name (my first husband). DC2 uses only my first husband's name, who is also his father.

I'm pregnant with DC3, who will have my maiden name double-barrelled with my second husband's surname, which will be the same as my surname.

Just to confuse everyone :)

sepa · 08/12/2015 08:55

I don't think any father to be would be happy with having their child with an ex surname. I think the baby should go in the fathers surname. Who cares if it's boring. It's part of your OH and therefore that is all that matters!

BiffleRoo · 08/12/2015 14:03

DDs 1&2 have Ex DHs surname. When I felt pg with DS I reverted to my maiden name but there was never any question that when he was born he would take (then) DPs name even though we had no intention of getting married.

Original poster
SeldomAthleticFC · 08/12/2015 19:01

I'm feeling more relaxed about it. I don't think it matters that much.
I know it can get a bit difficult travelling to other countries with children who don't share your surname but I could take their birth certificates and/or proof that I've changed my name.
I think it would feel a bit weird for me to have a child with a totally different surname but maybe not. Lots of people have different names to their children and it doesn't make them any less their children.

OP posts:
msrisotto · 08/12/2015 19:05

I just couldn't give my child a completely different surname to me. It makes zero sense. I guess I would give both names in your situation. And Hendrix is your name.

AyeAmarok · 08/12/2015 19:50

I'd go with Smith-Hendrix.

AyeAmarok · 08/12/2015 19:52

Or put Hendrix as an extra middle name?

catsrus · 08/12/2015 19:59

I just kept my own name on marriage and gave the dc my name...so mych simpler Grin

You could just add your original name to everyone. The first DC would be John and Jane Original-Hendrix and DC3 would be Sam Original-Smith. You could be Seldom Original-Hendrix and then change it to Original-Smith if you choose to - or just revert to Seldom Original.

Original poster
SeldomAthleticFC · 08/12/2015 21:48

catsrus I do wish I'd kept my own name all along. It would be a lot simpler now. I like your suggestion for double-barrelling, as it would mean all the adults keeping their original names and the children all having both their parents' names. It does mean a bit of a faff as my first 2 DC and I will all have to change our surnames.

I know Hendrix is my name, as PPs have said, just as my maiden name was my name (and not only my dad's). But as far as my DP is concerned, my surname is exH's name and he doesn't want it for his DC. I can understand that. If DP had married his exDP and taken her name, I wouldn't be happy about that name being given to our DC either.

My mum took my stepdad's name when they got married, which meant she had the same name as her stepdaughters but a different name to both her own daughters... which is a bit odd now I come to think of it, although it didn't bother me at the time.

(I've been using Hendrix as a substitute for the real name, but it's starting to grow on me. Maybe we should all change our names to Hendrix for real!)

OP posts:
catsrus · 08/12/2015 21:58

I had a friend who handled a post divorce change of name by double barrelling it while her DC were young. She had her exh name, let's say Watson, and wanted to revert to her original name "Holmes". We knew her as Jane Watson, then she started using Jane Holmes-Watson. Finally she simply dropped the Watson and became Jane Holmes.

I was very impressed as it was a pretty seamless way to make the public transition - not sure what she did about legal docs :-)

CumbriaMum91 · 09/12/2015 04:36

My DD has exDP's name, I have my ex-husband's (even though we are divorced coz I hate my maiden name) and that is not DD's dad lol and now my DS bump will have new DP's surname. So basically me, my daughter and my son all have completely different surnames :S

Yes I absolutely hate it, but as my ex husband isn't dad to any of them I'm never gonna match up unless I marry current DP and match my son. Bloody complicated! Although noone's ever mentioned about the difference when doing forms etc

BiffleRoo · 09/12/2015 06:46

I think that for your existing DCs to double barrel you will need their fathers permission.

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