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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

He wants me to have an abortion...

107 replies

michelle86 · 14/11/2015 22:09

Hello guys,
I've come on here in despair, I've no idea what to do.
I'm a mum of two children (aged 6.5 and 5) I was in a relationship with their father for 9 years and he left us in March this year for another woman and her two children. He is fantastic with our children, sees them regularly but we are without a doubt done.
I started a relationship in august this year with an amazing man who has two children and had recently split with his wife. We fell in love very quickly and were extremely happy.
In October we had a mishap with contraception and I immediately took the morning after pill the very next day - it didn't work and I am now 4 weeks 5 days pregnant.
Since telling him (on Thursday) he has come clean that he is in fact STILL married and he can't have another child that's going to destroy the lives of his children as he fears his wife will take them away from him.
I have no idea whether I am coming or going, I was in love with someone who I clearly didn't even know, I'm carrying his baby and this evening he has told me that once this 'little situation' is sorted it's best we go our separate ways as this has put things into perspective for him - he can't risk upsetting his own children.
I went to see my GP yesterday and I am booked into have a surgical abortion on the 24th November but I really don't think I can go through with it. But can I be a single mum to 3 children by 2 different fathers? Does this innocent life deserve to have a father that doesn't care? Would abortion be best for everyone?
I'm so scared and frightened, none of my family know because they'll think I've just been sleeping with a married man and I'd be mortified if they thought badly of me.
Any advice would be so very much appreciated... M x

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 25/11/2015 19:22

Goodness , no wonder you are shocked ! Have you told your supportive friend ?

Cheshirehello79 · 25/11/2015 19:26

I feel like I should congratulate for this amazing blessing. I think you now need all the support you can from your family and friends. To hell with the dad - regardless you will be fine in the long run and the last thing you want to live with for the rest of your life's is the guilt.

Good luck Hun :-) x

Original poster

michelle86 · 25/11/2015 19:30

I'm feeling so confused right now, surely having two should have made this decision easier, as it will clearly be twice as hard, twice as stressful, twice the expensive, double the lack of sleep.., but I can't stop looking at these 2 little black dots on my scan picture. There are TWO babies, my two babies. The chances of this happening are so slim and why should I destroy this little miracle because they may be a 'little inconvenient' to some people? I'm in tears writing this.
I stopped on my way home from the clinic to get a Chinese takeaway which was adjacent to a chemist... I bought some folic acid and I didn't feel like it was a stupid idea at all.
I've told my mum today she's been fantastic as has my friend. 'He' also knows- we won't discuss his reaction.

OP posts:

Original poster

michelle86 · 25/11/2015 19:35

This is my miracle discovery today...

OP posts:

Champagneformyrealfriends · 25/11/2015 19:37

Oh wow. the folic acid says a lot about how you feel. I was really shocked when I found out I was pregnant but the first thing I did was buy vitamins! Look after yourself xx

P1nkP0ppy · 25/11/2015 19:40

Firstly I think congratulations are in order, and having your mum and friend on board is really great. As are and a big hug OP.

I'm glad you've clearly decided that termination is a no no too, a huge decision but right for you. 'He' will just have to man up and accept your decision, he's probably sweating buckets trying to work out what to tell his wife, serves him right.

I wish you all the best, fingers crossed all goes well for you.

P1nkP0ppy · 25/11/2015 19:41

OMG, I'm welling up seeing them, how silly is that?!

Owllady · 25/11/2015 19:44

Oh my! Isn't that just amazing? :) xxx
Congratulations!

Champagneformyrealfriends · 25/11/2015 19:46

P1nkP0py I did too!

JoMalones · 25/11/2015 19:47

Congratulations!

WaitrosePigeon · 25/11/2015 19:48

Oh my what a blessing! Beautiful little picture. You will be fine!

SugarMiceInTheRain · 25/11/2015 19:53

Congratulations, you sound together and like you've made your decision. I am so glad you have support from your friend and your mum. Sorry about him, but I think you've made the right decision for you.

Pipestheghost · 25/11/2015 19:57

As I was reading your thread and I came across the picture you posted of yourself, I immediately thought 'twins' (I've had twins) and lo and behold......
Congratulations

ToddlerTantrums · 25/11/2015 20:00

Wow! Twins!
I hope having your mum on board really helps you. I also think buying folic acid is very telling of how you feel.
Good luck. Also screw him and his reaction. He's a cheating asshole who doesn't deserve headspace

LouLou030783 · 25/11/2015 20:04

I think your decision has been made congratulations as for him he can go f@@k himself that's politest way to put it xx

ThatsNiceDear · 25/11/2015 20:13

Congratulations! It's easy for him to say awful things - he's not the one carrying the babies, he can't possibly have any idea how you're feeling (not that he cares). You clearly don't want an abortion, these babies are loved already, don't be influenced by this awful man. Go through the CSA to get some financial support for the twins. Everything else (people's reactions/what they think) is just of no importance whatsoever. Enjoy your little miracles.

starry0ne · 25/11/2015 20:46

I am guessing his reaction was as expected... Honestly give yourself space to figure out how you are going to raise your babies, Get all the support your can now..

I am really pleased for you.. Mostly because your posts never came across you ever wanted an abortion.

I am also glad you have your mum on board..

Original poster

michelle86 · 25/11/2015 20:48

Thank you ladies, I still can't believe what is happening- getting pregnant by a married man is one thing, but getting pregnant with twins?! Jeeeeeesus but I really am a firm believer that things happen for a reason and if these two miracles are meant to be, then they will carry on growing over the next few weeks through this 'risky stage' and what will be will be.
If they don't have a daddy they will have a mummy, a big brother and sister and most of all they will have each other.
I don't feel it's my position to end this for them now, if they're not meant to be here then Mother Nature will decide. But for now, Mother Nature has blessed me with something pretty damn amazing (and tiring!) and I am going to embrace 'them' xxx

OP posts:

Jo6526 · 25/11/2015 20:50

Michelle - wow what a different turn everything has taken! Great attitude to have - what will be will be xxxxx

Owllady · 25/11/2015 20:54

You sound a lovely woman Michelle. All the best :) xxx

MistressMerryWeather · 25/11/2015 21:03

Fuck him, You are incredible.

I have bugger all advice but just wanted to say I really admire your strength.

I wish you and your wee family the best of luck!

What a Christmas present, eh?

mummymafia · 25/11/2015 21:50

Wow! What a whirlwind few days for you. I often think the best decision to make is to make no decision & just see what happens. I reckon this is a perfect example of this. Leave the shitbag of a bloke behind. Who does he think he is trying to control your body & make you do something that would stay with you forever 'in his best interests' & then go back to his unknowing wife. shudder. Financially he will have to help support the twins if you choose to go down that route. I guess that would be another difficult journey but why should he get off Scott free? I really wish you all the best. I have 3 friends who have twins & it looks like bloody hard work, especially with other kids as well, but they are all such close knit groups, everyone mucks in to help & they don't need anyone else. Good luck my friend. So glad you told your mum. People will gossip for sure but be pleased you're interesting enough to gossip about.

roseformyrose · 25/11/2015 22:20

Congratulations! I can understand how you feel - I was pressured into a termination by my ex and I think if it had been twins I also couldn't have gone through with it, it would have seemed like such a miracle.

I'm glad you're going with what seem to be your gut feelings and that you have support, even if not from the lying toerag of a father. I wish you all the luck in the world for your pregnancy and the months ahead - there will always be support here if you need it.

Dogsmom · 25/11/2015 22:35

I'm so glad you didn't go through with the abortion as you have never sounded sure and I think you'd have regretted it so much, yes it's going to be hard but also wonderful and even if your ex won't support you you have tons of support on here.

Have you spoken to him since?

ShowYourSeams · 26/11/2015 08:04

I read your thread over the course of the night while is was up feeding my 8wo twins and just wanted to say congratulations.

The guy sounds like an utter bellend! You're better off without him.

Also, don't worry about 'twice as tiring, twice as hard work' etc. You'll get in a routine that suits you and your children. You will do great!

The multiples board on here is amazing too.

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