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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

please tell me it's going to be ok

19 replies

canIevendothis · 27/10/2015 12:33

I am 8 weeks pregnant. It was a mistake and my lovely boyfriend turns out to be less lovely under pressure. I think that going ahead with things is the right thing to do, though.

I feel confident and capable and I have good job. No negative pregnancy symptoms either yet - I actually feel really good. And I'm surprised I don't actually crave wine at all; I feel sated without! Weirdness.

But but but but but this is the calm before the storm, right? Every single book or magazine article on pregnancy and motherhood (single motherhood, in particular) seems to be about how hard it is and how lonely it is and how they love their kids and would die for them but if they had their time again etc etc. How women lose their old selves and have rubbish careers and never get to wear bikinis again (I don't actually wear a bikini anyway).

I can't stand it. I feel like I'm going to explode.

Surely motherhood is mostly a good thing? If it isn't, why do our mothers tend to push us into it so eagerly??? Revenge?! Christine Lagarde has kids. She still did ok.

I'm not naive. I know it's a relentless 24/7 job, with no days off and double the stress if it's just you. But rewarding work is a good thing, right?

Right?

Super apologies for the rambling. I have never been so scared in my life. Except the hormones are stopping me from actually feeling the fear. It's theoretical fear.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 27/10/2015 12:38

Of coarse there are positives .... I think ... eventually ... maybe ... errr ...

Sorry its a slog of tiredness, and worry and stress ... but you have someone who you adore, love unconditionally, who made you laugh and cry in the same day ... you see the world from a different angle ...

Pootles2010 · 27/10/2015 12:42

Eh i dunno if its double the stress on your own if your OH is a useless cocklodger. Sounds like its a good thing you've worked his game out before baby comes, tbh!

Of course it's a good thing having kids, there are quite a few of us after all! It's bloody hard work, but when they come and snuggle up to you, or when you hear them having a giggling fit when you blow raspberries on their little fat tummies, nothing compares.

Great that you've got a good job. Start looking for childcare now. A good nursery/childcare is worth their weight in gold!

Original poster

canIevendothis · 27/10/2015 12:46

Thanks, guys.

I am a bit worried (ironically) because I am not a worrier usually. I hope it doesn't change my whole personality (or I am so laid back it injures the baby somehow! arg).

Childcare is my number 1 concern (aside from the whole losing my soul thing... I really need to stop reading biographies by neurotic lady writers...). My parents won't help out practically (and tbh why should they - it's my responsibility) and I can't stretch to a nanny. Baby rooms look so depressing! I guess I will just have to make up for it in the evenings and on weekends.

Fine it'll be fine, right? EEK.

One baby isn't even that many.

OP posts:

neeniej9 · 27/10/2015 12:53

Honey, my friend had her boyfriend of 6 years leave when he found out she was pregnant and she now has the most beautiful 18 month old boy and she is so very grateful for him. He's a dream, and she's meant to be a mother. When you're pregnant it's the only time in your life you get the chance to be fully selfish and so you should be. Whatever your heart wants is right. If you can get yourself some Bach rescue remedy and take that (I'm a flower remedy practitioner) as it will help with the panic and the shock. You can get it in any supermarket, look out for the yellow box. I am expecting my first in feb and I had worries and insecurities like you wouldn't believe, but when that baby kicks inside you, you'll know you are doing the right thing. Much love to you xxx

Pootles2010 · 27/10/2015 13:00

If you think they are depressing, go elsewhere. It may be that a lovely childminder suits you more.

I was really happy with ds's nursery, it was run by an ex-nanny who really knew her stuff. You should not feel guilty leaving your baby there!

Have you got a MN local? Might be worth looking on there.

Utterlyclueless · 27/10/2015 13:10

Hiii

I've got a 7 week old and the babies dad my boyfriend of over 7 years literally fled the country when he found out I was pregnant!

At first I was devastated but I realised its better for him to fuck off before the baby arrived rather than when they baby gets to know him!

So I'm now a single mum and a medicine student, I won't lie I'm tired all the time but I also have severe anemia and my dad said to me anything you worry about now won't even be an issue in 12 months!

I'm coping well when everyone had reason to believe I wouldn't I suffer from an ED with anxiety and depression but honestly its fabulous!

I know that people have different experiences with pregnancy and afterwards PND etc but I wouldn't worry too much.

If I can do this im sure you can!

Ps if you have a hilltop centre local they're supposed to be very reasonable childcare centres

Good luck & congrats

nearlyteatime101 · 27/10/2015 13:17

It sounds like you have made your decision and I'm sure you will not regret it. A new baby is always a good thing, they bring hope and opportunity to the world. But I'm afraid I cannot say it will be for you as a person and family. I'm sorry I don't want to upset you but with no supportive partner you will have to I've up more of yourself and for longer time. When you get the chance to rebuild your life you will likely be a better and stronger person, but that comes at a very high personal cost, most notably for single parents of young children. As a way of limiting the collateral damage to your life and of course enhance your babies, is there any way of moving closer to supportive family members? I want to reiterate that I think all children are blessings and I respect your decision entirely and al the hard work you are taking on! Some men are bastards

nearlyteatime101 · 27/10/2015 13:21

I have such admiration for single parents honestly I wish you all the best and congratulations by the way!

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 27/10/2015 14:35

You can decide to still be you. When the sleep deprivation goes!! If you carry on working, you will still be a person in your own right, and still be a loving mother at home.
It will be fine. Single women are just as capable of raising decent children, just dont read the papers!!

Brunette28 · 27/10/2015 15:06

I was just 17 when I fell pregnant with my first and the father wasn't around. As young as I was and as hard as it was ( not gonna lie it is hard sometimes) I would not change it for the world. He is now 8 and my best friend and now is expecting his lil sister, finally got my little family

neeniej9 · 27/10/2015 15:40

That's the biggest personal revelation I had whilst being pregnant (which I still am). I remember saying to hubby that I didnt know who I was and that I don't know who I'm meant to become and change into. He reminded me that I don't have to be anyone different, just myself. I think a loss of identity is something a lot of us struggle with.

Stylingwax · 27/10/2015 15:52

Being a Mum is super fab. I am lucky in having a good partner, but I also work full time and DS is in pretty much full time childcare (some family support) and quite happy.
And I'm 30 weeks with DC2. It is a bit more of a juggle, and my pre children 5 times training a week for triathlons disappeared in a poof of smoke but I still feel like I have my own space and my own time at work, whilst spending my non work time with a fab little boy.

CalypsoLilt · 27/10/2015 16:42

OP I'm single and pregnant too (24 weeks), OH left 4 weeks ago & haven't heard a peep since, come over and join us on the support thread if you fancy it (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lone_parents/2477693-Pregnant-and-Single-support-thread?)

This is my first too and I have no idea what it's going to be like but I'm sure as hell adamant it's going to be easier without mr-sulk-for-a-week-in-the-spare-room!!

Have you got somewhere to live?

Can you start saving money for your maternity leave?
Do you think he will support you/the baby?

neeniej9 come and join us in the February baby thread? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2481866-February-2016-Halfway-mark-Flutters-into-kicks-into-thwacks?

sandy30 · 27/10/2015 20:16

I never thought anyone could be as funny, beautiful and as brilliant as my son - and he's only 11 months!

I found the first year hard, in part, because we were redefining our relationship roles and fighting over who was the most tired (me, obvs ;)). If you're single, you don't have this draining your energy. Also, my baby isn't a sleeper. If you get a sleeper, you're sorted :).

Check out nurseries/childminders etc. while pregnant and put your name down when you find somewhere you love. Doing this was a weight off my mind.

You will need some sort of support network. You'll probably make a couple of firm friends at antenatal group. Understandable your parents won't do routine childcare, but will they be around after the birth, or could a good friend be?

I lost my identity for a little while, but I now feel like a new improved me with balls (and boobs!) of steel!

TwllBach · 27/10/2015 20:23

I'm 14 weeks and do have a DP but it was an accident and although he's really trying and I do love him, it's obvious to us both that it probably won't work. I kept the baby knowing that I would probably be a single parent... And so far it's been difficult. I also have a good job but worry about finances and the just being on your when you have all day morning sickness is heartbreaking for me atm.

I wouldn't change my decision but I am terrified... And that's no help to you whatsoever.

mellowyellow1 · 28/10/2015 09:56

Another terrified one here, I don't think babies look like much fun

I'm stopping at one - unless I become an earth mother who loves babies

PotteringAlong · 28/10/2015 10:01

How many baby rooms in nurseries have you been to if you have no children to have decided that they all look depressing?!

notfromstepford · 30/10/2015 14:26

Baby room in my DS nursery is amazing - you need to look a different nurseries! And as pp said - do it while you're pregnant and get their name down somewhere good - it's a relief when that's sorted out (I don't have any family support either).

OH and I went through a very rocky patch 2 years ago for a year ago or so and honestly it was easier when he wasn't there.

As for bringing a baby in to this world, it's the most amazing thing in the world - of course it's hard work ( my 3.5 year old still doesn't sleep through the night and I work full time in a fairly demanding job) but for me it's the most rewarding thing I have ever done and has made me complete. I didn't change or lose my identity I'm still me but now I'm a mum as well as all the other things I was before.

Good luck with everything!

Scattymum101 · 30/10/2015 14:46

I'll be honest and say having one child was amazing for me. I felt complete and although it was tiring I loved every minute of it all.

It's baby no2 that's broken me lol. It's very hard and you do lose a bit of yourself but you find another bit of yourself you never knew was there.

It'll be ok. I wouldn't change my girls for anything xx

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