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Original poster

Step-mum awkwardness

23 replies

ALR123 · 14/10/2015 22:57

My step mum and me are really close. I am very close with my Mum too. The only time they've ever met in 15 years was at my wedding last year.
I'm pregnant with my first baby... my mum and mother in law are both already known as Nanny by their other grandchildren and have both said they want ours to follow suit.
Out of the blue my step mum then asks if she can be Nana.
Our baby can't have 2 nanny's and a nana surely?
Plus I think my mum is just expecting my step mum to be called by her name and not have a title as such, I think she'll be a bit upset about it! What do your children call your step parents?
I only had a nanny and a granny growing up and that was easy!

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redgoat · 14/10/2015 23:04

My children have their own pet name for my dad, my DH's dad is called Bampy (he lives in Wales), his step dad is Grandad Realname.

My mum is no longer with us but her pet name was similar to my dad's. MIL is Nanny and DH's step mum is called Nanny Realname.

SweetSorrow · 14/10/2015 23:22

Both my parents and my partners parents are divorced and remarried, my children have lots of nannys & Grampys. It hasn't been a problem for anyone involved, they are known as Nanny (name) rather than just nanny but all the relationships are long standing and they are important people in our lives and our children's lives regardless of whether they are related by blood.

mummyneedinganswers · 14/10/2015 23:27

I have my both my grandparents remarried and I always called them all nanny and grandad (name) and grandad and nanny (name) I think when they are there from birth it is normal for them to be called by nanny with there name when they are a step parent.

I'm being induced in a few weeks and my LO will call my dad and his partner granda and granny (name) and then call my mum many (she has no partner)

It depends what your comfortable with. Even though you mum may not like it your dads partner is going to be part of your child's life and is going to be a grandparent figure x

ejclementine · 15/10/2015 06:14

My dad is my sister's step dad and he is Pops to my nieces, who also have a grandad and gramps. Its never been an issue.

SweetTeaVodka · 15/10/2015 06:46

I had 3 Nanny's growing up - my mum's mum, my dad's mum and my dad's stepmum. They were each known as Nanny (Firstname). I can't recall ever being confused by it and TBH thought it was totally normal and perfectly commonplace.

From memory cousins and friends also had Nanny (Name)s. My own DD has a Nana and a Granny as this is what they've asked to be known as.

bushtailadventures · 15/10/2015 06:57

My dc had Nanny name (my mum) and Nanny name (my stepmum), they also had two Grampy names. As well as Nanny nickname and Nanny surname (my grandmothers). Seemed to work, and as my stepmum is still around, my dgd has just Nanny (me) and Nanny name.

My dc grew up knowing who was who as to them it was normal

Sanch1 · 15/10/2015 07:11

All my dds grandparents are known by something different. My 'step-mum' is nanny first name, dhs mum is grandma surname, my mum is something totally random! I don't think it matters as long as all parties are happy.

TRexingInAsda · 15/10/2015 07:18

Why on earth shouldn't she be nana?! She's granddad's wife, it makes sense. It's up to you but it seems a bit odd not to want her to be nana if she wants to.

SparklyTinselTits · 15/10/2015 07:21

Christ....my DD has 6 grandmothers/great-grandmothers!
My mum's mum is "Nanny Sheshe" (sheshe is the only way I could say her name as a toddler)
My dad's mum is just "Nanny"
DH's mum is Y?y (word for grandma in Thai)
DH's stepmother isn't called anything because she's a bitch and DD doesn't see her or DH's dad
And DH's Grandma (she raised him) is Granny

Confusing stuff!
If you get on well with your Stepmum then surely you want your child to be close to her too, so should be known as "nanny" or something like that. Doesn't really matter what your mum says. Your Stepmum has a special place in your life, so deserves a special place in your child's too

PeopleLieActionsDont · 15/10/2015 07:29

I don't think it will be a problem once the baby is born - these things have a way of ironing themselves out. It would hurt her not to let her be called nana. She has probably picked that so as not to encroach on your mum's chosen name. I say go with the flow and it will all slot into place.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 15/10/2015 07:53

I think it's up to you, it's your child. My mum's partner is grandad to my dcs (they've been together 12 years and 3 years before any of my dcs were born) because they wanted me to choose what I was happy with the dcs calling him. If I wanted them to use his name, he would have been fine with that but he does love being grandad

ispyfispi · 15/10/2015 08:04

My Mum's partner is just know by his name but that's because it was a new relationship when my Mum's first grandchild was born. That was 12 years ago though and it does seem a bit odd they don't have a grandparent type name for him. Also a factor is that neither of his children have children yet. His daughter would go batsh*t if my kids called him Grandad before she actually made him a Grandad for real.

MummyBex1985 · 15/10/2015 08:16

I grew up with two grandmas, a nan, two grandads and a guy we just called Alan who married my grandma.

Not once as a child did I think anything of it. If anything it just meant an extra Christmas present.

docmcstuffins1 · 15/10/2015 08:19

If this lady is married to your dad and you have a close relationship, I think she absolutely should be nana - that's what she is/will be to your child! I had a grandpa tom (mums dad) and grandpa Eddie (mums step dad) growing up and there was never even any confusion or conflict!

I agree if it was only a short term relationship/partner like someone else said I'd feel different, but this woman is and will be a stable integral part of your (and your baby's life)

KatyN · 15/10/2015 08:20

My son has a nanny a nana and a super nanny (great gran). It's not confusing because they go with other people.. Nanny goes with grqndpat and manna with seaside grandad.
However, I think my mum would have been upset if someone else wanted to be grandma. So I appreciate you might need to tread carefully with your mum.
Finally since he was about two my son has called my dad his name rather than grandad, so all my worry that he had two granddaddy (and two great granddad) went in one throw away comment from my husband!
K

Penfold007 · 15/10/2015 08:24

Nana, Granny and Granny in our family. Children cope just fine.

Number3cometome · 15/10/2015 09:13

My children call my step mum 'Nanny'

Now they are older (12 + 8) they know the connection and it has never caused any issues.

DS2 (13 weeks old) will also be brought up the same.

DS2 has a difference father to DS1 + DD, so also has his own grandparents who are called by their names by DS1 + DD

Fuck that's confusing to explain!

reni2 · 15/10/2015 09:19

In a family with lots of great grandparents. We called them Granny Sheila/ Granny Ella or Granny Cardiff/ Granny London. Wife of grandad should be grandma.

mrsnec · 15/10/2015 09:41

My mum is a step grandmother.

My dd is her only biological grandchild.

She has 6 stepgrandchildren, 1 step great grandchild,and as her stepson has 4 stepchildren himself, she counts them too.

Most of them call her nanny and then her name even though some of them have 3 or 4 nannies! It's only me who has a problem with that and I can't really explain why.

My mil asked me what I would prefer her to be called and I didn't really mind but because we don't live in the UK we use the local word for grandma for her.

NeophyteStarfish · 16/10/2015 13:09

As she wants to be called something different - Nana rather than Nanny - she's not really stepping on any toes.

Like many others, we have the 'Nanny/Grandma +firstname' combination for step-grandparents of the children - so 'Grandma Joan' or 'Grandpa Bill', for example, while 'blood' grandparents are just Gran or Nanny or Grandad etc.

Congratulations and good luck! :)

ValancyJane · 16/10/2015 13:27

I don't see a problem with it, I had four Nanna's growing up (two great-nans who died when I was young, one Nanna living and one Nanna who had died but was still talked about). We used to call them Nanna Placename, e.g. Nanna London etc, and it didn't confuse me! I also had three Granddad's, and one of those was a step-Granddad, it really wasn't an issue for anyone.

Original poster

ALR123 · 17/10/2015 09:20

Thanks for the advice all, I'd have no issue with her being nana, she's been in my life for 16 years and is lovely and she's so excited about baby. I'm just very conscious of how my mum will feel. I'll have a chat with her. My grandads wife was always just 'Jenny' and she was there from the start of my life, I expect my mum will assume my dad's wife will be the same! Thanks again x

OP posts:

simplydivine05 · 19/10/2015 07:53

I have a stepmum and step dad and they are grandma and grandad. Se with my partners parents, although his step dad chose gramps with all the grand kids. My partner isn't even my son's dad but his parents treat my ds as one of the grandchildren so it's only right. I also called step grandparents grandma and grandad followed by surnames during discussion. We chose first names to distinguish.

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