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Original poster

Father of child has blocked me on everything. Feeling really low

56 replies

Gabby289 · 11/09/2015 01:48

Hi guys.

So I'm 10 weeks now and I'm considering going through a termination. I was meant to have one weeks ago but kept skipping appointments.

The father of the child at first was ready to support me during the termination until I started having second thoughts and grew more attached/worried.

The day I was meant to get a termination my phone stopped working. He tried contacting me though social media but I wasn't in the mood or right frame of mind so ignored me.

I had a scan done at the abortion clinic so they could see how far I am and I sent it to him and he said "don't show me that shit. You blocked me when you were meant to have a termination fuck off" and before I could respond he blocked me off everything.

I'm absolutely furious how young men think they can just absolve themselves of responsibility and just act like everything's okay and get on with their lives.

I feel like contacting his employers on LinkedIn and blasting him on my Twitter and making up some really horrible lie or allegation just so he can feel what I'm going through.

I'm absolutely furious and miserable

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 11/09/2015 01:59

I understand you're going through a difficult time, but making up malicious lies will only push him further away. Take some time to get your head together, plan for a future without him so you can manage whether he decides to be involved or not, and, if he chooses not to be involved, he still needs to take financial responsibility for his child.

captainproton · 11/09/2015 02:08

Is he absolving himself of responsibility though? Is he not allowed to have some feelings about the potential loss of an unborn child? I get that it's your body and it should be your final say but he is allowed to feel how he feels. Did you ask him to go with you? What did he say?

I am sensing you are not a close partnership. If he is not supportive then I don't think you have a future.

Contacting his employer makes you slightly unhinged. I doubt you will get any sympathy for that.

Personally I have always had the chat with any new partner with my opinions on an unplanned pregnancy. You can usually gauge whether someone will stand by you if one were to happen. It also helps toward spotting any red flags before you get too close.

mummyneedinganswers · 11/09/2015 02:44

I understand your hurting but it is hard for the father also to take it all in. If you are having a termination and he was happy with it I don't think it was fair to send him a scan pic when he doesn't want to get attached maybe you should have asked him first.

I agree with other plan your future without him so you are prepared either way, spreading lies won't help what will it solve? And allegations and lies to people's employers and friends and family an have a very bad effect for that person especially when not true you could potentially ruins someone's life with malicious lies so be careful not to act in spite.

Maybe seek some counseling to help you through what is happening at the minute. Some people forget that it's hard for the father aswell as the mother ultimately you are in control and feeling the worst pain hurt etc but he will be upset too.

ARV1981 · 11/09/2015 03:47

It sounds like you're conflicted over the termination. That's understandable - it's a tough decision to make either way.

I think pp have a good point, that you should plan your life without this man in it. He doesn't sound supportive at all. So whatever decision you make, you make alone. He's not going to be there for you. (Though you can pursue him for maintenance if/when you have the baby).

However, don't spread lies about him. I understand that you might want to - we all have malicious thoughts at times, don't we? Just don't act on them. It's just not worth it. I often plan elaborate revenge on my head... I've never acted on it, please just make it a fantasy of revenge rather than going down that route. You'll expend too much energy, and it (he) just isn't worth your effort.

Chin up. You'll be fine whatever you decide. Lots of women have to go through this alone. They survive and are usually stronger for it. You will be too.

docmcstuffins1 · 11/09/2015 07:27

I understand your string emotions here, but do not do anything in haste or out of spite. You need to take a step back, put your feelings about him to the side and decide what is best for you.

If you do decide to go ahead with the pregnancy, what you are planning would destroy any chance of this baby having any relationship with its father, some things are just not reparable, and as pps have said, it won't make you feel any better in the long run! Even if you just need him to support the baby financially, the more bad blood there is, the more of a battle it's going to be. Take the higher ground and rise above it, it'll probably annoy him more that you're the one being responsible than anything you could say on social media!
Good luck with whatever you decide.

Penfold007 · 11/09/2015 07:43

Your angry with him? You've been playing mind games with both his and your emotions. The day you were due to have the agreed termination your phone malfunctions. He doesn't know what's happening but you send him a scan. It's your body and your choice time for some honesty. You can't force him to parent, if you want to continue with the pregnancy and lone parent then do so. You can claim child maintenance once the baby is born.

Aussiemum78 · 11/09/2015 08:08

It sounds like you were difficult to contact by phone. He also tried social media. You ignored. He believed the baby was terminated and you chose to ignore him reaching out to you to give you support.

Then some weeks later - surprise! - here's a scan of the baby. That you might still terminate. Or not.

He hasn't reacted well, but you are stringing him along and not telling him what's going on - even if that is only "I'm very confused, I haven't decided what to do yet", or "sorry I'm not up to talking right now".

Lucy61 · 11/09/2015 20:57

Gosh, op. I know you are upset but you sound like a difficult person. He tried to support you but you made a mess of things. Do you have any family or friends you could reach out to?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 11/09/2015 21:13

I remember your other thread. How were you able to know who the dad was?

MrsPCR · 11/09/2015 22:36

Ah I remember the previous thread too now. Is this potential father aware that someone else (the other July guy) has an equal chance of being the dad?

Spreading malicious rumours will gain nothing and seriously backfire on you in the long run. Any satisfaction you get from your revenge will be very short lived.

I think you need to take a step back and assume there will be no support from a father. Would you be ok with that? Are you prepared to be a single mum? Do you want to give up your life as you know it to a baby? Do you have a support network eg family and friends?

You have to make a decision for yourself and no one else. Once you have decided, you need to apologise for ignoring the father(s) while your tried to get your head straight and then share your decision. Then you need to walk away and give them a chance to make their decision and get their heads straight. This is a big thing for them too.

At least you can make a decision and decide if you become a mum or not. Once you have, these men still have to wait another 6+months to find out if they're becoming a dad. That must be one big head screw for anyone and you need to appreciate that and take that into consideration.

lauraa4 · 11/09/2015 22:58

It really is a horrible situation to be in op. However it's not fair to entirely blame him for ignoring/blocking you when you ignored him on the day you were supposed to have a termination, then didn't have one and sent him a scan photo. I don't blame him for being pissed off.
You need to decide whether or not you want to keep the baby before you do anything else. As for making up lies about him to his employers, and spreading stuff on twitter that's just bang out of order and weird. You can also get into serious trouble for things like that.

Branleuse · 11/09/2015 23:12

why the fuck would you send him a scan picture if youre booked for an abortion/?

Original poster
Gabby289 · 12/09/2015 00:02

Oh yes! Guys I managed to find out who it was from my last period. I counted down. Also the other guy didn't ejsculste x

OP posts:
mummyneedinganswers · 12/09/2015 00:07

Still doesn't explain why u would send a scan picture or make up lies about him that's simply not fair or normal

Brummiegirl15 · 12/09/2015 00:10

Why on earth would you send a scan picture when you've said you are going to have an abortion???

It is absolutely your choice and your body but to torment someone in that way is incredibly cruel

Original poster
Gabby289 · 12/09/2015 00:14

You guys are being mean and taking his side

OP posts:
mummyneedinganswers · 12/09/2015 00:27

No we are not being mean and taking his side but alot of snowmen seem to forget that men suffer to they aren't born robots with no emotions or feelings. They also find it hard. Really how did u justify to yourself sending a picture to him when most abortion clinics don't even show the mum the scan as its to hard when going through a termination. He reached out to you and you ignored him then sent him a scan.

At the end of the day it's hard for you and him but he ultimately has no say in the final decision so when control is taking away and they just have to accept that things aren't going to happen whether they want it to or not as its your final say to then torment him with photos of course he reacted badly.

And to say he is absolving himself of responsibility is not the case when he was under impression a termination was happening.

Your emotions must be all over the place but this is not all his fault and sides shouldn't be taking this is a baby. I still don't know why u would want to make his life hard by rumours and allegations. If I'm reading right what others have posted you slept with two men and fell pregnant decided to terminate then backed out. You need to sort out what you want first and foremost and be straight with him to don't tell him you are terminating if you aren't x

Lynnm63 · 12/09/2015 00:28

I don't think people are being mean. Look at it from your partners pov. You were having a termination, he was ready for that. You changed your mind, fair enough that's your decision. You are out of contact, he tries to make contact though. He still believes you've had a termination, baby is gone in his head. Then out of the blue you send him a scan photo baby is suddenly real again. How would you feel if you were him, shocked? Angry? Confused?

If you just want people to take your side Mumsnet isn't the place. We will offer help and advice but won't blindly back you.

mummyneedinganswers · 12/09/2015 00:30

Women not snowmen fs

GiddyOnZackHunt · 12/09/2015 00:51

Why is it sides?
He doesn't want to know.
If you assume he doesn't want to know the child, you will be parenting 24/7 with maybe a small contribution every month from someone who resents you and your child. Does that sound OK?
In your situation I would consider a termination.
He won't come round to play happy families

Cheshirehello79 · 12/09/2015 02:27

Firstly congratulations and secondly you need to put your emotions aside and realise that if you do decide to keep the baby or terminate either way you need to think responsibly and as a future mother.

No one is taking sides, people are just stating their views. There's no need of being malicious and have do much hate towards him after all if you do spread lies and approach his employer he can report you to the police and you might end up with a harassment order. That's the last thing you need right now !

By the sound of it you seem like you want to keep the baby so my advise will be remove him out of the picture and starting thinking of life without him. As much as you are feeling confused, hurt and betrayaled you need to think what's best for you and the baby but whatever your decision - good luck

Have you spoken to your family about it? They might be able to offer support that will enable you not to feel alone?!

NoArmaniNoPunani · 12/09/2015 03:42

Oh yes! Guys I managed to find out who it was from my last period. I counted down. Also the other guy didn't ejsculste

So you decided it was the 10th July one? I'm not sure how you can be sure on that since 2 of the 3 guys were so close together.

MrsPCR · 12/09/2015 08:01

5th of July guy may not have ejaculated but he will have leaked.

If you posted on pregnancy how many women got pregnant from the withdrawal method, you will get a lot of responses. 5th July and 10th July guys were both in your fertile window so equally possible. You have no way of knowing until baby is born.

fastdaytears · 12/09/2015 08:08

Grin at the snowmen! Sorry.

OP what did you want to achieve by sending him the scan pic?

Penfold007 · 12/09/2015 08:39

Gabby if you go ahead with the pregnancy you need a DNA test before you know who the father is. You need to be honest especially with yourself.