should I pay for my sister to visit me after baby is born?

[BBLucy1891]

Two years ago my younger, and only, sister (she's 25) moved to Australia. She has very little spare money, and to her credit she works really hard but the lifestyle over there is more expensive - she lives in a flashy apartment, drives a nice car and utilities etc are high.

About a year ago she came into some money, not a huge amount but enough, and (realising I might get pregnant and have a baby some time soon) I advised her to save an "emergency" fund in case she wants to visit home at some stage. The money didn't last and now she has no savings and lives rent-day-to-rent day.

I'm due my first baby in 4 months. My partner and I are struggling quite a bit financially. We live very simply and any spare money we have (very little) goes into a savings account because we're saving up for a deposit on a house (we rent currently). We're looking at things being even more tight after the baby is born because my income will be down.

My sister wants to visit me when the baby is born, and my mother also wants her to come. Nobody's saying anything yet but they will. I know when the time comes my mother will ask me to buy a ticket for her to visit. My mother has no money either and we have no other family.

Obviously I want to see my sister and I always assumed she would get to see the baby when it was born, or shortly after, but at the same time I feel a bit like I've drawn the short straw always having to bail people out. I manage my money fairly well, but my family tends to be more 'spend now, think later'.

I also know that there is no conceivable way of my sister being able to pay me back, its just not realistic. So it would be €1000 gone. Its a lot of money to us. Am I being terribly selfish even questioning it? What would you do? Thanks!

Of course I wouldn't pay if it would cause me hardship. IF you could afford it and want to then that is different.

Why would you struggle financially when your sister lives beyond her (considerable sounding ) means?

Not quite the same, but DH and i have a joint account to pay for the big trips for the kids, we put £20 a month each ... so will have enough in 2 years when the time comes. Could you suggest DM and DS share a joint account for the future? You can say no to them, as you need your money say you are broke.

No way it's unreasonable to expect you to pay.babies are expensive I'm due in November and money's tight. She should have kept money aside.

My sisters constantly ask me for money and I had to put my foot down s it was on a regular basis. One of my sisters is also pregnant due in two weeks and she continued to ask me for money when she was buying baby stuff eventually u just have to say no .

I personally wouldn't pay.

You'll resent it especially if it means going back to work earlier

Of course not! I'm in the UK with all family in Aus and I'm not paying for my sis to visit even though she'd bloody love too!

Is your sister on a visa? So due to come home shortly?

And she's choosing the high life, she probably could save if she really wanted to.

You absolutely should not pay. That is ridiculous. If she wants to visit she needs to save up and buy her own flight. It sounds like your family have some serious boundary issues.

Now (as you're about to start your own little family) is a great time to draw firm boundaries with them and make it clear that this stuff won't wash any more. Your partner and baby come first and if funds are limited they should go on that.

You are not being unreasonable, you are being sensible. Don't put yourself out of pocket because your sister is not able to afford to visit you.

My mum, younger sister and brother also live in Australia, and as hard as it will be for us all that they will not see my baby until he is almost a year old we all understand that plane tickets are not cheap. Especially when you have a family to look after, house to run etc.

no, no and no ,just NO!

The baby won't remember her visit. If she is likely to be there long term then save the money so when you dc is 6/7/8 and old enough to appreciate it you can all go on a big trip to visit her and see Australia.

God no.

And anyway the lifestyle she has chosen is more expensive, not the lifestyle she has chosen to live.

I'd tell them to do one frankly.

Massively no!

My sister will be in Europe when I'm due so the cost would be a lot lower, but still I wouldn't expect to shell out on relatives' travel costs shortly after having given birth, not unless I was well off enough to have tons of money to burn.

Her finances and her being abroad are not your responsibility.

Don't pay and don't feel guilty about it. If she wants to come she'll have to cut down on her expenses and save.

No, I wouldn't pay. She has chosen the lifestyle she is currently living, even though it is evidently a stretch for her. Why should you subsidise her travel arrangements when you are stretched yourself.

No! Don't pay! The lifestyle she is living is not the lifestyle of everyone in Australia! She could have chosen a less flashy apartment, she could have saved. Babies might not be expensive but children are, save your money for YOUR family - you, DH and the baby.

No way, she hardly sounds like she's living in poverty.

No.
She chose the flashy expensive apartment that sounds like she can barely afford.
She decided to spend the money she came into.

Hard life lesson for her to life within her means and to stop wasting cash.
Let's face it. If things didn't work in Australia. Or your mum became ill she would need to travel back.
So surely it's common sense to always have this tucked away.. I admit I am basing this on friends who are in Australia and have this buffer.
Same with friends here from Australia, Canada etc where flights aren't cheap.

No, don't pay.

You'll need the money and if your sister really wants to visit she has 4 months to save.

Imo it would be very rude of your family to expect you to pay when you're about to give birth

You asked your sister to keep an emergency fund and she didn't. I understand you would like her to meet your baby but why should you pay for the ticket. Your mum asking you when your about to have a baby is unreasonable. You have your own little family you now need to put first

Don't pay, and don't feel guilty. Your sister is an adult, and it is her choice to spend the money as she does. If she can't her act together, then it is not your responsibility to pay for her ticket, absolutely not.

Are you the go to person for money in your family? Your sister and mother don't save but you do so you're expected to hand it out when needed?

By the sounds of it your DSis has chosen to have a flashy lifestyle and has chosen to spend the money she came into rather than save any. You're struggling financially and expecting a baby. You shouldn't be handing out any money. Maybe take the opportunity to tell your mother and sister how tight things are for you financially, how they'll continue to be for the foreseeable future and how you're now focused on making sure your baby has all they need.

Absolutely not. If she and your DM are that desperate for her to come, they can pay for it. The idea of asking someone just about to start mat leave to fork out that much money is frankly

Hell no! Your own new family are your priority now and there's no way you should be potentially causing yourselves hardship for your sister who, by the sounds of it, could actually afford it if she was a bit more cautious with her money.

No.

Save the money and spend it on the baby.

No sane person would think you were being unreasonable.

Would your mum really expect you to pay?! That would be pretty weird.