should I pay for my sister to visit me after baby is born?

[BBLucy1891]

Two years ago my younger, and only, sister (she's 25) moved to Australia. She has very little spare money, and to her credit she works really hard but the lifestyle over there is more expensive - she lives in a flashy apartment, drives a nice car and utilities etc are high.

About a year ago she came into some money, not a huge amount but enough, and (realising I might get pregnant and have a baby some time soon) I advised her to save an "emergency" fund in case she wants to visit home at some stage. The money didn't last and now she has no savings and lives rent-day-to-rent day.

I'm due my first baby in 4 months. My partner and I are struggling quite a bit financially. We live very simply and any spare money we have (very little) goes into a savings account because we're saving up for a deposit on a house (we rent currently). We're looking at things being even more tight after the baby is born because my income will be down.

My sister wants to visit me when the baby is born, and my mother also wants her to come. Nobody's saying anything yet but they will. I know when the time comes my mother will ask me to buy a ticket for her to visit. My mother has no money either and we have no other family.

Obviously I want to see my sister and I always assumed she would get to see the baby when it was born, or shortly after, but at the same time I feel a bit like I've drawn the short straw always having to bail people out. I manage my money fairly well, but my family tends to be more 'spend now, think later'.

I also know that there is no conceivable way of my sister being able to pay me back, its just not realistic. So it would be €1000 gone. Its a lot of money to us. Am I being terribly selfish even questioning it? What would you do? Thanks!

Don't do it and don't feel bad. She could start saving $100 a month and she will be able to afford her own ticket in a year and a half.
It sounds like you are close but I've often travelled to see new babies and found it a bit of a waste of time. The mother is usually exhausted and it's all a bit of a blur of visitors. Anytime after 6 months is much more relaxed for all involved.

I don't think I need to echo everyone else's sentent here, but I agree with what everyone is saying.

You might want to consider how you say no when they come asking for money. If I were in your position id personal try to say "sorry but we won't be able to afford it, money is tight already and now the baby is here we're even more stretched". Try not to get into an altercation about your sister's irresponsible spending because it may result in a big family row (this is what I would end up doing because I'd be really cross!!). I have a stupid irresponsible and emotionally stunted sister too :)

it's your money, and it's up to you how you spend it. if you want to spend it on a trip for your sister, fine; if you don't, because you have other things that you need to spend it on, and you're going to be exhausted with a newborn anyway, that's fine too. either way don't feel bad about your decision; it's your baby and it's your money.

if it were me, I'd spend the money mostly on the baby and a tiny something to perk me up after giving birth (probably chocolate if i get rid of this sodding GD!!) and do a lot of skyping. she can come over when the baby's a bit older and can actually engage with her!

Next time it's mentioned say 'well you/she better start saving then' with a smile and if you're asked just say no with no reason. I do that with unreasonable requests and people can't seem to bluster around a simple no without whimpering.