Going to A and E: please advise on what to say

[Sleeplessinnorthlondon]

Things have taken turn for worse and going to go to A and E. My GP can't see me til Thursday and I feel so close to losing my mind that I can't think what else to do. I've managed to get an appt with the GP for first thing Thursday and also the psychiatrist again so just need to keep self going til then. Can't go to parents again as they are getting on and this is so so distressing for them am frightened of the impact I'm having on their health, can't keep leaning on friends and so so guilty already for impact on husband so going to go to hospital as I've started having really serious thoughts that everyone would be far far better without me. One of my friends I spoke to the other week was very against being too open with NHS in case there were long term consequences but honestly don't think I should be the one to take care of my child if this continues nor do I think I would be able to do my job anymore so think is just a desperate but needed move to go to A and E rather than a rash one. Planning on just being totally honest about everything that's happening in my mind and seeing what they say as no longer feel can manage at all or put this on anyone else. I know this website is up and down at the moment so not relying on this really, just don't want to feel totally alone when I go in, not telling anyone where I'm going, and wondered if others thought this sounded like ok plan. Thank you xxxx

Been following your thread , Sleepless. You have done all the right things in seeking help, and I am so thankful that things seem better for you today. MN is a wonderful support to many people and I am sure everyone who posts or just reads here wishes you and your amazing husband every happiness. Keep posting!

I am in awe of you sleepless. You have shown such amazing strength throughout your ordeal. It's not over and there will be bumps in the road, but I am so glad that today you are feeling excited and relaxed.

I've said it many times on your threads, but you should be so proud of yourself, you brave woman.

Oh what a lovely post sleepless, brought tears to my eyes. You're doing so well x

Love your last post sleepless - well done for all the keeping on keeping on you've been doing. I hope there are lots more excited days for you

Sleepless, I'm so glad to read that you've got the help and support you need and are heading in the right direction! Us November Ladies are 100% behind you and wish you we'll xx

That's great sleepless. Hopefully now you can see the effects of the medication you can also see a bit of how much the illness has been affecting your thinking.

Wonderful news that you're more positive and getting excited about the baby

Absolutely fantastic! I'm so, so pleased for you x

Yeah sleepless!! So you know now you can have good days, that you can get through this, that you and little bean will be fine and that there are people in RL and on here who genuinely care and will be with you on your journey. Enjoy the moment and please be proud!!! Bean (sorry!) is going to be so lucky to have you as his/her mammy. :)

I think you're incredible, sleepless. To be in that much pain and distress and yet still to get the help you (intellectually, if not emotionally) knew you needed. Just amazing.

I hope things improve for you from now on and that you will very soon welcome your healthy baby inot the world

Wow, I can't express how well you've done, and thanks for updating your post. Do keep posting here whenever you want, and do make sure you take the meds regularly. It sounds very positive that they are having an effect already, even just a little bit.

So lovely to see your positive post sleepless. You deserve this happiness and while it's going to be a journey with ups and downs I hope this gives you a taste of just how you could feel more often than not with the right support and meds. My DH has been a different person since taking sertraline two years ago so I know the impact it can have. Keep on being amazing, which you are - that's one lucky baby you're growing

Hi sleepless, I've followed and commented on a few of your previous posts. I'm glad to see you can finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel & you are feeling a bit better. So glad the meds are working. Dont feel guilty about your DH or your family, if they were ill I'm sure you would support them in any way you could.
I've got 2 weeks to go until I hold my little boy & I know you are not that far behind. He's a very lucky boy to have a mummy who loves him so much!! Look at how far you have come. Please do continue to keep us updated as I can't wait to hear when he's born & you're going to be such a good parent. Your DH sounds amazing too so I've no doubt this baby is in the best hands.
Wishing you the best! Xxx

Just wanted to post update to say thank you AGAIN for all being so so so amazing and to say things are ok. Away with mum and after the amazing amazing feeling I got from the 2mg diazepam Friday decided to not take again as could see self getting hooked and can't be taken in late pregnancy. Psych told me on Thursday that the latest metastudy showed clearly no links between anxiety in pregnancy and the long term issues I feared but some small risks still shown in some studies linked to the ads I was prescribed so going to try to keep going for a week without and see what gp says at review Thursday. Clearly this may be wrong decision but could feel anxiety shifting from fears about anxiety to fears about meds and so felt like best way to avoid feeding the beast to just try to tough it out and remind myself my pregnancy at no greater risk than anyone else's and try to feel some solidarity with any other pregnant woman i see instead of jealousy that they seem normal: I'm lucky to be pregnant, I'm lucky to have my dh, there are risks to all pregnancies and no evidence mine at more risk. Anyway - thank you all so so much, am sure will be back - you are brilliant xxxx

Sleepless, you are so strong. I just wanted to say that.

So glad you're feeling better! And so glad you've got a good psych who is clued up. That will make a world of difference :)

You know what I'm going to say now though don't you? :) The risks from the ADs are hugely outweighed by the risks to you from your anxiety - honestly, if I was in your shoes I would take the drugs. Don't tough it out. You may not need to take them for very long but right now, you need them.

All the best ! I think of you often.

That's great to hear sleepless. I second what skiptonlass says about the ADs. You don't need to tough it out on your own. Just think of them as your safety net.

If you broke your arm you wouldn't refuse a plaster cast on it. I've been on ADs a couple of times. I just see it as a chemical imbalance in my brain that's been depleted. Until your body starts making that chemical again, ADs provide you with it and give you the chance to feel better until your own levels are topped up. (And the advice I've always been given is you need to stay on them for 6 months after the point you start to feel better.)

However, I do appreciate your anxiety about starting them, especially your pregnancy concern, but please do talk it over with the doctor again.

I may be talking rubbish now, but I'm just wondering if carrying a little notebook round with you would help- you could jot down any thoughts / anxiousness as they occur? It's only occurred to me that it might be helpful, as you're obviously working really hard with your thought processes to make sense of your feelings. (Or notes on your mobile might be less conspicuous seeing as not many people write in a notebook in public these days ). Just a thought.

Thanks so much as ever for support and advice: do fully take points about the ads, will speak to gp on Thursday and see what she says - thank you!!! Xxxxx

Family all agree with you on ads and did have meltdown yesterday. Thing is, now that have been reassured anxiety can't have harmed him by leading doctor, and alcohol too, can't work out why still sometimes so so scared. Least attractive part is have pangs of acute, intense sad resentment and raging jealousy of pregnant friends who are happy. I have been told I am at no more risk of bad outcome than these friends so no rational reason for it and so ugly. Fear is that the NHS bumps website which lists risks attached to different drugs quite scary about sertraline listing studies which say risk of learning difficulties doubled etc. no idea how I'm supposed to make sense of that. Dh and I starting to do hyponbirthing technique where remind me repeatedly baby safe etc and hoping will help. Key question for gp Thursday is whether greater risk to baby carrying on without the drugs at this stage or going on to them, especially as need to be in a clear mind for labour come November. Anyway, rambling now. Feeling calm so far this morning which is unsual and scary as waiting for the fear. Thanks to you all for this safe space, absolutely vital xxxxx

I too agree with what everyone says about taking the ADs. I've suffered from depression & anxiety for 25 years and know that it's better to take the drugs than try & tough it out. They will even out these ups and downs that you've been having for the last few days. As a pp says, you have a chemical imbalance in your brain - it's a physical thing just the same as taking insulin if you were diabetic. Do talk to your gp again - you say that she's clued up - so take her advice xx