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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Not finding out the gender- Suprise baby!

54 replies

Newlywed123 · 24/08/2015 10:44

Has anybody else decided not to find out?

I'm 100% set on not finding, my husband is 50/50 and said he may but doesn't really mind if I don't want him too. But our families keep going on about not being prepared or how they can't buy things for baby! Kinda driving me insane.

Worst of it is I'll be having a 28 week scan which I said my mum can come along to as she missed my 12 week, last time at 17 week's she blabbed it's a girl as she was looking inbetween the legs (we didn't want to know). I'm worried she's going to do it again.. Would it be obvious at a 28 week scan? Silly worrying really, just so set on a suprise

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SonceyD0g · 24/08/2015 10:50

With my 1st I knew it was a girl so massive anticlimax when she was born. "It's a girl!" "er yes we know" didn't want to know with my 2nd and it was fab when she was born. So much more exciting not knowing
Could you possibly tell them that the hospital have a policy that they won't tell you?

EdithWeston · 24/08/2015 10:55

The sex may or may not be obvious, even at a later scan (it rather depends on the position of the baby) and of course unless your DM is herself trained in sonography she probably won't be able to spot accurately.

You'll either have to brief the person carrying out the scan not to say anything whatsoever about the sex (or attempt to look in the genital area for any longer than is necessary for the health check being carried out that day) regardless of what your companion might say; or simply not take her.

(And of course, the DC might surprise you with their future gender at some point, regardless of when you discover their biological sex).

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 24/08/2015 10:57

I had a surprise baby. I didn't care if we found out , dp was 50 50 and ds wanted to know but we don't get many scans here and dp could not be there for them. I thought it was unfair to know and go home and tell them.

I was convinced it was another boy during to the similarities with my last pregnancy and the absolute shock that it was a girl was amazing and we still can't get over the fact 5 months later.

Your family members can buy any colour items the want but if they are looking to specifically buy blue or pink tell them to buy white or yellow or give them a specific item to buy...a change bag, blankets etc. Don't do anything to please others

YakTriangle · 24/08/2015 11:02

I didn't know the sex of the baby during my first pg and I much preferred my second pg where I did know. But you're the important party here, and if you think you can't trust your mum not to tell you, even if you make it very clear you don't want to know, then I would uninvite her, tbh.

crazypuglady · 24/08/2015 11:05

I'm 32+5 with a surprise baby. Family and friends are driving me crackers. I feel really ungrateful because I know they just want to buy us presents but if I hear "couldn't you get them to write it down and put it in an envelope for us" one more time I may well scream.

I've just taken to telling people to wait until it's born, I'll let everybody know asap and I'm not going to want guests for a few days anyway so they'll have time to pop to the shops before they visit.

As for your mum, I'm afraid I wouldn't have her there if I couldn't trust her to respect our wishes.

Original poster

Newlywed123 · 24/08/2015 11:07

I get extra scans due to being high risk, I honestly can't wait for a suprise. I have 4 other close family membera who are also expecting and they have either found out or are going to.

I'm going to ask the sonographer to tell us when she's going to go down towards to the legs so we can turn away whilst she takes measurements.

I have a girl, after she was born I was hoping my next would be a boy. But now I'm expecting either sounds amazing! I generally don't care what gender baby is. We've picked names, and going to stock uo on essentials. Saving clothes shopping for after baby is born (my husband will probably do it). We have a couple of boys baby grows and plenty of girls from my daughter so going to pack a couple of eeach for hospital. So much more exciting

OP posts:

AuntieStella · 24/08/2015 11:09

"I know they just want to buy us presents"

It's lovely to be given presents, but what are they thinking of that needs to be sex-specific? OK, if they really have a hankering to buy a little dress that will be frustrated. But everything else can be used by both sexes in early infancy.

Original poster

Newlywed123 · 24/08/2015 11:12

I think I'm going to see how she gets on over the next couple of months, if my mum keeps going on about the gender then I'll have to tell her she can't come. Which would be horrible, but she did say to me 'oh if I look and know I just won't tell you'. Wish she'd understand it's our baby and our right to choose.

CrazyPug oh gosh, that sounds like my family! I'm 16 weeks and people are already asking me the gender, I keep telling them you'll find out when baby is born. Half of them are calling baby a boy and the other half a girl. Atleast you don't have long left now

OP posts:

crazypuglady · 24/08/2015 11:15

AuntieStella Clothes, bibs, toys etc. we've bought a few neutral bits to get us through the first week or so but everybody seems to want to buy gender specific. I'm not sure they've realised that the nursery will be staying yellow regardless of what sex comes out

crazypuglady · 24/08/2015 11:18

newlywed I've played on it a bit. At each scan I've shown people the pics and asked them to guess the sex. After the 3d scan we are at about 80% guessing boy and 20% guessing girl. I just find it funny that everyone else is more bothered than me and DH. We genuinely don't give a hoot either way.

AuntieStella · 24/08/2015 11:20

Exactly, crazyouglady none of those things need be gendered and babies of both sexes use them.

And sex of baby is not a synonym for parental choice of bedroom paint and preferred colour scheme in general.

It shouldn't be hard to find attractive items that are not marketed by gender.

crazypuglady · 24/08/2015 11:42

AuntieStella shouldn't be but actually I think it is. The shops have very little in the way of unisex and what there is is either yellow or beige and I bloody hate beige so everybody has been told not to buy it. I actually completely understand wanting to buy girly things for a girl and boyish things for a boy, I just want people to stop telling me I'm making their lives awkward by not having found out the sex of MY baby.

MrsPCR · 24/08/2015 11:47

We're not going to find out the gender. When immediate family have asked (as only 9 weeks) I have joked that yeah we probably will check between the legs when it's born, would be strange if we didn't.

We're not buying anything more than the bare essentials before the baby is born and I don't want any presents before baby is here safe and well. Everything else can wait until after the baby is born. Plus there's a 24 hour supermarkets across the road from the hospital which I'm sure is very well stocked in baby crap!

vvviola · 24/08/2015 11:48

I didn't find out for DD1. I was convinced I was having a boy though, so when the midwife announced that it was a girl I said "are you sure"

For DD2 we found out for one reason - we were living abroad and needed to take the clothes from DD1 out of storage and bring them in a suitcase to our new house. I didn't want to bring 4-month worth of girls clothes if we were having a boy. We didn't tell anyone else.

Incidentally, we were in a country where it is standard to not only find out the sex, but also tell the midwives the name before the baby is born. The midwives thought I was a bit nuts for saying I didn't want to say the name until she was born.

cjt110 · 24/08/2015 11:49

We didnt find out. We bought neutral items. Referred to baby as Baby W. And I discovered the sex of our son when he was passed to me.

Life isnt full of many nice surprises. That was one

iAmNicolaMurray · 24/08/2015 11:58

I didn't know what sex my dd was and I found that everyone else was a lot more interested too! My mil in particular was obsessed and in the last few months kept insisting that we knew and were keeping it a secret from her!

iAmNicolaMurray · 24/08/2015 12:00

I just don't understand the thing about girls not being able to wear 'boys clothes' and vice versa. It doesn't make their bits drop off.

ivykaty44 · 24/08/2015 12:01

there are few surprises left in life and this is one of the nice ones

Brummiegirl15 · 24/08/2015 12:03

I'm another one that is not finding out. This is our first and I agree, you don't get many real surprises in life - so we want the surprise.

But oh my god, everyone keeps on at me about finding out and keep saying we can plan and buy stuff!

Er I am quite happy with white babygros in the first couple of weeks. But people are really bothered that we aren't finding out.

As for being worried about your Muj blurting it our. Just don't take her!

Brummiegirl15 · 24/08/2015 12:03

Muj?? That should read Mum!

justabigdisco · 24/08/2015 12:05

I just gave birth to my second surprise (2 DDs) and it was so lovely not knowing. I also had the anxiety of finding out by mistake but it didn't happen to us!

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 24/08/2015 12:11

I had a suprise with my dd. I am now 14 weeks pregnant again and everyone is driving me potty asking when can I find out what we are having.. We are having a lovely baby and I honestly don't give a hoot what sex it is.

BossWitch · 24/08/2015 12:13

We didn't want to know the sex, so the sonographer turned the screen at the 20 week scan for that bit so we couldn't accidentally see - I'm sure you could ask them to do this.

If it was me, though, I'd be having firm words with family along the lines of 'this is our baby, this is how we're doing it, and while I'm sorry that it might not be the way you'd like it to happen it is not going to change. It's lovely that you want to get us presents but if you can't find gender neutral things you'd like to buy, never mind, just get things after the birth - we're happy to wait.'

Otherwise I think you are setting yourself up for a whole load of interference from your extended family in a whole load of aspects of your children's lives. Sort out boundaries and expectations now!

Skiptonlass · 24/08/2015 12:14

Well look on the bright side, no one will be able to buy you any frothy pink horrors/mummy's little princess babygros :)

fixuplooksharp · 24/08/2015 12:14

I wanted to find out what we are having and my husband didn't, so we comprimised, we found out and decided to keep it a surprise for everyone else. Some people have driven me mad, MIL in particular, but then she drives me mad anyway!! I don't know why people can't just be nice, in a non interfering way.
You do what you choose and I agree with other posters, if your Mum can't respect your decision don't take her. Or openly tell the sonographer when you get in room that you don't want to know and they will turn the screen away when they are near the bits and bobs :)

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