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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Not finding out the gender- Suprise baby!

54 replies

Newlywed123 · 24/08/2015 10:44

Has anybody else decided not to find out?

I'm 100% set on not finding, my husband is 50/50 and said he may but doesn't really mind if I don't want him too. But our families keep going on about not being prepared or how they can't buy things for baby! Kinda driving me insane.

Worst of it is I'll be having a 28 week scan which I said my mum can come along to as she missed my 12 week, last time at 17 week's she blabbed it's a girl as she was looking inbetween the legs (we didn't want to know). I'm worried she's going to do it again.. Would it be obvious at a 28 week scan? Silly worrying really, just so set on a suprise

OP posts:

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Skiptonlass · 24/08/2015 12:16

Oh and if you're getting grief from family and friends, just tell them the baby wasn't in a position to check/was coy and had its legs crossed. You shouldn't have to lie but some people do get very het up about the whole pink/blue thing...

TheFabledSnake · 24/08/2015 12:17

We haven't found out - I did want to know at first, DP didn't and after lots of thoughts, I decided I also didn't want to know. Although he did say that if I did decide to find out at the scan, he wouldn't mind.

There are a lot of our family members that also didn't want to know and although it's got nothing to do with them, I knew I would not be able to keep quiet about it!

I'm due early October so not long until we find out, but I am looking forward to the surprise!

IssyStark · 24/08/2015 12:18

We didn't find out with either of our's (both ds).

I rather guessed that ds1 was a boy after DH stopped pestering me for girl's names les than a week before he was born (we were having a late well-being scan as ds1 ended up being 16 days late and I was refusing an induction).

I thought ds2 was a girl so it was a real surprise when he was a boy :)

Our's was the first boy in your friendship group so he ended up wearing obviously girl's clothes are various points but many of the hand me downs were suitable for boys or girls despite being marketed for girls. One of his favourite cardigans, a stripey hooded zipped one, when he was 5 was actually bought new buy me from the girls section.

cth1982 · 24/08/2015 12:19

we haven't found out and surprisingly a lot of friends and family have said thank goodness it will be a lovely surprise so we have been well supported!

A couple of friends have handmade me some gifts in neutral colours and the room that will become the baby's is painted the same as all the others - apple white. Eventually we will update it but early on they need little and will hardly pay attention!

lilac3033 · 24/08/2015 12:20

I didn't find out with DD. My DP was 100% against knowing. I was ok either way. I'm American and my family simply couldn't understand why we wouldn't find out. They wanted to buy gender specific clothes, despite my well documented and long standing hatred of frilly pink dresses. My sister even sent me two different outfits, one boy and one girl so the baby could come home from the hospital with gender specific clothes.

In the end I was pretty sure DD was a girl from the 20 week scan. My sister had a scan a few days before and showed me the sonogram picks of her DDs bits, so I knew what they looked like. However I wasn't sure.
Despite all this I loved the surprise. I found out myself that she was a girl. It was great. It was also good to not have too much pink!

IceBeing · 24/08/2015 12:41

Does it ever occur to people that if we treated baby girls and baby boys the same we would achieve gender equality in a single generation?

Or that by insisting on treating them differently from birth in everything from how we socialize them, our expectations of their character and behaviour, their hair length, their clothes, what colours they can and can't wear we are needlessly perpetuating gender inequality onwards into the future?

SoupDragon · 24/08/2015 12:43

With my 1st I knew it was a girl so massive anticlimax when she was born.

How depressing. I knew with DD (deliberately) and DS2 (by accident) an nether was an anticlimax when they were born. I don't recall ds1s birth being any more special because we didn't know he was a boy. Finding out DD was a girl after 2 DSs was still a surprise even though I found out at 20 weeks. We didn't tell anyone other than our parents although people knew I'd found out.

I don't get why people make such a big deal of it either way TBH. Having done this 3 different ways (deliberately not finding out, accidentally finding out and deliberately finding out) I can honestly say it made no difference whatsoever.

Brummiegirl15 · 24/08/2015 12:45

People keep asking me what I want and I keep saying I have no preference and don't care, and people actually don't believe me. They say "go on you must have a preference, everyone does!"

I lost 3 babies before this one - so this is my 4th pregnancy. I couldn't give a flying fuck what sex our baby is. I am just incredibly grateful to be actually having a baby.

When I tell people this is the reason why I don't care it usually shuts them up

Rainuntilseptember15 · 24/08/2015 12:50

Scans are not for seeing the sex, as you know. They don't have to be a family event either - not sure how your mum "missed" the 12 week scan, why would she have been there anyway? She can pay for one of those 4d ones if she is desperate to see her gc in the womb!

NoArmaniNoPunani · 24/08/2015 12:50

I've just had my 6th scan at 22 weeks and as soon as she started, he was very clearly flashing his balls at us! There were several others points during the scan where his sex was obvious. You may need to keep your eyes closed at the start and at a number of points during the scan just in case your baby is the same.

RiverTam · 24/08/2015 12:51

You couldn't find out the gender at our hospital anyway. Surprise is lovely. All people are wanting is to settle the baby into gender-specific shit from day 1. I'd keep well away from that, if people insist on getting stuff there's buckets of lovely gender-neutral stuff out there. Babies look their cutest in white anyway!

cloudjumper · 24/08/2015 12:57

We didn't find out with DS, currently pg with DC2 and have decided not to find out again. Much more fun.
I can't stand the whole gender baby clothes thing - you either end up with frilly pink or skull and crossbones, both of which I hate.

Don't find out and send your family/friends towards the lovely shops like Polarn O Pyret etc for beautiful non-gender clothing

Elledouble · 24/08/2015 13:01

We didn't find out with our son. I was convinced I was having a girl, mind - was very surprised when the midwife lifted him up as he was born and I saw he was a boy (he was born back-to-back)!

He wore white newborn clothes mostly - in fact, most of them were second-hand from a friend's little girl. Obviously it's too soon to tell if he's caught the gay, but I'm sure he'll be fine

maybebabybee · 24/08/2015 13:03

I am having this debate with myself currently OP. Am 12 weeks so still got a bit of time to decide. Part of me really wants to know and part of me would like to surprise.

If I'm honest, I sort of want to know because I'm desperate for a boy (I know that is totally irrational and stupid, but I can't help it) and I'm worried that if it's a surprise and it's a girl, I'll be disappointed. Whereas if I find out at the scan that it's a girl I'll get over it.

I know the whole thing is ridiculous as in the end I will love my baby either way, but I can't help it :S

designedbynature · 24/08/2015 13:03

I didn't find out because DH was adamant that it was bad luck, I knew that I would have let it slip if I knew so we kept it a surprise and I honestly think it made the whole thing more exciting. At the end of pregnancy it really kept me positive, the not knowing.

designedbynature · 24/08/2015 13:04

Also this didn't cause any issues whatsoever buying clothes for up to 3 months.

GoooRooo · 24/08/2015 14:32

I didn't find out with DS and had convinced myself it was a girl so was VERY surprised when he was a born a boy.

I didn't want to find out with this one either but I cracked at the 20 week scan. It's a girl apparently but the sonographer didn't sound that sure! I'm quite liking knowing this time.

waitaminutenow · 24/08/2015 14:36

I'm pregnant with no2 and haven't found out. Didn't find out first time either. Just tell people if they are desperate to get you something then some unisex vests etc would be great or a voucher. Otherwise never mind them...its so nice to have a surprise! Best of luck!

sepa · 24/08/2015 14:40

I'm surprised by the amount of people who's families want them to find out. Most people I know have not found out and most family want us to wait until the baby is born. We will be waiting to find out and it should be up to you. Can you go into the scan and tell the person that you do not want to find out and do not want your mum to know.

Original poster

Newlywed123 · 24/08/2015 14:58

Brummygirl I've lost 3 babies too, aslong as baby is healthy I'm happy! I'm forever seeing on my social media 'my 20 week scan needs to hhurry so I can find out the gender' drives me insane, they're for checking babies health and they don't seem to really care about that.

They have a big screen on the wall so I'll have to tell her to turn away and if she doesn't she can leave the room. If she decides to ruin it for me I won't take it well like last time!

Talking about it is getting me all excited! X

OP posts:

Original poster

Newlywed123 · 24/08/2015 15:01

It's even worse how all the people pushing us to find out won't actually buy our baby a gift it's just for there amusement and to be nosey. We have nicknamed our baby Pip (don't know why) have from the Start but they won't use the nickname so it's there problem

OP posts:

Hairballs · 24/08/2015 15:37

EVERYONE I know who is pregnant has found out the sex of their baby. It's like it's a legal obligation now. DS was a surprise and this one will be too. So much more exciting.

SoupDragon · 24/08/2015 15:42

How can you possibly know whether it is more exciting or not given you've only experienced one option?

LostInMess · 25/08/2015 11:59

Am 36 weeks with a surprise one and we were all set to find out the sex after having not done so for the last one, as despite loving the surprise at the end, thought it would be easier logistically (could start to get rid of unnecessary clothes, prep the DC etc). Didn't do it in the end, just couldn't bring myself to and also DS is so adamant it's a brother we thought it might upset him if it were a girl - whereas when it turns up it's a baby and that's that.

Haven't got the same pressures that you have elsewhere, however, as it's DC4 and most of the family (well, in-laws) are clearly not remotely interested. Mine are though and children are ridiculously excited which makes up for it.

Good luck to you.x

coffeeandbiscuit · 25/08/2015 13:59

We're another for Team Yellow (I'd never ever used that phrase before getting pregnant).

Strangely (and gratefully) our entire family is supporting the decision. My side have actually voiced their relief that we're waiting until the baby is born. No one's pressuring us or saying anything that would make us think we want to find out. I get the feeling it'll be the one thing everyone agrees on .

Apparently you push harder when you don't know! .

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