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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Surprise baby

18 replies

Whoopsadoo · 03/08/2015 18:23

Long time lurker on mumsnet but never felt I could really post as not officially a mum!

I've recently discovered I'm pregnant, I'm estimating 11 weeks. Truth is, I'm terrified. I'm due to get married next year and work is good. At the same time I feel so guilty for not feeling excited about this baby - I've cried a lot.

Has anyone else had a 'surprise' baby? How quickly did you feel excited and happy? I wish I did, but I don't . Hope I've posted in the right place and I haven't offended anyone - feel terrible for feeling so ungrateful!

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StopShoutingAtYourBrother · 03/08/2015 18:26

Many congratulations! My ds1 was a total surprise. I'll be honest it took me a long time to feel happy and excited but when it came it bowled me over. I could not imagine life without him and he's the love of my life. Give yourself time to adjust.

chopsface · 03/08/2015 18:31

Congratulations whoop!!

I'm not pregnant with a surprise baby but wanted to contribute :-) This baby in my tummy was very much planned but I still have the panic and anxiety you do! I think it's only natural. How does your partner feel about it? Was it part of your planned post marriage plans together? If he is happy and youre in stable jobs and relationship then run with it. I take it you will be given a dating scan soon. When you seen your little bean on the screen and it becomes real your feelings will change. Yes its scary, even when planned believe me, but seeing your tiny baby on screen is magical :-)

Good luck with it all x

Original poster

Whoopsadoo · 03/08/2015 18:36

Thank you. DP is excited and can't understand why I feel so miserable. We had certainly planned to TTC after the wedding. I'm in a panic that I won't look my best for our day 6 months post birth! Incredibly selfish way of thinking I accept.

I want to love this baby and feel some kind of connection and excitement, it's a constant thought on my mind.

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TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 03/08/2015 18:38

My first was a surprise baby. It's a massive shock isn't it?? We'd even been careful cause I really didn't want to get pregnant before we got married.

I came around to the idea in a couple of weeks but dh didn't feel happy about it for months (he lied to me at the time but now says he was completely freaked out).

Please try not to worry about how you feel, if you're not sure you want the baby then you have some decisions to make. But if you decide to go ahead then the love and excitement bit will come in due course.

broomy123 · 03/08/2015 18:41

I know exactly how you feel as I had a surprise. I felt very guilty about how much I cried when I found out. I was married, with a lovely home, great job etc but just didn't feel ready. I spent most of the pregnancy in shock but around 6 months started to relax and enjoy it. The shopping bit helps! I absolutely adore her now and wouldn't change it for anything.
Try not to panic but 6 months is a good amount of time to lose weight. I was back down to pre pregnancy weight by then and didn't really try the first three months and put on over 3 stone! Good luck!

beehappybe · 03/08/2015 18:54

There is no prescribed right or wrong way about how you should feel, these are your feelings and emotions and for that they are valid.

Don't forget that on top of this surprise the mother nature is giving you a big hormonal cocktail to mess with your head...

I am pregnant with a planned baby and the first couple of weeks I was in such a shock (and funny mood) that my husband thought I hate him for getting me pregnant (yes we both planned to get pregnant and were trying for a while ).
Good luck with everything

Original poster

Whoopsadoo · 03/08/2015 19:17

Not having baby has crossed my mind, but I think that's more because I feel overwhelmed and just want everything back to how it was. I'm so worried I've harmed the baby, my lifestyle was unhealthy - stress, caffeine and nicotine, although I'm pleased to say I haven't smoked since and have cut right down on caffeine. Withdrawal from that is probably contributing to my misery but I'm persevering!

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beehappybe · 03/08/2015 19:26

You have the right to make your own decision-either way-and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. How does your partner feel? Does he know?

Is there anyone you can talk to about this? A close friend perhaps?

Well done on cutting out the smoking. It must be difficult with everything that's going through your mind.
You mentioned you were going on mumsnet before, does this mean that a baby was on your mind on the horizon for sometimes in the future? Are the worries a matter of timing with all else being fine?

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 03/08/2015 19:31

My surprise second baby is now 4 weeks old! Conceived when DD was 10 months old, I hadn't slept more than 3 hours in a row for 10 months, was about to go back to work and had absolutely no plans for another child for a very long time.
I felt exactly how you do at the start. I felt so guilty that DD1 had been so wanted in comparison, and really struggled with my feelings towards the pregnancy.
She's amazing. I adore her. Circumstances are still certainly not what I would have planned, but I wouldn't change anything.
Talk to your partner about how you're feeling, and do what you feel is right for you.

Original poster

Whoopsadoo · 03/08/2015 19:32

beehappybe DP is excited about it, he also knows how I'm feeling but I think he's hoping I'll just get my head around it all.

I've been a lurker here as we have DSD7 - she's wonderful! Children have always been in my plan, in fact I was desperate for a baby prior to booking the wedding but then accepted we would wait until afterwards. I think I will eventually settle my worries once I've reviewed our finances, sorted out a plan at work (Teaching!) and announced our news to family. I don't understand why I feel the way I do! I've always been 'the maternal one' in my circle of friends

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honeyandfizz · 03/08/2015 19:38

I had a suprise baby too. Dd was 6 months old when I found out I was pregnant again, I was really upset as I didn't want another baby at that time. My theory is that your pregnant for 9 months as that's how long it takes to get your head round it! Needless to say I adore ds he is 10 now and dd is 11. You will be fine I guarantee by the time your ready to give birth you will be so excited

honeyandfizz · 03/08/2015 19:39

'Surprise' was what I meant of course

fleamadonna · 03/08/2015 19:43

I have a surprise baby, now 14 months old. when I found out I was pregnant, I was obviously stunned but also elated and loved him from that moment.

I am also pregnant with a planned baby. I am not excited. I am terrified. I think possibly I've made a big mistake and that life is going to be hell for a while. when I'm not dwelling and dreading, I often "forget" I'm pregnant. basically just hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.

moral being, I think these are normal feeling regardless of how your child was conceived.

Original poster

Whoopsadoo · 03/08/2015 19:55

Really good to hear I'm not alone, have felt awful and not wanted to admit it to anyone. Hoping seeing baby at a scan will help me to feel better. Thank you so much for all your responses

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beehappybe · 03/08/2015 19:59

Whoopsadoo we have always planned to have a baby after getting married. Last year after announcing our engagement we had a little condom accident and I didn't know if we will have a surprise baby or not. Despite wanting to have children I was not very happy as it would have spoiled my wedding plans. It's maybe silly but I like for things to go according to plan but that does not always happen. It turned out that I was not pregnant but by that point I decided that if I were I would just delay the wedding so I could enjoy it fully (wine and all ).
Good luck with everything, I am sure you will figure it all out. It's great you have a supportive partner too. Take care

zannyminxoxox · 07/08/2015 16:06

I have 2 children and have currently found out I am pregnant agin with the 3rd my husband is booked in for the snip I wanted to start my career. I was devastated when the line came up as 2 I did another 2 tests definately pregnant. I considered abortion but I knew in my heart I couldn't do it to my baby. I have come round to the idea now that Im having another baby as hard as it will be with 3 I know everything will be ok and it will be daunting at first but then will get into the swing of things. We look at this baby as a miracle as I got caught just before he was due for his vesectomy

Peg123 · 07/08/2015 17:44

I found out I am pregnant last week and I am finding it hard. It feels like everything will change and I am not sure if I will be able to cope with it. Still keep thinking I would like everything to go back to normal, i.e. before I was pregnant. Though it is good to know I am not the only one. I am really worried I won't bond with the baby.

Elledouble · 07/08/2015 17:54

My baby (14 weeks old and snuffling away at my breast just now!) was a surprise. Due to various health problems we'd only done it a couple of times last year. While we knew we'd taken a bit of a risk (no contraception!) we were quite surprised when I realised I'd not had a period for a while and POAS.

I cried for two hours. I had mixed feelings all the way through my pregnancy, really, and did suffer some antenatal depression and now some postnatal depression, but I'll survive it. My son is beautiful!

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