40+ and pregnant? Come and join the fun!

[cloudjumper]

I am 43 and currently pg with DC2, due early January. I thought it would be nice to have a thread for the pregnant ladies of 'older vintage', similar to the 40+ ttc thread, for advice, support and the occasional moan.

Congratulations allthe Hope you are all recovering well and get to go home soon.

nashandra Hospital birth for me for sure, due to my history. I never contemplated a home birth, not even with DS four years ago, just out of personal preference. And I'll most likely have an emcs with this one.

bottle Welcome, I'm also 43! Once you have seen a heartbeat at 8 weeks, the risk of miscarriage drops dramatically. And I found the not drinking a lot easier than expected (helped by the fact that I was never a big drinker anyway and just could not stomach it in the first trimester). I wish I could say the same for DH who drinks far too much imo . Have started dropping hints that I expect him to stop once I reach the 3rd trimester, just so that we can be prepared for all eventualities, but he seems to go into selective hearing mode whenever I mention the subject!

Rooibos So sorry to hear about your losses. I've had 4 mcs before this pregnancy, it was such a nightmare. I still sometimes struggle to believe that this one is going to work out, but I'm getting less and less anxious the further along I get. Antenatal care still seemed really hands-off to me in the early stages (OK, I got an early reassurance scan, but that was it), given my history, but it will ramp up in the 3rd trimester, although that has more to do with my age.

I have come down with a stinking cold over the weekend and am feeling very sorry for myself. Had to add more pillows in the last few nights to be able to sleep, and being propped up like that does nothing to help me sleep better.
Is anyone else feeling really hot all the time?! I had this with DS as well, I just can't seem to feel any cold at the moment...

Just got my scan date through, 28th October so a whole month to wait.

Sezra I'm much less emotional this time, very much so with my ds who I had at 41. One of my biggest worries is the impact, in the short term, that another baby will have on him but I think everyone worries about that regardless of age. I'm sure it's hormonal, go easy on yourself as it will all be absolutely fine. You can and will cope!

cloud I haven't been feeling too hot, same as usual really which is a bit on the cold side. It's definitely autumnal now despite the weather here being lovely at the moment.

sezra Definitely hormones. I sometimes feel very self-conscious about it all, too.

One word of advice - never ever read any of those threads titled 'What is the best age to have children' or 'What is your cut-off date for having children' - I have made that mistake and been really upset by some people's vitriolic comments about having children at 40 and older.

However, once your baby is here, it will not matter at all. You will make lots of lovely new friends who - although the majority will most likely be (much) younger than you- will be in the exact same situation, and your or their age will not matter in the least! I am by far the oldest in our circle of baby friends (in fact, I could be their mother in some cases!), but it has never mattered. Your support network won't care how old you are, and no one will expect that you know everything.
Are you going to do NCT or the likes? I can definitely recommend it, it's a great way of meeting people in the same situation. You will cope, just like all those 25-year-olds! And your baby will not in the least care about your age

bottlecap do you mean in terms of the risk of miscarriage? I think by 8 weeks the risk is much reduced, it gets lower each week. No guarantees though.

Yes, that's what a meant. Good luck.

Can anyone explain exactly how the genetic tests work (I gather this is what harmony is?). Do they return more specific odds of an abnormality? Are they still doing amnios theses days? The last time I had a baby I was 33

Hi bottle I had the Harmony test even before the NHS nuchal fold one. It's just a blood test which (as far as I understood) some of the baby's DNA can be extracted and that is tested for Downs and a couple of other ones. Mine came back low risk 1 in 10,000 and I'm 41. The test can also give you the sex of your baby if you want to know and I'm having a boy. Unfortunately you do have to pay for the Harmony test - it was about £500 but for us we wanted the reassurance.

bootles Yes, they are still doing amnios and CVS, usually when you get a high risk for a chromosomal abnormality from the combined screening or the Harmony tests.
The Harmony is much more accurate (and it is completely independent of the mother's age), it gives risks for T21, T13 and t18 (the combined screening is more vague and takes into account the age), but both are still 'only' gives you a risk (and the Harmony can fail, too, on rare occasions), so they still have the invasive tests for diagnostic purposes. But it will be your decision to have the invasive tests, should you find yourself in the position to consider, they are not obligatory.

Sorry, that was meant to say bottle!

Thank you cloud and Ababsurdum.

I just feel a bit silly when I get so upset and can't really explain why. I do worry about the impact on my DC, my job, how I will cope with work, new baby and existing DC and maybe sometimes it all gets on top of me.

I am someone who likes to to chat with friends and family and I am normally quite open about things. I am hoping that when I can share more normally I won't feel like I am in my own little pregnancy bubble, worrying about everything! I never felt like this with my other three pregnancies which was why I was wondering. I told everyone super early though (5 weeks each time). I guess I was younger, more confident and before having a MC! How things change!

I got myself in to enough of a state reading the DS threads cloud so I definitely won't venture in to the age related threads then! Thanks for the warning!

Hi all. I am 41 and in third trimester with DC2. I just wondered what everyone's stance is on being induced on your due date. Pressure is ramping up here and I'm starting to get a bit worried about it, esp as my DD was 17 (yes 17!) days late. Are your doctors advising prompt induction because of your age? And will you say yes?

Sezra these all seem very normal things to worry about to me. I don't think anyone will think that you are being silly. It won't be long before you can share the news so hang in there!

I wonder too how I will cope with two. My ds has got to a stage where he's so much easier, he doesn't need watching every minute and I'm managing to get housework done every day etc. Also he's only been sleeping through the night since March. I'm about to throw all that up in the air again by having a new little one. I keep telling myself that the worst of it will (hopefully) be over within a year and that we can learn from our mistakes the first time around.

SoggyBottoms I was told last time I would be induced early due to the risk of the placenta degrading. If I wasn't going to be having a section this time I think I would be ok with that as I've recently known two overdue babies who ended up in intensive care due to effects of swallowing meconium. I know that's not the norm but it is a risk that would worry me having seen it happen.

Hi SoggyBottoms

Congrats and not long to go now I'm just coming up for 14 weeks. My consultant has already told me (at my 12 weeks scan) that they would prefer not to let the pregnancy go past my due date because of my age (40 yrs - will be 41 by due date) and increased chance of stillbirth after 40 weeks.
I agreed and will be having a ELCS at 38/39 weeks if all goes to plan.

Thank you both - so difficult to weigh up the desire to have as good / intervention free birth as possible with the risks to the baby...

soggy I went overdue with DS and was induced at 41+4 (I think) - not because of my age, but because it's standard protocol at my hospital, and it didn't occur to me to not do it, as I was desperate to get him out.

With this pregnancy, after speaking with my consultant a few weeks ago, they would definitely not recommend me going overdue again, this time very much due to my age, and I can see their point (higher risk of placental failure, still birth etc.). However, as induction is out now of the question for me due to my medical history, I won't have to contemplate it. But I would certainly consider doing it, if I was in that position.

Can you discuss it again with your midwife, or consultant, if you are seeing one? It's not good if you feel pressurised, and they should take the time to discuss it all with you in detail. However, there there is a good chance that your next baby won't be so late, here's hoping!

Been away on holiday for a week. Sunshine and swimming in the sea - what a tonic! I'm now 26+2 so within spitting distance of the second trimester. New Year's Day seems ever so close now...

Lovely to see so many new faces here: hello! And fantastic to hear about all the new arrivals, too. Yay!

SoggyBottoms My consultant said they wouldn't let me go past 40 weeks and would induce then, so obviously I'm hoping for a natural start to things before we get to that point. He also mentioned that he'd put money on baby arriving early - something to do with all the oxytocin around over christmas, apparently (!) plus DD1 (3.5) was a week early.

Nashandra I had a home birth last time around. Uncomplicated, lovely - relaxing, even. But it's not being recommended this time (consultant isn't a fan for 40+) and I'm waiting until I get to 32 weeks or so before I decide whether to push for a home birth or not. For the moment I'm planning on the birth centre at local hospital. We'll see...

I've already given birth at 40+ and this is what I know of induction and related policies:

• you have a choice. The doctors/hospital cannot force you to have an induction. They can recommend it, they can prefer that you do it, they can strongly suggest it, but ultimately it's your choice, not theirs.

• there is nothing in the NICE guidelines about induction relating to maternal age

• each hospital will have their own policy on induction, so whether it gets recommended or not really depends on where you live

I agreed to be booked in for an induction early on in my last pregnancy, but when it came to the induction date I opted for expectant management for a few more days and asked for further information on the risks so that I could make an informed choice. This request was declined and I was told I was too old to have another baby if things went wrong. What they also declined to tell me was that this hospital in particular had a stillbirth rate higher than the national average...

At some point further down the line I will be having discussions with MWs and doctors about this birth and of course this time I have the benefit of hindsight.

I've just passed the 8w mark now and the nausea ramped up a few notches at the weekend. It's defnitely worse than last time and back then it was just me to look after but now I have a 2yo!

Looking to book Harmony test in next few days (still undecided on where to go for it though) and have booking appt this week too. I missed Harmony testing by a whisker last time (it started when I was about 4 month's pregnant) and it would have saved me a huge amount of stress and heartache.

Hello! Congratulations to all the newly-expectants mums! A special congrats to notsoold whom I remember from the TTC Over 40 conception thread. You have waited a long time for this, lovely, and I hope for the very best outcome with this pregnancy

I had my first baby last March at 43 and will be 45.5 in January when this boy - YES! IT'S A BOY! - is due. Our fabulous little girl is 18 months-old and I, too, am fretting quietly about how to cope with two under-twos. Mind you, I am pleased to keep reading that being pregnant with a baby already is much harder than having two babies. For weeks now I have been suffering from acute and excruciating pain in my buttocks - no shooting pain legs; no back ache, just buttocks. After extensive discussions with various doctors, consultant and physio it has been decided that I do not have SPD or PGP but rather inflamed bursas - the fluid-filled sacs beneath the buttocks which cushion the muscles.

Obviously anti-inflammatories are a no-no whilst pregnant so I am on dihydrocodeine plus paracetamol four times-a-day plus 2 x diazepam just before bed to stop the spasming and hence break the cycle of pain. I am, quite literally, bed/house-bound on my worst days and I thank the Lord for my amazing and indefatigable DH who is currently taking a sabbatical from work and does everything. I am sleeping three hours-a-day minimum. Pain is so exhausting and debilitating and when I consider I have four months left (I am 22+5) I weep.

I am excited, though...so immensely over-the-moon

I had a moment of quiet rage the other day when DH quite abruptly and un-provoked announced that there will be 'no more babies after this one'. Little does he know I plan another in two years

I'm sorry for the essay. It's lovely to see so many on the thread. The photos of babies I've seen briefly on here are just indescribably scrumptious! I adore the name Ted, whoever it was who posted about their little boy

Soggy, I was harangued and harassed last year to have an induction at 39 weeks but I refused. The risk of stillbirth due to age-related deterioration of the placenta is 2% as opposed to 1% for 'normal-aged' mums. My daughter arrived at 41 weeks naturally and the only regret I have is that I had an epidural which resulted in forceps. Unspeakable agony - and all because I hadn't researched ways of managing pain (I thought there was no point - and perhaps there isn't, but I'll damned well try anything this time to push my baby out myself).

Good morning all and thanks for the testing advice. I've googled the Harmony and will certainly be doing that at 10 weeks.

I am feeling extremely rough this morning, although it's very early days (4 weeks + 2 days). The world is alive with bad smells.

It seems you're no longer supposed to increase your caloric intake during your first two trimesters. I gather this applies to women having a normal pre-pregnancy weight.

It's impossible to gain weight (apart from water retention) without increasing your caloric intake - I'm confused. Or does this figure in some assumption of decreasing activity?

Hi flottilaz Long time no see! Glad to hear that your pregnancy is going well, but your pain sounds horrendous! Have you been signed off by the doctors? Would physio help at all?
Good on you for wanting to keep going after this one! I would love to have a third, but I think I need to be realistic and face the fact that this will be my last baby I could not face the stress and trauma of ttc and early pregnancy again, mentally. And like your DH, mine has also pretty categorically said no more (bringing the argument that he will be about to retire when this one is leaving home! Rubbish argument ).

bottle You are not meant to 'eat for two' anymore at any point during your pregnancy, definitely no increase of calorie intake. You baby will make sure that you gain weight, don't worry. It's not so much the decrease in activity (again, they want to to stay as active as possible), it's increase in blood volume, amniotic fluid, placenta, baby etc. that will bring up your weight - but ideally, not a lot! However, I have piled on the pounds during the first trimester because eating was the only thing that stopped me being sick, but I am already dreading having to lose it all again! Rule of thumb is that you are meant to eat about 200 cal more per day in the third trimester, and that's it (if I remember correctly).

eagle We waited until we had the results from the combined screening, before deciding whether we wanted to do the Harmony. Turns out that we both felt that the combined risk was good enough (1:932) to reassure us sufficiently. I sometimes still wish I'd done the Harmony, but that's £500 we had to spend on other things... (like private scans). I know that the Harmony will become available on the NHS at some point, I just wish they'd done it sooner.

Cloud jumper You are right that the Harmony will definitely be available on the NHS soonish. At my hospital (Queen Charlotte's) you can already get it at a reduced private-via-the-NHS rate of around £200 which is worth knowing if you are in West London.

Thanks Soggy, I am in West London. Is it 10 weeks sharp that you can get in for this test?

cloudjumper I probably didn't express that very well. I'm not worried about not gaining weight , I'm just confused by this apparent inconsistency in the NHS guidelines. All other things being equal, it's physically impossible to gain non-water weight without increasing calories (conservation of matter!). If you tack on 200 calories for the final trimester, that would add 6 pounds.

bottle I agree, I can't understand the logic of growing a baby on no extra calories. Maybe your metabolism slows etc. but still... I put on over 3 stones with my first, I started off a slim size 8/10 and ended up somewhat bigger. I'm still carrying about 10 pounds of weight that I didn't manage to lose so I'm trying hard not to put on much during the first trimester this time, I don't want to put on 3st on top of where I am now!

Cloud I wonder if I should do as you did and wait for the result of the combined screening before going for the Harmony. I think I just want to know asap

I'm not working at the moment since my last contract ended mid-August. Looking back, the pain was starting to ramp up then as I remember having to kneel up on my chair to redistribute my bottom as the day word on.

Today I have managed to stand and cook beef bourguignon with bacon & shallots AND pistachio and milk chocolate cake, so I'm calling it a great day

Weight: I'm 23 wks tomorrow and have gained 1st 5lbs. Last year, when I gave birth, I had gained almost 4 stones but lost it all by week eleven postpartum. We don't own a car and it purely pram-pushing all day that melted away the weight. Incredible.

Hi Bottlecap, yes I think so - I was offered it at my booking appt around 9/10 weeks.

I'm not up on the Harmony test. Do you get this as a more accurate testing for Downs? My 12 wk scan is in a week, and then I am booked for a blood test the following week. Would these 2 tests be enough to say whether I am at risk?