Hmm, not getting PFB :(

[Focusfocus]

Am 6 months pregnant, and genuinely not getting the PFB tendencies yet. Getting worried now!

We were kindly given a very generous gift by my parents to buy baby stuff,from big to small.

However, now that everything is ready, it turns out I've got literally everything from Ebay. Clothes - we've got about a hundred, bath support, reclining bouncer, reusable nappies massive collection of different makes, down to tummy tub, breastfeeding glider chair - everything came for pittance off ebay.

The only new items purchases include cot, mattress, sheets, car seat and pram. Those too are mothercare own or asda George own brands.

Why am I not getting the PFB feeling which makes me go and look for lovely new stuff?! I've for the money for the gift even. Instead we've just read tons of reviews and mumsnet threads for everything, noted down the recommendations and gone and got them off our local swap and sell FB group or ebay. And most of the gift money has gone in a bank account.

My SIL remarked that this is totally not PFB appropriate and it got me worried :(

I am also a bit of rational organised kinda person so not really gushing about baby yet rather getting tasks ticked off a sheet. I am now worried if there's something wrong with me!

Nothing wrong with being rational!! Your using the money in the best way you think at the moment,maybe you will look back in a little while and laugh that you bought (whatever) as it was so unnecessary, for me it was.a baby bath. Useless. Used about twice. And clothes bought too many 1st time.

We had everything second hand too and I was more than happy with it all.

I washed/cleaned everything obsessively when nesting kicked in at 37 weeks but that was about as PFB as it got really. I fell in love with him when he arrived, so I don't think that getting overly sentimental and buying everything shiny and new means anything, it's just something some people like to do.

You are researching and looking at what's best for your baby which shows that you care!

Your SIL is talking rubbish, there is no set behaviour for how you should/shouldn't plan for your baby.

I'm 7 months with my 2nd and I honestly forget I'm pregnant sometimes . Our 'new baby' stuff is piled into DS's old cot in a haphazard fashion hopefully awaiting my nesting instinct to get it all sorted!

Carry on as you are, sounds like you are being sensible and before this comment you were happy with your approach.

I'm 34 weeks and I don't even know what PFB is ????

We've got almost everything second hand & I don't have some of the things you've mentioned if that makes you feel any better...

We're buying everything second hand for our "PFB" (even that saying makes me roll my eyes) except mattress and travel system. I'm saving all the pennies to stretch my maternity leave as long as possible, surely that's more important than brand new everything?!

Don't worry, the owning of a "breastfeeding glider chair" as opposed to just a sofa/bed/wherever you happen to be sitting is a little bit pfb in my book

The fact that you're reviewing everything so well is pfb in my eyes!

When I was pg with my first, I bought a babygro and a sling. Both from ebay. Everything else was begged, borrowed and stolen from friends.

I'm not PFB at all, never was. I didn't think my dd was the most stunning baby ever born. I didn't insist on complete silence when she slept. I didn't buy things new or change her outfit 89 times a day.

Am I a good Mum? Yes. I absolutely am.

PFB is a ridiculous term. It usually means neurotic, is a snide, implied criticism or is shorthand for 'caring about your child'. Caring about your child is nothing to do with where you bought a cot.

Honestly, save your money, OP. I was like you, absolutely everything save the mattress was donated second hand.
When DD arrived it was a different story and I was forever buying her stuff. She's now 2.4yo and it only gets worse!

Sorry OP but your post is definitely PFB. Bath support, tummy tub, glider chair? All things you're going to either come to recognise as useless or swear up and down are essential (they aren't).

Plenty of time for PFB behaviour over all manner of things, from feeding to changing and sleeping.

In any case it doesn't matter, embrace it. Of course you're obsessing over things right now. Second hand stuff is fine, being pfb is fine, it's all fine .

OP here. I was born and raised in India with soft old sarees torn up as nappies, my grandmothers lap as crib, dough lumps to make dolls out of, the rice bowl as baby bath and my mothers discarded sarees stitched into dresses by my grandmother.

So, yes, I grew up fine without glider chairs, tummy tubs and the like.

Now, I live in the UK. considering the world of mothercare and jojo maman bebe that surrounds me I have been experiencing pregnancy as a strange cultural shift.

Tummy tub was 50 p. Glider chair £10. Bath support £1. All to be resold.

And here's a pic of baby me on my nans lap wearing torn up old cotton sarees in bliss ????

Am I the only one who had to look this abbreviation up? Is it meant to be "precious first born" as in feeling you have to everything perfect for your first baby? Never heard of it before!

I was like this with dd 1. The endless questions of 'have you painted the nursery yet' were met with 'no - she will be sleeping in with us for a while so no rush!' I accepted second hand clothing and only bought new bedding, sheets and towels. She was fine! Dc2 is due any moment and I think all I've bought is a new sleeping bag ... Doesn't mean you don't think your pfb will be awesome but there's no need to break the bank over it all

Sounds like you brought your re-use/recycle motivations from India with you, nowt wrong with that at all! No need to worry, everyone goes about things in different ways. I haven't bought anything yet

What you are doing makes perfect sense so ignore your SIL.

There are so many gadgets, contraptions and items that pregnant women and new mums are persuaded that they can't live without but it's all nonsense. Half of what we buy is probably rarely used which is why it's easy (and makes sense) to pick up good quality secondhand items if you think you might need or want them.

Just like in your post about your start in life, all a baby needs is the bare minimum along with love and I'm pretty sure your baby won't be lacking in love!

Yes newbian it's precious first born, it's used a lot on here. Sometimes as a bit of a snide comment about a neurotic first time parent but mostly, in my experience, as a gentle way of saying don't worry so much about something e.g. I think you're being a little PFB about this

Ignore your sil it doesn't matter where you buy things from your baby won't care if you've spent £1000 or £1. As long as you've got everything you need then who cares??? I think you've been very sensible alot of people go mad with pfb then realise after it makes no difference whatsoever to your baby.

Thanks purplemunkey I'm pretty sure I don't have it! But is there such thing as PFBG - precious first born grandchild - because my mother and MIL have it bad!

There will be lots of things you need to buy for the baby over the next few years so you'll probably be grateful for the money then! Maybe buy one special item so that there is something tangible for your parents to see and save the rest. You could always start a savings account for your little one?

Honestly, the baby stuff gets used for such a short period of time, it's not worth forking out loads of money for it! And the quality of some second hand stuff can be amazing!

The only new item purchases include cot, mattress, sheets, car seat and pram.
Umm, I think that's all I bought anyway! Sounds like you've spent wisely on the things that need it, and got some great bargains for the extras.

Ha, yes newbian I think PFBG is definitely a thing!

I have an 8m DD, my PFB, and we bought most stuff new. I can already see how much is either packed away already or was never used so it's certainly easy to get sucked in to buying lots of things you really don't need. As long as you have the essentials OP it sounds like you're all set. You can buy anything else you need once baby is here

Bet the dresses made from saris were gorgeous!

I never PFBd- my boy left the hospital in his cousins babygro!

I think it just means youre a rational person :)

i wonder is there a PSB phenomenon though? I'm 10 weeks preggo on my second and i'm taking MUCH better care of myself- gave up coffee and junk, never bothered the last time, was really carefree!!!

PSB? anyone?

I interpret pfb in a different way I don't think it properly kicks in the baby is here. I have 4dc and the things I did with dc1 would just never happen now! Not that there is anything wrong with it, it's just just what happens the first time round. I remember reading a thread about things people had done, one poster said she used to warm cucumber fingers in the microwave as she was worried they would be too cold for her pfb straight from the fridge :)

Chicamomma I have plb (precious last born) he is wearing baby grows til he's at least 5! I'm refusing to let him grow up.

I think your approach is brilliant- sometimes trying to make everything perfect can cause a lot of stress and pressure that takes away from the loveliness of things just the way they are- well done on saving the cash for when you might need it more :-)