Reduced movements, husband says I shouldn't worry

[ARV1981]

But I can't help it. My twin sister had a stillborn baby two years ago and it terrifies me that the same will happen to me.

I've hardly felt baby move this morning since waking up and usually it's going nuts in there first thing. My husband says I shouldn't worry and that I'm being paranoid as he felt it moving last night. But I'm scared.

I know my husband has plans today which he doesn't want to upset and I think that's why he's got so cross with me for mentioning it. If this was happening to anyone else I'd be telling them to phone their midwife, but my husband's reaction has got me questioning myself.

What would you do?

I'm 29 weeks btw (30 on Monday).

Maybe you could get this post moved to the relationships board

Glad everything is ok with baby OP. I had to go in Wednesday, MW sent me as when she asked if baby was moving i said it was but was different to usual, just as many movements but less vigorous. It was a total pita as i went after work and was there for hours in the sheltering heat. BUT everything was fine. There were a couple of ladies there who didn't have such good news and that is why they tell you to get checked.

Re your other issues. He doesn't sound very considerate at all. I know its hard but please concentrate on you and baby. What will be will be with him. He might suddenly 'get it's once baby is here and it could be the kick he needs (doesn't help you in the meantime) or he may carry on as he is in which case you won't have time/inclination for his rubbish behaviour. Take care of yourself.

A lot can happen in the space between your dh feeling baby move last night (did he? Or is he just saying that?) and now, when you can't feel anything.

Get checked. If you dh is mad because you can't drive him somewhere because you are in a panic about your unborn baby, he is more then selfish!

Get checked out. You will NEVER forgive yourself if you don't!

Thank you for all the replies.

I have had a heart to heart with him.

I told him that I don't think it's appropriate for him to be out smoking weed with a baby on the way and that he needs to think about the needs of the family first. He said he won't smoke anymore.

He also said he was sorry for being such a dick. I told him that if I'd had the news we all dread (and I've seen my sister go through) our relationship wouldn't be able to survive.

I told him that I've been questioning our relationship and am terrified that if something happens to me in childbirth that I don't feel confident in him to be a father to the baby alone. He says he will try to do better. I asked him what he'd do if that happened, and he said he'd get help from his mum and my mum... I'm not sure about this to be honest. I know it's all a bit morbid, but I have this instinct to protect my child against all odds... I just don't have the confidence in him as a responsible adult to look after the baby alone and actually think in those circumstances I'd prefer my sister and her husband to adopt the baby and my husband to be able to visit. Anyway, I know this is the most unlikely scenario... I haven't told him this as I know it would make him really sad.

Thing is, he's a professional person, works hard in a good job. Has always been a good friend to me before we became intimate.

I spent ten years in a relationship with an alcoholic, who did on a few occasions abuse me. I was always incredibly careful never to get pregnant with him because I didn't think he would make a good dad. When I got together with my husband, I always thought he'd make a good parent. But now I feel like I may have made a mistake. I guess he may step up to the plate once the baby's here, but I'm going to make contingencies in case it all falls apart. My baby comes first no matter what.

Opps...that'll teach me to read the thread!! Glad all is OK op.

If your dh is this dismissive of you & your fears now, how is he going to be when baby comes.

It's really worrying, and telling that you wouldn't want him to have the baby if something happens to you ...

I really think u need to long hard think about this man and his ability to be a parent. He sounds awful. Take care of itself and baby. Good luck xx

urself

Am very glad both you and your baby are OK
Good news that you were able to talk with DH about his smoking marijuana and questioning his current priorities Is it possible he is really scared about becoming a Dad and using this as a diversion

Yes, I suspect that is the case. He's worried he won't be a good dad, but is doing a lot of things that mean he will be a bad dad. It's something he needs to work on and I'm willing to try to help him as much as possible. I was just in a really bad place myself on Saturday after thinking something terrible had happened to the baby and being left on my own to deal with it.