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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How Do I Tell My Friend I am Pregnant?

10 replies

DimpleHands · 03/07/2015 20:07

I am 21 weeks pregnant with my second child.

An old friend has been in touch a few weeks ago by text to suggest meeting up at some point - I haven't seen her for about a year which is unusual for us, but we've both just been busy.

She mentioned in one of her texts that she had been trying for a baby for nearly 1.5 years and had one failed round of IVF. She told me this before I told her I was pregnant and I didn't mention it.

We were planning to see each other at a mutual friend's dinner the other night but I had to cancel. I now want to text her and arrange another meet-up but how do I do it?

I am very clearly pregnant and want to tell her in advance so she has time to process it if she needs to. But I also don't want to come across as patronising or pitying.

Does anyone have any ideas how I can phrase the text?

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Original poster

DimpleHands · 03/07/2015 20:13

I should add that she is 36 and I think she is really panicking about not ever getting pregnant - it's not like she is in her twenties/early thirties and has all the time in the world.

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Baguettes · 03/07/2015 20:14

You sound like a very caring friend. It is lovely you're thinking of her feelings.

The only remotely relatable experience I had was after I had my miscarriage. Every pregnancy announcement was like a smack in the mouth for me. They physically hurt. There was nothing anyone could say to make the news more palatable for me.

I'm not sure how close you are to her. If I were in your situation I would drop her a line saying that you're expecting a baby and you're very much looking forward to meeting up with her and catching up. You don't need to mention what she's been through...I don't think. Oh I don't know. I'm rubbish at this considers deleting entire post.

Iggi999 · 03/07/2015 20:16

Just be factual - i want to mention before we meet that I'm expecting dc2 - not in a way that expects congratulations etc, just let her know. Much nicer to hear this in advance, and if she is upset, she can deal with it in private not public.

Junosmum · 03/07/2015 20:18

Yeah, I'd call for a chat and to book in that catch up and mention that you are pregnant, that way she has time to think about it before you meet up and she doesn't have to give you the 'I'm so happy for you but really I'm dying inside' look to your face.

As baguettes says, you are a very caring friend.

Baguettes · 03/07/2015 20:24

This might be a bit extreme, but after my mc I actually avoided my pregnant friends. Wrong of me, I know. She may not feel up to seeing you if she is feeling particularly down or has had another TTC set back recently. Sorry to be negative, but trust that if she doesn't feel up to it then it won't be personal. I'm pregnant again now and only now able to see my fellow pregnant friends. I still feel terrible about avoiding them.

purplesprings · 03/07/2015 20:34

Think I'd be factual. Plus let her know you'd love to see her but you'd understand if she didn't feel up to it and that no explanation is needed. In her position I'd hate having to say why I didn't want to meet up.

HeyMicky · 03/07/2015 20:38

A friend and I had DC1s at the same time. She then had 3 miscarriages. When I conceived Dd2, I sent her an email letting her know before we 'went public'. She said she was grateful, and also said an email was easier than a phone call as she had time to digest the news and compose a reply - she didn't feel it was impersonal

Original poster

DimpleHands · 03/07/2015 20:57

Oof OK I sent it. I just said sorry to have missed her the other night, would love to meet up another time soon (and suggested a day) but said I also wanted to let her know I was pregnant and would completely understand if she didn't want to meet up just at the moment.

I know I would find it bloody hard to meet up with a pregnant friend if I were in her position.

Thank you all for your lovely advice!

OP posts:

Baguettes · 03/07/2015 21:06

You are a wonderful friend.

Brummiegirl15 · 03/07/2015 21:40

I second Baguettes I've had 3 mc's and I just couldn't face my pregnant friends - all I felt was bitter and resentful and reached depths of despair and pain I simply never knew existed

I'm pregnant again and can only just face them, I still feel strange seeing pregnant women but I do know that's my issue.

I think you are a lovely friend and it's difficult for you too, but don't be surprised if she avoids seeing you. She may not , but if she does, please just remember it's not personal but she just needs space.

But you are a lovely friend

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