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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

If one more person says you can try again, I'm going to punch them in the face!

34 replies

dancewiththetreedoug · 11/06/2015 22:22

Had our 20 week scan today, and found out we are having a boy, to join 3 year old DS.
The amount of people that haven't congratulated me, but instead have said "Oh it's ok, you can try again for a girl"
The rage!!!!
Actually, I am perfectly happy with my 2 boys and am so excited for them to have a lovely brotherly bond. So there!
Phew, that feels better!

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Rosenwyn1985 · 11/06/2015 22:27

I sympathise, I had the same issue. I'm now 30 weeks and mostly people have got the message. However only Wednesday someone tentatively asked me "and are you happy it's a boy?". I refrained but I have felt like saying "No, I'm going to send him back for a refund!". Argh!

ZennorMermaid · 11/06/2015 22:29

People are idiots. I had similar remarks from family members, and it was my first child. I can only conclude that these people assumed I shared their 'baby girls are princesses to be dressed in pink who grow up to go on Girly Spa Days with their mothers' priorities. Congratulations on having a son!

Itscurtainsforyou · 11/06/2015 22:36

Boys are great! People who say otherwise are idiots.

Skeppers · 11/06/2015 22:48

I don't get this 'boys are second best' thing. I'm over the moon that I'm expecting a son! I know you're not 'supposed' to have a preference, but I was secretly soooo chuffed when I found out. But I get 'the look' when I tell people too, and it's our first (and likely only) as well! Weird.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 11/06/2015 22:52

Meh. Girls can't have weeing competitions in the bath. Having two boys rocks!

onefootinthebed · 11/06/2015 23:36

I'm only 15+5 and too early to find out, we arnt going to though but I'm fed up of a girl would be nice wouldnt it comments.

Roseybee10 · 12/06/2015 02:06

I had the opposite. We found out we were expecting our second girl at our 20 week scan and every one kept saying , aw well never mind. You'll just need to keep trying for a boy for hubby. Or 'poor hubby, is he gutted?' Even the sonographer told us 'never mind, you can always go for a third and hope it's a boy'.
People went on to such an extent that it was made out that I had 'done this' to hubby. In actual fact, hubby is over the moon to have two girls and he isn't a big 'guy's guy' so he wasn't fussed about anything but a healthy baby.

People still make comments about a third (dd2 is four months now) and I just laugh as wer're defo done now.

CuppaSarah · 12/06/2015 06:26

I don't understand why people can't just say oh congratulations, another boy/girl how lovely. It's not that hard, some pregnant women have a preference yes, but once you find out the baby is healthy the gender thing pales in comparison. Plus if you don't know their gender preference why would you assume?!

ARV1981 · 12/06/2015 06:43

Yeah, i don't get the preference thing. I'm having my first and have chosen not to know if boy/girl. Lot's of people think that's weird and keep saying 'but don't you want to know?' And 'aren't you curious?' Well, yes, and yes, but I want a surprise more and have no preference for either sex, just want it to arrive healthy! Even my sister said to me 'I hope it's a girl, girls are better!' Which I was disgusted at - we have a gorgeous nephew (I have 2 sisters), and I wouldn't change him in any way whatsoever. He's perfect! Whatever you get, it's a lovely miracle and completely wonderful. I told my sister off for being so silly...

willnotbetamed · 12/06/2015 07:10

Aaagh, I hate these kinds of comments. I am expecting DS3 in a few weeks and am delighted - but I'm completely on the defensive and so sometimes it's even only a sympathetic look in someone's eyes that makes me want to scream at them! I love having two boys, and the fact that they are so much fun is the reason why we felt brave enough to go for a third baby - so of course it's fine that it's another boy!

LosingNemo · 12/06/2015 07:12

It's odd isn't it?! I have one of each and I get told 'oh you can stop now'. I always say, I was only ever going to have two, regardless of what I had.

I don't think people are being spiteful though, just trotting out the same old cliches.

SlicedPan · 12/06/2015 07:14

I have 1ds and 2dd and while I'm personally happy I've got at least one of each, I am also sick of this attitude. Lots of my friends have 2 of the same gender, don't plan any more and are delighted with what theyve got! I wouldn't dream of saying anything so stupid to any of them to imply they wished they'd had a different child to the one they have- how insulting.

Superexcited · 12/06/2015 07:16

I found out I was having my 3rd boy a couple of weeks ago and so many people offered their commiserations and said 'never mind you can try again' that I was really irate. Even my own mother was disappointed and expressed her disappointment. I was just relieved that he seemed healthy on the scan.

StonedGalah · 12/06/2015 07:20

It's not a boy thing, it's a 'oh you already have one of that sex' mentality. I'm due dd2 and before we found out l had a few people say do you hope it's a ds?

I wanted another girl so I'm delighted but the responses can be a bit shit. I think it's lovely to have 2 (or more ) of the same sex.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 12/06/2015 07:22

I'm expecting DD2 and got asked by someone in the supermarket together if I'm disappointed!

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 12/06/2015 07:23

Together?! Was supposed to say the other day

TheTravellingLemon · 12/06/2015 07:27

Ugh, I feel your rage and I'm only 18 weeks with my second. I adore my DS and I love having a boy. This pregnancy didn't come easy and I can't believe how many people think that I worry about whether I'll have another boy as opposed to whether I will have a healthy baby. They at me when I say that I don't have a preference.

formerlyofLadysmith · 12/06/2015 07:35

I have two girls and am pregnant with my third. I get SO MANY comments about hoping for a boy this time. One person in the supermarket even offered to pray for a boy for me it makes me feel very defensive & angry to think that if I do have a third daughter (which would be lovely) people will be feeling sorry for me.

BeaufortBelle · 12/06/2015 07:43

Well as sure as eggs is eggs if a woman falls pregnant, she'll have a boy or a girl. You'd think they'd all realise to be honest and not be terribly surprised when they're told. The odds are even every time.

Having said that I do wonder why everyone has to be told and whether the comments would be stemmed if the information was kept private. My youngest is 17 and we didn't find out, as most of our friends didn't and if they did they didn't tell before the birth and I don't think it was the problem it is today.

Queenbee30 · 12/06/2015 07:59

I'm ttc at the moment. My sil has 2 boys and was desperate for a girl but couldn't have anymore. The amount of pressure she puts on me to "have the girls" is bonkers. I keep explaining to her that it doesn't really work like that, but tbh it's pissing me off. If/when i do fall pregnant, I'm not going to find out. That will drive her nuts

lightgreenglass · 12/06/2015 08:06

Please do.

I had to listen to a couple tell me about how wonderful their lives were after they had their daughter following their son. She changed their lives, and how they didn't even mention the sex when she was pregnant to not jinx it. They didn't know I know that I am having DS2 - and we're obviously trying to give me hope that I would have girl. I wanted to give them a really passive aggressive remark but they are my parents friends and mean well.

RockerMummy184 · 12/06/2015 08:07

I have a 2yo DS and just found out I'm having twin boys. Some people have actually had the cheek to ask if I'm disappointed!! WTF! No, I'm not AT ALL disappointed in fact I was secretly hoping for 2 boys I'm actually over the moon that they are both healthy, growing well, and there are no complications! (Which is a big achievement with twins!!)
Some people just don't think before they speak!

batfish · 12/06/2015 08:11

Wow I can't believe someone would say that - we are not finding out the sex and when people ask me what my preference is I just say that I've heard enough sad stories to just be grateful at every scan that my baby is healthy and i think myself very lucky for that so boy or girl isn't important. I know that some people do have a preference and that is fine - but I would never assume that someone does and say oh what a shame. Congratulations on your second son, a couple of friends have 2 boys and they are a lot of fun, seeing 2 brothers playing is the cutest thing.

newbian · 12/06/2015 08:13

The problem of course is that some people do feel like they need to keep trying to get at least one of each. So as annoying as those comments are, they're not totally wrong for some. I know two families who have four children, first three are boys and the fourth is a girl, and both told me they would have stopped at 2 or 3 if a girl had shown up earlier. I've certainly seen on other mommy forums people saying they're happy to be having boy/girl because it "completes the family."

I'd suggest not telling people if you are sensitive about comments like this - either say you're not finding out or that you're not sharing it until baby is born.

scatterbrainedlass · 12/06/2015 09:43

The utter cheek and insensitivity of some people never fails to amaze me!! I can fully understand secretly hoping for a particular sex, but at the end of the day most normal people are happy to have a healthy baby, regardless of it being a boy or girl. This is my first, and we don't know the sex, but it's winding me up already with people making guesses. I can see how it would be nice to have at least one of each, but personally I don't care if I end up having all boys or all girls (yes, I plan to have more!!).

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