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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Houseguest at 25 weeks

18 replies

newbian · 03/06/2015 02:14

A friend - not a best friend but someone I spent a fair bit of time with in the past - has asked to stay at our place for 4 days when I'll be 25 weeks. We live in a tiny apartment although have a spare bed. She doesn't know I'm pregnant yet because she's living in a different country and I haven't seen her in a long time. I have no desire to be a tour guide for her and won't have the energy to take her out, especially as it will be the peak of summer - we live in a hot country.

Would I be wrong to tell her I can't accommodate her because of the pregnancy? It seems she is planning the trip based on being able to stay with us - although I have never offered - so I'd feel bad if she doesn't get to come at all. But the thought of it is stressing me out already!

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CultureSucksDownWords · 03/06/2015 02:27

Can't you just tell her the facts - that you're pregnant, so won't be that keen on sightseeing etc and may be more tired/grumpy than usual?

Then let her decide if she still wants to come, and not get in your way too much.

Caterina99 · 03/06/2015 03:32

At 25 weeks and again at 28 weeks we had guests for a week and took them sightseeing etc (we live abroad) and I was completely happy to and had a great time.

However I did invite them, we have a large house, they are both sets of close friends and I felt absolutely fine! It's totally up to you how you feel about it. I'd tell your friend straight that you might not be up to as much as usual and see what she says. She may pick up on your lack of enthusiasm and not be so keen to visit after all.

Sparrowlegs248 · 03/06/2015 05:40

I don't like house guests at any time, pregnant or not! But thats just me.....if you are less anti social than me and would normally accommodate her happily, why not tell her you are preggrs, happy for her to stay but she will need to come and go as she pleases with no expectations on you? -or find a b & b--

Cassie258 · 03/06/2015 05:46

How pregnant are you now? First pregnancy?

There's two things.

you're pregnant, not sick. You will probably still be able to lead a very normal life at 25 weeks.
she needs to know that if your pregnancy does take a turn for the worst (extreme sickness, spd) that she will have to book other accommodation and not to totally rely on you for accom/tour guide.

Chances are at 25 weeks that you'll be fine. It's not 'that' pregnant that you'll be unable to do stuff

PickledPorcupine · 03/06/2015 05:53

How's your health usually? It was only the last couple of weeks of pregnancy that I started to be too tired/massive to keep on going as I always had. You'll probably really enjoy it and if you are sightseeing everyone will make a fuss of you. That's what happened to me when I was travelling at 20-22 weeks anyway.

Original poster

newbian · 03/06/2015 06:07

I feel fine now (18 weeks) but it's just ridiculously hot where I am so I know I will be staying inside where there is air-conditioning. Whereas she will want to do touristy stuff and I don't think I'll be able to manage it in 30+ degree weather.

Given our tiny apartment don't think DH will be thrilled at the prospect either, but I haven't told him about it yet.

When she mentioned she might be visiting our city I said that we'll be around and it would be great to see her, but I certainly didn't invite her to stay! Now I'm feeling guilty because it's pretty clear she's either coming and staying with us, or not coming at all.

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HazleNutt · 03/06/2015 06:46

If you're not that close any more, then I don't see why you would need to offer free accommodation and tour guide services, pregnant or not. Send her some links of nearby hotels and say you're happy to meet her for lunch.

sianihedgehog · 03/06/2015 09:47

I wouldn't worry about her staying at that stage, but I'd let her know in advance that you are pregnant and suffering from exhaustion, so you will not be able to do touristy stuff because of the heat. She can always go out on her own in the day and then you could meet in the evenings when it is cooler and she'll be tired out, too!

batfish · 03/06/2015 10:37

I am 22 weeks and feel like I would be absolutely fine now if someone came to stay and I had to be out and about with them a lot. I would just say yea of course you can stay but you should know I'm pregnant so unfortunately no drunken late nights or marathon running!

However I am very lucky that I am having an easy pregnancy - if you are feeling crappy then I guess you may not feel up to making conversation every night etc.

batfish · 03/06/2015 10:40

ps I feel your pain about the heat - 40 degrees at the mo where I live and it's only getting hotter, not looking forward to the summer!

Fattycow · 03/06/2015 10:44

If you don't feel up for having house guests, then just refuse. I don't like house guests when I'm not pregnant and now that I am, I hate it even more. In the nearly 8 years since I've moved out from my parents, I've had house guests 3 times and none stayed longer than a night!

Original poster

newbian · 05/06/2015 16:11

My mom is currently in town visiting and I've been taking her around a bit for the last four days - at 18 weeks. I'm exhausted, feel like I'm coming down with a cold, and have developed a semi-permanent headache. I'm going to have to tell her I need to take it easy for the next few days. So the chance of me being a good host to this friend who wants to visit is seeming a lot less likely. For both her sake and mine think I need to tell her to make alternate plans.

I have already replied suggesting that I won't be in the best shape and she just suggested alternate dates, I guess she figures I'll feel better earlier in the pregnancy? Not taking the subtle hint so will have to hammer it home. Oh well.

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Patienceisapparentlyavirtue · 06/06/2015 05:17

How far along are you now? If you're already close and feeling like crap or have reason to believe you'll be feeling terrible at 25 weeks, like previous HG or SPD or a pre existing condition then it makes absolute sense - but really, most women are going on pretty much with normal life at that point (especially people with kids to look after already, or with physically demanding jobs), albeit a bit more tired and not partying hard, so it's not the greatest excuse. For lots of people it's actually the easiest bit, over morning sickness but before you get too big!

Also, something I regret was spending not spending lots of one on one time with my friends pre baby - it's surprising how much you can lose touch afterwards, especially in the early baby crazy days but also in the longer term as your oaths head apart for a while. Is she someone close?

Can you just let her know what you said above - that you're pregnant and won't be available for tour guiding or big nights out, but would love to see her, and leave it in her court?

Bue · 06/06/2015 10:29

Blaming the pregnancy on not wanting to accommodate a houseguest sounds bonkers tbh. If you feel fine now you are likely still going to feel just fine 7 weeks from now. It sounds like you just don't particularly want her to come? You're under no obligation to have houseguests at any time - I'd just be careful in explaining your reasons, or you risk sounding very precious.

MmeMorrible · 06/06/2015 10:46

Sounds like you don't really want a houseguest and want to know if being 25wks pg is a reasonable excuse.

Unless you have health issues then it's not really. If you don't want her to come then just say no, it's not really convenient at the moment. Blaming it on the pg at the stage you will be at sounds a bit lame.

HuftysTrain · 06/06/2015 10:50

You don't want to do it, so don't. Nothing worse than feeling unwelcome in someone else's home.

As an aside - because I feel it is not your main concern - 25 is for "most" women (not ALL) quite a nice phase in pregnancy. At 39 weeks you'll look back fondly at 25.

ch1134 · 06/06/2015 10:51

I could understand if you were suffering with morning sickness in the first trimester, or if you were 36 weeks onwards, but to refuse a friend at 25 weeks seems a bit precious. It wouldn't occur to me to refuse to do normal things at 25 weeks... you'd be up for an exceptionally boring 9 months otherwise!
And if you can't have a guest at 25 weeks pregnant, what will life be like for you with a baby?

yummymango · 06/06/2015 22:02

I completely understand - I am 28 weeks and would not be inviting anyone to stay at mine unless they completely understood that they would do their own thing. Everyone's different, but even at 25 weeks I wouldn't have been up for queuing at tourist attractions or walking around too much. My mum was here when I was 25 weeks and I packed her off with my sister to have a sightseeing day whilst I stayed at home! I think you just need to be honest with her, tell her you don't know if you will be up for doing much so is she happy to go off on her own etc.

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