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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Why can't people just say congratulations?

95 replies

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 17/05/2015 21:08

Ok, so it's my second DC so I realise it's not as exciting. Also I'm having a small age gap of 13 months so people aren't expecting it. But I've only told a few people so far and have had some weird reactions:
Parents "girl or boy?" Me "don't know yet" everyone goes quiet then start talking about plants in the garden. They've not asked about due date or anything
Good friend "you should've waited a year"
I've also had a few "are you mad?" but I expected that to be honest so don't mind so much

As lovely as you all are having all the congratulations from internet strangers isn't quite the same.
Anyone else having weird reactions?

OP posts:

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Bluebell84 · 18/05/2015 18:54

congrats! ignore everyone else. have a healthy happy pregnancy!!

parsnipbob · 18/05/2015 19:06

Mom it's the principle. I would never dream of treating a relative's partner of many years differently because they weren't married.

toohardtothinkofaname · 18/05/2015 19:16

I've had the was it planned question which I just reply with 'that's inappropriate' but the weird one for me is that after I share my news, whoever I'm telling just seems to look at my boobs & tummy. Anyone else get this?

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 18/05/2015 19:21

When I was asked "Was it planned?" by someone I'd never met before, I answered "Yes, I stopped taking the pill 2 months ago. Let's talk about your ovaries now. What are currently your contraceptive preferences?"

Southernhippie · 18/05/2015 19:25

I was very excited about my first pregnancy. All planned and in a long term relationship with my DP. Mum responded with a 'so you managed to coerce him into it then?" and straight after that my Dad with "it's not definite yet anyway is it, you've not even been to doctors"

Thank fully the other half of the family managed a congratulations!

rallytog1 · 18/05/2015 19:46

When I told my brother the first thing he said was "Well please don't call it X, Y or Z because dw and I have already chosen those names for our children." No congratulations or anything.

And no, they weren't even expecting at the time.

AuntieDee · 18/05/2015 19:51

''When I told my brother the first thing he said was "Well please don't call it X, Y or Z because dw and I have already chosen those names for our children." ''

Half of MN would say that this is perfectly reasonable ;) The other half VVU

mrsjskelton · 18/05/2015 19:59

How weird... I guess with so many unplanned pregnancies and separated parents there are a lot of single children out there - I'm a teacher and barely any of my class have siblings would you believe?? Maybe it's becoming the norm to only have one child and perhaps folks are a little surprised when people choose to have more!!

Owllady · 18/05/2015 20:03

I remember when I thought I was pregnant with my second and I went to buy a test in boots 27th my eldest in tow (she was 11months! And I was 22) and the assistant looked really sad, stroked my hand and asked if I was okay
:o

They survived btw

frumpet · 18/05/2015 20:12

The worst ever response was from DH after I told him I was expecting DS2 , he swore and then ignored me for the next hour , whilst I made him his evening meal , gave him his meal and went to bed in tears . Have to say that a little bit of my love for him died that day and I have never really recovered it

captainproton · 18/05/2015 20:17

Dc1 my dad did not take it well, we were not married, my nan was a single mother of 2 in the 50s and he just would never have accepted our relationship as proper unless we married. We were going to wed after but did it on the cheap, halfway through pregnancy. So glad we did tbh, I've read so many horror stories on MN. DILs also were a lot happier since we married. I think they all feared the greater potential for family breakdown if we didn't marry and the potential for that to affect a child. I don't think it's an irrational fear.
DC2 is only 13 months younger than DC1, the early days were long and hard, but now they are so close they are like twins. When we told everyone they were a bit stunned but we had openly discussed close age gaps and they knew better than to suggest DC2 was a mistake.

Colleagues and some friends did find it hilarious in a nudge nudge wink wink kind of way. I still get people commenting on the age gap when they find out how old they are. I think it's funny to watch them do the mental arithmetic and see their reaction!

mrsjskelton · 18/05/2015 21:39

That's awful frumpet :( did you ever get to the bottom of why he reacted that way?

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 18/05/2015 21:49

Ooh, I've got a 13 month age gap op! It's quite nice now that they're nearly 4 and nearly 3 my top tip: get a travel cot and a moses basket, then put the moses basket in the travel cot. This way DC2 can be left to sleep unmolested by DC1 who may instead cover DC2 in a light shower of duplo

As for your actual question: I texted my sister a photo of the pregnancy test for DS1, because I was excited. No response. I then texted to say 'That was to tell you I'm pregnant!'

She replied with 'Well yes, I guessed that. It's not like you'd send me someone else's after all.'

She was the first person I told so was a bit DM made up for it by screaming down my ear on the phone!

Original poster

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 18/05/2015 22:01

Plumping that's a great tip thanks, especially as we never did any of the travelling with the travel cot it'd be good to put it to use!

I think perhaps one child is now the average. Certainly amongst my friends anyway as a lot are older mothers and I think that perhaps rules out two for some. Or they just want one of course, that's fine too

OP posts:

chickenfuckingpox · 18/05/2015 22:26

apparently i hid my second pregnancy i took my eight year old to school one day and i had a pram with me everyone was like awww who are you babysitting for umm no one he is mine cue lots of faces

seriously ignore them congratulations i hope you have a wonderful pregnancy an easy birth and a child that sleeps through the night xxx

Kiwiinkits · 18/05/2015 23:43

It seems that any pregnancy that will be a third, fourth or subsequent child gets met with a negative reaction. Like you've gone and done something really stupid.

CactusAnnie · 19/05/2015 00:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

changingagain · 19/05/2015 06:38

toohard yes the looking you up and down when they find out. Even worse when they tell you they can see already and you know full well its a mix of fat and being bloated.

justonemorethread · 19/05/2015 08:27

When we announced the arrival of a first grandchild to my mum she said, in a whimper 'ooh, I didn't think you would ever have children….' followed by a wistful silence!!!!

She loves her grandchildren but for some reason it was a shock to her.
(I had been married more than a year when we told her!)

ollieplimsoles · 19/05/2015 10:36

When me and Dh announced our pregnancy a few weeks ago, we got nothing but lovely responses from all family members, both sides. We are married, have been together 7 years, have nice jobs and rent a good house.

However, when my close relative announced she was pregnant some years ago, the responses were awful. Everyone asked her if it was planned, what are they going to do? how will they afford it, no one was happy. Their baby was planned, but she hadn't been with her partner (now DH) very long, their house was not great, they were unemployed after both being made redundant, she was quite young too. She went on to lose that baby.

It made me really sad, only me, DH and a handful of other actually congratulated them. instead of rallying around them the family gave them loads of grief. When they baby was lost early on, everyone was upset. I always offer a congratulations when someone excitedly tells me they are pregnant, its a happy occasion for them.

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