Birth plan with midwife. HELP. She makes me feel shitty.

[Rebecca1608]

First of all i'm almost 31 weeks pregnant with mono-di twin girls. Consultant led and very happy with how they're keeping an eye on me with appointments and scans fortnightly.

HOWEVER. I saw my midwife thursday and she's given me a birth plan pack to fill in or atleast look over then to make another appointment to see her to finish off. I told her there wasn't much i could put down as i was opting for an ELCS. Which my consultant agreed was the best idea considering the complications with just having the one placenta & the fact one baby is always breech while the other is transverse.

Yet my midwife keeps telling me not to rush my decision. I informed her i've known i was expecting twins since around 7 weeks due to a scare and i'd given it plenty of thought and all i need is a date to go in.

I also mentioned when asked about feeding that i was doing bottle only. I said i may be too tired to express or struggle to breastfeed 2. It would make it easier for my OH to feed and mum who has offered to help aswell.

She just let me know that it wasn't all about me and what was easier for me. C sections are traumatic and babies need the goodness from breast milk. I feel like i'm making rubbish decisions now and i'm due to see her again tuesday with no paper work done when i could potentially only have 5 weeks or so left.

Definitely. I wouldn't mind trying it or mix feeding but with my OH going back to work after 2 weeks i won't stick to breast feeding alone as i have help at hand and it would be helpful if anyone could feed them (not everyone obviously. Just my mum. Maybe OHs mum. Sister)

sea- not sure if you were referring to my post. I wasn't trying to push bfing or suggest it was the be all and end all. i totallly agree with you re mental health. All I meant is that it is often presented as a straight choice between planning to ff or planning to bf (which of course may or may not go to plan). I just wanted to flag that there was also the option to plan to bf for a few days with no intention at all of continuing no matter how well it went. And that that is a totally valid plan if it appeals. I think too often bfing is presented as something you need to do for six months unless you (loaded term ) 'give up'.

OP - glad you will have your partner with you, and hoefully your consultant advocating for you too. Good luck.

Sorry, cross post with you OP. Glad you will have help (and hopefully sensitive family who will help with the rubbish jobs like sterilising and bums as well as the nice ones. That type of family are worth their weight in gold )

That midwife is talking through her arse.

I never made a birth plan with any of my three. I couldn't see the point of trying to plan the unpredictable so I just didn't bother. If yours is trying to insist on a birth plan from you (she can't btw, it isn't an official requirement) then just write "ELECTIVE CAESAREAN". Just that, and in capital letters. It won't take 30 seconds even. Give her that.

As for feeding, you do what you want to do and what works for you and your babies. Nothing else matters. Midwives are likely to pressure you towards breastfeeding. Fine if you want to try it. If you don't want to, or if it doesn't work for you then that is also find and do not let them make you feel guilty.

I formula fed all three of my children. None has suffered at all, and I bonded just fine with all of them.

You are seeing the consultant before the midwife. I would tell him just what crap she has been coming out with. Tell him that she seems to be trying to dissuade you from the c-section by spouting forth bullshit about emerging gently into the world in a vaginal birth, and seems to be disregarding the reasons for choosing the c-section anyway - i.e. that the position of your babies plus their shared placenta mean it is your only safe option. Maybe he would tell her to back off, if he feels so inclined. His medical opinion trumps hers.

Good point about telling the consultant. That may help a great deal.

Thanks Penguins!

Topsey that's a great idea. I might mention it to my consultant because although i've never seen the same one they all seem keen for me to have one and have agreed it is the safest. Midwife keeps saying babies may change position but they don't seem to be bothered and would rather me have a section as i reeled off all the complications early on and made it clear i wasn't just asking for one for no reason also my partners brother and sister are twins and partners mum had to have an assisted birth- which i hate the idea of. I want things to run as smoothly as possible. Midwife puts me off seeing her. I've seen her 3/4 times maybe and even opted to have my bloods taken in hospital so i don't have to bother with her. I'm dreading my saturday visit as i'm not very forward but maybe i'll feel better after thursday.

Cancel the Saturday appointment. Why did she change your appointment to a home visit anyway? You don't have to justify your completely medically sound reasons for an ELCS to her any more than you've already done. If you're started to feel uncomfortable and harassed, she can sod off, frankly.

She didn't give me a proper reason but thought it could be easier as i don't drive. My OH will be with me but i might get out the birth plan and just write Elective Caeserean on it as someone previously suggested!

Put your foot down and tell her that you have made your decision and appreciate if she would respect your choice. This is the first of many decisions you will make about your children and its good to practice being firm with those who think their way is the only way!

OP if you want to formula feed fine. If you want to breast feed fine. If you want to mix it up fine. Whatever you can make work. Make your decision on how you feel at birth and what you think works best for your little family - you included.

But under no circumstances feel forced into breast feeding because of bollocks like She did tell me mums who do have a better bond

Oh and don't listen to the chat that only you should formula feed the babies

My mw trotted that line out. Cue on my part. All I could think was "does the same apply to changing nappies" cos that could be counted as bonding time.....

Not sure if this is some kind of back handed awareness of PND. Or trying to make us feel guilty about everything so we all end up with PND.

One of those versions for sure! I'm feeling cynical this evening, can you tell?

She was doing her job, thats all. She's supposed to tell you that breastfeeding is best for your babies, and that even if you do it for a few days its beneficial.
Have we got so caught up in the obsession with choice that its not ok to say actual facts anymore? If you want to ff, do it, nobody really cares. But you can't be that sure about it if you are so defensive that you expect people whose job it is to give you the best advice to not do so.

madreloco I know she was doing her job. But when you have the same conversation at every appointment?

I've been informed, been given dvd's, books etc. Ive also had grounding in maternity care during my nurse training.
However, my choice, after d/w medical staff, oh and friends/family, is to ff.

I'm not disregarding the information. I've made my choice. The mw is meant to be my advocate, so should listen to it and acknowledge it.

Note: I have to go back on med ASAP that baby CANNOT get.

Sorry if this came across strongly. I don't mean it to. Just fed up repeating myself

You're not the OP. Point was aimed at OP. I have no comment for you.

Let's not go BF/FF here. I got the distinct impression that the OP's main problem with the MW is pushing for a vaginal birth when it's clearly unwise and unwanted.

I think your birth and feeding plans are very sensible.
Could you not just make something up for your midwife? She won't be anywhere near your twins' birth, will she?
That's what I did I would do, but I am a chicken.

Exactly that seaoflove. The midwife is far too busy trying to tick off subjects that need to be discussed she isn't thinking about what is best for my babies. Like sisterconcepta said it's probably one of many decisions i'll make for/about my children. Maybe i should be more "out there" Pippi i think i'm just going to inform my consultant and get something down with her then atleast saturday i can say "i've spoken to my consultant and she's said......" hopefully i'll have something on my notes.

I apologise madreloco . Your comment came after mine and I thought it was directed to me.

Also, not trying to turn it into a bf/ff debate. It was more to demonstrate the "not being listened to" element of appointments.

Apologies again! Been a bit stressed today and I fear I may have gone a bit overboard on the comments. I'll get ma coat....

I made a birth plan - but put at the start and end that a consultant can make any decision necessary to aid the safe delivery of my son and override the birth plan. I am not a DR and most have the patients / babies safety as a priority.

My birth plan - the less intervention as possible re drugs, etc. I needed everything going, back to back and stuck 9lb 10. I will opt for a ELC if the next baby is scanning big again.

If you can breastfeed and want to, do. If not, then formula feed - I think it's bloody shameful the crap people get for choosing or needing this option. I know I am only one person, but I breastfed (and followed pregnancy guidelines to the letter) for 13 months and my son has very severe allergies / extreme eczema. Thank god for Neocate formula in the end, as he was a big baby and completed exhausted me physically and mentally. Also, got rid of any allergens I was passing via my milk.

See if you can request another midwife on the grounds that she is conflicting with the consultants opinion. And maybe speak to PAL to see if they can help -www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/1082.aspx?CategoryID=68

I have close friends with twins and you do need to do what is best for you and follow the consultants advice. You need to feel supported, but informed by your midwife -so do look at changing if possible.

Have you thought of getting a doula, either to assist around the time of the birth or afterwards, or both? They basically 'mother the mother' and support you both emotionally (e.g. going to the mw appointments with you and standing up for you) and domestically (helping you set up routines for the babies).

Well the appointment with consultant went well :) have been booked in for my ELCS 8th June. So feeling better about seeing midwife on saturday cause she can do one in the nicest way possible as for the feeding.... we'll see :)

Glad you're sorted OP. I'm pushing for ELCS too but for different reasons

Fabulous.

Hope it all goes brilliantly. Get all that family helping and you'll be grand.

Hi Rebecca, glad it went well, I was in a similar position with my LO, so absolutely stick to your guns. In the hospital I had taken in a few of the formula cartons so no need to mix it up, but in the end the nurses brought along a formula with a disposable teat attached.

There were so many of the mums on the ward (and not first time one) who could not believe that the nurses were not hassling me to try breast feeding. It was in my birth plan that I was going to bottle feed so they had a bottle ready in theatre!

The 3 mums around me were going to formula feed once they got home and only went along with the nurses for a quiet life on the ward!

If you want to talk about it PM me. IRL I didnt know anyone else who had ELCS and used formula so was really on my own!

I hate it when shit like this happens. This is all about you. Take the easiest road. There will be no badge given for taking the hard route. Post natel is hard enough with out some random making you feel like crap!

Good luck !