Birth plan with midwife. HELP. She makes me feel shitty.

[Rebecca1608]

First of all i'm almost 31 weeks pregnant with mono-di twin girls. Consultant led and very happy with how they're keeping an eye on me with appointments and scans fortnightly.

HOWEVER. I saw my midwife thursday and she's given me a birth plan pack to fill in or atleast look over then to make another appointment to see her to finish off. I told her there wasn't much i could put down as i was opting for an ELCS. Which my consultant agreed was the best idea considering the complications with just having the one placenta & the fact one baby is always breech while the other is transverse.

Yet my midwife keeps telling me not to rush my decision. I informed her i've known i was expecting twins since around 7 weeks due to a scare and i'd given it plenty of thought and all i need is a date to go in.

I also mentioned when asked about feeding that i was doing bottle only. I said i may be too tired to express or struggle to breastfeed 2. It would make it easier for my OH to feed and mum who has offered to help aswell.

She just let me know that it wasn't all about me and what was easier for me. C sections are traumatic and babies need the goodness from breast milk. I feel like i'm making rubbish decisions now and i'm due to see her again tuesday with no paper work done when i could potentially only have 5 weeks or so left.

Maybe bf would be an option and i will think about it. It isn't so much about that but more about the fact she dismisses everything i say. I knew with baby being transverse that was the only option anyway but she says she could turn you never know she just speaks down to me. Maybe i do have to just stick to my guns.

With regard to feeding, I'd try and see how you go. I got taken back in with my son because he lost a lot of weight. My supply was just too low. This time I'll be doing colostrum and mixed feeding as much as I can. Nothing to be lost for having a go.

I'm seeing a consultant due to pelvic and spinal issues with a view to a section, my midwife thinks j should have a home birth. I'm nodding and smiling, I didn't write a birth plan last time and won't this time.

Ok. Thanks for all your replies i feel a bit more at ease now knowing that there's nothing wrong with my choices it'd just been playing on my mind since thursday and made me dread seeing her on tuesday it's just that it is my first pregnancy and don't want to feel bad for apparently putting my babies through a "traumatic delivery" her words "better to be pushed through slowly so they can adapt easier. Imagine floating about for months then just being pulled out" or made to feel that i'll be less close to them.

She said that? FFS! Vaginal births are hardly gentle either, considering how their little heads get compressed and squeezed for hours. At least c section babies are spared that!

"Adapt easier" to what?!

She's talking absolute nonsense, seriously. Smile and nod, smile and nod...

We all have to make the right decisions for our families and our health. Ignore her!

One thing just to mention on feeding is that your milk will come in whatever you do. So some women choose to offer bf for the first few days to allow the babies to have the immune boost from the colostrum. Obviously if you don't want to do that then don't, but I just thought I'd mention it as a third option that doesn't often get raised, just in case it appealed.

I had identical twins and a c-section is the safest way. I had already been through labour 3 times and found the whole experience lovely so me opting for a csection wasn't fear of giving birth at all but I made a decision with my consultant and we agreed it was safer.

As for breast feeding. It's daunting with twins and to be honest I did for about 6 weeks while dh was off work to help but after that I couldn't. There is no way I had time to sit breast feeding for hours with other children and a house to sort etc.

Please just tell her to mind her own dam business how your babies come.into this world and are fed are none of her business at all.

Yeah she said that. My sister has now offered to come with me to my appointment on Tuesday and to see my consultant on Thursday. Thanks for your reply flippyflapper i feel a lot better.

Elective section certainly sounds safest. It's not traumatic for the babies, not according to any studies I've seen . Yes, it's a big op for you, but the reality is you could deliver one of them normally and still need a section for the second one! You will recover and you sound like you have good support at home.

With the feeding, see how you feel. I have several friends with twins and some have FF, others EBF, others mixed. If FF is easiest then go for it - no-one who matters is going to get uptight about it.

Your MW probably has a series of boxes to tick ('discussed birth interventions', 'promoted BF' etc.) and can't/won't use her initiative/common sense. Smile and nod, she won't be at the birth.

Ooh, why don't you tell her you're going to breastfeed one and formula feed the other? Nice little twin study

Ask her whether she thinks it is medically wise to go for a vaginal birth mono-di twins, of which one is BREECH and the other one TRANSVERSE! I mean seriously.

I opted for an ELCS the moment I found out 34% of the twin deliveries in my hospital ended in an EMCS.

Ask her the percentage for her hospital.

I know you want to be diplomatic with her because she's your midwife, but given the ELCS is signed off, you are going to stick with that as plan a. Should the twins come early, just say that you'll roll with whatever the medical advice is at that point in time.

On FF vs BF. I think BF twins is Hard Work and combination feeding is the way forward, giving you the best of both worlds. It is so nice to be able to have someone else give a bottle. As wrt the bonding, what a load of bollocks. If you want to FF then that's your informed choice.

She's had to reschedule my appointment until saturday she's coming to the house so my OH will be with me. I see my consultant on thursday and my sister will be with me and she'll probably make sure someone puts something down. I'll probably see how i am when they're here before i really decide whether to breastfeed or not my main priority really is getting them here as quickly & safely as possible.

Hi,

I'm glad you're getting some good advice on this thread and finding ways to articulate what you want and need. Will OH be able to support you on Saturday and back up what you are saying?

With regards to how you feed your babies, I had two friends who had twins around the same time as I had my daughter. One chose FF after BFing for about a week, the other chose BFing and exclusively nursed her twins for 6 months before weaning. Both women had elements which they found difficult, and both women felt quite strongly that they had made the right choice for themselves and their children. Also mentioned upthread is combination feeding which I have seen work well for some Mums, so a mix of boob and bottle. Being a mum can be hard, and being a mum of twins can be very hard, but it's also joyful and interesting and beautiful and you make that, not how you feed your babies.

I would add, if you choose to BF for a little while (say just to get the babies the colostrum), I'd get advice from a nice, friendly, supportive source on how best to do that, and find out how feeding works, and how your body works, and I'd get that advice before the babies are born. That way, you know how to do it, you know how to make the switch to FF when you're ready and you're not in the midst of sore, and tired, and busy and too overwhelmed to take in any information.

Good luck with it all.

Another farmer here. I would have a go at breastfeeding just to give them that first boost but not get too worried about it all. Even a few days will give them a massive boost!

With my first baby all I could think about was the birth so was psychologically unprepared for actually caring for myself and my baby. So my advice would be to worry less about the birth and think about getting home and coping practically with two babies!

Those are pretty strange suggestions from the MW, seeing as she should know that with a breech and a transverse baby, the only real option is ELCS (However seeing as you are only 31 weeks, the positions may very well change so she is probably looking at it from that angle?)

It is really much too early to be doing a birth plan anyway! We only discuss it at 36 weeks.

Right, some advice re the ELCS itself. My birth plan wasn't actually very long for twins as there is limited scope for choice given it's surgery.

1. It is very very hard work being nil by mouth waiting for a section when PG with twins. Please put in your notes that you want to an IV drip if you are waiting more than 3 hours and make sure you get one. emergencies will go ahead of you (rightly!). I was at the hospital at 7am and babies weren't born until 5pm - no food, no water as I was pushed back an hour at a time. it was hellish and probably the worst thing about my entire pregnancy experience. get a drip!

1. I didn't chose the music and I wish I had! A small but nice thing in an alien environment.

1. Even if you don't want to BF, have skin to skin asap after the birth. You can have one baby and DH the other. I was wheeled back to recovery with one in each arm so they won't necessarily be whisked away from you.

1. Mine didn't arrive until almost 39 weeks so they won't necessarily be early. Don't panic on that front.

On the BF front, I managed to BF (after a very rocky start) until my twins were a year old. It was hard and there was a fair amount of formula int he early days for DTS (he had a very bad tongue tie) but I was glad I did it and it is possible. But do not feel pressurized into it. Your body, your choice. if you do decide to give it a go, I really recommend a double feeding pillow - I practically lived under mine for the first 6 months. Also consider getting a private lactation consultant to come round (with all due respect, the BFing advice in hospital was shite and pretty hopeless and if I wasn't a priority post CS with twins who had difficulty latching, I have no idea who was...)

Best of luck! It's mad and crazy and the hospital bit sucked pretty badly but then you get two awesome babies!

You've had lots of messages here but just to say its sad that your midwife made you feel that way about your plans.

Yes midwives are meant to encourage and support vaginal birth and breastfeeding, but their core role is actually to be a woman's advocate.

As others have said, with the current position of your babies a section is the safest method of delivery- think the midwife might want to re-check your scans before suggesting otherwise!
Secondly, the breastfeeding-yes, promotion is a key part if the midwife role but only in so far as to give information and support-not to suggest that you are being selfish for making an informed choice. As you've said you may or may not change your mind but your m/w role antenatal ku and post stalky is to support and guide you how to feed your babies safely and adequately whichever way you choose.

Good luck on Saturday!!

I think your mw has confused you with Sigourney Weaver. Those babes would take a miracle to birth naturally frankly. I've had four the old fashioned way, and I wouldn't consider it for a moment.

Micah

Yup, I would have a bit of a go at bf just in case it works out easier, but probably shift to bottles after a few days if I found it too much. Again, I have bf four people, so know what I am doing, but there's no point killing yourself doing it.

Well for balance with the ff.. I attempted to breastfeeding feed first 2 unsuccessfully (one ended up in hospital with dehydaration) so went straight to ff with 3rd.

I bonded better with last one, no pnd (unlike first 2) & academically at the age of 6 he is flying compared to the where the other 2 where. He slept through the night from 2 days old.
so I would take no notice of bf promotion if you want to ff. oh and no gastrointestinal issues either. I know it's anecdotal but my experience fly I the face of everything I was told about bf.

You do what makes life easier for you. It is all about you in the first few days as those early weeks can have a long lasting effect on you and the babies.so you need to he doing Ok.

Good luck with the birth

Cherriesandapples i am thinking a lot about managing practically when i get home but the birth is a worry when i've read up on complications of delivering twins who share a placenta. Who would want to deliver one naturally and still have to have an emergency c-section possibly with the second. It would hard for me to recover from both a vaginal birth and a c-section on top.

I've been told by a consultant they will bring me in around 36-37 weeks to have them and they won't let me go any further.

I'll see the consultant before midwife so hopefully she will go along with whatever gets said on thursday and my OH will be there to back me up too. Thankyou babypeach.

Thankyou everyone i'll just have to see when the time comes i guess

Totally agree with you Nella. I went through hell trying to breastfeed and my baby never managed to get a single drop. Not even the magic colostrum that someone upthread says makes a noticeable difference

By all means try to breastfeed initially, but don't drive yourself into a depression because you'll blight the babies' early days and you'll need to be in good shape mentally and physically to look after two!