How do you feel about people commenting on your size when you are pregnant?

[FiftyShadesOfGreen4205]

I'm five months pregnant with second child. This time around I've gained more weight, I'm retaining more water and I started showing sooner. I'm not, in my opinion, too big bump-wise but I'm not neat and tidy like Kate Middleton by a long shot. Generally, I feel pretty low about how I look at the moment and I'm eating healthy food in order to keep further weight gain at a healthy level.

Anyway, despite me telling my MIL, SIL, BIL that I don't like my body shape being discussed, they continue with (recent examples):

Oh my God I can't believe how big you are.

That must be a seriously big baby

You're only halfway there are and already you are HUGE.

Anyway. I'm aware that I'm hormonal and probably over sensitive, but tell me, would this upset you? (It's every fucking time they see me).

I'm also aware they talk about my size among themselves.

It really pisses me off and makes me feel like I'm some kind of subhuman baby vessel a la handmaid's tale.

But then again I could be overreacting. Hard to say really, I cried at Dumbo yesterday.

Ugh I hate it! Can't understand why people think this is ok?

For me its been the opposite. I was very poorly at the start of my pregnancy and lost a lot of weight, which was slow to come back on. Everyone comments saying "ooh aren't you small?" "isn't your bump neat!". I'm sure they think its a compliment, but realistically it makes me feel like I'm not doing a good enough job growing my baby! And trust me I do not feel small. Its my first baby and I'm not used to having what feels like a giant bump!

Its as though as soon as you get pregnant everyone feels they have the right to comment on your looks, your choices (for everything, food, delivery, clothes etc.) and touch your bump whenever they like!

Much sympathy fifty x

Its as though as soon as you get pregnant everyone feels they have the right to comment on your looks, your choices (for everything, food, delivery, clothes etc.) and touch your bump whenever they like!

Spot on!

Congratulations to you and your small and perfectly adequate bump!

I think your family sound pretty unpleasant - I have never, ever received negative comments from family or friends but then we just don't talk in such 'personal' terms.

I think all you can do is ideally spend less time with them and then try to laugh off any comments - if you say anything they will say you are being 'precious' and carry on bitching behind your back. Try not to let them see that they are hurting your feelings.

YANBU.

I am having similar experiences in my family despite making it clear that it's not a topic for discussion.

I have found that starting to return the favour with observations about the other person helps me feel less homicidal and usually shuts them down... Something like "Yes I know I'm huge! And when is your baby due again? You must be due before me judging by the size of that bump! " to FIL for example.

If that's a bit harsh for you then just try reminding them that if they haven't got anything nice to say they probably shouldn't say anything at all. You could even give them since ideas for nice things they could say like 'Fifty - it's lovely to see you looking so well' or 'pregnancy really suits you' or something like that.

Just remember that you can always blame rudeness on hormones. Or just burst into tears. That also works for me and is entirely involuntary due to the aforementioned hormones.

Good luck - I'm sure you look fabulous.

Comment right back.

"Yes my arse is massive. Your hair's looking really lank by the way. Incredibly greasy, bit like that chap off shameless...oh, you don't like that? Well maybe don't tell me i look like a blob then..."

Pregnant women are public property. It's infuriating.

The only generally acceptable thing to say to a pregnant woman is 'You look great!' or variations thereof. Never touch her bump without permission/an invitation. Two simple rules but so many people don't even think!

Having said that, a well-meaning friend tried to tell me I looked 'glowing' when I was about 17 weeks. I knew damn well I wasn't due to lack of sleep and hormones somehow producing an oil slick on my head. But at least she tried

They are all overweight to varying degrees so you'd THINK they'd be sensitive. I wouldn't stoop to that level and comment negatively to them about their appearance (I bloody well think it though) but it seems they enjoy/get a kick out of telling me what I look like.

They never say anything positive about how I look. Pricks.

I get it all the time, this is my third, and although I actually look less 'fat' than I did with my second, my bump is very big (also measuring 3 weeks ahead)

I've had:
"You must be due any time soon"
"Are you uncomfortable?"
"Wow look at the size of you"
"That baby is going to be massive"

Etc etc

To be honest, I try not to take too much notice, but I do get upset inside because I have put quite a lot of weight on so far (2.5 stone) and I know from previous experience how crap I felt trying to lose the weight after!

My previous two babies were quite big (9lb on due date, 8lb 2oz at 38 weeks) so I suspect the baby probably will be a decent size, although it won't be coming out looking like a 6 month old baby how some people react!!

I do think that because you are pregnant people feel you are fair game to make comments at. I've had guys at work taking the piss out of my eating habits and that sort of thing does upset me.

Oops sorry, 27+3

I can't bear it, actually made me stop going out

My issue wasn't family it just seemed to be anyone, one cashier in Boots said to me "goodness are you carrying a monster in there" I was about 26 weeks.

It got to a point where I would just completely ignore any comments about my bump and made it very clear they had pissed me off.

My very overweight MIL keeps doing the same! Telling me it must be a massive baby, I'm much bigger than last time, it's obvious it's a girl (after previously telling me she thinks everyone gets fat all over when pregnant with girls) etc etc. I'm measuring spot on for my dates (currently 29+1) which I have pointed out but that doesn't stop her.
I weigh about 10 stone less at 29 weeks pregnant than she does normally!

YANBU. At all.

I'm the other way, I've had many people (including my midwife and physio!) commenting on how "small"/"neat"/"tiny" my bump is. Every time I see my SIL she mentions it. I'm only just over 5ft and I've gained just over a stone and half so I feel pretty huge by normal standards (and I've never been skinny as such - I think my pre-pregnancy BMI was around 24). I am trying so hard to just kind of laugh through gritted teeth and say "well, I sure don't feel small!".

I met up with a friend I've not seen in a while the other week and she said "wow, you're massive!". I could have kissed her

I am all bump, but a pretty sizeable bump, family are always commenting on it

"Did you ever think your bump would be this big"

"Wow, where did that come from?"

"That's a big baby"

"You're going to be massive when you get to full term"

I try to bite my tongue but close family including DH get snapped at, I used to have an Eating Disorder which makes me very sensitive, and whilst they remember that they seem to think that pregnancy weight and comments don't count.

I know how you feel! Also expecting second DC and a total stranger in Sainsbury's yesterday told me I look ready to pop. I've got 10 weeks to go... Family have also commented how I'm so much bigger this time around (but not quite in the same way your family has done it). Try and ignore it if you can. X

It depends how it's done. When I was still at work, most days I got some kind of "look at the size of you!" comment which got quite wearing, and made me worry that I'm going to have to give birth to a giant baby.

But a friend commented "wow, you're mahoosive!" at the weekend, he's not seen me since the beginning of my pregnancy (I'm 39 weeks now) and I didn't mind that.

It also definitely depends who says it!

I hadn't seen my Mum for about 3 weeks and when I saw her the other day she said "look at the size of you"

I actually felt quite happy with that !

I hate it when people do this. It is so rude. I'd be tempted to reply "oh good, a discussion about everybody's weight! I'll go first!", and then start eyeing them all up and down.

The examples you mentioned are all in-laws - can your DH have a word with them? Does he know how you feel?

I'm the opposite in that I keep getting told how small I for my gestation especially given it's twins. Even the GP and midwife said the same...before the new midwife then weighed me and told me my bmi put me as seriously overweight (really?? Could that be the twins by chance??) we had a bad scan last week which put one of the twins as worryingly small and slthough that is now all ok I still find the "isn't your bump small/neat" comments hard....particularly as I feel like a whale and waddle like a penguin!

I think the weight comments are incredibly rude.

On one day, I had one work colleague tell me I looked enormous, then later another one told me I was tiny! I realised that day that they have no idea what they are talking about. My bump has measured 50th percentile all the way through, but no-one ever tells you that you look appropriately sized! They just spout rubbish.

I hate it too. I thought maybe I was just being weird not liking people commenting on my bump all the time, but I'm glad to know It's not just me.
I know that most people don't do it to be mean, but why do it at all?
I try to stay behind my desk at work as much as I can and avoid people now... it's not nice.
I know my bump is big, I had a big baby the last time and it's probably a big baby this time, no, it's not twins, yes, I'm bloody sure!!!

I don't know for sure, but I think it often falls into three categories:

If people have had issues with their weight/eating or self image in the past

If people were overweight and self conscious about it before getting pregnant

If the comments are absolutely constant from everybody

If people are struggling to deal with the changes their body is going through during pregnancy

None of these are bad things at all, but lots of people under these categories will hate people making any comments about their bump during pregnancy. Others will hate it for other reasons. Other people genuinely won't care and will engage in the conversation or just laugh. It really is just different for different people.

If their comments upset you, have you spoken to them about it? Just something like "I'm quite self conscious about by body at the moment, so I'd really appreciate it if you didn't make comments about it".

Only you will know if this is true in your particular instance, but a lot of people genuinely mean no underhanded snide comment - they are just genuinely excited to see how you are progressing during the pregnancy.

People are just clueless. On my last day at work, six weeks before my due date, two women independently of each other both looked at me in horror and said "you won't get much bigger will you?" Both times I was tempted to say something like "oh no, he's just going to stay in there for the next six weeks out of tradition."

I don't think people understand pregnancy and how oddly vulnerable and exposed it can make you. They just think you're a funny shaped person put there for their amusement.

I get the "aren't you small?" Comments. Well, I started off with BMI 22. And only gained bump and boobs. And only 19 weeks. And my last two pregnancies I had low fluid and small babies, so actually, piss off. Being small is not such a great thing.

But it doesn't matter whether or not people are being intentionally snide - or whether the comments are about you being big or small - that's not at issue. What is irksome is the continual commentary, and the assumption that the pregnant body is public property, and up for discussion regardless of the fact that it's attached to a fully-enfranchised human being.

Regardless of whether someone is trying to be nasty, thinks they're just 'showing an interest', or of the fact that some people are self-conscious about their bodies when pregnant - it's not difficult to recognise that people in general, pregnant or not, don't want an intrusive running commentary on what they look like.