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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

ARGH, DC2 due 10 days before my brother's wedding - 250 miles away! Will we make it?

18 replies

minibar · 31/10/2006 10:56

We have one gorgeous DD (2.11) who is supposed to be a bridesmaid at the wedding in June next year 10 days after our baby is due.
The wedding is a massive do with our family from all over the place coming and it's a huge deal for my family as it'll be the first wedding in my close family, especially as my partner and I "forgot" to get hitched.
It wasn't planned! I had a miscarriage in August and then got pregnant straight away by accident. I told my mother last night and she screamed at me! We're barely speaking now.
I haven't had the heart to tell my brother yet.
Any wisdom? Will I make it?
Am obviously thrilled about new LO but feel terrible about my brother.
(Was a couple of days early with DD with no-frills vaginal delivery but HELL with early breastfeeding.)

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fortyplus · 31/10/2006 12:37

I'd tell your brother now - maybe they could put the wedding back a couple of weeks? Even if they won't, you'll be showing how much you want to come. I wouldn't have a problem with taking a week old baby that far in an air conditioned car, but any younger or no air con I'd say don't risk it.

HappyMumof2 · 31/10/2006 12:54

Message withdrawn

Original poster

minibar · 31/10/2006 15:52

Thanks for your replies...
I was thinking about whether my DP could go with our daughter who will be 3.6 by then.
But am just really desperate to go to it and of course have totally forgotten what it's like to have a newborn in my life.....just wondering if I am deluding myself to think that it will be possible??!!!!
My mum's screech of " Well DON'T GO TO YOUR ONLY BROTHER'S WEDDING THEN" was very helpful of course......

OP posts:

superloopy · 31/10/2006 16:26

My DD is bridesmaid in our friends wedding next May and she will be 2.10yrs. The venue for the reception is a hotel where we have booked a room for the night. Do you have this option? That way if you have a room to base yourself in you can spend as much or as little time at the wedding as you are able.

HappyMumof2 · 31/10/2006 16:30

Message withdrawn

Greensleeves · 31/10/2006 16:35

I on the other hand could barely walk for several weeks after childbirth, for various unforeseeable reasons. Neither was my baby in a fit state to travel. I wouldn't make firm plans or commitments, or assume that you will be able to make it if I were you. It is unfortunate timing, but you can't reschedule the baby - it's a bit mean of your mum to put pressure on you IMO.

I would plan to have your DH take your dd - agree that she will love the attention - but say that you will come if you are able and well enough to.

Original poster

minibar · 31/10/2006 16:35

HMof2 I hope I feel that way too! I also didn't feel that bad after dd (although did once fall asleep in an Asda restaurant). It was just the feeding that was awful. I definitely can't ask him to move the wedding - he's been planning it for 3 YEARS!
I think the venue is a wedding-specialist hotel type thingy so we could have a room on site.
Superlooopy our dd was a few days early, a no-frills type vaginal delivery. I just had a nightmare breastfeeding in the early weeks.

OP posts:

HappyMumof2 · 31/10/2006 16:37

Message withdrawn

Greensleeves · 31/10/2006 16:39

I hope my post didn't sound doom-mongering minibar, I didn't mean to scare you or be negative of course it's more likely you'll be fine. I just meant don't get pushed into committing to anything - if you can't go it won't be your fault.

Greensleeves · 31/10/2006 16:39

X-posted HMo2

HappyMumof2 · 31/10/2006 16:40

Message withdrawn

Original poster

minibar · 31/10/2006 16:47

Good point greensleeves. I shouldn't assume that everything will be the same this time around.
I just feel so guilty!
My mum doesn't mince her words I'm afraid.... only the other day she was imploring me to have another child and "not leave it too long"....

OP posts:

KathyDCLXVI · 31/10/2006 16:56

Minibar, congratulations on your pregnancy!
My dd was due the same day as my brother's wedding reception and turned up a day early, the day of the ceremony, so I missed both. However if it had been a week later we would most certainly have made it - perhaps not done much dancing, but there was no reason why we wouldn't have been there. Obviously you can't predict things like lateness, emergency sections, feeding problems etc, but I don't see why you shouldn't plan to attend.
FWIW I think your mum is well out of order in making you feel bad about it - a baby is a wonderful thing and MORE IMPORTANT than a wedding! However I suppose it was just shock - mothers often seem to get ideas in their heads about how they visualise their children's weddings.

If you can't be there I'm sure you can find a way to make you & baby part of things - you could write a speech giving your good wishes (or telling funny stories about your brother when he was little, tee hee!) and get the best man or a friend to deliver it as a surprise for your brother - or something like that (lots of time to cook something up). Maybe with slides (lots of wedding venues double as conference facilities so they have projectors and screens). Or a poem for the ceremony if you are that way inclined.

Of course it will be a shame if you can't get there - I am sad about having missed my brother's, not least because it looks like everyone had a brilliant time, but at least I missed it for the happiest of reasons .

KathyDCLXVI · 31/10/2006 17:16

By the way Minibar, my brother and SIL have been absolutely fine about it and never once criticised us for doing this - you might well find that actually your brother is more understanding than your mum.

JodieG1 · 31/10/2006 18:41

I wouldn't personally take a baby that couldn't sit unaided in a car for that long but then that is one of my pet hates. I don't have my babies in a car seat for any length of time because of the risks to spinal development and the fact that even 40 minutes in a car seat decreases oxygen saturation in the blood of a young baby that is crunched up. This also means more chance that baby will stop breathing or have periods of apnea. I just wouldn't go and wish them a good wedding, I'm sure they'll enjoy their day just as much no matter who is there beacuse the whole point of getting married is for love not for the people attending

fortyplus · 01/11/2006 08:33

Don't believe everything the doom mongers tell you!
Mine went on long car journeys from a week old - they're 11 & nearly 13 and they've got the straightest spines you ever saw.
Mind you - they're such prats at times that maybe the reduced oxygen saturation did affect their brains!

moomimin · 01/11/2006 12:11

Congratulations minibar. personally i think it depends on the type of person you are as to whether you make it to the wedding. Baby or not? Would you go if it was late? If it arrives early like your first and with no complications then you will probably be fine, I was right as rain after my second and breastfeeding this time was a doddle compared to the mare with my first.

I was due with my first on the 18th Dec. We had planed a big family x-mas at my sisters who lived 200 miles away. There was no way I was going to miss it, as there was 14 of us staying at hers and would be the first time I had ever had a christmas with them all. ds still hadn't arrived on the 22nd Dec so we packed the car, hospital bag, Notes, car seat, moses basket and all, Just in case!! and went to my sisters as planned. She had called her local maternity in Birmingham to let them know I may be expected at some point. It was no problem with them. I had a wonderful x-mas apart from being too fat to eat x-mas dinner. Went into labour on boxing day and ds was born on the 27th in a hospital in birmingham. We then travelled back to the south coast home, 2 days later. It was all PERFECT!!!

It didn't concern me in the slightest, we were well organised and had great support from family there. It was really no big deal and even the midwife that visited me at home the following day we got back said it was not uncommon and it really doesn't matter where you are in the country as long as you are organised.

Good luck and providing you are not giving birth on the day or maybe the day before you will get there if you really want to.

moomimin · 01/11/2006 12:17

Oh and BTW, having re-read jodieG1's message it certainly didn't do my ds any harm, we did make a point of stopping every hour or so on the way back anyway! Personally I think it's rubbish ds always seemed quite happy scrunched up in his car seat, after all he'd been that way inside for 9 months and I am sure that a 2 hr car journey is not going to make the slightest bit of difference!!!!!!!

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