Commuting whilst pregnant and getting a seat. Time for a MN campaign?

[Belleende]

I am six months pregnant and new to commuting into London. I have a 30-40 minute train journey, there are rarely seats available by my station. People NEVER offer to give up their seats, which I have some sympathy with given the price of this tickets! This morning I asked a man in a priority seat to vacate for me, he point blank refused, stuck his headphones back in and went back to his screen. Eventually someone else got up, pretty reluctantly. I found the whole episode embarrassing and quite anxiety provoking. Feeling quite wrung out now and am dreading having to go through this every morning (I know I know I should put my big girls pants on, but hormonal, first thing in the am - not always possible).

However, I have low BP and have come close to fainting a few times whilst on the bus on way into work. Standing on a hot packed train for up to 40 minutes would almost guarantee a faint sooner or later. So either way I end up feeling like crap.

My train company's solution is to get a Priority Card (Great Northern / Thameslink), which basically states I am pregnant and need a seat, like my hulking great bump isn't enough. I just can't see how this would have made any difference this am.

The thing is my work colleague is as pregnant as I am, but travels in on a different train company. She is permitted to sit in first class if there are no standard seats available. This seems like a really sensible and much less anxiety provoking solution. My company is not so keen.

So MNHQ, how about a campaign to have all UK train companies allow pregnant women to sit in 1st Class, if no standard seats are available? I can't be alone in finding this utterly crap. Ladies?

I agree with you! I'd also had some awful situations when asking for a seat. One man had a go at me for being too small to need one, although the point of the badge is for when it's not obvious and I carried small throughout!

I think a lot of people think it's "you're pregnant not ill" but I had a horrendous time with my first pregnancy and was very ill.

Before the hidden disabilities argument comes up, I appreciate that having had kidney ops myself,but its unlikely to be everyone on the train!

I wish there was a "I'm willing to give up my seat badge" too as when I'm engrossed in a book I don't always notice but would be happy to give up my seat. Encourage a bit of pro social behaviour

Welcome to London!
I had a similar episode last week and like you felt shaken by it-my big girl pants only extend to asking somebody to move from the priority seat not arguing with them in front of a full carriage. I'm 8 months with twins and have SPD. My bump for the most part will get me a seat if I ask although it's actually the SPD that means I need it which is less obvious. I don't think the train companies generally have any compassion for the travelling commuter and although allowing sitting in first class would help on some trains these seats are also full....and then you're asking somebody who pays even more to give up their seat. The reality is some people just won't give up their seat to a pregnant person and you will find some on here who will say "why should they-you're only pregnant". Having had a friend pass out in the carriage vestibule when pregnant and have people just step over her I don't think any campaign will work in London sadly. I did wonder last week whether I would have had the same experience if I'd been on crutches and whether it is anger against pregnant people or just generally people won't get out of their priority seat.
Good luck in your crusade! Failing that try a different carriage or a different time train-I got a train half an hour later yesterday and there were shed loads of seats because it arrived in after 9am

Id be interested to hear about the non- London experience. I'm in manchester & on the few times I've used the tram system whilst pregnant (& been with friends when pregnant) I've had a pleasant experience of people offering up their seat. However I know there are some parts of Greater Manchester that have horribly overcrowded trains, so it may be an over crowding thing rather than a cultural thing.

It may be something to start with TfL and the South East train franchisees first perhaps.

Commuting in London can really destroy your faith in humanity. A MN campaign is a great idea. I'm always too cowardly to ask for a seat on the bus having heard stories about people refusing to give up priority seats. Also nervous that the person might have a concealed injury or something. I just loiter looking moody and being generally passive aggressive. Not ideal.

Can you negotiate with work to come in early / leave early or come in half an hour later / leave later? I find if I do that I can usually bag a seat or people are more willing to give up theirs, as there is more room to stand

Letting pregnant or disabled people sit in 1st class is a great idea!

I suppose the point is first come first served and people aren't going to want to stand up for 40 minutes unless they are absolutely forced to by law. I would have stood up when I was younger but not now. I agree with getting an earlier train.

Poor you OP, that is really horrible behaviour and would leave me feeling like a good cry. Get yourself a hot chocolate at lunchtime and listen to your favourite song on youtube - you deserve some tlc . I keep hearing this same story and there is quite a bullyish vibe in a lot of the situations women describe. Hate to think how these people must behave towards pregnant women in their workplaces.
Recently, I've been taking a slightly later train where there is a bit more room - would that be an option for you?

I feel your pain! I live out in Essex and our line is notoriously expensive and SHIT! We are offered a seat in First Class from 8 weeks before we are due to leave work, but only if there are no other seats on the train.
So do you risk sitting there, or physically scour the train for a seat?

My ticket costs near on £4k per year, and it is not nice at all.

I am working up until due date and on especially busy days no one offers a seat.

Best thing to do? Put on a show, flop about all over the place, hold your belly, squirm, anything dramatic for that seat!

Just make sure you swap carriages each day

It's sad that someone wouldn't give their seat up for you. But what happens in that instance if first class is already fully booked by passengers that have paid for their first class seat?

I have the same on the bus, and the way those things lurch all over the place it is not fun - but nobody will offer a seat, no matter how far I stick out my bump, and I've just come to accept it now!

I just think that if someone felt the need to ask for my seat, regardless of whether they were pregnant or not, I would assume their need is greater than mine and get up! I don't understand these people.

When I was around 30 weeks, I had terrible pains in my stomach. I was on the tube and literally doubled over. I thought I was going into early labour. Nobody would make eye contact with me and nobody let me sit down. I couldn't even catch my breath to ask. In the end I grabbed the guy standing next to me and told him to go find me a seat. He looked shocked and put out, but he did it. I spent the journey doubled up and crying and nobody said a word.

Sorry for your bad experience. I live near Essex and travel into Central London via Stratford and my first train is always very busy (i get the 6.19am train) and more often than not I have to stand. But Once I get into stratford and get my next train/tube I am always offered a seat, but I do wear a baby on board badge. Do you have one? you can get them from TFL website or certain ticket offices. This might help.

I absolutely sympathise with this, we could do with raising some awareness! Every morning I stand at my bus stops surrounded by a hoard of teenagers who absolutely insist on standing in front of me so the driver can't see me (to stop nearby) then elbowing past me to get on the bus first and take up all the seats :(

I've asked twice for one of them to move from the priority seat. The first time I was ignored and the second time the girl told me it's not her problem I decided to get so fat! :( I had to tell her I'm not far, I'm pregnant and she still didn't move. It was humiliating.

What really irks me is they don't pay, they're travel is free, but I pay and can't get a seat, it's really infuriating. I'd really appreciate a MN campaign to make people aware.

So I am not alone then. I do have the baby on board badge, but I think they need to make them the size of dinner plates!

So far I have tried out three different trains - all had no seats in the morning. I understand from colleagues that I would need to be on a train before 7am to reliably get a seat. Once junior makes an appearance I understand that I may never sleep again. I am NOT giving up sleep unless I absolutely have to (6.19 rache!! no ta) . The latest train I could get would be 8.34, and again colleagues say this is even worse for crowding.

The idea about 1st class is that I would sit there if seats are free until either I get to London, or until a conductor turfs someone off their seat for me. From what I can tell there are always spare seats in 1st (I reckon people who can afford it have chauffeurs instead). As long as no-one who has paid to travel first class loses out on a seat, this seems like the best solution all round.

I'm really surprised by your experience as I've generally had my faith in people restored by how many people offer me seats on my commute. Over two pregnancies (I'm now 27 weeks with my second) I've never had to ask for a seat and have been embarrassed by people offering. I've used a combination of SouthWest Trains, Southern Trains, the underground (District, Piccadilly and Central) and buses.

The only problem I can see is that you do run the risk of pregnancy/disability/priority top trumps and expecting people with hidden disabilities to disclose them to strangers on public transport in order to defend their need for a seat. I'm not saying that the person the OP encountered this morning had a hidden disability, but if they had, their behaviour would have been more understandable.

Southeastern trains let you sit in First Class from 20weeks (if you have a letter which you get by sending off your MAT B1 form, so realistically 24 weeks!) but I've been sitting in First class with my badge on from 7 weeks. Only 1 conductor has ever asked to see my letter (and then let me off), the badge is usually enough.

I think if they started enforcing the rules though I would buy myself a little camping chair and set it up by the doors like other people do. Would be fine on my train as it's non stop for 50 mins but not so good on a stopping service with more and more people cramming on I guess!

I was initially a bit about the wfficacy of baby on board badges in london- but then i saw a (struggling) woman wearing one and automatically gave up my seat as then so clear cut she was (slightly) pg. think they're a good idea. Oeople are wary pf giving offence in case NOT pg!

The first class carriage on my train is always more than half empty whilst the aisles are packed so I'd definitely support a petition or campaign to the train companies asking to change their stance on this. I'm lucky to have been given seats so far but I don't think I have the guts to ask for one.

I've honestly been pleasantly surprised with how often I get offered a seat on the tube whilst wearing my badge. I'm also only 15 weeks so it's not all that visible yet. In my case, it seems to be younger women who are the kindest (I'm conducting a personal survey).

With my train commute, I always get on in the very last carriage and so far always get a seat. Even when the front of the train is packed, the back is always a lot emptier in comparison.

To be honest in your case, I'd just sit in First Class, sod the train company and plead ignorance. I think it's ridiculous that there isn't a blanket rule for this sort of thing.

I was also pretty surprised this am, on London buses it was fine, people would generally give up their seats. But when you are paying £2.20 for a journey maybe not getting a seat doesn't wrankle as much. When you are paying £22

Dude in question was wearing a high vis jacket, carrying a cycle helmet and carried a Brompton off the train. If he had a hidden visibility, it was very well hidden.

Camping chair might work. Some of the services I use only stop once

My trainline insist you get a 'priority card', which just means that it is something to wave at fellow passengers along with the massive bump and the baby on board badge. Naff all use of you run into an unreasonable type. An even to get this I must send off 2 passport sized photos, a letter from my drs / mat 1b and proof of address and then wait for card to come back. Quick and easy eh?

I'm really appalled by some of these stories - particularly the bloke sitting in a priority seat, refusing to give it up and putting his headphones

OP I think I would just go and sit in First Class, if it was me, and if a conductor came along I would state my case (no seats, low BP, prone to fainting, no one willing to give up the priority seats that are supposed to be for people less able to stand). It would take a callous conductor to boot you out, particularly as you're so visibly pregnant.

I would have sat on his lap. Don't think he'd do it again!

I've never seen anyone refuse a seat to a pregnant woman, maybe you were very unlucky? (Not belittling your experience, just it might not be a regular occurrence)

I think you need to get over any embarrassment about asking too - I hated doing it, but figured it was less embarrassing to do so rather than faint / vomit in the carriage