Commuting whilst pregnant and getting a seat. Time for a MN campaign?

[Belleende]

I am six months pregnant and new to commuting into London. I have a 30-40 minute train journey, there are rarely seats available by my station. People NEVER offer to give up their seats, which I have some sympathy with given the price of this tickets! This morning I asked a man in a priority seat to vacate for me, he point blank refused, stuck his headphones back in and went back to his screen. Eventually someone else got up, pretty reluctantly. I found the whole episode embarrassing and quite anxiety provoking. Feeling quite wrung out now and am dreading having to go through this every morning (I know I know I should put my big girls pants on, but hormonal, first thing in the am - not always possible).

However, I have low BP and have come close to fainting a few times whilst on the bus on way into work. Standing on a hot packed train for up to 40 minutes would almost guarantee a faint sooner or later. So either way I end up feeling like crap.

My train company's solution is to get a Priority Card (Great Northern / Thameslink), which basically states I am pregnant and need a seat, like my hulking great bump isn't enough. I just can't see how this would have made any difference this am.

The thing is my work colleague is as pregnant as I am, but travels in on a different train company. She is permitted to sit in first class if there are no standard seats available. This seems like a really sensible and much less anxiety provoking solution. My company is not so keen.

So MNHQ, how about a campaign to have all UK train companies allow pregnant women to sit in 1st Class, if no standard seats are available? I can't be alone in finding this utterly crap. Ladies?

[Zahrah5]

My old time tactic, even from pre-preganancy is to look for train cars either at beginning or end of the train as there are ususally less crowded.

Of course this depends on the configuration of your train and the stations.

I commune to central London still at 35w and always walk all the way to the back of the platform as everyone crowds at the beginning of the train.


Also try to take early train and then return early prior to rush hour.

[peltata]

Unfortunately commuting in London has gotten so crowded and uncomfortable for everyone we seem to have lost some of our humanity and the sense of looking after the more vulnerable members of our society. I don't hold out much hope of asking people to give up a seat speak to your employers and to see if you can avoid travelling at peak rush hours

[Sophieelmer]

Your experience had been the opposite of mine. I don't travel much by tube but on all the occasions I have in either pregnancy I have always been offered a seat. In the instances someone in priority hasn't noticed another standing passenger has kindly asked them to move for me. So I am very suprised by your experience.

[nippey]

I am shocked to read this, I am 27 weeks pregnant and have been offered a seat every day since i started wearing my baby on board badge on Southeastern.
I have also never had an issue on the tube, people (normally women!) jump up as soon as they see me.
I feel really bad for you OP!

[Lunastarfish]

I'm not actually finding it a problem getting a seat in London and I catch 2 trains and a tube each way. Only once had someone not offered me a seat. Do you have a 'baby on board' badge on?

[ApocalypseThen]

I've never been offered a seat on the bus. I'm 30 weeks now and 5"1', so I've a very prominent bump. I don't mind standing except that my balance has gone poor so I'm not keen on going up to the upper deck.

The bus lurched and I stumbled the other morning. That did not encourage anyone to take pity on me.

[hippymama1]

If I have needed a seat, I have addressed the area of the priority seat rather than a single person... I think that helps as you don't feel as deflated if no-one responds or if someone outright refuses!

Just keep asking for the seat if you need it - don't suffer in silence and definitely don't keep quiet if you think you are going to faint... Might be helpful to change carriages regularly too so you don't keep asking the same people every day - commuters are creatures of habit and tend to get on the same carriages and head for the same seats daily.

That man this morning sounds like a real piece of work - what an unpleasant individual! I am sure this is a one off nasty person rather than the shape of things to come though - most people are nice... Really!

[Adventuregame]

Can't believe the guy actually refused. I'm 11+1 not showing at all and don't need a seat but if I've got one I always give it up to a visibally pregnant lady ! I feel awful if I haven't noticed someone standing. The other day I heard a woman loudly say ' push your bump over there and see if anyone will give you a seat' - I was the only person to react and loudly said'oh goodness do you want to sit down, I'm so sorry I hadn't seen you there' expecting more people to look up and react but nothing !!!
I do think the badges help but my train in a morning is so crowded that you can't even get near to the seats !!

[JassyRadlett]

I use South West and from my last pregnancy it was a pretty mixed bag but people would usually be shamed into it.

I'm 10 weeks now - last week a woman on crutches boarded the train, I was the only person who stood up. It was grim.

I always found women aged 40-55ish were the least likely to stand up, followed by middle-aged men in expensive suits. Most likely to stand up were scary-looking young blokes whose mothers had clearly raised them right - if they didn't see you straight away, they'd apologise profusely and unnecessarily. It made me re-evaluate a lot of my assumptions about people...

Reminds me. Must get The Badge.

[southlondonbaby]

Great idea! I've seen some terrible behaviour on public transport. One guy carrying a small child had to get up off his bus seat to let a pregnant woman sit down- because nobody else would move.

[MissTwister]

It sounds to me like it's the suburban commuters not London ones that are the problem! I commute from zone 3 via tube/ bus every day and, wearing my badge, I can honestly say there have only been perhaps two times I've not immediately been offered a seat. People usually jump up! And I have only just started showing. Sure there are the priority seat ignorers but someone usually gets up pretty quickly.

Someone even offered me a seat before I had a badge because I looked dizzy. She then offered me an apple!

[TwiggyHeart]

My train company offer the first class upgrade..... However only if you buy a weekly or longer pass. This was great first time around but second pregnancy I was working 3 days a week and couldn't get a upgrade pass, seemed a bit off at the time.

[Trapper]

I was going to say the same thing Twister.

[Belleende]

Well ladies. I am now sitting I first. there were delays and a god almighty scrum to get on the train. Made my decision for me. Let's see what happens.

[MythicalKings]

I think you're suffering because people are angry with the transport providers. The train/buses/tubes are expensive and horrendously overcrowded and very expensive. The transport companies don't seem to give a shit and this attitude passes down to their passengers.

The problem with allowing pregnant women to sit in first class is that people with disabilities may feel that they should be allowed to as well. Then there may not be spare seats in 1st class.

[MythicalKings]

Cross posted - good luck, OP.

[Lagoonablue]

Good luck. When I was pregnant I had train problems too. No one offered me a seat even on a sweltering day when I was close to fainting.

Once it was so crowded there wasn't even anything to hold on to and I asked to swap places with a man so I could hold onto the back of a seat. He refused to move! I was being tossed all over the flaming carriage and my centre of gravity was out anyway due to the bump.

Some people are just horrible.

[avocadotoast]

Ugh that sounds awful. I feel quite lucky that I work slightly outside core rush hour times (I work 10-6 so miss the worst of it). Even so, I struggle to deal with being on the bus on a morning.

I did get the bus at proper rush hour when I finished early one day and I did have to ask someone if I could sit down - but it was an old woman taking up an extra seat with bags so I didn't feel too bad!

My difficulty is that my bump is visible but not huge (although I'm 32 weeks) and I usually wear a scarf, so it's not that obvious I don't think.

[Belleende]

That was great. I had table and four seats to myself, so certainly not depriving anyone. I was pooped after walking to the station against a stiff wind. Noone checked tickets no one seemed to mind. i am all for anyone who needs a seat to have access to 1st as long as there is plenty of room for those who pay for the privilege.

[YonicScrewdriver]

I am surprised no one else who heard your conversation with the man offered. I've usually found people pretty good!

[PerpetualStudent]

Well done OP!

I'm 30 weeks & while I don't commute through Central London every day, I do regularly use the tube/overground/buses in London and not once has anyone offered me a seat. I've heard so many stories on MN about people's snarky comments when you ask I've never dared to. Luckily I've had a fairly straightforward pregnancy, but now my balance is starting to go that seat is more for everyone else's safety than mine!

[worriedmum100]

I'm 14 weeks with DC2 and commute into London. I never got a badge with DC1 as there are usually enough seats in my train. But this time rounds it's much more crowded. On Monday I was the only person to stand up for another pregnant woman. I went and got a badge as soon as I got to London.

It's such bad manners to ignore people who have a greater need than you -for whatever reason.

[JassyRadlett]

I'm trying to steel myself to be a bit more bolshy this time around. Including mentioning that while pregnancy isn't an illness, it can make people ill and of course if they don't want to give up their seat, they won't mind me being sick on them if all the swaying about brings on a wave of nausea, will they?

[InfinitySeven]

Are you prepared to pay the fine if you are caught in first without a valid ticket?

Not that I think you should be fined, but you may well be, on a train into London. It's a specific condition that a ticket must still be issued if the offending person offers to move straight away, although the conductor can choose to only charge between the earliest point you could have boarded the train and the entrance to London, if you do move.

I fainted on a train into London last year. I'm disabled but it's not overly obvious, and nobody wanted to give up a seat. It got busier, the person who got on next had to grab me to secure themselves, and I passed out through the strain. The conductor came, he didn't ask anyone to give up their seat but nobody jumped up and offered either, so he took me to his little conductors seat and let me sit there for the journey. He said he was not allowed to let me sit in first class unless it was decommissioned. You could look for his little room, if you need too in the future?

[RhubarbAndMustard]

I had a similar experience commuting in London whilst pregnant OP. I hated it towards the end so much that I asked to work from a different (local) office.

I found buses the worst. It wasn't just the not getting a seat (whilst wearing the badge), but I had numerous people physically shove me out of the way whilst trying to board a bus and elbows jabbed in my stomach whilst standing in the scrum in the aisle.

It was stressful, and I was grateful my company could accommodate me - I think I even did a health and safety form which backed up my case. But you shouldn't have to work elsewhere. I would support a campaign.