Commuting whilst pregnant and getting a seat. Time for a MN campaign?

[Belleende]

I am six months pregnant and new to commuting into London. I have a 30-40 minute train journey, there are rarely seats available by my station. People NEVER offer to give up their seats, which I have some sympathy with given the price of this tickets! This morning I asked a man in a priority seat to vacate for me, he point blank refused, stuck his headphones back in and went back to his screen. Eventually someone else got up, pretty reluctantly. I found the whole episode embarrassing and quite anxiety provoking. Feeling quite wrung out now and am dreading having to go through this every morning (I know I know I should put my big girls pants on, but hormonal, first thing in the am - not always possible).

However, I have low BP and have come close to fainting a few times whilst on the bus on way into work. Standing on a hot packed train for up to 40 minutes would almost guarantee a faint sooner or later. So either way I end up feeling like crap.

My train company's solution is to get a Priority Card (Great Northern / Thameslink), which basically states I am pregnant and need a seat, like my hulking great bump isn't enough. I just can't see how this would have made any difference this am.

The thing is my work colleague is as pregnant as I am, but travels in on a different train company. She is permitted to sit in first class if there are no standard seats available. This seems like a really sensible and much less anxiety provoking solution. My company is not so keen.

So MNHQ, how about a campaign to have all UK train companies allow pregnant women to sit in 1st Class, if no standard seats are available? I can't be alone in finding this utterly crap. Ladies?

[Maya15]

My experiences have been very similar. I am commuting from into London by train every day (35mins) and then take the tube. I am 22weeks pregnant and I have been wearing a badge since I was 12 weeks. I once asked for a seat when I was about 10 weeks as I was suddenly feeling dizzy and another commuter told me off for not wearing a badge and actually shouted at me. Needless to say it made a very stressful situation worse.
I rarely got offered a seat on the train and if anything people see me and then pretend they have not seen me. I twice got told by other passengers really aggressivly that I should just go and sit in First Class. So I tried to sit in First Class once and the conductor told me off for about 5minutes saying I needed to get his permission first (how was I supposed to find him in a super full moving train?) and nearly fined me. One week ago the train company gave me a free upgrade to first class (it is part of their policy but only after 20 weeks) so at least I can now sit in first class.
BTW it is no option for me to get an early or later train, I live in a commuter town and all trains between 6.30am and 8.30 are extremely busy.

I usually get a seat on the tube or I do ask the person in the priority seat if they need the seat. Middle aged women are more likely to offer a seat than men. But overall commuting has been very stressful so far and on several occasions I was close to tears. Overall it has also made me very sad how selfish and uncaring people can be (and how it is made difficult for pregnant women to get to their workplace).

[cattyf]

I commute from Cambridgeshire to London (50 min journey) and am lucky that if you have a season ticket you can reserve a seat. I was told if for some reason the seat isn't available then I should go down to first class and explain and then the guard should let me take an available seat there. It used to be the case (until about 16 months ago) that you automatically had your season ticket upgraded to 1st so you were more comfortable but they stopped this! Once in London I get a bus to the office and if no seats are availbale then I have always been offered one (one day 5 people stood up!) I wear a "baby on board" badge so it's obvious and people aren't worried about offending me thinking i'm overweight rather than pg.

If I were you I would sit in first class, no train company wants the bad publicity from making a pregnant women stand on a crowded train when seats were available!!

[MissTwister]

He sounds an arse no doubt. Some people are and I'd have been really upset in that situation too. Would probably cry the emotional state I am in right now!!

In my experience though commuting in London every day most people aren't like this so don't tarnish all Londoner's with the same 'non caring' brush. It always annoys me how quick people are to tell stories about how someone fainted/ collapsed/ died and people just stepped over them (generally I mean, not on here) as having lived here all my life I have genuinely never seen this kind of behaviour as standard. Yes, commuters are grumpy and busy and don't sit around passing the time of day with each other, but when I have fallen over (which happens a lot I am clumsy!) people always run to ask if I am ok, when I've seen people faint/ collapse people rush to help and and, as I said before, with my badge 99% of the time I am very quickly offered a seat.

I just hate seeing this wonderful city and its inhabitants dismissed as only being populated by uncaring people who'd shoot their own granny!

[Belleende]

I don't want to go on sick leave alls I want is a seat! I work for charity, so not comfortable asking them to cover upgrade costs. Going to plonk myself in 1St and see what happens.
i was really shocked by non mover. I asked him after five mins of waggling bump in his face. Tapped him on shoulder, he took one ear bud out replied 'nope, not what I am paying' and went back to his device. lady on inside of him ignored what was happening. I was stunned into silence. Dude on priority seat on other side of aisle got up after much huffing and puffing. By this time I was feeling really flustered.

[JassyRadlett]

There may be grounds if no reasonable adjustments could be made - and some employers might ask OP to self-fund a ticket upgrade.

I wouldn't, and at the moment I have two people working shorter days and working from home more often to reduce the impact of the commute on them.

Flagging as an issue is sensible, but getting signed off without exploring other options isn't.

[WindYourBobbinUp]

The difficulty is if you take sick leave over your qualifying weeks your maternity pay could be less, which is why many pregnant women struggle on when sick. Depending on if you get paid sick or not of course.

[blowinahoolie]

But if commuting is a huge issue affecting your pregnancy health, then it should be flagged up and there may be grounds for the OP to take pregnancy related sick leave.

[JassyRadlett]

I think your situation is a little different, blow, as your workplace couldn't make reasonable adjustments. I don't think that's the case for commuting - the employer could adjust working hours, pay a top up to commuting costs to upgrade OP to first, etc.

[Koalafications]

I'm really surprised. I'm 29 weeks and my experiences so far commuting into London have always been positive.

In fact, I've even had a few stand offs where people (actually it's always been men) have insisted that I sit down, even when I didn't want to. It was quite sweet albeit a bit embarrassing. I wasn't being difficult I was still suffering from awful morning sickness and sitting down made me feel worse.

Sorry you have encountered some twats, OP.

[RunnerHasbeen]

London is too anonymous just because it is so big, in other places you see the same people regularly on a commute, so are more accountable if you behave like an arse one day. I have been on the London tube with a big blue hospital shoe over a bandaged foot and a crutch and was sworn at for walking slowly and pushed. My experience of going from Glasgow-Edinburgh when pregnant was always the opposite - it was like the parting of the waves and I was offered about 20 seats to choose from (which is more embarrassing than you would think).

The passing a law onto the train companies, where they will have their first class filled up with the priority people unless they turf people out of the priority seats is a good idea - I can't see why it should be limited to pregnancy. At the moment they are not accountable at all but I think they would start caring if their first class was affected.

[peltata]

I think asking your employers to allow you to adjust your working hours so you don't have to travel on packed trains would be the most sensible solution to this problem. I have a pregnant colleague who now works 8.30am-4.30pm and says just leaving 1/2 hour early means she always gets a seat on the train in both directions

[bunny85]

How utterly shocking! I thought people were better than this... Hope he'll realise and be totally embarrassed by his behaviour. I think campaign is a great idea. Like pp said, I'd just sit in the first class with no questions asked. Feeling for you!

[FragileBrittleStar]

I am a bit surprised to be honest. I have never seen someone refuse to give up a seat - I have seen people fail to offer and have been guilty of this myself(blinkered/not looking) - but I think you have to ask. I commuted on a suburban line as well.
I know people who were challenged when sitting in 1st class - even when the company had the policy of allowing you to when pregannt- on the grounds that there were seats available (albeit the other end of the train)- so thats not necessarily an easy solution.
And tbh i have no sympathy with the difficulty in getting a baby on board badge - having been guilty in the past of offering seats to non-pregnant people !

[blowinahoolie]

Not really, Jassy, it's a reasonable request when you're putting your health at risk by having to stand on a train or bus when you should be sitting down at this stage of pregnancy.

I am only 18 weeks pregnant and cannot stand up for very long at the moment and that's without a commute, just in every day life. Not all women cope well in pregnancy and if it's affecting you when you have to commute, then it's not worth it.

You have to weigh up the benefits to commuting there and back, to your health and the baby's health. Is it really worth it?

I was signed off from 20 weeks pregnant with my first pregnancy because of SPD, as I worked in a listed building and could not physically cope with walking up and down the stairs each shift. It was unbearable. I then went straight on maternity leave after sick leave. Sometimes these situations cannot be helped.

[furryleopard]

I always sat in 1st class when pregnant (on Transpennine Express) and dared the guards to move me. They never did - I always was just left alone once I explained. I was willing to pay to upgrade and then intended to write to claim it back but I never had to, I was always waiting for the argument which never arrived!

[JassyRadlett]

blowinahoolie, but that seems so OTT when the condition doesn't affect a person's ability to do the work, just the ability to get there when the world is full of selfish bastards?

Hopefully most workplaces would make adjustments to working hours etc though.

[blowinahoolie]

If you have health issues relating to the pregnancy (low BP which is affecting your commute when you get no seat), can you get signed off from work? You wouldn't need to worry about the commute in any more until after you go back after mat leave.

[Bugaboom]

Having commuted within London with my first and commuting into London with my second, I too have experienced people looking away and avoiding giving up seats. But IME, most people just don't look up especially on tube. I also offered my seat, on more than one occasion, when pregnant to elderly and disabled people because nobody else did. I think on tubes and trains there should be regular announcements asking passengers to look up and offer their seat to those less able to stand.

[RhubarbAndMustard]

I had a similar experience commuting in London whilst pregnant OP. I hated it towards the end so much that I asked to work from a different (local) office.

I found buses the worst. It wasn't just the not getting a seat (whilst wearing the badge), but I had numerous people physically shove me out of the way whilst trying to board a bus and elbows jabbed in my stomach whilst standing in the scrum in the aisle.

It was stressful, and I was grateful my company could accommodate me - I think I even did a health and safety form which backed up my case. But you shouldn't have to work elsewhere. I would support a campaign.

[InfinitySeven]

Are you prepared to pay the fine if you are caught in first without a valid ticket?

Not that I think you should be fined, but you may well be, on a train into London. It's a specific condition that a ticket must still be issued if the offending person offers to move straight away, although the conductor can choose to only charge between the earliest point you could have boarded the train and the entrance to London, if you do move.

I fainted on a train into London last year. I'm disabled but it's not overly obvious, and nobody wanted to give up a seat. It got busier, the person who got on next had to grab me to secure themselves, and I passed out through the strain. The conductor came, he didn't ask anyone to give up their seat but nobody jumped up and offered either, so he took me to his little conductors seat and let me sit there for the journey. He said he was not allowed to let me sit in first class unless it was decommissioned. You could look for his little room, if you need too in the future?

[JassyRadlett]

I'm trying to steel myself to be a bit more bolshy this time around. Including mentioning that while pregnancy isn't an illness, it can make people ill and of course if they don't want to give up their seat, they won't mind me being sick on them if all the swaying about brings on a wave of nausea, will they?

[worriedmum100]

I'm 14 weeks with DC2 and commute into London. I never got a badge with DC1 as there are usually enough seats in my train. But this time rounds it's much more crowded. On Monday I was the only person to stand up for another pregnant woman. I went and got a badge as soon as I got to London.

It's such bad manners to ignore people who have a greater need than you -for whatever reason.

[PerpetualStudent]

Well done OP!

I'm 30 weeks & while I don't commute through Central London every day, I do regularly use the tube/overground/buses in London and not once has anyone offered me a seat. I've heard so many stories on MN about people's snarky comments when you ask I've never dared to. Luckily I've had a fairly straightforward pregnancy, but now my balance is starting to go that seat is more for everyone else's safety than mine!

[YonicScrewdriver]

I am surprised no one else who heard your conversation with the man offered. I've usually found people pretty good!