How to deal with questions about how I became pregnant at 44?

[Madhatt6r]

After years of being the person who could be relied upon not to have children, I have just become pregnant using an egg donor at the age of 44. The decision was a very personal one for me and DH and one that I would prefer not to discuss with family and friends. I am though a terrible liar and I would really appreciate any hints/thoughts/good responses that will help me deal with some early on persistent questions!

"It's a wonderful blessing"

If they persist "I don't really want to discuss my sex life" - the s word is often enough to put people off.

Congratulations!
if they ask ( and I'm not sure they will) you just say " the usual way" with one eyebrow raised.

A stork brought it?

(Not helpful but might keep the nosey parkers at bay!)

And congratulations

Plenty of women have got pregnant entirely by accident at 44, 45 anyhow.

You may prefer not to discuss it with f or f but they will be thinking it.

Are you ever going to tell the child they were born with a donor egg? It is significant for future health information and if they know then surely other family members will find out too so why lie about it now?

Jackieharris - I'm very much in favour of children being told their biological origins but there it no reason that has to be shared with anyone else unless that is what the child and/or parents want. Even if it is something that becomes public knowledge there is a difference between doing so alongside a pregnancy announcement and doing so later when the child is around and bonds are formed.

Firstly, massive congratulations on your pregnancy

Do your close friends and family know that youve had fertility treatment? Surely thats all they need to know, they don't need the details if you don't want to share them. As far as everybody else is concerned its none of their business!

I think the decision to become parents is probably more likely to be up for discussion & answered with versions of "we just decided to take the plunge". If anyone starts delving into the mechanics of how you actually conceived I'd tell them it's personal & your sex life isn't up for discussion. I can see no reason why you using an egg donar should be common knowledge unless you want it to be.

Say, Oooh now, I heard of someone who got pregnant at 46
(She did: I met her: wife of one of my teachers. She might even have been 48).

And then add, 'Stroke of luck, eh?' And then start talking about last flings of the ovaries, sudden upsurges of fertility in pre-menopausal women etc until they wish they'd never asked (and you have put the frighteners on all those in their mid-late 40s!)

Enjoy your baby!

just start explaining the mechanics of sex...

I'm sure they've heard of sex by now.

Raise one eyebrow and say, "Um.... Me and DH had a 'special cuddle'.. "
and speak slowly.
Works for me (and I'm a lesbian)!

A nonchalant "found it by the bins" would be my go to

Congratulations

I'd go with what TittingAbout said.

Congratulations by the way! :)

You could go with a reply I read on a site responding to somebody who asked how disabled people had children which simply read 'well when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much...........'

You are only 44, plenty of women become pregnant well into their 40's. I did, and I certainly wasn't required to explain how .

Love the "special cuddle" response - that should shut them up!

I think children do have a right to know how they were conceived. And that therefore this should not be a big secret that you keep from everyone.

'We tried a different position.'
or
'Increased the shagging from once to twice a day'.
Said in a deadpan fashion. They probably won't pry further.

...Although the 'special cuddle' remark is less effective now that our toddler tells everyone her donor story. Even the postie.

If they ask just say, 'how rude!'

when my DC were born I refused to tell anyone about having IVF and downright lied on occasion.

I just didn't want them to be known as the IVF DC.

But now that they are older. With their own personalities and peculiarity. They are much more than how they were conceived. And so I am much more open about it. It's ancient history now.

So remember, just because you want to be evasive now, you may not give a fuck in a few years time

I had both mine in my 40s. I was lucky enough to get pregnant naturally with the ease of a teenager, but only one person ever asked me if I'd needed fertility treatment, and that was a relative, so I wasn't at all bothered about replying. I think it is just natural curiosity though, sometimes fuelled by a hope of also managing a late baby.

Also. I think if you are having a singleton rather than twins you are less likely to get asked out right.

Somehow people only seem to associated twins with fertility treatment and so by having a singleton, you have already thrown them off the scent.

I have DTs and you wouldn't believe how many people asked me if I had IVF. Even randoms in the supermarket! I used to say 'twice in one night' with a wink which stops the conversation.

I like the 'special cuddle' line though.

Or just go for a good old fashioned MN 'do you mean to be so rude?'