How to deal with questions about how I became pregnant at 44?

[Madhatt6r]

After years of being the person who could be relied upon not to have children, I have just become pregnant using an egg donor at the age of 44. The decision was a very personal one for me and DH and one that I would prefer not to discuss with family and friends. I am though a terrible liar and I would really appreciate any hints/thoughts/good responses that will help me deal with some early on persistent questions!

I don't understand not being honest. After all I would hope you tell your child how they were conceived as soon as they could understand a simple explanation. So why make it this big secret?

Surely nobody would ask you that. Nobody would ever ask anybody that. Act shocked at their audacity if anybody does. Or pretend you think they are joking around.

Caryam, yes, we will tell the DC how they were conceived when they are able to understand. But that is no reason why everyone has to know.

I never wanted the most important thing people said about my DC to be the method of conception.

But now they are older with opinions and interest. I don't give a fuck and will mention it if the General topic crops up.

People will probably asked if it was planned more than anything - which is damn cheeky! Thats what I got at 39.

I've never asked anyone how they conceived and I can't imagine why anyone would, it seems bizarre. However, if people do ask and you don't want them to know (which is perfectly fine) just say the baby was conceived in the usual way, or embarrass them with a detailed account of a very kinky/woo sex session to shut the conversation down.

I think I'd go with "wild animalistic doggy-style sex, in a circle of fertility crystals on Glastonbury Tor during a full moon, with full pagan fertility chants performed by a local group of Druids. Why, isn't that how everyone does it?"

That should shut em up.

"I'm not really sure".

I'm 44 and currently sitting in the delivery suite. Not a single person has asked me how we conceived. A few (DM I'm looking at you) have asked why, but it's really not that odd is it? If friends and family are asking you this, it's incredibly nosy of them.

"Guess I just got lucky!"

Huge congratulations Madhatt6r!!

I'm 40. Pregnant with my second and will be 41 when he/she is born. People have asked me if it's an IVF baby (it's not, but it's none of their business). I tell them we had a long journey to have a family (which is true, 5 years of infertility before DS, miscarriage before this pregnancy) and we are thrilled to be completing our family - I sidestep the IVF question completely and it's up to them what asumptions they make.

Nosey parkers.

I'm 44 and pg ..no one asked yet but that's because I haven't told anyone

when a lady at work got pregnant (I guess she was 40-ish), I can't remember what I asked but I remember her saying to me "it's a miracle which we didn't think would happen ". She said it in such a way that I didn't really want or feel the need to ask anymore. It was just so nice to hear that, however it happened, it was a miracle to them. But then, aren't they all!

Tell people the truth

If it doesn't bother you then it should bother to anyone else.

Congrats on your pregnancy, enjoy every moment and don't worry about anyone else

My DD was conceived when I was 44, arrived the day after my 45th birthday. As it happens I did get lots of queries about whether it happened naturally. It was long hoped for and people that knew me understood my/our amazement and delight. No-one ever asked me how though, to that I have to say I do love a previous posters suggestions to speak very slowly and explain special cuddles.

Don't answer if anyone is so rude to ask! Just look at them blankly!

It's nobody's business but yours & your dps.

Congratulations

I don't see why you should share the information with anyone if you don't want to. Just say yes isn't it wonderful. We are so pleased. And if they ask how. Just laugh.

Thanks all for the words of encouragement, some really good ideas. I'd like to think that I'll have it all planned what to say when the time comes but still early days for me so do not want to get carried away too soon.

Congratulations! Practise an 'how rude - what sort of a question is that?' look in the mirror.

I particularly like ' we found it by the bins' answer. Made me really laugh out loud.

Congratulations!

People can ask the rudest questions, esp when you're pregnant!

I would stop, stare incredulously for a few seconds and say something along the lines of: "well you know, DH and I... don't you know about the birds and the bees? What level of detail do you require?"

Or pre-empt the question with a quiet: "I don't really know what to say when people ask me about this, I mean, why do people think it's OK to want to pry into others' sex lives? "

Congratulations - I hope you enjoy your pregnancy.

you're only 44, i'd have thought people will just assume it happened naturally

Why wouldn't you get pregnant at 44? My auntie had my cousin at 46. People shouldn't be so nosey.

Great advice already but can I just say congratulations?!

sanfairyanne you would think wouldn't you? When I was pregnant in my late 30s not one person asked me how we conceived - although actually we had five years of infertility and were about to start IVF when we conceived naturally.

As soon as I turned 40 and fell pregnant I am fair game for asking if it's IVF. Given I have seen on here how strongly some people feel about not having IVF on the NHS I often wonder about their agenda - and I suspect people will make moral judgements about egg donors too so I'm not surprised the OP doesn't want to discuss it. It's a natural conception for us but it's none of their business and I feel a bit of solidarity for women who go through infertility treatments and deliberately don't tell people how we conceived. It's none of their business.

'See, when a mummy and a daddy love each other very much....'