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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Anyone's DP doing the preggers diet with you?

68 replies

SueV14 · 01/03/2015 20:11

I'm 18 weeks now, consider myself quite a foodie and I love my wine too (and even have a wine & food blog). So it's been really tough for me to stay away from all the stuff which is "not recommended". So I've been whining and complaining quite a lot about all the food tabus and my zero alcohol policy (strongly supported by DH!) and he keeps telling me to stop complaining cause it's for a short time anyway bla bla bla.

He simply doesn't realise how tough it is for me, especially ME who loves food and wine so much. So I told him he'll never understand how I feel and that he's welcome to join in for the "diet". He first said "sure no problem, will do it with you" but has been still having his little beer a few times a week with dinner and keeps having wine when we're dining out with friends. So pretending he forgot about it, sort of. (He never has been a big drinker anyways and only drinks small amounts). But STILL, it's not like staying away from something completely. So I am thinking of putting my foot down on it and make him stay away from all the foods/drink I can't have. Being in the same boat will hopefully help him feel with and for me.

Anyone's DP doing this with you? And if not what are your thoughts? Please don't say I'm being an unreasonable hormonal preggers bi*...

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Mostlyjustaluker · 01/03/2015 20:15

He is bvvvu to say it is easy if he can't keep with following it. My DH offered to stop drinking but he does not drink much so I said he was being silly. I was jealous on Friday though when he came home tipsy.

Original poster

SueV14 · 01/03/2015 20:15

Oh and I forgot to mention that it's him who insists on being over/super cautios, eg completely avoid raw fish sushi/sashimi/rolls, and even though zero alcohol is also my choice I know exactly he'd have a problem if I decided to have an odd glass of wine.

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MissTwister · 01/03/2015 20:17

I'm not sure, I kind of feel the way you do but everyone else in the world has looked at me like I am a loon or some crazy psycho wife when I have suggested it! Have given up really and my husband drinks when out without me or when we're together with friends - occasionally in the house, but overall a lot less than before.

I am finding it really really really hard too!!!!

Original poster

SueV14 · 01/03/2015 20:18

bvvvu isn't in the acronym list... Help me out here please

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MissTwister · 01/03/2015 20:18

And all these pregnant women who say 'I don't even notice giving up alcohol' I don't get it!!!!

Mostlyjustaluker · 01/03/2015 20:20

Being very very very unreasonable

Original poster

SueV14 · 01/03/2015 20:21

Mostly you're breaking my heart! But I did ask for honest opinions I guess... :)

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Original poster

SueV14 · 01/03/2015 20:24

You know, I probably wouldn't be so obsessed about it if he wouldn't complain about me complaining. I expect him to say "oh my poor wifey, I know how hard it is, what can do to cheer you up" every time I start whining, rather than telling me "oh stop it, it's for a short while, do you really want any risk, bla bla". He does say it in a nice and quiet tone but I know his opinion on this is very very firm.

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Skiptonlass · 01/03/2015 20:51

Miss twister - I love wine. I really do. I was never a big drinker but I did really enjoy a nice glass of something on the balcony of an evening now and then.

6+5 today and honestly, if someone waved wine under my nose I'd puke. Or team which I was utterly addicted to and now can't face. I've been amazed at how my tastes have changed. Suffering from some pretty bad sickness and I can keep barely anything down at all.

I don't think you need to have dp on the diet if he's showing support in other ways. Let him show support by helping out with other stuff. My hubs takes the bin out every day and makes sure there's no food smells in the house and I'm so grateful for that. He also brings me water and a nibble for breakfast so I can eat without getting up. Don't keep him on a diet if he finds it hard - just let him show it in other ways?

EeekNumber4 · 01/03/2015 21:01

I agree with you completely! My DH said he would give up the drinking first time round, lasted 3 days! He drinks wine most nights at home :( I can't wait to have a drink! It's hard :)

Original poster

SueV14 · 01/03/2015 21:01

Skip, sorry you're suffering from morning sickness. I didn't have any but my cousin did and I know it's really really tough. I had no sickness and having no aversions whatsoever, so probably finding it harder to stay away from my fav foods and wine. I know it's silly but some days I wish I had so e of the aversions!

My DH is great in all other matter and takes charge etc. it's just this point we've been going on about for a few weeks now and it turns into a matter of principle.. :)

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Original poster

SueV14 · 01/03/2015 21:15

Mostly I just realised your comment on being unreasonable relates to the acronym. I'm so slow, LOL

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Original poster

SueV14 · 01/03/2015 21:31

Eeek how far along are you? Long way to go?

I'm measuring my pregnancy progress in weeks that I've known I've been preg for, rather than "real" weeks. So out of 8 months of being "knowingly" pregnant I've only just finished my 3rd month.. Meaning less than a half way only! Another 5 months of complaining ahead... :)

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EeekNumber4 · 01/03/2015 22:00

I've got the weeks left... And counting!!! Christmas was probably the worst time for wanting a drink! But hey, it is worth it in the end. Hope the next 5 months fly by for you :)

Original poster

SueV14 · 01/03/2015 22:03

Agree about Christmas! I only found out end of November so the whole holiday season was "screwed" in the gastronomic sense :)) Plus all the hiding that I'm not drinking was a pain :)

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ClearlyOpaque · 02/03/2015 07:27

I'm with you on this! Your DP should definitely try your diet, even if it's just for a month.

My OH is very supportive and gave up booze for a month, so he now knows how hard it is. He makes a sympathetic noise or face every time I have to turn something down because I'm pregnant and it honestly makes a different to how hard done by I feel

If I was you, next time your DP says how easy it is, bet him he can't stick to it for a month.

(I'm a little but cross on your behalf!)

ClearlyOpaque · 02/03/2015 07:28

*Little bit cross

ClearlyOpaque · 02/03/2015 07:29

Especially if he's being really strict with you. My OH is fine with me having a bit of something I love.

Sorry, I'll stop now!

2015isgoingtobeBIG · 02/03/2015 08:17

Insist he try it for a month! I threw a wobbly over this when we were trying to conceive and it wasn't happening saying I was doing everything possible including stopping drinking yet he was still going out getting hammered....harsh maybe as he wasn't getting bladdered every week but we were heading to ivf and I felt he needed to take this seriously. He took it seriously though and joined me on the abstinence bench so discovered 1) how little options there are for nice soft drinks and 2) how socially hard it was to have to decline a glass of wine with a meal when others are of the opinion "one glass won't hurt". Now I'm pregnant he does have the odd glass with dinner and is back to drinking with his mates but doesn't rub my nose in it and sometimes will choose soft drinks/non-alcoholic versions kind of in solidarity.
Long winded way of saying I don't think you're being unreasonable!

sianihedgehog · 02/03/2015 09:17

Not a bloody chance of mine joining me. He even had a little "oh god it's all too grown up and scary" crisis at the start and several episodes of going out with another mate and vanishing until dawn and coming home unable to stand and passing out with his head down the big and sick in his beard. Fun times. Nearly chucked him for it. But he's got his head together a bit more now and is listening when I ask him to stay functional, and coming home on schedule.

And now I'm into the second trimester I'm allowing myself my NHS permitted one drink a week, which is a bit less miserable. I honestly don't see any point in restricting myself on anything that isn't supported by science - that's basically just performing magic rituals.
OP, if my other half were expecting me to do the severe diet restrictions and just casually opting out of an agreement to do them with me, I'd cause a fucking scene! You definitely aren't being unreasonable to be annoyed with him if he's agreed to do that and then just not bothered when it's actually hard!

Original poster

SueV14 · 02/03/2015 09:29

Thank you all ladies for your responses. I may have drawn a harsh picture of my DP... Before I got pregnant I was actually the really drinking person in our relationship. While DH always drinks in more than moderation (it has been a weird dream of mine to actually see my husband tipsy for once! Well, he might've been once over NYE but I was so wasted I can't remember ). And therefore, asking him to stay away from booze for one month won't be of any problem for him as he did it before when he was taking a medication for 50 days which was interacting with alc. and frankly speaking it wasn't all so annoying for me in the first trimester, it started getting to me in the last 4 weeks.

So in order for him to really feel how I feel he would need to stay away from everything and ESPECIALLY all the tabu foods (our big point of argue is raw fish!) for 3 months at the very least. He is travelling until tomorrow night and I was texting him like crazy last night saying that I want him to really do it with me (was very cranky last night). He kept saying can we please discuss this face to face. What's there to discuss?! :) But I will insist. The only thing is I won't be able to check if he doesn't secretly have any of the forbidden foods for lunch on weekdays.... :-/

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Seriouslyffs · 02/03/2015 10:14

Please don't feel you have to answer this here but please think about your relationship with drink. You sound over invested in what he's drinking. How are you finding not drinking now and what's going to happen once the baby is born?

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 02/03/2015 10:26

You do realise it isn't up to him to decide which foods you avoid? I think you need to address that with him. Your body, your choice.

Original poster

SueV14 · 02/03/2015 10:43

Seriously I have decided not to drink at all because, especially in restaurants I like to pair my courses with different wines, meaning it is likely to be 2-3 small glasses over the course of the evening. I primarily enjoy the experience of wine paired with food rather than the effect of alcohol. I don't miss drinking when at home in front of the TV at all. (I did crave a gulp of scotch a few days ago cause I has a really stressful week, but that's just human I guess).

The zero alc policy is my own decision (I still do go for wine tastings occasionally to keep up my blog but spit every single sip though). Besides, I am convinced that this sort of "detox" is good for the body. Once the baby is born I will enjoy wine again as it is highly unlikely I will breastfeed from 1 breast only (2nd is out of order due to cancer treatment). I may pump for 1 "meal" a day if that works but will mainly go formula.

Penguin, we are used to make important decisions together in our family and even though I agree with you that it's my body, it's his baby too. Therefore his opinion on this counts and I respect it. And I don't have a problem as such in being over-cautios with food. The issue here is that he should follow the restrictions with me in order to understand how hard it is to stay away from favourite foods for such a long time.

OP posts:

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 02/03/2015 11:04

A joint decision is fine. But earlier you said he was insisting. Which isn't.

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