Anyone's DP doing the preggers diet with you?

[SueV14]

I'm 18 weeks now, consider myself quite a foodie and I love my wine too (and even have a wine & food blog). So it's been really tough for me to stay away from all the stuff which is "not recommended". So I've been whining and complaining quite a lot about all the food tabus and my zero alcohol policy (strongly supported by DH!) and he keeps telling me to stop complaining cause it's for a short time anyway bla bla bla.

He simply doesn't realise how tough it is for me, especially ME who loves food and wine so much. So I told him he'll never understand how I feel and that he's welcome to join in for the "diet". He first said "sure no problem, will do it with you" but has been still having his little beer a few times a week with dinner and keeps having wine when we're dining out with friends. So pretending he forgot about it, sort of. (He never has been a big drinker anyways and only drinks small amounts). But STILL, it's not like staying away from something completely. So I am thinking of putting my foot down on it and make him stay away from all the foods/drink I can't have. Being in the same boat will hopefully help him feel with and for me.

Anyone's DP doing this with you? And if not what are your thoughts? Please don't say I'm being an unreasonable hormonal preggers bi*...

Actually I will rephrase that. Taking his opinion into account is fine. The decision is always yours.

Which does mean that, although I think he ought to either stop saying it is easy or prove it (by doing it himself), I don't think you have any right to demand he modifies his diet either.

I would never demand/expect my DH to follow the diet too (why should we both be miserable?!) but also wouldn't be impressed if he was the one putting pressure on me about what I did or didn't eat. He completely respect my choice on what I am cutting out and what I am willing to take a 'risk' on. I'm the one that's done all the research!

He is insisting on no raw fish because he doesn't trust the hygiene standards (the only "dangerous" food I would eat if I can be sure it has been frozen first, e.g. ITSU tuna).

...I don't think you have any right to demand he modifies his diet either. Penguin, you mean because it was a joint decision?

'GotToBe*, you're a holy person for thinking this way (why should we both be miserable) :) And re other point... well, my DH is just a different piece of cake. Also, he was much more passionate about having children in general than I ever was (although I do want kids with HIM now). Also, we've been through a lot together in the last 1.5 years (ectopic pregnancy follow by breast cancer) so he is really really happy about this baby and naturally being over-protective. Which is really sweet on one hand.

BUT I JUST WANT HIM TO STOP EATING STUFF I CANNOT EAT!!!

He gets to have an opinion on what you eat. But not to demand you follow it.

You get to have an opinion on whether he should follow the same restrictions. You don't get to demand he follows it.

You each have bodily autonomy.

Is what I meant.

Ok, thanks for clarifying Penguin. Totally makes sense. But not so easy to implement in real life I'm afraid :) If it was, nobody would ever argue, fight and we would have world peace! :)

Well yes, at a global level difficult.

In a respectful relationship it should be easy. You both seem to believe you have the right to dictate to the other about their body . I can't imagine you really think that, but it is the logical conclusion of what you are saying. How about he stops 'insisting' anything and so do you?

just out of interest what food are you missing? (if it's not too cruel to make you think about it!!) as I've been pregnant 3 times and never find the food an issue, and I'm wondering if it's because I don't eat any of the 'bad' food anyway. What am I missing?!
Wine on the other hand - I don't touch a drop and I do miss it!
In regards to dH joining my diet, im not fussed personally, life's too short for us both to miss out, but then again he doesn't drink much anyway!

Hi Windy! Well well, what do I miss? Basically everything I would normally order when we dine out. Just off the top of my head:

Chicken/duck/whatever liver pate
Salmon/tuna/beef tartar
Seared scallops/tuna
Carpaccio
Medium cooked steak
Pink cooked lamb, venison, duck and other animals
Medium cooked burger
Sashimi/sushi (don't tell me to go the veggie version!)
All deserts where they use raw eggs (turns out there are A LOT)
Taboo cheeses (Camembert, bree, etc)

And all that JUST off the top of my head!

I also miss all those things except the sushi and pate (didn't eat that much of them anyway). But it's not that long really! And there are plenty of other lovely foods (I am also a bit of a foodie, our one extravagance is good food). You haven't got all that long to go!

Penguin, not just on a global level. It can also be difficult in a loving relationship sometimes to agree on everything. If you achieved this in yours I can only admire you. We are two dickheads with strong characters (I'm Aries and he is Scorpio) so banging heads is inevitable every now and then. But its part of the package and we love each other for that too. I couldn't be with someone who agrees with me on everything and lets me be the boss (I had a relationship like that once and realized how ridiculous it was after it ended). I do need someone to put his foot down sometimes and so do I sometimes.

Anyways, we could go on debating about relationships for ages and this wasn't meant to be a relationship thread after all. :) I just really wanted to see how other pregnant couples handle the food and drink restrictions.

It probably all sounds like a big drama by now but it is really hard to understand how I feel for someone who doesn't know me in person and how MUCH I love my food.

I am finding it hard too, more with food than drink, I think I have a very childish "I want what I can't have" attitude! My DP offered to give up alcohol with me but I told him not to, didn't see how it would help me and thought one of us should be having fun, if we go out and he has some beers then we have a deal I can spend some money on a treat for me - new clothes, a massage, stuff for my hobbies etc. Also planning a luxury hotel break with the money saved from me not drinking for 9 months! That's made it all feel much better than him not drinking.

Oh and your food list - YES I WANT ALL THOSE THINGS!

I am not talking about never disagreeing. I am talking about respecting one another's bodily autonomy. They are very different and to me they are central to the issue you posted about.

DH didn't disagree about what I ate when pregnant or bfing because it wasn't his decision. I didn't expect him to give up wine because it wasn't mine. We could both disagree for weeks on what car to buy because it was a joint decision.

You don't seem to see my examples (food, car) as different. Fine. But think about how that translates. What if you disagree on pethidine. Or a glass of wine when bfing. Or whether you should be induced or choose an elective section.

Regarding your DH. I think you should tell him to give over with the comments about it being easy unless he will prove it. But I think you are being very unreasonable to simply tell him you want him to.

i think your a loon - he doesn't have to watch what he east or drinks as he is not pregnant and just because he doesn't have eat/drink those things does not help me one jot - its a completely pointless exercise - why would you try and control someone by trying to get him to do something he doesn't need to do? there is no risk attached to what he eats or drinks whereas what I eat or drank during my pregnancy has a risk attached to it - why would I want to actively risk my babies health by eating or drinking? if something happened to our baby because of something I ate or drank I couldn't live with the guilt...

Eating sushi right now since reading yesterday on the NHS website that commercial sushi is fine. Sorry to flaunt it :)

Emz, sounds like a very reasonable solution that you guys have found. BUT... Also planning a luxury hotel break with the money saved from me not drinking for 9 months! What on earth is it what you normally drink?? Premier Grand Cru Classé wines and Crystal champagne?! :D :D :D

Penguin Yes, we obviously look at things differently and you handle them differently as well. Fair enough and whatever works for everyone - to each their own. I think I understand your point and your input is really appreciated, thank you for taking time to write. As for decisions regarding birth, we will deal with it when we get there (hopefully safe and sound) but we agree already now that we will be primarily following recommendations of my consultant. (Elective CS is not a topic, I'm not doing it unless it is a medical necessity). I think you should tell him to give over with the comments about it being easy unless he will prove it. Absolutely agree.

Captain thank you, your a mean person! Where did you get your sushi and what is "commercial" sushi??

"(Elective CS is not a topic, I'm not doing it unless it is a medical necessity)"

I meant elective in the medical sense - i.e. pre planned. Not in the sense of chosen because that is how you preferred to give birth. There are obviously lots of situations where an elective section may be advised.

Oh, that's good to know! I thought "elective" means a chosen method by the woman in order to avoid going through labour etc. Learned smth new, I'm a newbie to this after all :)

my Dh has drunk about two beers since I got preg (I'm 35 weeks). We both drink alcohol free beer happily.

since you're a wine expert, how about testing the alcohol free wines and try to find a drinkable one?

Food wise I don't mind. DH doesn't eat cheese or pate anyway as they're too fattening. We have discussed other foods and are ok with some. For example, sushi if fish frozen first is ok.

I understand the frustration but there's so much about parenting that's unfair (I have to give birth again. I will be up 3-4 times a night feeding, we went on a skiing holiday and I couldn't ski) and yet he does what he can to help and I'm not resentful. well, not most of the time.

Ah, I see . No. It's the same general terminology as other surgery - it divides into elective (pre-planned) and emergency (not pre-planned).

It is actually pretty misleading. Elective sections could be maternal preference, but equally it would still be elective if you'd had a cervical stitch and the baby physically had no other way out, or if the baby was transverse and it was very dangerous to both mother and baby to labour naturally. Or if the baby was breech and the mother had decided not to attempt a vaginal breech delivery. So a lot of 'elective' isn't about choice at all (except in the sense that you always have the choice to ignore medical advice).

Emergency sections don't even always mean an emergency in the normal sense of the word. It would be an 'emergency' section for slow progress, for example. But no one is really in danger at that point. The real emergencies (life threatening situation for either or both of mum and baby) are called 'crash' sections.

Ha not quite!! But £10 a week over 40 weeks is £400 - enough for a decent couple of nights away imo! (And tbh I probably drunk more than £10 a week before - drinks out are expensive!)

Sue I've noticed you commenting on a few food/ pregnancy related posts and this is obviously a big deal for you since food and wine are something you are passionate about.

I cook for a living and eating good food and drinking great wine are big passions of mine. So I do understand how it can feel to be restricted. I'm a few weeks ahead of you so maybe I can offer a little advice?

It's your choice to drink no alcohol in spite of the NHS saying that the occasional glass of wine is fine. That's ok. It's your choice. Just like it's my choice to drink in moderation. But if you're making that choice you can't expect your DH to join in (or anyone else in RL to feel bad for you)

It's also your choice to follow the food guidance to the letter. It is guidance only. There are some rules I follow and some I don't - that's my choice.

The point I'm trying to make is that once you see these things as choices rather than horrible rules enforced upon you it may make things a little easier.

Equally, you may succeed in convincing you DH to avoid these foods and alcohol and he may not find it hard at all. What will you do then?

Try and change the way you see things rather than trying to make him miserable too.

london oh don't get me started on alc-free wine! Someone here posted a thread on it recently and I posted there. To summarise, everything I tried is complete rubbish except for the Natureo Muscat which is bearable, but I got tired of it after 2 weeks. I find they are also quite expensive (up to £8) and there's no point spending money on it while I can have grape juice for less and it will be more tasty. But I am still going to get a bottle of Sainsbury sparkling everyone was raving about - haven't tried that one yet.

Penguin thank you so much for explaining it all. I guess my consultant will raise the birth question at some point soon (when it is when you normally start planning the birth?), but at 18 weeks only I still have a loooong way to go.

Emz, ok it's just a weekend getaway or so, then it totally makes sense. It's just when you said "luxury holiday" what I pictured was 2 weeks in a five star caribbean hotel (probably cause this is my idea of a dream luxury holiday) :) :) :)

My dh and I love wine. I'm 24 weeks (almost) and I'm having maybe one small glass of wine a week (normally with sat night dinner).

I am a pretty big drinker normally - dh and I would share a bottle on weekend nights - so he's cut way down but there's no way I'd want him to cut it out like I have. Mainly because I want him to enjoy himself whilst he can, when this baby arrives (we also have a 2 year old) there won't be any nights out for a loooooong time!!! :)

In terms of food as this is my second baby I'm definitely less rigid - I'm eating runny eggs when I want and pink meat too. And I'm lucky I guess in that i don't like pate and the not recommended cheeses aren't my bag either. It must be hard when you really love that stuff.

I'd probably ask dh to not eat it in front of me or have it in the house! Hardly a big sacrifice for him!

Sue I just meant sushi from shops, nhs link: www.nhs.uk/chq/pages/is-it-safe-to-eat-sushi-during-pregnancy.aspx?categoryid=54