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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Nobody understands

18 replies

pinkie1982 · 18/02/2015 13:56

Why I don't want to find out the sex.

It seems to be the 'done thing' now and I want a suprise after all of the hard work. I have had to persuade DP to come around to my way of thinking...he isn't convinced.
He has an older son and he found out the sex with that one, so I said to him he has done that part before and it's not something I wish to do.

He still thinks I will change my mind on Monday at the 20 week scan.
I WON'T!

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blankfornames · 18/02/2015 14:00

Hi, Im the same as you. I'm due tomorrow and don't have a clue what sex it is. I think there are so few surprises left in life that this is the sweetest one going!

Stay strong!!

carbolicsoaprocked · 18/02/2015 14:13

We didn't find out either. I'd just rather find out in the delivery room and have a surprise rather than just finding out in a scan. Although we don't have a preference it's still exciting not knowing. Also if I knew the sex I'd go crazy buying clothes! You also run the risk of the sonographers getting it wrong - not great if you've bought a load of blue or pink things! If we have a second I think we'll find out the sex though to help prepare DC1 for the new arrival. Good luck for your scan, and stand your ground!

chillybits · 18/02/2015 14:20

I never found out the sex. Loved the moment of finding out. Made the last moments of labour a bit more bearable.

Katie2489 · 18/02/2015 14:21

Some people just don't want to find out and that is fine. I found out but I didn't think it would be that much of a surprise either way. I am very pragmatic and didn't really see the point in not knowing. But I know loads of people who didn't find out and I've got to admit it did add a little excitement on the day. Stick to your guns.

Katie2489 · 18/02/2015 14:23

Re 'changing your mind on the day'. I have heard it is very very frustrating to be told this. So be rightly annoyed about that!

WishUponAStar88 · 18/02/2015 14:29

I never found out. A wonderful surprise and an extra incentive to push that bit harder haha. My dh also wanted to find out but he was glad we didn't in the end!

Serephim · 18/02/2015 14:30

I am 36+6 and don't know the sex either. DH didn't want to know and I am glad we haven't found out. It doesn't bother us what it is as long as it is healthy. Like PP have said, it adds to the magic :)

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 18/02/2015 14:30

I found out the sex with both, but would never say I 'don't understand' why someone else wouldn't! Although I actually did change my mind on the day first time round . Very personal decision. I actually find people very judgmental when I tell them we have found out, people have told me I'm impatient, ruined the surprise etc etc. Our parents were the worst, my mum said she didn't want me to tell her as it would ruin it for her?!

Anyway I find that people are very defensive about all decisions relating to pregnancy and parenting, including this one. I guess they feel that if someone does something different to them then it's an implied criticism of their choice.

Each to their own, enjoy the surprise .

LemonYellowSun · 18/02/2015 14:32

I liked finding out at the birth too, but we are in the minority.

Tricky when DP wants to know, but he should respect your decision.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 18/02/2015 14:34

Also I think it must depend on the area as about 90% of people I know haven't found out the sex! We're definitely in the minority.

StroppyPoppy · 18/02/2015 14:41

Don't worry about it! I did choose to find out the sex because I couldn't stand the suspense, but then everyone seemed judgey that I had.

I obviously didn't mind whether it was a boy or girl but people seemed to think that I did, which was hurtful.

Just do what you feel comfortable with and ignore them.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 18/02/2015 14:44

Yeah people assume we found out because we had a preference. Not the case at all! We were just really excited to know and DH felt he would bond better with the bump if he knew.

happygojo · 18/02/2015 14:53

My bf really wants to find out, and I am not bothered. So we probably will find out, but I have said that I will not push the sonographer to find out, if it is obvious to them then they will tell us but a lot of the time they don't actually like to say. So I am leaving it up to the baby to decide lol! and from the awkward way they were at 12 weeks (upside down and showing us the back of their head until the last moment... I am not sure my stubborn bean will play ball.

I do wonder sometimes if I would regret finding out as you can't 'un-know'

d0ttyne11 · 18/02/2015 15:03

I don't want to know (am 28 weeks now) and have always wanted a surprise at the birth. Not knowing is saving me a shedload in spending money now on stuff as I'm amazed how much stuff is gender specific (but that's another thread...)

DH had wanted to know as sonographers would know more of our medical info than us (??) but he's fine with my preference and is enjoying saying we're having a baby when asked what it'll be.

On reflection at 20 week scan they told us they were going to check out the gender so we should 'look away now' while they both took a peak. Literally two mins later they asked me to give them (yet another) urine sample. In the cubicle I was quite relieved I'd not just been told what the baby was and then been given my marching orders to the ladies loos without being able to share the moment a bit more with DH.

For that reason if we were ever to find out in future (which I doubt) I might do what friends did and ask for the gender to be written on a bit of paper and stuck in an envelope for them to open where and when they choose.

Now I really sound like I've over thought this don't i!?!?

MrsWolowitz · 18/02/2015 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dogsmom · 18/02/2015 15:17

I found out with both of mine and have had more surprised reactions than not from people when they ask if I know, it seems the norm to not find out.

MishMooshAndMogwai · 18/02/2015 15:17

Someone has literally just said this to me 20 mins ago!

I'm 18 weeks and won't be finding out. I can't wait for the moment of unveiling at the birth I think it's lovely to here it then.

I found out with dd as I was so frustrated with people saying 'you can't POSSIBLY know it's a girl without checking!' Well I did. And I proved it. So there

Also, very keen to avoid the inevitable influx of blue/pink. My friend had a baby shower a few months ago and everyone was so creative with presents because they didn't know the gender, it was lovely :) and it wasn't a massive pile of yellow either!

Original poster

pinkie1982 · 18/02/2015 16:48

Thanks for the replies everyone.
I only know one other couple that chose not to know and I'm surrounded by friends/family with kids, young babies or one on the way. Maybe as a PP said - it's something to do with the area?! How funny.
People keep asking if I'm sure I've made the right decision in not finding out. What a bizarre question!

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