Would this worry you?

[worriedonemum]

I'll come clean, the answer I'm hoping for is a big fat "no"!

I'm pregnant with DC2 and had irrational fears around toxoplasmosis when pregnant with DC1, unfortunately I think they're back (I know I haven't had it previously). So, the grandparents come to our house each week to look after DC1, which is great. They also prepare dinner for us, even better, but I'm really worried that they'll contaminate things (clean dishes, cutlery in drawers or just the sink and work surfaces) by not washing their hands (properly) after handling raw meat. This worry is surely way over the top and not something most pregnant women would worry about?

We also have a cat that poos in our garden and it worries me that if they clear that up they might similarly be less stringent about cleaning up afterwards than I would like.

And finally, as pregnant ladies, do you put stuff that's had raw meat on it in the dishwasher? (Another "will it get clean enough" fear).

Hoping to put my worries into perspective rather than feed them but all responses appreciated!

I wouldn't have even thought about not putting raw meat things in the dishwasher- I didnt even know that was a thing?

It sounds like you're over worrying, could you talk to your MW about your fear returning? Is it possible to identify what has triggered the anxiety reoccurring and deal with that issue?

And, I really sympathise- I have an ED and when stressed it reoccurs, I just know I need to deal with the actual thing that is making me stressed, and not focus on the food- but easier said than done!

No - I would not worry about those things. DH is on cat poo/dog poo duty here and I just assume he washes his hands carefully enough.

As for putting things that have touched raw meat in the dishwasher - yes, absolutely. It gets SO hot in our dishwasher that any bacteria will be killed. In fact I'd say it's better than hand washing for killing germs.

Thank you littleturkish, the sanity check I was after! I've had two miscarriages (one before DC1, one after) and am a bit of a control freak anyway, so I think this stems from two things - the fear that I'll lose or damage my baby (and it will be my fault) and just generally being so out of control insofar as I can't guarantee the baby's safety, even on the inside. Thankyfully once DC1 arrived I was much more relaxed, I didn't feel solely responsible.

This fear totally dominates at the moment, it's pretty hard on me and my DH and I worry that DC1 will notice my behaviour which can be odd in relation to food atm so am determined to do something about it.

(And I don't think the dishwasher thing is a thing, just in my head!)

I will have another look at CBT I think. I tried hypnotherapy last time but I guess that doesn't deal with the root cause.

Thank you GoooRooo. The hottest cycle on our dishwasher says it's 65 degrees which I thought wasn't hot enough, but again, I think I'm overthinking and just need to feel the fear and do it anyway, I'm getting pretty sick of shaping my life around this fear.

Bless you ... definitely some irrational worrying going on there ... is it only when you are pregnant or do you have the same tendencies outside of pregnancy?
We all need some exposure to the nasties we share our space to build strong immune systems ... being overly clean can lead to catching infections easier outside the home! I knew a girl who would bleach everything in her place 4 times a day ... walls, switches, surfaces, personal effects ... as was worried about others contaminating her space for baby ... He was always at the doctors with one thing or another which made her bleach more ... turns out it was down to being so sterile that baby hadn't a chance to build up immunity to anything!!
I think if you pop an alcohol gel hand cleaner or handwash by the sinks and surfaces here n there people will use them ... saves you the embarrassment of checking they are being clean and gives you a little piece of mind too!

Thank you blackwidow74. These cleanliness/contamination fears are confined to pregnancy only, thankfully, and I am happy to get mucky with the best of them (and encourage DC1 to do likewise) the rest of the time.

That said, I do catastrophise and am prone to worrying unnecessarily about things, so it is a bit of a habit which I guess I've transferred onto this one issue. I do worry that if it wasn't that I'd find something else to scare myself with but am going to try to overcome it! Antibac handwash by all sinks already :)

CBT is very useful, but there are other options- has your MW given you the details of the mental health MW? I have a food therapist specialist that I see, but I could have just had the MH MW to talk to, and sometimes just talking it through is a good way to self identify the triggers and make plans of how to cope with the anxious feelings without resorting to destructive thought patterns/behaviours.

It is totally normal to worry- but please be reassured, you're worrying about things that do need to be worried about.

It's possible you've already had toxo. The chances of catching it and passing it on are very low even if you aren't immune. Only 3 in 100,000 babies are born with it and the most likely stage of pregnancy to pass it on - third trimester- is also the stage where it's least likely to cause any significant problems. To be frank, there are hundreds of things which pose a greater risk and I bet you don't give them a second thought.

I think you are just hanging generalised anxiety on an identifiable target. We all do it. Talk to your midwife. Best wishes for a happy pregnancy.

Speaking as an anxiety sufferer myself ... sounds like it's back, yes.
I found yoga and hypnotherapy CDS helped with it, also mindfulness ... If there's nothing nhs near you home use CDS and books are reasonably priced.

I wouldn't worry about any of those things. Dishwashers are hot for a reason, they kill bacteria. Have your IL's given you any reason to believe they're lax with personal and food hygiene?

Thanks squizita, I'll look into both options and also check see what the MW suggests, cd's would certainly be easy enough to fit in with work and a little one!

GotToBeInItToWinIt - there's the odd thing when they've been cooking that isn't how I would approach it but I think I've lost all perspective on this so imagine that they're standards are pretty decent really.

It's been helpful to hear that so many of you wouldn't be worrying to this extent, so thank you.

Hey there, I have a tendency towards anxiety over food hygiene etc so can understand a bit where you're coming from. You might want to try the Thrive programme - you can do it with a local trained therapist (i think they tend to be hypnotherapists) or you can just do it yourself with the book/manual. I just bought the manual online (might have been through amazon, can't remember) and it really helped me to understand my thinking style and what led me to think anxious thoughts / over- think things / always see the negative side etc. It was about £20 a think. I haven't followed it religiously at all, and I think I could do with a re-read, but it really did help to put some things in perspective and help me start to adjust my thinking style and reduce anxiety. By the way, this isn't a plug for Thrive, I'm in no way related to the author (I think it's Rob Kelly)!! I just found it a useful self-help route.

Probably not a good sign for me. But it sounds quite a reasonable worry, maybe not the dishwasher.
I make oh washhands upstairs after bagging up the catpoo (not our cat) not over sink blergh.

If it helps at all cats and dogs and people only transmit toxoplasmosis the first time they get it when they are kittens or whatever- most cats don't transmit it. Even if you haven't had it it's extremely unlikely you would catch it from touching raw meat (ie unless you actually ate the raw meat). Hope you feel better

I'm so sorry for what you're going through- I developed OCD since getting pregnant and toxo is one of my thongs too! Like you I've had issues getting /keeping a pregnancy. So yes I do worry about these things but only through ocd. I would agree with cbt, you can get it via your doctor and the wait will be much shorter I you're pg. I've hated almost every moment of my pg due to ocd, I really hope you can enjoy this one! Now regards your concerns- have the grandparents cooked for you before? And have you washed meaty things in the dishwasher before? If so then even if it were a risk that means you will have already contracted toxo that way and are therefore immune. If you feel able maybe speak to the grandparents about your fear then they can reassure you too that they are taking care. I don't think it is a risk actually but I know why it feels like one to you. Think about it, EVERYONE who cooks meat has to wash the dishes after. 65 degrees in the dishwasher is hotter than a handwash, if this wasn't good enough then the toco rate in the population would be 100%. Re cat poo we have this exact thing too, damn thing always does it on the front lawn. My DH checks daily and removes, toxo takes a few days to produce spores so if poo is removed immediately it's not a risk. Also cats only can shed toxo once in their life generally, usually when young and first hunting so actually the cat doing the pooping is more likely than not to not carry toxo. As a keen gardener my whole life I can tell you there isn't a flower bed in the land without cat poo so if this were a risk there would be a much higher rate of toxo, whereas the rate is actually tiny. Be aware the midwife may not test you for toxo- mine wouldn't - but it's still worth an ask. Take care and be reassured you are fine.

Thanks again everyone. I'll definitely look into the Thrive programme seriouslynonames, thank you for telling me about it.

Yesterday's post was just the latest in a long line of worries about toxoplasmosis but helped to confirm that it's not really toxo that's the problem, but my approach and attitude to risk and situations (like pregnancy!) where I feel out of control. I felt a lot more relaxed yesterday, still quite stringent in my food hygiene but not irrational and the raw meat stuff went in the dishwasher. Who knew that would feel like progress!