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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Visitors-hospital and otherwise

59 replies

SiameseDream · 18/01/2015 12:37

NC for this as family members are on here.

I only want DH in the delivery room. Afterwards I also want us to have time to ourselves at the hospital and for us to decide when we are ready for visitors. I'm planning on BFing and also I'm the type to throw all my clothes off! How strict are the midwives at stopping people turning up?

MIL, who isn't horrible btw and I don't hate her, started off by saying she will be in delivery room and was told no. Now she is saying she will be at the hospital the minute I go there. She has been told by DH no multiple times but it's not sinking in. She keeps relaying her version of "what is going to happen when SD goes into labour" and that involves her "tearing up to the hospital" and waiting. The thought of this terrifies me but she seems to think it's hilarious.

What did everyone else do as I can't be the first in this position? Do we not tell them when I go into labour/date for CS if appropriate? But she contacts DH a lot so an

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Original poster

SiameseDream · 18/01/2015 12:39

Duh posted-any radio silence will result in her rushing to ours and finding us not in and drawing logical conclusion..

Help. I feel really guilty posting this as she will be a very loving Grandmother and is very generous but I feel a bit stressed!

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comeagainforbigfudge · 18/01/2015 12:49

Check with your hospital. Mine has set visiting time. Even for partners.

And if that doesn't work. A white lie - don't tell her when in labour. Just when baby here (if possible?)

Bair · 18/01/2015 12:52

When I had DS I could ask that certain people weren't allowed in.

ImperialBlether · 18/01/2015 12:56

What would she do if, next time she says she'll be in the hospital, you burst into tears and say, "Why are you spoiling this for me?"

Egog · 18/01/2015 12:57

Bit of a white lie, but could you perhaps tell her you've switched hospitals as the facilities (pools etc) are better elsewhere?

Then if she does dash off to pace the corridors you'll have a bit more time before she finds you.

If there's any comeback afterwards, you could claim that DH just drove to the nearest one in panic, and by then it was too late?

KittyandTeal · 18/01/2015 12:58

When I was in hospital we could tell the midwives if we wanted visitors or not.

Even if we said yes we want visitors they always came and checked with us before letting anyone in ie 'mil and FIL are at the door, do you want to see them'

At that point you can always say no it's not a good time, in fact I did ask the midwife to tell them to wait as I was bfing.

Midwives are pretty experienced at clearing unwanted visitors off.

Original poster

SiameseDream · 18/01/2015 12:59

Thanks for your replies. Yes Imperial I have thought of something like that. I think I will keep it in my toolkit!
The thing is I have said that anyone being there would stress me out and she was like oh no I wouldn't want that. And then proceeds to say she is coming! Aargh!!

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PrincessOfChina · 18/01/2015 13:00

Our hospital allows partners for much longer visiting hours than others. I think other family/friends are limited to an hour late afternoon.

ineedtogetthisout · 18/01/2015 13:00

Start being uncontactable for a few hours at a time now. It won't seem so unusual for her not to get through right away when you go into labour then. The hospital will keep visitors away for as long as you wish.

Original poster

SiameseDream · 18/01/2015 13:01

I'm praying for a really strict midwife who will be like a vulture, seeing off visitors!
Seriously she is stupid if she turns up. She could be waiting hours.

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eurochick · 18/01/2015 13:03

This is your husband's job. He needs to manage her.

Original poster

SiameseDream · 18/01/2015 13:06

Yes I think so euro I'm thinking he must tell her not only is she not turning up but she is also not to mention turning up ever again because she is stressing me out. I think it's hard because she's quite a nervy person so it's kind of like kicking a kitten!

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katienana · 18/01/2015 13:09

I had dh and my mum in the delivery room, when my mum arrived they checked with me before letting her in. visitors in the postnatal ward was in 2 2 hr sessions. visitors are 2 to a bed usually.

MinceSpy · 18/01/2015 13:10

I agree with eurochick, your husband needs to deal with and now. MIL has to be told.

Annbag · 18/01/2015 13:13

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

ImperialBlether · 18/01/2015 13:13

I wonder whether her MIL was with her when she gave birth. Somehow I doubt it.

Viviennemary · 18/01/2015 13:15

Nobody should be in the delivery room if you don't want them there. I think she should be allowed to visit for an hour the next day. Tell the hospital you do not want visitors. And tell her as well. Your DH needs to stand up to her. Easier said than done.

ThingummyJigg · 18/01/2015 13:19

Tell her you've transferred to a different hospital.

Don't tell her you've gone into labour, and when you go into hospital, have dh text her some reason you'll both be out for the day. Last minute shopping trip for a cot or something (oh dear the thing you have has been recalled/the mattress doesn't fit/you forgot to buy a wipe warmer), or a spontaneous drive somewhere pretty/friends inviting you over for the day/trapeze workshop. Also, his phone is acting up, isn't it? Not, er, ringing and then only going ping! for messages left after several hours........and what a bugger this has happened at the exact time yours accidentally went in the wash and it's being a bit temperamental still.

If you have a plan in place, with several plans A/B/C for contingencies, you could keep her in the dark. She might be hurt, but you can only explain after the event how her behaviour affected you, and how she didn't listen to dh.

LovelyWeatherForDucks · 18/01/2015 13:21

Your DH needs to tell MIL in no uncertain terms that you are not comfortable with her coming to the hospital. Visitors won't be allowed on the birthing suite generally, so depending on the length of labour / time of birth, she could be there waiting for days!!

Meplusyouequals4 · 18/01/2015 13:25

why don't you want her there?

Is this her first grandchild?

my DH and MIL was at the birth of my DD and are both going to be there when I have DC2 in a matter of weeks.

Original poster

SiameseDream · 18/01/2015 13:27

Thanks for your replies-all useful.

Lol at the thought of her waiting for days Ducks.

It's just so frustrating-she's had kids and no her MIL wasn't there so she should know a)MILs don't generally get to be there and b) pregnant women don't need this shit!!!! Why would I want my MIL waiting outside, ready to pounce?!?

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Noyoucantwatchpeppapig · 18/01/2015 13:32

My MIL and SIL came and waited outside the labour ward. It allowed visitors. I did not want them there at all bit allowed them in for about 15 mins when DD had been born and we had all been cleaned/stitched up. My SIL took loads of photos and despite being asked not to post them put them on FB the next morning. I have mentioned to MIL that i was not happy with what happened last time and she claimed DH wanted her to come which i think she has made up in her in her head. I am now almost full term with DC2 and the labour ward policy appears to have changed to no visitors on the website. Well that is what I've told MIL anyway ?? If i ended up in overnight they can come the next afternoon during the visiting hours.
Your visitors are up to you don't let her in if you don't want her there.

Original poster

SiameseDream · 18/01/2015 13:32

I only want DH there Me. I am not comfortable with anyone else being there at the birth and that includes even my Mum and best friend. Also, a compounding factor is she is extremely anxious which would do me in. Im happy for ILs and other family to visit once we decide we are ready for visitors. She lives close by so will likely be one of the first.

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Meplusyouequals4 · 18/01/2015 13:36

fair enough. your DH needs to just tell her straight in that case. get him to tell her it will make you feel uncomfortable. and if she lives close maybe make some kind of arrangement that she can be the first visitor.

Original poster

SiameseDream · 18/01/2015 14:12

Yes maybe it should be emphasised to her she will be the first to see DC but she has to stop trying to turn up/talking about turning up unannounced or she will lose the privilege. Bloody hell, it's like managing a toddler! I feel bad for my Mum but my DM I think will realise this "first" business is not hugely important and only important to MIL.
Thanks all.

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