Visitors-hospital and otherwise

[SiameseDream]

NC for this as family members are on here.

I only want DH in the delivery room. Afterwards I also want us to have time to ourselves at the hospital and for us to decide when we are ready for visitors. I'm planning on BFing and also I'm the type to throw all my clothes off! How strict are the midwives at stopping people turning up?

MIL, who isn't horrible btw and I don't hate her, started off by saying she will be in delivery room and was told no. Now she is saying she will be at the hospital the minute I go there. She has been told by DH no multiple times but it's not sinking in. She keeps relaying her version of "what is going to happen when SD goes into labour" and that involves her "tearing up to the hospital" and waiting. The thought of this terrifies me but she seems to think it's hilarious.

What did everyone else do as I can't be the first in this position? Do we not tell them when I go into labour/date for CS if appropriate? But she contacts DH a lot so an

She doesn't need to know about every appointment, she's going to become a stalker and a huge hindrance to you if your DH tells her about everything that's happening.

Trust me, you need to nip this in the bud now and tell her in no uncertain terms that you and DH need your own private time with your new baby alone and she must respect this as it's stressing you out. If you don't, trust me it'll build up and inevitably end in tears.

Cheers, I really am getting fed up with the intrusiveness now. themummy your ILs sound exactly the same! My MIL lives to flap I think! It must've made you resentful though-I feel like avoiding her which isn't good.
Thanks you are all giving me the ammunition to be even more strict.

Seriously she doesn't need to know the ins and out of every appointment. Would she give you the minute detiail of a mammogram or smear - think not!!!!!

I remember all sorts happening during appointments - some of which very mundane but I did have 3 aminos and I would not really have wanted to have repeated every minute thing to a third party.

Just because you are now the vessel that is bringing forth the "Grandchild". doesn't mean that you are now less a person in your own right.

Get your dh to reign her in or you both sit down and tell her that this is making you anxious and it is isn't good for the baby (and you of course).

If she's like this now she won't hestiate to ride roughshod over your feelings when the baby is born. - wanting cuddles, overnights stays, bottle feeding not breast etc, and all the time laying on the guilt with those puppy dog eyes.

Oh trust me I am absolutely determined to bf because I see that as a way to keep control. I pray I can bf! I'm getting a sling too! She didn't bf so she has tried to float ideas of DC staying over, being taken out for the day and encouraging us to go on hols. I said "when we're ready" and was non committal.

I know it's silly but I feel almost under threat. Not in a criminal way (hard to explain) but kind of territorial. Like she is going to try to take my baby. I know she isn't going to kidnap DC or anything. I know she wouldnt do any harm. Is that irrational?

Maybe you should be firmer with the staying over etc - Head tilt laugh and say maybe when he /she's a teenager I'll be glad to send him/her to you for a few days ha ha or say with a laugh I didn't go have a baby to hand them over to someone else, Judt remember it's YOUR baby - she's probably overwhelmed by it and maybe feeling a bit out of control but unless you get the boundaries firmly in place now before the baby's born it's going to be hard when you are a wobbly hormonal mess with a newborn.

siamese I Bfed DD, to the bafflement of my mum and PIL. in fact when PIL visited at 3wks, they stood in the garden rather than be in the same room as me bfing the baby.

MIL repeatedly said I should bottle feed to "give me a rest" and so that she would know "how much the baby was getting". She genuinely couldn't get her head round it. I declined offers of her making up a bottle (because we had none anyway) and told her that I knew baby was getting enough because she would stop feeding when she wanted, was putting on weight and had plenty wet and dirty nappies.

DH backed me up every step of the way, if you think your MIL might get anxious or opinionated about bfing then you need your DH onside to field her interference. Even though I wasn't listening to my MiL, it still gave me a bit of a wobble and a bit of doubt which was horrible so early on.

Siamese I felt exactly like you did, protective/territorial almost, when pregnant. I think it's normal

We didn't tell anybody when I went into labour and just called ILS and my parents to visit when we were ready. You don't know what labour will be like or how you'll feel, so you should be able to decide at the time who you're up for seeing and when. Good luck with it all

camel I can see how that was hard; its a very vulnerable position to be in - a new Mum and trying to establish bf.
Ironing I am defo saying the teenager thing haha - I'm gonna be ultra possessive and proud!!
Thanks for your good wishes Hare.
I've told DH how I feel and been pretty blunt about it. He now has full picture and is going to speak to her. I had held stuff back so as not to offend. Like I said, she's not horrible so it's difficult. But I am resolved to be in charge of this and if I offend a little bit, so be it.

When I had DD The labour ward was 2 people only, I could swap someone in or out if I wanted but only ever have 2 people, policy is still the same, they wouldn't even let people sit in the waiting room, and the receptionists head fell off when I had to go up there after my 36 week scan to be given a decision on whether I was being admitted to the hospital's pregnant lady ward or shipped elsewhere because there were 5 of us in the waiting room!

The post labour ward had visiting hours pretty much 9am - 9pm for partners and a set of hours in the afternoon for everyone else, 2 at a time, they didn't enforce it by any stretch of the imagination though, at one point DH, MiL, FiL, mum, my sister were all there and my grandparents turned up, so I banished everyone by my grandparents and husband because it was getting all a bit much! they were all fairly quiet minus cooing and we had the curtains closed so we weren't being all that disruptive unlike some of the other people on the ward This time I'm sowing the seeds for not having any visitors on the ward except DH but I'm not expecting it to go down well...