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Original poster

If you have to stay in hospital a while, is husband allowed to stay?

52 replies

LittleRedRidingHoodie · 05/12/2014 08:25

I'm worried about being left on my own after the birth. I understand that husbands are not allowed/supposed to stay overnight (unless we book a private room which may not be available) but during the day time are husbands allowed to be around outside of visiting hours?

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 05/12/2014 08:26

Check with your hospital, but it's pretty normal to have extended visiting hours for a new baby's other parent.

SunnaClausIsComingToTown · 05/12/2014 08:27

I think it depends on the hospital. Ours didn't allow it (unless in a private room) because of privacy concerns for the other mothers.

SomethingAboutNothing · 05/12/2014 08:27

I think usually there are partner visiting hours and everyone else visiting hours, so he would be able to spend most of the day with you but it varies from hospital to hospital.

NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 05/12/2014 08:28

Ours allowed it in the daytime - but they had to leave at mealtimes and go home at the end of evening visiting.

evertonmint · 05/12/2014 08:28

My hospital allowed partners and siblings from about 9am to 10pm but only a short afternoon period for other visitors. I would expect they'll have similar extended hours but worth checking.

Original poster
LittleRedRidingHoodie · 05/12/2014 08:29

This worries me a lot, particularly in light of the very sad case of Charlotte Bevan. Surely if midwives are too busy to offer much care to new mums, partners should be allowed to stay and support? Although I've not had any mental health issues, there's lots in my family and I am concerned that I might suffer.

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/12/2014 08:33

But most hospitals do allow dads to stay a good while - usually 9/10am til around 9pm.

A four bed ward with a dad at each bedside overnight would (imo) be more detrimental to the health and well being of new mums than all dads leaving at a reasonable hour for quiet and privacy.

AuntieStella · 05/12/2014 08:35

You see it as having your partner there to support. But everyone else on the ward would see it as unrelated person who never goes away. It is really not fair on everyone else in the ward (and may be a precipitating feature for their particular issues).

I think you might find it helpful to discuss your anxiety about MH issues antenatally with your MW. Find out what support there is likely to be, both in the immediate post-delivery period and onwards once you are home.

northernmummeh · 05/12/2014 08:35

At my trust dads/partners were allowed in from 10 till 8pm

If there was a nice MW on they were flexible to a point. On my 5th day of being stuck in there I completely lost my shit and wanted to discharge myself, bf wasn't going well and I was just an emotional wreck. I was in a bay of 4 where only 1 other lady was in and the Lovely mw let DH stop at my bed behind the curtain till I'd done a feed and got myself to sleep. I loved her so much for that

feelingunsupported · 05/12/2014 08:38

Which hospital are you going to be in? Ours - sunderland - have all private rooms. I was in 3 days and nobody questioned visitors at any time that I remember. Ds was in nicu so we weren't in the room much but one friend came to see me quite late - we sat on my bed eating chocolates until almost 11. I couldn't sleep and was really grateful to have her there.

We might be able to be specific if you can name the hospital? :-)

IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 05/12/2014 08:48

As others have said it does vary from hospital to hospital

It also depends on your needs, my DH was able to stay overnight with me at all times but only because I needed him there and it was agreed in advance

SirChenjin · 05/12/2014 08:55

Husbands/partners were allowed in from morning (can't remember exact hour) til late at night, but none werr allowed on the general wards overnight. I think that's the right approach - I wouldn't have wanted to be on a ward with men I didn't know, esp as DH wouldn't have been able to stay when I had DC2 (had to take DC1 home and put himto bed)

Jackiebrambles · 05/12/2014 09:04

It definitely varies from hospital to hospital.

At mine (central London) partners are allowed to stay the whole time, as well as overnight (although they have to sleep in a chair and they don't get fed of course!).

I do understand that some people would not want this, but I was pathetically grateful (after having EMCS) that my DH didn't have to leave me.

smogsville · 05/12/2014 10:25

If you cry and beg politely and make a really sad face they will probably let him stay longer especially if he's nice and quiet and helpful looking as obviously this means he's basically an extra midwife. I got them to let DH to stay until midnight (C&W, 2011). Wanted a private room but never got high up the priority list as I was absolutely fine. Let him pop home at midnight as he wasn't going to be any good to me the next day if he'd spent the night in a very upright chair!

SilverStars · 05/12/2014 10:28

Not allowed at mine even if a private room. Funnily enough only time midwives were prompt to anything was when family/partners had to leave. Could guarantee they would be there at 10pm, but could wait a very long time if needed medical help due to c-section in middle of night and no partner to lift baby for me to feed.

Trunkisareshite · 05/12/2014 10:55

They are allowed 24hrs at my hospital which I don't agree with- I sent my DH in the evenings- no point in us both being shattered when I came home (CS so I fully understand the difficulties women face after birth). My hospital had the cots that attach to your bed so reaching DS wasn't an issue. What was an issue however was the amount of women who have utter nobs for partners who made more noise and required more attention than the mothers and newborns put together! One bloke was even trying to play practical jokes on the midwives in the the middle of the night! I also think that with nothing but a curtain separating women you can feel fairly vulnerable, I could hear all about some of the women's poor torn vaginas, their sore nipples and whether or not they had been for a poo which therefore meant every other person could too- maybe I'm odd but other women in the same boat hearing certain private things, fine, X amount of blokes- not so much!

I was able to get a private room the second night which was fab but for the night before the CS and night of the CS the wards were grim and definitely made worse by other women's inconsiderate partners.

TinyMonkey · 05/12/2014 14:43

At my hospital (N London) dads can stay 24hrs. But sleeping in a chair. I sent mine home at about 3am each night so he could get at least a little sleep. I had an ELCS and needed his help to get the baby in and out of the crib.

Embarrassedtobeasking · 05/12/2014 14:44

I was in hospital for a week and paid for a private room and they still didn't let dp stay

Jackiebrambles · 05/12/2014 14:49

I wonder if hospitals who are very busy prefer to allow dads to stay 24 hours because they can't cope otherwise?!

I never had to press my buzzer as DH was there to pass me the baby for feeds and he did all the changes etc. If he wasn't there I would have had to press the button A LOT (I had a catheter and spinal from EMCS).

Ridingthestorm · 05/12/2014 15:29

Check with the hospital. My DH (I think) was allowed whenever up to a certain time of night (8:30 but he once stayed til 9:30, no checks) but other relatives have strict hours.
I was moved to a room on my own when DS went to SCBU and cried intensely. All I wanted was someone to be with me. I was alone in a room looking at four white walls and the midwives and health care assistants went about their 'normal routine'. I wanted my mum (DH went to work so that his paternity started the day after my return home) but the midwives wouldn't allow it, even though I was inconsolable when my baby son was rushed through to SCBU!!! They wouldn't sit and console me and they wouldn't let my mum either! It took her fiery temper to flare up and create a scene to allow her just ten minutes with me. She was staying with DH for a few days so she could visit, over 100 miles from home and even then it is a good 40-60 minute drive from our house to the hospital. She made that drive for ten bloody minutes.

CurlsLDN · 05/12/2014 15:34

Also a v busy London hospital for me, and dh was allowed to stay 24hrs, both before the birth during my v long induction and for the two days I was kept in after. I am vv glad it was allowed.

Thurlow · 05/12/2014 15:42

Ours was partners from 10am-8pm, with visiting hours for other people in the morning and afternoon. There were two private rooms you could pay for where partners could stay overnight.

It's a very difficult issue, but the wards really aren't big enough to cope with all the extra partners as well as the mum and baby.

welshnat · 05/12/2014 15:42

I was in a Hampshire hospital and exDP was allowed to stay 8am-10pm. I think you should speak to your local maternity department and ask what their policy is.

ToriB34 · 05/12/2014 15:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

neversleepagain · 05/12/2014 15:50

I had a private side room when I had my twins (c section), my dh had to leave at 10pm with the other partners. No exceptions are made in my local hospital.