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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

If you have to stay in hospital a while, is husband allowed to stay?

52 replies

LittleRedRidingHoodie · 05/12/2014 08:25

I'm worried about being left on my own after the birth. I understand that husbands are not allowed/supposed to stay overnight (unless we book a private room which may not be available) but during the day time are husbands allowed to be around outside of visiting hours?

OP posts:

vichill · 05/12/2014 15:54

Unless you're having a section I don't see why he would be needed overnight. In all honesty other than help with the latch I don't know what midwives can be expected to help with either. Being knackered and having to get on with it is what its going to be like for years!

Original poster

LittleRedRidingHoodie · 05/12/2014 15:57

It sounds like husbands can stay most of the day anyway. I understand about other people being irritated by husbands kicking about noisily. I'm reassured that it looks likely he'd be able to stay longer than the short visiting hours.

And I get that I will have to do this myself at some point of course. The poster who said that - agree but I expect my hormones and body to be all over the place immediately after delivery and I want my husband and best friend there with me. I think that's reasonable and not too wimpy.

OP posts:

LittleBairn · 05/12/2014 17:07

Although I was on anti-natal instead of post-natal (they seem to operate same times) recently Dads hours were between 10:30-12:30pm , 2-5:30pm, 6:30-8pm. Although I know another hospital kicking out time is 10pm.
They did turn a blind eye to DH being there all day but that was because we were waiting on news and then meds so I could be discharged.

This is because a lot of hospitals operate protected meal times meaning patients have space to eat and rest alone. This seems fairly standard practice now.
That said I was in hospital for 10 days this time last year in a private room and they allowed DH to come and go as he pleased. Once DD passed away they even gave him a bed. So they do make allowances.

LittleBairn · 05/12/2014 17:09

LittleRed I totally understand how your feeling, DH and I both feel very anxious about him having to leave after delivery.

Sorehead · 05/12/2014 18:19

My hospital has all private rooms, with the exception of a 6 bay post op transitional area. Partners are allowed to stay 24hrs in the private rooms but have restricted hours on the post op section. There were rules for partners staying to protect privacy and to avoid offending other patients; they weren't allowed to leave the rooms in pyjamas, or queue up for meals etc (they didn't get fed).

I was in for 6 nights and was glad of my partner being there. He went home each afternoon for a sleep; I find that nights are inherently lonelier than daytimes so preferred the company during the evening. I was very anaemic after PPH following EMCS so was glad DH was there as he could help with feeds (I FF after nearly fainting a few times after BF for 1.5 days). During my time on the ward, I didn't notice anyone's partners being there and can count on one hand the number of times I saw any outside of standard visiting times.

Sorehead · 05/12/2014 18:21

OP- you could ask your midwife what the hospital's policy is, or if you have a hospital tour, you could ask then :)

Titsalinabumsquash · 05/12/2014 18:25

Our local lets (in fact encourages) partners stay as long as they want and provide chair beds by each antenatal/postnatal bed.

That's one of the reasons it's become so busy over the past year or two, families are coming here so they can be together for the birth of their baby. It's nice to see

ArchangelGallic · 05/12/2014 18:27

Have to say, this was one of the main reasons why I opted for a home birth.

I realise it's not for everyone but I was very anxious about staying in hospital alone with little or no support while DP was sent home. Worked out perfectly at home and so much more comfortable.

FoodPorn · 05/12/2014 20:04

I was so worried about being without DP I paid a fortune for a room on a private ward that allowed him to stay. I would have been stressed out and miserable without him there. It was worth every penny to get to know our little bean together.

cogitosum · 05/12/2014 20:07

My dh stayed with me for the 3 nights we were in. I would've gone home if he couldn't. Luckily our hospital has all private rooms I can understand why it's not feasible on a ward.

Showy · 05/12/2014 20:11

I had my first late at night by emcs (10pm) and as it was outside visiting hours, DH was sent straight home afterwards. Visiting hours were for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the afternoon. V strict too and no begging or pleading made any difference. Women did try. No private rooms either. Other hospital in the county has visiting 8am-8pm.

smogsville · 05/12/2014 20:17

I don't think it's wimpy at all. That first night on busy postnatal ward was quite terrifying in aftermath of section, anaesthesia, morphine and general hormones. My baby blues seemed to start almost straightaway - I cried loads.

I'm defo not a wimp or a pushover in any area of life (some might say quite be opposite, ha ha) but I felt very vulnerable and not a clue how to care for DD by myself.

It's not about being tired and just getting on with it because that's what life is going to be like, whoever said that.

I hope to feel less at sea now I'm preg with my second but if not I will do my utmost to keep DH by my side for as long as possible.

I do agree that some people's partners are awful but mine is lovely and helpful and quiet and kind and an asset to any midwifery team as he will do all the water and food fetching, baby passing and changing so I can concentrate on bfeeding and recovering.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/12/2014 20:27

little but your DH might make other women uncomfortable! I certainly wouldn't want a stranger on the ward at night.

SirChenjin · 05/12/2014 21:20

Me neither Drink. The midwifery team can't be expected to judge which DH/Ps are quiet and kind and allow those who are (in their opinion) to stay!

If you're on a general ward then whilst it might be preferable to some women to have their DH/Ps with them, it's really not fair on the rest of the women on the ward to be faced with strange men staying overnight at a time when they may be feeling very vulnerable - it's only for a couple of nights at most (in normal circumstances) and only for a very short time before the morning comes and the men are able to return.

Jenny1231990 · 05/12/2014 21:35

I gave birth to my daughter at 7.10pm. We stayed in the delivery room while I bathed and had some alone time until just after 9. I then had to go onto the ward and my partner wasn't allowed through the doors, as it wasn't fair on the other mothers, and their privacy. Although I did feel like I just wanted to be with my partner I do understand. He was allowed back in at 8am, he came with my son and I was home that day by 12. This time round I'm having a home birth. Call them and ask. Try not let this get you down Hun. You may be lucky and not be in long at all. If I had of had my daughter earlier in the day I would have been allowed home after 5 hours xx

smogsville · 05/12/2014 21:46

OP - while it's not midwife's job to judge which DP is going to be a menace rather than a godsend, in practice yours will give himself a better chance of staying for longer if is as quiet and unassuming as possible! Midwives are busy so if be doesn't draw too much attention to himself you might get to keep him for a bit longer.

SirChenjin · 05/12/2014 21:55

You might still find that other women on the ward object to a man who stays when everyone else's husband/partner has left though - irrespective of how quiet he is. It's not really fair if everyone else adheres to the rules and one person ignores them.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 05/12/2014 21:56

At the hospital where all three of my DCs were born, fathers were allowed on the ward from early morning (about breakfast time) to the end of the evening visiting bell (8.30pm).

I did see fathers on the ward during the night twice (with two of my DCs I was in hospital for several weeks) - but on one occasion the new mother was very poorly and in the other case the baby had been whisked to SCBU after visiting hours and so he'd been called back to the hospital. Both women were in private side rooms though.

trilbydoll · 05/12/2014 21:58

Our hospital allowed DHs in 9am-9pm with a break in the middle of the day. Worked well, meant he had to go home to bed so wasn't shattered when we came home. I agree about other people's partners - I'm sure they're lovely, but I don't want them there while I am asleep!

My main anxiety was someone was going to steal DD, at least at night I knew someone couldn't be there pretending to be a visitor. As DD had a really screwed up red angry face when she was born, in hindsight I don't think she would be a kidnappers first choice!

Lookslikeimstuckhere · 05/12/2014 22:07

I don't think the OP is being wimpy . Nor is having a section the only reason a DP may need or want to stay.

Our hospital refused visitors after 10pm. Def check and visit beforehand. Ask what will happen should you have the baby after visiting hours and have had anaesthetic. I think (may be wrong) that midwife led birthing units are more relaxed...

If you are really uncomfortable being left alone then perhaps, as others have suggested, a home birth is worth considering?

Jodie1982 · 05/12/2014 22:12

I personally find it rather uncomfortable being on a ward with other men about, not to mention if there's men there till late at night too. I feel rather fragile n delicate after having a baby, I like my privacy. My hospitals visiting policy is 9am till 8pm for partners, quite reasonable I think.

LittleBairn · 05/12/2014 22:23

It's worth noting if you have an uncomplicated vaginal delivery then most hospitals have a policy of 'letting' you leave after 6-8 hours after delivery. A lot of first time mums actually feel pushed out too early.

Bilberry · 05/12/2014 22:53

There was a dp reluctant to leave after his dp arrived on the ward I was on at midnight. He then started knocking on the ward door at 7am and was let in. It was really disruptive to the rest of us. We were barely awake, bloody and in night cloths. Suddenly all the curtains had to be drawn to give us some privacy which also made it more difficult to attract the midwives attention to help with feeding. Breakfast was disrupted. It may be alright in a private room but it certainly wasn't on the shared ward.

NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 06/12/2014 08:12

with my second, I had her at 2 in the morning, slept on the delivery room "bed", had the morning check by the consultant and went home at 8.30am. Never got to a ward - was bliss compared to previous CS birth and 3 days in hospital not sleeping at all.

Chips1999 · 06/12/2014 08:26

My hospital allowed partners from 8:00am - 9:00pm on the postnatal ward and I think that's plenty.

I can see how it is scary to be left 'alone' with the baby on the first night, but don't be scared to ring the bell, that's what the staff are there for!

I stayed overnight with DS on the midwife led unit which had 8 rooms and each room had it's own ensuite toilet and shower which was lovely. Partners weren't allowed to stay, but as I was the only person there, they said it was done for DH to sleep on the chair overnight if he wanted to.

With DD I stayed on the postnatal ward and in the room with 4 beds I was on my own until another lady came in at 6:00am. It was fine, but I think as she was my second baby I felt more confident. The staff we're coming around every two hours to do observations on DD so I didn't feel I was on my own. I did ring the bell and ask one of the staff to watch DD whilst I went to the toilet as it didn't feel right to leave DD without someone watching and she was happy to do that.

The main thing is to have everything you need within easy reach and a couple of jugs of water as it's very hot on the wards!

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