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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Boy or Girl?

23 replies

beeecaaa · 02/12/2014 16:25

I'm only 14 weeks pregnant but I've had the date for my 20 weeks scan and now I'm starting to think about finding out the sex.

Both my partner and I are undecided, a surprise would be fantastic but there's the problem with buying things/preparing things.

I have no idea if I want to know or not, is that bad?

So, to all you mummies (and daddies), did you find out what you were having? And why?

Thankyou

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Racheyg · 02/12/2014 17:07

I just had my dating scan and I found out I was 14 weeks and during my scan I'm pretty sure I saw a willy, although it might have been the cord.

I can't wait to find out, no matter when you find out it will be a surprise. I found out with my first and was such a happy day.

I'm a planner and it would have killed me not having things organised suitable for which ever sex.

Good luck with your pregnancy x

Zahrah5 · 02/12/2014 17:11

We originally did not want to find out, I was always saying I wanted to be surprised, but I was so sick with worrying at about 8-10 weeks time about Downs and other things possibly going wrong that I just did not want anymore unknown.
When we went for out 10 weeks scan and Harmony test we had to fill in in Harmony papers if we wanted to know the sex and I put yes even when my partner did not agree.

I was always imagining a girl and I did not want to create this entire girl fantasy im my mind and be surprised with the boy at the end. I would gladly take a boy but I needed to visualize it somehow, one way or the other and I always saw a girl. And also the shopping. You really do not find these days many cute unisex things, so knowing definitelly makes shopping easier and more fun I guess since you have gender-specific and unisex choices.

Since my partner did not want to know we needed to compromise and agreed we will not open the results of the test just yet and will wait for some time until we are ready to open it. Unfortunatelly there was some mishap and the clinic stuff told us not knowing this. It was my luckiest day, at 12 weeks not only we found results of all trisomies were extremelly low risk, our nuchal measurement was good but we are also expecting my dreamed up girl.

You still have some time to make up your mind whether you will want to know or not. Perhaps closer to the date of the scan it will be more clear to you what you actually want.

MrsHoolie · 02/12/2014 17:17

I found out the first time and had a surprise the second time.
I thoroughly recommend a surprise!

Theorientcalf · 02/12/2014 18:20

We didn't find out either time. Buying things wasn't really an issue, there is plenty of unisex stuff out there and I'm not one to rush out and buy everything pink or blue anyway. DS doesn't wear everything blue now, just because he's a boy.

Next have some lovely neutral clothes and we got lots of yellow baby gro's from Tescos. There's plenty of time to shop after the birth.

I loved not finding out, and the guessing. For us finding out would have been a bit like opening our Christmas presents early. When DS came out and I said to DH 'we have a little boy'! That was magical.

Original poster

beeecaaa · 02/12/2014 18:45

Thanks for the suggestions. I just can't decide!

May I ask what DS and DH means? (New to all this!)

Thanks again xx

OP posts:

Angelto5 · 02/12/2014 18:58

Ds is dear/darling son

Dh is dear/darling husband

Angelto5 · 02/12/2014 19:03

We didn't find out with any of our dc(dear children) of which we have 5!

Agree with other poster especially if it's your first there will be plenty of people buying clothes when the baby is born.

We just brought a few unisex vests & baby grows & when the baby was born my dh would go out & buy more gender specific clothes.

LovedandLoyal · 02/12/2014 19:25

We found out as I just really wanted to know! For us it helped with the bonding and we picked out a name for him. It also was nice that we could get organised and buy things for a boy beforehand. I have no regrets finding out and we will be finding out at 20 weeks again this time

Also it was amazing finding out when we did, it was just sooner!

Dogsmom · 02/12/2014 19:33

We found out with both and would do again in a heartbeat, we even had specific gender scans at 16 weeks to know.

With my first it did have a lot to do with gender preference as I really wanted a girl, I know some people hate this but it's not something I chose to feel and the guilt was immesnse, of course health was vastly more important but I didnt want even an inkling of disappointment at the birth if it was a boy and wanted time to adjust. Turns out she was a girl anyway as is the one I'm carrying now.

I'm also an organised person and wanted everything ready for her, I wanted to shop, decorate etc while I wasn't too heavily pregnant and could enjoy it, which I did, I used to sit in the nursery and look through her little clothes while I was pregnant and have wonderful memories of the excitement.
The birth wasn't the greatest, long and with stitches and there's no way I would have enjoyed having to go and buy things or decorate, we could bring her home, have everything we need already in the house and just enjoy her without the pressue of thinking we had to go out.

The scans were great too, so relaxed and not medicalised at all, it was just the same suprise at 16 weeks as 40 and very personal, just me, my husband and the sonographer, whereas at the birth there were 9 staff in the room, I was shattered after a 30 hour labour and worried as she'd been in distress. I was pretty out of it and any boy/girl announcements would've have been in a haze.

It is hard to describe but once we knew the sex with both we somehow felt more bonded, they were our daughters and not an 'it'. Sorry for the long post, you set off some lovely memories :-)

leanne963 · 02/12/2014 19:44

When i told my mum i was pregnant she said 'You are not going to find out what you are having are you? Its the only surprise you get and if you tell people they won't be excited when you call them up to say you just gave birth to a boy cause they would have already known.'
I thought this was a slight exaggeration but agreed we wouldnt find out and i definitely wouldn't tell her.

Well 2 months down the line me and my partner are dying to know, we need to visualise what we are having....are we having a daughter or son....what names do we seriously have to consider. I am actually not bothered about finding out just to get the clothes as i am personally not interested in the blue/boy or pink/girl colour pallet.

Anyway, me and my DP have booked a private gender scan for next friday when i will be nearly 17 weeks. I am so excited!!! I can't wait! But obviously not telling The grinch mum. lol

HulaHoopsInTheBath · 02/12/2014 21:02

I didn't find out with my first and was convinced I was having a boy.......SHE is now 6. I wasn't in the slightest disappointed at having a girl, thrilled to bits in fact, but struggled to relate the bump I had to the baby in my arms as I always thought of my bump as a boy. This time, for that reason I found out. I can now think of the baby I am going to have and I do feel a very strong bond with my pink bump

Original poster

beeecaaa · 02/12/2014 22:29

Thankyou all for your posts, some lovely memories shared :-)

I appreciate the suggestions, I personally don't think I have the will power to say no when the sonographer asks if I want to kmow.

But we'll see. 6 weeks to decide :-)

Thanks again ladies xx

OP posts:

Cherrychocolate · 02/12/2014 22:39

I found out with all three of mine. 2 boys then a girl. I didn't feel the need for a surprise on 'the day' as the excitement of meeting my babies was enough. I had two boys, 13 and 8 when I found out from the scan that I was expecting a girl. I'm glad I did, as my boys really wanted a Brother, so it gave me time to prepare them! I think it's a magical moment finding out the gender however you chose to do it.

baby5ontheway · 12/12/2014 15:56

I'm actually having a gender scan this evening as I am also one who likes to be prepared, I agree that its a surprise whenever you find out (either at a scan or the birth) and it feels just as exciting.

I don't agree with one of the posters that put if you find out then its not exciting when u actually give birth as ppl already know, that's a bit harsh, its the baby that's important, not the fact that you already know the gender.

I'm so excited to find out later and will be just as excited to meet them on their birthday :)

Littleflump15 · 12/12/2014 16:28

Hi, we were in your situation I just couldn't decide whether to find out or not. We decided that when they asked us at twenty weeks we would know then if we wanted to. Turns out when they asked we both said yes! Glad we did as we were both convinced baby was a boy and... Nope little girl on the way. 32 weeks not but nobody else knows what we're having we decided not to tell anyone else so it's still a surprise when she arrives (as long as they got the sex right!!!)

baby5ontheway · 12/12/2014 17:01

That's what I was planning on doing, finding out just for us and keep the surprise for everyone else! But I'm not sure if I will be able to keep quiet, I'm rubbish aren't I?

leanne963 · 12/12/2014 17:12

I found out this morning that we are having a daughter! I am so excited, I knew all along!
My mum originally didn't want to know, she's one of the 'it's not as exciting' people. But she wanted to know when I told her we found out and she cried Best day ever!!!!

Foggymist · 12/12/2014 17:16

We just found out this week what we're having, at a 20 week anomaly scan. I wanted to find out because I am more used to growing up surrounded by mostly one particular sex, and would find it difficult to accept if my baby wasn't this sex, and it's what I'm used to. I've always, always said I'd have to find out because I'd need weeks to adjust and accept it if it's the sex I'm not used to.

Turns out it is the one I was dreading! I had tried to brace myself for it, and it did work quite well, as we already had a name picked so that helped, to put a name to the adorable little face on the scan. It is taking me a little while to adjust to the idea, it's been 5 days now and I've had two wobbles of being a bit sad, but overall I'm adjusting, I don't have much choice! I'm grateful that the anomaly scan showed that everything is perfectly healthy, this is/was a minor blip compared to some of the things we could've found out at the scan.

It doesn't bother me with planning in terms of colours etc as I despise baby pink and most baby blue things so would avoid them anyway, I just want bright colours. And everyone says about it being a great surprise, yeah, I hate surprises, I like to be prepared.

We are telling everybody we don't know the sex. So far so easy. They all ask "are you finding out the sex?", we say no, they drop it. If you said "yes but we're not telling" it just annoys people. I keep calling it "it" when talking to people, or I switch around from him to her. A friend of mine whose pregnant kept saying "he" one day, I paid no attention because most people have go-to pronoun and for babies it's often he. Then later on she said "oh we've found out but we're not telling anyone". Ehh, I think you'll find you are :D

Luckystar82 · 12/12/2014 17:46

DC1 I will definately ask what gender is - can't wait to find out.

I imagine with DC2 I will want to keep it a surprise until birth.

Luckystar82 · 12/12/2014 17:52

Foggymist please don't be disappointed by the gender of your baby, i know it obvious to say but just be grateful it is helpful. A friend found out at her 20w scan that the baby is at high risk of Edwards syndrome (95% of babies don't survive 12 months). I only say this to remind us all (including myself who has a gender preference) that we just have to be so grateful for a healthy baby.

Hope that didn't sound preachy.

Luckystar82 · 12/12/2014 17:53

*healthy...not helpful!

Foggymist · 12/12/2014 19:49

That does sound preachy, especially given I said in my own post that I AM grateful that it's healthy, I used those exact words so please don't lecture me on it if you haven't even read my post properly.

baby5ontheway · 13/12/2014 17:58

I had my gender scan last night and im very pleased to be expecting a little GIRL!!!! so as im due in May, its nice weather (I hope) so lots of cute clothes - pinks, yellows, turquoise, butterflies, birds, flowers. I cant wait! :D

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