Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

OK - so do I look like a creepy weirdo?

61 replies

CheeseBadger · 22/10/2014 16:50

Went to Frau Badger's booking appointment this morning. OK - it's probably a bit odd for a bloke to come to this one, but when I asked if she wanted me to she just said "The book says you should come to as many as you can". Which seemed reasonable.

Fast forward to this morning and towards the end of the appointment, the midwife removed Frau Badger from the room and asked if there was any history of domestic violence.

So is this standard practice, or do I really come across as a drooling psycopath?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 22/10/2014 16:53

Standard practice.

Although my midwife asked me in front of dp if there was any history of violence - and got me to fill in a tick sheet saying yes / no to different kinds of abuse whilst he sat beside me!

It's a good job dp is lovely, and I did say to her afterwards that it probably wasn't the best way to get potentially abused women to speak up and confide in her!!

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 22/10/2014 16:55

Standard practice.

Pootles2010 · 22/10/2014 16:56

Standard. My midwife also asked in front of dp Sadly pregancy is apparently the most common time for abuse to start - so a great thing to do with old maternity clothes is to pass them onto womens shelters.

Original poster

CheeseBadger · 22/10/2014 16:58

Oh. How dull...

She actually asked her to go into the next consulting room so she could check height and weight. It was rather deftly done although I knew exactly what was going on...

OP posts:

purplemunkey · 22/10/2014 17:00

It's not odd for DPs to come to booking appt at all. My DP came with me and I wasn't asked this. I don't know what this means but it's obviously not standard practice everywhere. Perhaps this particular MW has dealt with victims of DV in the past and always asks now?

TzuByTwo · 22/10/2014 17:13

My husband has been to all but one of my appointments during this pregnancy, and he was also in the room when they asked about domestic violence during the booking in. The way his eyebrows shot up was priceless.

If it helps, he also walked away asking if he looked like some kind of crazy, abusive psycho and simply had not realized it.

Original poster

CheeseBadger · 22/10/2014 17:18

Frau Badger found it so hilarious she later told me she was thinking of making something up. What a wheeze that would have been!

OP posts:

Showy · 22/10/2014 17:30

Yep. All women should be asked.

SeattleGraceMercyDeath · 22/10/2014 17:37

Every woman should be asked in pregnancy. Whilst alone. It's (or should be) a routine question for all woman so not selective based on what you look like or if your partner looks like a thug, every single woman has the potential to be affected by domestic abuse and I despair of the midwives asking in front of the partners, presumably because they have decided they look 'respectable'.

SoonToBeSix · 22/10/2014 17:41

At our hospital they have a sheet of little blue stickers in the toilets. There is a notice stuck to the door telling you to stick one to your urine sample bottle if you are suffering DV.

FloozeyLoozey · 22/10/2014 17:41

Why do you refer to your wife in such a strange way? It wasn't obvious who you were referring to.

AlpacaYourThings · 22/10/2014 17:42

I'm struggling to understand why a midwife would ask in front of the DP?! unless they see it as a tick box exercise...

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 22/10/2014 17:44

I've been asked during a general medical by my GP - it's a good thing IMO.

VenusRising · 22/10/2014 17:44

Yes, it's a routine question, because unfortunately domestic violence is routine.

Pregnancy can be a trigger for some men who realise' their little wifey' isn't the adoring slave she one was, and WORSE STILL there will be a little baby to claim her time afterwards. This is why men kick the bump.

I know you want to be involved and all, but I hope you are being sensitive to the women in the waiting room as well as to your dp. Some of them are being abused by a man, and are in a vulnerable position - that's not hilarious at all.
Be sensitive.

Original poster

CheeseBadger · 22/10/2014 18:11

Venus - "I know you want to be involved and all..." wasn't aimed at me was it? If so, just, wow.

OP posts:

WhyOWhyWouldYou · 22/10/2014 18:12

Standard practice here (was on my midwifes tick list of info to go through). She said it was there because it's very common for DV to start in pregnancy and said it also normally gets asked at a later appointment in case its starts up. Quite sad really that its that common its on the tick list.

Pootles - I'd never thought about giving old maternity stuff to women's shelters - I'll have to look into that.

SilverStars · 22/10/2014 18:19

Standard practice here - apparently here they have to ask that question 3 times. they did not like my partner being there tbh - made a point of writing it in my maternity notes and citing it being unusual! I told them - there at conception and birth so why not the rest!

WhyOWhyWouldYou · 22/10/2014 18:19

Soontobesix - that reminds me last time, under another hospital, they did the little coloured circle sticker thing - urine bottle or inside front cover of notes. I thought that it was a really good idea, in case women have a controlling partner always with them, just looking like a caring one.

LouMum14 · 22/10/2014 18:23

Frau Badger found it so hilarious she later told me she was thinking of making something up. What a wheeze that would have been!

Well that's just odd. I know you are a super excited dad-to-be who feels like a special snowflake potential abuser but it's not hilarious, it is standard practice and I think you need to act with a bit more tact and sensitivity when discussing this subject on these boards. The way you are talking about it is disgusting to be honest.

AlpacaYourThings · 22/10/2014 18:32

Is it really odd for a partner to come to a booking in appointment?

VikingLady · 22/10/2014 18:38

During my first pregnancy the midwife asked me at every appointment, and I was asked on the postnatal ward too. I think I was asked at the follow-up appointments, too.

This time around I have been asked once (at booking-in), but I have a midwife I know socially, so I think she already knows I would say something. She has heard me whinging about DH often enough!

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 22/10/2014 18:38

Oh for crying out loud he only asked if this was standard practice!

Welcome to the vipers' nest, OP.

avocadotoast · 22/10/2014 18:42

I didn't get asked, but I was surprised I wasn't. Maybe it'll be asked later on.

In all seriousness though, most abusers don't "look like a drooling psychopath".

Cirsium · 22/10/2014 18:46

I was asked at booking in, DH not with me as he was still in denial about the fact we were actually having a baby after MMC last year. Midwife said "we have to ask this, but I'm sure you're not" and ticked no before I had a chance to even really register the question. I'm not but I wouldn't have felt able to tell her even if I was. Same procedure for the drug and alcohol abuse queries. Thankfully she was just filling in for my normal midwife.

purplemunkey · 22/10/2014 18:58

Looks like I'm in the minority having not been asked so perhaps it is standard. I wonder why I didn't get asked? Seems sensible to check, although very strange that some women are being asked in front of their partners.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread