10-11 weeks and too much booze, flat-out terrified

[Dustyblue]

I realise this topic has been done, and I've read through some old posts but I'm in such a panic I could really use some advice/views. I just don't know where to get solid info on this.

I'm 40 with no children, partnered for 15 years and we didn't think we were likely to have kids without ivf. Long story, but I've a low ovarian reserve even for my age and have always had very irregular cycles.

I just found out I'm at least 10w gone at best guess . I had no idea. The only symptoms have been mildly sore boobs and no period since early August, both of which I put down to wacky hormones. I went to the doc worried about early menopause. I can't get in for a scan for another 1.5 weeks. Doc tested serum hcg and that combined with LMP suggests I'm 10 or 11 weeks preg.

The alcohol I've consumed in that timeframe scares the bejesus out of me. No major binges, but I drank like I typically do- 2 or 3 times a week, 1-4 drinks at a time. Not enough to ever be hungover but still, this is clearly not ideal. My first thought was 'Oh no, this is my little miracle and I'll have to abort b/c of the alcohol!' but I'm desperately clinging to the hope it might be ok?

I'd never forgive myself if I terminated (am in no way against it, just in this circumstance it'd horrify me... this babe is very wanted and is likely our only chance) but I'd never forgive myself if I impaired my child either.

The GP said there's no way of knowing.... pretty much 'you might be lucky or you might not' and left me to decide.

I'm desperate, please any words of wisdom here (positive or not) might give me some clarity..... what do you think?

I'm currently ten weeks pregnant with my second. This time round I've been very good.
However with my first I was 14 weeks before I realized I was pregnant. That time included christmas, New Years, and my 30th - for which I spent two weeks in the desert drinking champagne in the hot tub every night. Prenatals? I existed on booze and junk food.! I can't imagine how I didn't notice, as this time I've had such terrible morning sickness. But apart from being tired I really had zero symptoms. And I even ran my pill without the five day gap as didn't want periods - so that wasn't a sign either.
Baby is now three and perfect, so much so that we are doing it again.
I'd only been with my boyfriend a year when I got the positive pregnancy test last time, but we are now married (and much more excited about this one - last time it was a huge adjustment!)
Also some of my friends have done everything by the book and the pregnancies haven't worked out - a lot is simply luck. You can do everything right and not end up with a baby. Or indeed as I found out you can make a few mistakes but get lucky.
The fact you've made it ten weeks already is a positive sign.

Oh that is such a great story to hear! I'm clinging to accounts like yours at the moment, thanks so much for sharing this.

Surely it's not THAT unusual to find out late.... or realise too late that you've drunk too much.

I realise there's no certainty here, in that no-one can say "It'll definitely be ok", I just need to believe I'm still in with a chance.

Even if bub has been affected, I'm thinking chances are I'll never know for sure. Eg, if my child has learning difficulties etc, maybe it was the booze or maybe not. The one comforting 'stat' I've seen is that for FAS to occur you need constant exposure to alcohol over the whole preg. Then again you read so much about how critical the 1st trimester is... it's doing my head in.

I'm about 95% certain I can't terminate. I'm going to have to take the risk... then again it seems selfish to take a risk with my child's health.

Bleeeh, am just not thinking too clearly atm. I've coincidentally done pretty much all else 'right'- taking a multi-vitamin with high dose folic, decent diet etc.

I loved your line about 2 weeks in the desert drinking in a hot tub... first proper smile since I found out- many thanks.

I'm surprised by your doctor's response - I am not a doctor, nor an expert, but what you are describing is moderate to slightly excessive drinking (in terms of current medical advice ) and as far as I'm concerned, pre about 1985, this was how most women proceeded through their entire pregnancy

Many women find out they're pregnant a few months in and have done all the things advised against in pregnancy. Some more of them will be along soon . I personally scoffed double helpings of sushi just before I did my test (full of evil worms that kill foetuses) and spent the Friday night before my BFP getting legless with pals and cheerily slurring that we had just started trying but it would be MONTHS before anything happened, positively MONTHS, probably YEARS.

There is not only a chance your baby is totally healthy, it is probable. The high dose of folic acid is felicitous.

I understand the emotional response, that if you haven't done this perfectly, you may as well not bother. But there's no perfect pregnancy. except Gwyneth Paltrow's

Now off you pop and buy some excellent pre natal vitamins. I recommend Solgar.

And congrats

My first was an accidental baby, we found out we were expecting her the day after we got married... I was 9 weeks pregnant and been through not only my hen do (bottle of tequila) but also a friend's hen and then our wedding. DD is perfect (in so far as any 3 year old who has just fallen out of bed at 5am can be!)

Please don't terminate just for this reason. There are stories about babies having defects from a low level of alcohol but these are REALLY unusual. If you read the research you'll see that generally alcohol intake has to be excessive over a significant period of time.

You can pay for a private scan (around £100) if you really can't wait a week. I think Baby Bond have clinics in most cities (assuming you're UK).

Oh and might be time to find a new GP, the one you have sounds like an arse.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

I am surprised by your GP's response too. The mechanisms that cause FAS (which is of course terrible) are still not completely understood as even in the group of women who drank heavily (and that's much, much more than you are describing) only a small proportion actually had babies with it.

I didn't drink when pregnant (but I knew I was pregnant otherwise I no doubt would have!) but my mother actually had a craving for sherry throughout her pregnancy with me. She didn't really drink before but found herself knocking it back... and of course there was no advice then not to drink. I am fine (more than fine, first person ever to go to University in our family and Oxbridge at that) and I know of many similar stories amongst my friends with mothers of a similar vintage!

This might be a good book to read as the writer looks at the evidence for all sorts of things in pregnancy including alcohol...

www.amazon.co.uk/Expecting-Better-Conventional-Pregnancy-Wrong/dp/1594204756?tag=skim0x70967-21

My advice would be to try and enjoy your pregnancy now and take care of yourself as well as you can. I had my first at 40 by the way!

I had a surprise pg and drank a lot before finding out I was pregnant - was very drunk indeed the night before my positive test. DS is now a year old absolutely 100% blooming.
Know you're a bit further along, but the placenta doesn't start forming til around week 5... You'll be having your booking in appt and dating scan in the next couple of weeks so I hope they help put your mind at rest. I think your gp was very unhelpful. Congratulations I hope you can relax a bit and enjoy your pregnancy

Your GP will not have any specialist training or knowledge about FAS, so discount this entirely.

This will be an upsetting niggle in the back of yr mind during the pregnancy but when the baby is born you'll look back and laugh at all your stressing I promise!

Massive congratulations op. Please try not to worry or beat yourself up. Although I'm still ttc so can't offer personal experience, loads of people I've spoken to have had similar or worse experiences and their babies are perfect.
You know now so can do everything 'right' from now on and enjoy your little miracle.

Isn't it a lot over a sustained period of time e.g.throughout your whole pregnancy. And a lot is more than 15 units a week (i don't think you have) & even then it is throughout pregnancy. It sounds like you really want this baby so I would move on from this & be Gwyneth Paltrow for the rest of it....

Yes, be Gwyneth! Look! she has helpfully explained how

You will probably be fine. Try not to worry and get on with your pregnancy. In recent history drinking wasn't ever an issue in pregnancy.

As much as we can tell, DD was conceived on our wedding night or the first day of our honeymoon. I spent the next two weeks drinking, sunbathing, scuba diving, hot-tubbing, smoking, paragliding and having massages. In those two weeks I think every other drink I had was alcoholic (including champagne cocktails at breakfast).

The next two weeks were spent on Army exercises more physically demanding than anything else I'd ever done and including Ranges, explosives, sleeping in ditches and eating out of bags.

The next two weeks were spent in an alcoholic daze and I think my cigarette consumption went up to about 40 a day. We were both supposed to deploy to Iraq two weeks later.

DD is perfect. I didn't have a great pregnancy, lots of problems but all stress related - my DH of less than 2 months was in a war zone on the front line and I was in another country with no friends or family to keep me sane. The first month after he deployed was spent pretty much denying the pregnancy, resenting it for keeping me 'home' and making plans to deploy as soon as I miscarried (my mind was pretty much screwed at that point).

Nothing I did caused any harm to my DD. She's the light of my life and the best thing I ever did :)

Easy for me to say not to worry, but really, don't worry. try to relax and enjoy your miracle. Best of luck.

There was an article in the paper (either the i or the guardian) saying that lots of babies are needlessly aborted over concerns of alcohol consumption in early pregnancy. This was based on a government report! Maybe have a google for the article? Sure it will be fine! Years back everyone drank normally during pregnancy.

Remember to discount any drinking you did in the first 5/6 weeks anyway as the placenra wouldn't yet have been formed and no blood transfer between you and the embryo. I really don't think the moderate drinking you have done would cause a problem x

I didn't know I was pregnant for 3 months, I was partying (hard) and smoking like a chimney, my periods were so erratic that I didn't notice a missed one. My baby is 16 and 6'1" now. And yes I stopped when I found out! The guidelines have changed so much since I had my 3 and between having them. Women in France were told to have a glass of wine a day!

My doctor told me at the time that most babies were conceived through alcohol and to stop stressing. We're more aware of our bodies now through apps and monitors and test strips and can find out whether we're pregnant or not before missing a first period. There wasn't that luxury years ago.

Try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations!

Oh and in the 60s a lot of pregnant mums were told to drink Guinness or stout for the iron content!

Think back to our grandmothers' generation - they ate, smoked and drank everything and the vast majority of babies were absolutely fine. Average birthweight was slightly lower but problems were still very much in the minority. My grandmother fell pregnant with my mum when she was 40. She was an alcoholic who smoked like a furnace throughout all of her three pregnancies. Mum was a surprise pregnancy as nanna thought she had made herself sterile several years previously by carrying out a home abortion with a knitting needle She carried mum to full term and she was the smallest of her babies at around 7lb.

Mum was and is physically, developmentally and intellectually fine. Totally bonkers, mind, but that's a whole other thread

Remember one-ish generation ago it was normal to drink in those kind of quantities all the way through your pregnancy. Your own mother probably did - it was normal.

I found out I was pregnant at 5 weeks so not quite the same as you OP - I took the test on the Monday and still cringe now to think about how much booze I had consumed that weekend (wedding + hen do with copious amounts of shots). Had also been to the dentist for xrays!

After 2 miscarriages I was sure it would happen again but nope, now 32 weeks gone and baby seems very healthy.

I wouldn't worry - start taking care of yourself now and I'm sure all will be fine!

Another five week binger here, when preg with DD. The first thing I said to the doc when I found out was 'but I can't be, I had half a bottle of wine and goats cheese last night.' He laughed at me.

I didn't tell him about the all-day frozen daiquiri session the weekend before mind…

What others have said about generational shift is bang on, OP. Think of Betty Draper turning out two perfect children on a diet of tranquillisers, wine in the afternoon and 40 a day.

Oh Dusty Congratulations first and foremost. That really is a big shock but a miracle at the same time!! This is gonna sound like one of those unbelievable stories but my mum didnt know she was pregnant with me until she was 6 months gone. She had no symptoms, no bump - nothing. She went on an 18 - 30s holiday while pregnant with me (probs about 3 months) she smoked as well, sat in hottubs basically did everything she shouldn't have done.
She only went to the doctors cause she was feeling a little ill and he was like 'Yea you are between 5 and 6 months pregnant.' Next month she rushed to get married and about 2 months after that i was born.
I can assure you i am perfectly healthy. Apart from inheriting my mums celiacs and anemia i am healthy. So do not worry. Babies are born where mums have taken drugs, heroin, you name it....There will be not long term damage im sure. I wish you all the best with this pregnancy :D

Don't panic! Although it's not ideal to drink during pregnancy (particularly the first trimester): (A) You weren't binge drinking, the volume of alcohol could have been much worse and (B) loads and loads of babies are suprises which are the result of too much wine one night and then lots of other nights till the positive test and the overwhelming majority of them are born with no effects from the early wine!

I personally know women who unknowingly drank to excess during early pregnancy before they suspected they were pregnant and had very healthy children who are now doing well at school.

I think you just need to forget the early booze and move forward with this pregnancy, the stress isn't good for you!

Of course you shouldn't abort if you want the baby, just put the thought out of your mind! There's a tendency when you get pregnant to over-analyse things and stress about getting everything 'perfect', which is fuelled by media paranoia about what you should/shouldn't eat and drink. The truth is that babies are generally robust little things, and the risks of having done any damage are small. You will be fine.

In sure everything will be fine I no a girl that never knew she was pregnant, also my friend found out about 16 weeks although she's still pregnant. Start taking folic acid though if you haven't already xx