10-11 weeks and too much booze, flat-out terrified

[Dustyblue]

I realise this topic has been done, and I've read through some old posts but I'm in such a panic I could really use some advice/views. I just don't know where to get solid info on this.

I'm 40 with no children, partnered for 15 years and we didn't think we were likely to have kids without ivf. Long story, but I've a low ovarian reserve even for my age and have always had very irregular cycles.

I just found out I'm at least 10w gone at best guess . I had no idea. The only symptoms have been mildly sore boobs and no period since early August, both of which I put down to wacky hormones. I went to the doc worried about early menopause. I can't get in for a scan for another 1.5 weeks. Doc tested serum hcg and that combined with LMP suggests I'm 10 or 11 weeks preg.

The alcohol I've consumed in that timeframe scares the bejesus out of me. No major binges, but I drank like I typically do- 2 or 3 times a week, 1-4 drinks at a time. Not enough to ever be hungover but still, this is clearly not ideal. My first thought was 'Oh no, this is my little miracle and I'll have to abort b/c of the alcohol!' but I'm desperately clinging to the hope it might be ok?

I'd never forgive myself if I terminated (am in no way against it, just in this circumstance it'd horrify me... this babe is very wanted and is likely our only chance) but I'd never forgive myself if I impaired my child either.

The GP said there's no way of knowing.... pretty much 'you might be lucky or you might not' and left me to decide.

I'm desperate, please any words of wisdom here (positive or not) might give me some clarity..... what do you think?

My friend found out at about 10 weeks too and had been on several nights out with heavy drinking - her little girl is just fine!

And my aunt is on a different scale completely, she's an alcoholic so never stopped drinking (or smoking actually) throughout all 4 of her pregnancies, 4 healthy babies although one was born at 33 weeks all the others made it to term.

Don't beat yourself up and congratulations!

We found out were expecting at 5 weeks and worked out that we must have conceived during our Weddingmoon in Antigua. My diet out there consisted of rum and champagne, lots of it too! Once we were back it was catching up with all our family and friends which also meant a lot of alcohol was consumed then too!! I'm 22 weeks now, the anomaly scan went well and she is growing lots! As I type this she is wriggling around in my tum and we can't wait to meet her in February! (And I will be having a glass of Red with my dinner on Christmas Day without the guilt!) Please don't abort your baby, all will be fine :) xx

If you are anywhere near London I can highly recommend the Fetal Medicine Centre for a private dating/reassurance/viability scan - they see 1000s and 1000s pregnancies - I'm sure they will be able to reassure you. www.fetalmedicine.com/

yes there was an article in the guardian about exactky this a couple of days ago, afraid i cant link on my phone though. My granny said the advice they were given when she was pregnant said nothing about drinking or smoking, yet our parents are ok! My gut instinct is that drinking gets talked about so much because its a clear, straightforward (not easy...) thing to give up, so the advice is simple to give. Also i think that feeling about blaming yourself for any problems your child might have in the future is just something you have to deal with as a parent! There'll always be something youve not done perfectly, but you cant beat yourself up about it because its done. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

congratulations OP! you are worrying because you care and want the best for your baby - it's natural. I drank both times before I knew I was pregnant-excessively! I am currently snuggling my perfect 3 day old bany girl
I am a NICU nurse and have only looked after 1 baby with FAS-her mother drank a bottle of vodka every day! I also know quite a few woman who didn't know they were pregnant until they delivered and their babies are also fine!
please stop worrying x

Wow congratulations OP!
Another one with a positive story for your reassurance.
I have an intelligent 18 year old DD who left school after 5th year, which is 1 year earlier than most, to go to Uni. That was after getting top marks in all 8 subjects at standard grade & 2As & 2Bs at higher (in Scotland) Those are pretty fantastic grades & I drank and took illicit substances in the 6/7 weeks before I found out I was pregnant! I was 19 and at the peak of my partying era.
I was obviously terrified for the same reasons as you, but DD is a lovely, well-rounded & intelligent girl so it is very clear that those early weeks had no effect whatsoever on her development/behaviour.
Don't beat yourself up about a bit of drinking. It happens to so many people.
I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and congrats again

I had asked my MW about this as I had had 3 or 4 heavy nights out prior to finding out. She said firstly not to worry as it won't make any difference now and will do you more harm than good to be stressing (as if you can just turn worrying off at the switch ), but (paraphrasing) she also said that the baby will have been taking its nutrients from the yolk sac rather than you and does so for the first 8 weeks, and then the 'handover' period between the yolk and placenta is gradual whilst the placenta forms so it's not like there's a hard and fast cut-off point to worry about either. I don't know how scientifically accurate her explanation or my paraphrasing is as I didn't want to google, but it did ease my mind a bit. 8wks does seem to be a bit later than PPs have said re placenta/blood etc though, so maybe my MW was being a bit generous there.

She also said that FAS was more a concern when the mother drank large (although she didn't define large) amounts consistently throughout the pregnancy, rather than what you've described in the first trimester. Again, I've not done my own research as Dr Google is not always your friend, but she was very reassuring and didn't seem remotely concerned, so I was less worried - which was probably her aim.

I also have a friend who didn't find out til she was over 12wks and had had several big sessions in that period - a few weddings, so several hours of drinking at a time, a holiday, a few family events, and a weekend away with friends where we sat around drinking loads of red wine and gin all weekend Her DS is fine, and gorgeous.

I feel quite sad that you're worrying about this- I understand completely but after IVF and at your age this is a blummin' miracle and you should be dancing in the aisles!
As lots of other posters have said, many of us drank a lot before knowing and previous generations drank through.
(As an aside although I'm am alcoholic, no longer drinking and didn't drink more than what was recommended at the time when pregnant, this is one issue I think is incredibly complicated and I don't quite believe/ trust the Drs on this; I particularly hate the fas posters as I can think of several children I know with other syndromes or non at all who have that look- it all smacks a bit of woman know your place)

I got hammered on champagne the week before I found out I was pregnant with DS1. He was (and still is) perfect.

Hi OP!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Why on earth would you think you have to abort your baby because of a few drinks?! That's not right and is clearly the pregnancy hormones making you loopy! The human race would not have continued if the small amount of alcohol you are talking about did lasting damage to babies. In Tudor times didn't they drink wine and ale all the time in some cities because the water couldn't be trusted?

Adding my voice I was drinking a fair bit when conceived ds (30 units a week) and got absolutely wasted at least once before I realised (surprise pregnancy) at 6 weeks. He is 10 and top of the class in everything as well as sports captain. IMO unplanned babies are often very healthy high achieving children (natural selection).

OTOH with 4 d scans I think FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) could be picked up at 20 weeks once the facial features are visible. Pm me about where you might want to get refereed to.

Hello OP. Here is a leaflet that summarises all of the available scientific evidence about drinking in pregnancy. As you will see (and have heard from the anecdotes above) studies of the level and pattern of drinking that you describe do not show links with full blown FAS.

www.medicinesinpregnancy.org/Medicine--pregnancy/Alcohol/

Escapee from Gransnet here! i.e. fairly old!

I would endorse what an earlier poster has said. My children were all born pre-1982. No such dire warnings against drinking alcohol in pregnancy in those days. I didn't drink excessively but certainly enjoyed a few drinks whilst pregnant - and for that matter, had a husband who smoked like the proverbial chimney! Children all in late 30's/early 40s, fit and healthy as far as I can tell.

Anecdotal evidence is just that, it isn't absolute proof or reassurance, but take heart from those who have offered the support of their own experience and enjoy your pregnancy, If you had known earlier, no doubt you would have acted differently - isn't hindsight a wonderful thing!

Congratulations OP!
I drank a silly amount before finding out I was pregnant and took great comfort in Zoe Williams column in the Guardian, Anti Natal. She didn't find out she was pregnant until she was 20 weeks, and has allot to say about political women-hating and media FAS scare-mongering. There are some interesting quotes from the leading expert on placental transfer that are not often wheeled out by the media. I highly recommend. She's a pleasure to read and very reassuring.

I had been ttc for four years. Had had many treatments and stopped for a couple of months, considering giving up but wanted to be sure that I could go on a girl's holiday with my friends and drink and not worry. I went on that holiday and had a great time (in the run up too) but at that stage I was thinking: hmmm haven't had a period in some time which I had been putting down to previous fertility treatment (which included scans so I "knew" I wasn't pregnant). Anyway, mid way through the holiday I said to a friend: sore boobs, no period...I could be pregnant! We went straight to the pharmacy and bought a test - first thing in the morning, I did the test and .....it was negative, I was so disappointed (again) so we opened a bottle of wine (maybe 11:30 so pre lunch drinks??!!) because we could now. I used up the second test in the kit a few days later and it too was negative. We had a great holiday and had many bottles of wine but the day after I got home I did an old test I had lurking in the back of my drawer and it was positive!! I was nearly 12 weeks pregnant! I cried and cried because of how irresponsible I had been and then worried and worried and worried some more but my 6 year old is sitting beside me now as right as rain (thank you God!) I was fairly diligent from there on in but I did worry. Chances are your baby will be too. Congratulations to you and as motherhood comes with a lot of guilt you are just starting early: go easy on yourself!

Congratulations OP!

I was 15 weeks pregnant when I realised I was pregnant. In fact, it was my MIL to be who realised! I just thought I had had a bug or something. I had been to Tenerife and got absolutely bladdered every night, had also been to Greece and got drunk most nights, and had copious amounts of vodka at 3 parties. I also was on about 20 cigs a day. DS is now 9 years old, in aged 11-12 tops and 10-11 bottoms so it hasn't affected his growth. I can even nick his socks as his feet are only 1 size smaller than mine! He is working at school to above average and shocks me with the things he knows! If there is anything to complain about, it is the amount of food he puts away and I haven't got a clue where he puts it! But that is just jealousy on my behalf

Easier said than done, but please try not to worry about it and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

I was 16 weeks pregnant when I found out with my first. I had been pregnant over my birthday, Christmas and New Year without knowing and had been drinking throughout. It was very scary to realise that I'd been pregnant that whole time and I kicked myself for not realising sooner! Like others, I always had erratic periods and pregnancy was just not on my mind! But my DS is now 5 years old, clever and beautiful. I can't imagine life without him.

We are all lectured too much these days, I know LOADS of women who drank (and binge drank) before finding out they were pregnant. My friends mum drank and smoke every day while pregnant with her and she's a perfectly normal human being. Not so long ago doctors prescribed Guinness daily for iron! Your doctor is an idiot!

Please don't worry, your baby will be fine.

I have worked with students of all abilities in all areas of the country for 30 years. I have never met a student with FAS.

My friend J. was born holding a coil.

Don't tell DS about the half bottle of gin before I knew he was expected because he'll blame his air headedness on that whereas really it's his dad's fault for being a manchild.

Congratulations.

Seriously, don't fret at all. And for heavens sake, don't terminate for fear baby has been harmed. With my first, I was in my late 20s, had been partying and drinking... had no clue my firstborn was firmly embedded until I discovered I was 10 weeks along. I remember vomitting for days on end and thinking, "I can't handle my alcohol at all! What is going on? Hmm maybe I have a tummy bug." I went to the GP to tell her I'd been sick for days on end and had no clue I was preggers. How naive! Anyway, that little baby is 12 1/2 years old now and awesome, if I may boast! :-) Just be healthy, happy, and enjoy your miracle baby who will one day be your pre-teen. And you too will be calming down another mum in your position now. :-) What a great blessing. Congratulations! Put it all behind you and please, please don't worry so much!!

PS... Your GP is very unreasonable. That was a very poor and inappropriate AND incorrect response he/she offered.

I have an adopted DD with feotal alcohol syndrome but her birth mum drank 8 units a day for the whole pregnancy. Well thats what birth mum admitted to, it was probably more tbh. DD has some problems which are becoming more apparent at the age of six but it's not that obvious, even after nine months of 8 units a day.

Your baby will be fine. Congratulations!

Huge congrats! I love stories like these.

It's clearly not ideal but your drinking doesn't sound excessive and is what my mum drank when pregnant with us - with virtually no issues...

I think your doctor's response is rather odd tbh!

All of these stories go to show how over the top and paranoid the guidelines are for pregnancy.

And I've never been a fan of Gweneth Paltrow but OMG.... how SMUG is her website?! I had no idea!!!

Try not to worry !

I didn't know I was pregnant until 15 weeks and had been having a drink on Friday evenings throughout this period of time. I had also smoked and eaten crap food. My baby is fine - although I worried incessantly until the day he was born !