19 weeks pregnant and quitting smoking

[magneticfield55]

Please don't pile on. I hate myself.

This is my first pregnancy. I was a 20 a day smoker beforehand. I went down to 5 or so and am now down to 2, some days none. I have bipolar disorder and have been suffering from depression and am under the perinatal mental health team. My depression is getting worse. I have tried to stop smoking alone but realised I need help so when I see my midwife (I see a specialist MH one) tomorrow I am asking for a referral to the smoking cessation service. I don't want NRT, I want to stop cold turkey. It's the way to go. I need account ability and support, I have been so ashamed of myself I have lied and told people I quit. I am having panic attacks about what damage I may have caused. I want this baby but have had such a hard time accepting I'm pregnant and feeling it's doomed.

At 19 weeks if I stop now, it isn't too late is it? I don't have a scan until 22 weeks. I am so scared and fear makes smoking worse. But it's ridiculous because smoking has been the biggest source of stress. I have felt like everything has been out of control.

I'm not looking for endorsement. I'm not excusing myself. I hate myself and wish I could start all over again.

You have cut down massively and are going to quit. You are not going to smoke around your newborn baby. You're doing great, well done and keep it up, and try not to worry - some people don't know they're pregnant til late on, we do everything we can to keep our little ones safe and healthy but sometimes we all make mistakes because we are human! You, and baby, will be fine, but it is going to be hard quitting completely. Be kind to yourself and good luck!

I think you've done really well to cut down from 20 to 2, and you clearly have the intention to quit totally. I can only imagine it's even harder during pregnancy, esp in the 1st trimester when you feel so crap anyway. Keep going! Eventually it will be 1, then none! It definitely isn't too late.

I'm sure your midwife will be supportive and appreciate the efforts you've already made.

Please don't beat yourself up, you've gone from 20 a day to 2 a day which is fantastic, if you can cut down 18 cigarettes you can cut down 2 more I know it's easier said than done (I quit the day I found out I was pregnant, but I only had about 5 a day) and know how hard it is (and it must be so much harder for you!)

There are people that don't even attempt to cut down smoking. One person I know told me her midwife said not to try and stop because the stress will do more harm to the baby than smoking will. Personally I think that is utter bollocks! You obviously are doing the right thing for your baby OP.

Maybe the next cigarette you would have you could smoke half and then destroy the rest? Smoking for me was a routine, I'd have set times I would smoke. Maybe if you're the same, with those last two cigarettes if they're at certain times you could distract yourself? EG if you have a 9pm cigarette, treat yourself to a bubble bath and hot chocolate instead? Good luck

Thank you. I think the stress thing is bollocks too. The only slight physiological aspect of it is that nicotine is a mild antidepressant, and I can't take anything so I am self medicating. Otherwise it's been my own selfish choice, a paradoxical one since at every week, at every point, I have expected something awful to happen but am actively doing things which make that more likely. I am hallucinating with anxiety, feeling like I'm seeing things, that the world is closing in.

At two points I have gone the three days that it takes to get it out of your system yet picked it up again. I know I can do it. I need someone to keep me on track. I am desperate for my 22 week scan, I just need to know it's okay and to connect somehow.

My smoking is the result of boredom mostly. My husband works nights so I am usually alone, I don't really have any friends who could keep me company. I just get more and more anxious and wound up and end up smoking which makes me feel better in the short term but more anxious in the long run. I know I will never ever forgive myself if I caused something and worry about what I would do if I did. I am desperately trying to get some perspective.

Better late than never!

I think you are doing brilliantly. No, not perfect yet - but you can be, and I think you will be. Stick with it and good luck.

It sounds like you are really up against it, but are more focused on your baby than on yourself. That's great. Keep going.

You're doing brilliantly cutting it down so much. Like a PP I quit the day I got my bfp but only smoked 5 a day.
You're doing it for the health of your baby so keep telling yourself that when the cravings are getting to you.
Well done so far anyway!

Hi, I know exactly how you feel, it is so hard and there is an insane amount of pressure to quit and some people can be so judgemental. I was a heavy smoker and had never been able to give up for more than a day before (even during my first pregnancy I smoked right through) luckily my dd was perfectly healthy. Currently 19 weeks pregnant with dc2 and I have been smoke free for 4 weeks!! I found I was getting more stressed by smoking as I was constantly worrying about my baby and what other people must be thinking(much like my first pregnancy) anyway I spoke to a specialist midwife and we had a chat and she told me lots of the same old rubbish we've all heard before but she also told me that a craving only lasts 3-5 mins which I didn't know and that is exactly how I've quite cold turkey one craving at a time, I occupy myself for those 3-5 mins and the cravings gone, I've changed my routine and now I'm not even really thinking about smoking, i never thought I'd be able to quit but I've just sort of got on with it this time. I feel so much better for it and you will too, your doing great already cutting down to 2 is pretty amazing, but if I can quit cold turkey you can too. Hope this helps even a tiny bit and sorry for the essay!!

But if I stop now is there a chance things will be okay? I'm not saying this as a, "fuck it, may as well continue" thing- I am asking because I am going out of my mind imagining the worst.

My midwife appoimtment is tomorrow- getting my days mixed up.

You're doing great! Well done for cutting back so much. It's never too late to stop. You can do it girl! Good luck

Hi OP, when I fell pregnant with my first son in 2012 I smoked. For the first couple of weeks I continued then went to a stop smoking service who advised I wait a week come back etc but I just wanted to give up so I stopped it was difficult but I've never gone back to smoking since. I've had the odd one on a night out which is rare anyway ha. Good luck xx

You said you can't take anything, assuming you mean ADs? Haven't you been offered Sertraline? It's perfectly safe in pregnancy and breastfeeding. I do know someone who is allergic to it, though, so perhaps this is the case with you? Well done for cutting down so massively - you're doing so well! Of course quitting now will make a difference, keep going! :)

No, I have BP I so don't/can't take antidepressants, as they cause manic episodes.

It's not ideal that you have smoked so far but you did cut down massively and are quitting with half the pregnancy still to go so I really wouldn't worry about the effects so far just move on and feel good about yourself that you are stopping now. It's the right thing to do because you won't want to be smoking or smelling of smoke round a new born baby or be smoking around them as they are growing up. Well done for making the decision to quit and good luck.

OK, I've got two pregnancy books: Expecting Better by Emily Oster, and WTE.

Here's Expecting Better:
A 2008 study from the Netherlands found that smoking later in pregnancy had the largest effect on birthweight. Therefore even if you smoke at the start of a pregnancy, there are huge benefits to quitting later on. Women who stop smoking during pregnancy also see a 28% decrease in risk of preterm birth.
And here's a direct quote: 'Even quitting partway through is better than continuing with smoking' (p.68).

And here's WTE:
'The effects of tobacco use, like those of alcohol use, are dose related: Tobacco use reduces the birthweight of babies in direct proportion to the number of cigarettes smoked . . . So cutting down on the number of cigarettes you smoke may help some.'

On quitting: 'Sooner is better, but quitting even in the last month can help preserve oxygen flow to the baby during delivery.'

In other words: your cutting down will have already gone some way to reducing the bad effects on your baby, and stopping altogether at this stage is going to bring loads more benefits. It's not a lost cause at all. You've done brilliantly to achieve what you have, and you've obviously got the determination to go the rest of the way. Well done and good luck for the future!

I quit smoking when I was 20 weeks pregnant with dc1. I always said that I would definitely quit as soon as I got pregnant (in the future, we weren't trying when I fell pregnant). I tried as soon as I found out and I couldn't do it and it was awful and I was so ashamed. It should have been so easy, or so I thought. I was reffered to he pregnancy stop smoke and together we looked at my triggers, set a quit date and made plans on how to cut down in the mean time. I felt so low but I knew if I did it properly I was going to make it permanent and I'd never go back to smoking. I had a horrible feeling that had I managed to go cold turkey from the beginning I may have ended up starting again when he baby was born. Don't get me wrong, I still would have quit on the spot if I could.

Quit day rolled around and I knew this was it, now or never and as never wasn't an option it had to be now. I actually found it easier than I expected. I didn't touch a single cigarette and after a few weeks I didn't one either and I've never looked back. It was three years since I quit a few days ago.

You can do it, you've already cut down so much! and no, it's not too late, it never is. Even if you quit at 39 weeks (not that I'm suggesting it) you will still be giving your baby a smoke free life outside you. You won't be smoking around him/her, you won't need to nip outside for a fag or rush through their feed/breakfast to have your first cigarette of the day. And it's all the little things you really don't appreciate, lkke not having to factot in ten minutes for a fag when planning to arrive somewhere (like the cinema etc), going from one shop straight to the next in the high street without either pausing for cigarette or (consciously or subconsciously) choosing to go to a shop further away so you have time for one.

Good luck and all the best, and remember you're doing really well

Or I could use proper English and say...

A few days ago it was three years since I stopped smoking.

ffs

Well I think you're being hugely responsible. You're under the care of the MH team, you've cut down to 2 a day, and you're going to ask for a referral to the smoking cessation officer.

I mean, there are a TON of expectant mothers who don't do any of those things!

You are literally trying your hardest for your baby. I think you deserve a pat on the back.

Please don't feel bad OP you're taking action to stop and look how much you've cut back.

Please try not to overthink this: you are doing brilliantly well. Even if you just cut down to two a day that would be a massive achievement but you are trying to quit so that's even better.

Thank you everyone for being so supportive and sharing your stories. I have been referred so just waiting now. Never thought I'd smoke when pregnant either. It was a surprise and still doesn't feel real TBH. I do need help, I want to do it properly. I've quit a hundred times and always gone back, in secrecy with no accountability, it's easy. I told my husband too. He knew I'd been having a few but not the extent. Also been referred to psychological therapies for anxiety which has spiralled out of control.

Heard heartbeat again too, which was nice :) Each visit they go, "look, everything's fine!" But I still can't accept it. And ironically that makes me smoke.

Yes, that's good. Almost more horrifying to me is smoking when she (75% she!) arrives. I don't judge anyone who does that but I can't bear that thought, stinking of fags, nipping out for a smoke, breastfeeding. I know I'm going to find it so stressful but by then after months without I'll have learned new ways to cope.

If its any consolation pretty soon you'll start to feel kicks and then it'll start to feel pretty real. And very pleasant.

Okay, stop smoking midwife hasn't been in touch. My intake actually went up last week because I was panic smoking. I threw up earlier during a cigarette. My body and my mind are screaming at me to stop. So I'm stopping. I hope she gets in touch as I need the support, but I've had enough. I can do this. It's three shit days, then 2 weeks it's all completely out of my body. I could make my anomaly scan as a non smoker. I want that. I just hope so so so much I haven't done incredible damage already. I wish I could at least feel them in there for reassurance.