19 weeks pregnant and quitting smoking

[magneticfield55]

Please don't pile on. I hate myself.

This is my first pregnancy. I was a 20 a day smoker beforehand. I went down to 5 or so and am now down to 2, some days none. I have bipolar disorder and have been suffering from depression and am under the perinatal mental health team. My depression is getting worse. I have tried to stop smoking alone but realised I need help so when I see my midwife (I see a specialist MH one) tomorrow I am asking for a referral to the smoking cessation service. I don't want NRT, I want to stop cold turkey. It's the way to go. I need account ability and support, I have been so ashamed of myself I have lied and told people I quit. I am having panic attacks about what damage I may have caused. I want this baby but have had such a hard time accepting I'm pregnant and feeling it's doomed.

At 19 weeks if I stop now, it isn't too late is it? I don't have a scan until 22 weeks. I am so scared and fear makes smoking worse. But it's ridiculous because smoking has been the biggest source of stress. I have felt like everything has been out of control.

I'm not looking for endorsement. I'm not excusing myself. I hate myself and wish I could start all over again.

That's shit! Do you have a contact for her? If so, get in touch first thing tomorrow and give her a kick up the pants!

If you don't have a contact -

NHS Pregnancy Smoking Helpline

The NHS Pregnancy Smoking Helpline is open 9am-8pm Monday to Friday, and 11am-5pm at weekends. The helpline on 0800 123 1044 offers free help, support and advice on stopping smoking when you're pregnant, including details of local support services. You can also sign up to receive ongoing advice and support at a time that suits you.

Make sure you let them know you've been let down (and the local services when they put you in touch).

Come over to the stop smoking section and start a thread too. You'll get lots of support and encouragement

Good luck and congratulations!

Thank you! Nope, no contact details for her. I may hassle my midwife to chase it up. I have tried that NHS number before but get a "the number you have called is not recognised" response. I'm guessing they changed it but didn't update their site. I'll try to find a working one.

I tried the UCL stop smoking online programme too that's advertised here. It's bloody awful. One of the things it tells you to do is to visualise lying on the hospital bed after having birth complications due to your smoking, which is horrible. Not because it might happen but because if fear and shame worked to help people quit addictions, they wouldn't exist. It also just reminded you every day you could still take NRT which I don't want.

Just remember, a couple of generations of women smoked throughout pregnancy. It's not ideal, but no one has the perfect pregnancy and gets it all right. So be gentle and kind to yourself, and do the best you can.

Hey, how's it going?

I can't believe how badly you've been let down with this and I am at that UCL programme, that is truly dreadful! Do you have a link?

Apocalypse is right, it's not ideal but it's not the end of the world. Just do your best - that's all any of us can do at any stage of this parenting lark - mine are all grown up and I'm still cocking up now and again.

You have done fantastic, from 20 to 2 is amazing.

I didn't manage to stop completely on my first pregnancy,although it's now been 10 years since I smoked so I did manage eventually.

If you continue to have a couple of cigs a day so be it, don't beat yourself up, there are a lot more risky things you could be doing than smoking.

No, I didn't succeed and if anything my intake has gone up, panic worse and worse, scan is on Tuesday. I have been diagnosed with GAD, but no word from therapy, I have left 8 voicemails now about SS midwife, asking to be called back and nothing at all. Noone is helping, noone is getting back to me.

I wish I had asked for help at my booking appt but I was sure I could do it alone and had no idea how stressful and frightening I would find this. I wish I had because by now I'd most likely be quit. And it's been 2 weeks since my referral, I can't believe noone is getting back to me.

Getting yourself stressed out like this is not helping.

Smoking while pregnant is of course not ideal but making yourself so upset about it and becoming more stressed which equals more smoking is worse.

Don't torture yourself, you have a lot going on, just have a couple of cigs it's not the end of the world.

Being stressed & upset in pregnancy is not good for you or baby.

(((hugs)))

You've been so badly let down over this I feel furious on your behalf

In the circumstances I think you should get some NRT to tide you over until you can see someone. I know it's not the way you wanted to go but honestly it's fine and is routinely prescribed to women who are finding quitting too hard. Nicotine is not ideal in pregnancy - but in the same way that caffeine is not ideal - i.e. not a huge deal. The vast majority of the risk comes from the products of combustion.

Be careful with patches, it's possible to OD on those, but any of the other NRT products will be fine. The inhalator seems to work the best from what I've heard. Don't skimp the dose - you'll be absorbing far less nicotine than you would with a fag so use it as much as you need.

Please try not to panic (easier said than done, I know) - a generation ago, huge numbers of women smoked throughout pregnancy and problems were still rare.

Are you in touch with a CMHT? Sounds like they could be managing your MH care a lot better.

It's been difficult because I work full time and my nurse tends to call me during work hours. I gave her a time to call (lunchtime) but hasn't been in touch for a week and I haven't seen her since August. Am seeing psych this month.

I think I will get some gum for now. Scan is on Tuesday. To me it is the turning point, the point where I will hopefully be able to start bonding and start accepting I will have a baby and knowing it's ok stop smoking. I am terrified it won't be and if it won't be that it's my fault.

Hey,

So an update- it's been 4 days since I had a cigarette. Stop smoking midwife never did get back to me (the referral hadn't been put through) and I'd been waiting a bit but just bit the bullet and did it myself. I feel okay, craving and trying to take it one day at a time, but the best thing about it is the not wondering what is happening to my baby when I'm smoking a cigarette and feeling awful about it.

Sorry, that sounded really dour!

HOORAY! I am glad I'm not smoking. And honestly, I feel a lot less stressed than I did. I'm not out of the woods by a long shot, but smoking was actually a far bigger stressor than I realised. Going to bed having panic attacks about the damage I possibly caused my baby was pretty stressful.

with my first pregnancy i quit before my 12 week scan, i got an awful sense of guilt every time i lit a fag.

With my second i didnt know i was pregnant until i was 20weeks. I had attended alot and i mean alot of family weddings, christenings, birthdays etc and had done a hell of alot of drinking which of course comes hand in hand with smoking most of the time. As soon as i found out that was it i stopped dead the next day, again through the feeling of guilt, i would light one up and up and put it out straight away.

With my third pregnancy, i am 7weeks today, i am finding it very hard to stop completely!!! Giving up alcohol has been no problem even though i was quite a shameful heavy drinker (not around my kids i must stress) but i found a bottle of wine, sometime 2 would de-stress me of an evening. I was also taking anti-depressants which i was told i could continue with but i have chosen to stop those completely as i dont feel i need them, becoming pregnant has liften my spirits no end, however i still cant beat the nicotine habit. My partner smokes which doesnt bother me when i have stopped in the past but i find if my children are playing up, just being regular kids, i reach for a fag, i only have a few puffs and put it out and like yourself only smoke approx 2 or 3 a day, 1 will last me quite some time as i keep putting it out and relighting when i feel the need again.

You are doing brilliantly though, like others have said try cutting down to one a day, put it out after a few puffs and go back to it when you feel the need again. It wont take long at all. I know i myself will have stopped completely in the next week to 10days.

Keep up the good work

Magneticfield55 you should be extremely proud of yourself for getting this far.

When I fell pregnant I was hoping that morning sickness would help me kick the 20 a day habit I had - no such luck - unluckily (in this context) I've had no sickness at all and so was still smoking! It then started getting to the stage that smoking and the idea of it was stressing me out more than anything..I've only stopped in the last week and I'm 17weeks now and could murder a smoke while typing this.

We all know people who have smoked through pregnancy to no effect but it is also known that it can cause allergies in later life for the baby, low birth weight, cot death etc TBH I'm more concerned about the effect of alcohol foetal syndrome (AFS) on the baby so have completely stopped drinking...

Anyhoo,I have to say, since I have stopped, I am a lot less stressed as I'm not worrying about smoking and it's not controlling me either...We don't smoke because we're stressed - we smoke because we are addicted to a drug!

What you said about smoking after baby is born...apparently also you breath out more CO2 just after having a smoke which can have a direct effect on the baby - same goes for anybody else around the baby..something to think about...

Either way, you have done an amazing job, you're bravely bringing a special life into this world - well done you on cutting down...and there's lots of support out there and here for you.

:)

Hey ladies, how are you doing with cutting down / not smoking? I'm still quit, though had a slip on Sunday when I found out my sister had been hospitalised. But that's been it and just shook it off and continued not smoking.

It sounds like you are taking so many steps to try and do the best by your baby and also yourself, well done. It may be helpful to see a psychologist to chat about 'stress' and 'worries', if you aren't already. I know a fantastic one that I have personally used. The short Skype sessions really made the world of difference to me:) PM me if you would like her details. x

Just wanted to say well done. I never found out I was pg with DS until I was 20 weeks and had been smoking about 10 a day. He's perfect to this day!

I haven't read all the above replies, so sorry if anyone has suggested this already.
I was smoking since I was 17 and quit at 30. This was 6 years ago and haven't had a cigarette since and never will.
The method I used was very simple - the Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking book.
Give it a go, follow what he says, don't stray, don't try to quit until he tells you to and you'll be cigarette free for good. I promise. My then bf quit shortly after me.
The best thing i have ever done for myself!

Hey, thank you! And phew, reassuring KatPotato :) I've read Allen Carr a few times. It helped but never got me there exactly. But I do use some things I've learned from the book to help.

What has been helping me so far with staying off cigarettes (although I am by no means out of the woods yet):

1. First and foremost, seeing it as an addiction. I am addicted to nicotine and that means there is no sneaky, "one". As much, and I admit this, as I wish there were. I do romanticise cigarettes in certain situations- that one with a beer etc. But my behaviour is of an addict. Even just little things like my smell, hiding at lunchtime so nobody saw me smoke, lying to my husband. I have picked butts out of the drain just to get a tiny smoke out of it. Out of the bin, even.

2. The Allen Carr "little monster" feeling when it comes to wanting a cigarette. That the nicotine monster will trick me and generally be an asshole and as days pass I am killing it and it will eventually bugger off. Secretly I also visualise it with the face of a person I don't like :P

3. Just living day by day without cigarettes. My nights alone are no more nor no less exciting than they were, the cigarettes in the evening didn't make a huge difference to my life, I was smoking but always doing something else at the time too (reading etc). Now I just read without the smoking. And every day walking past shops I used to buy cigarettes in, triggering places, and not smoking, helps.

4. I am less stressed. I knew I was stressed and guilty about smoking but I had no idea just how much of my thoughts were consumed by those feelings until I stopped. I'm still worried about the effect I've had but seeing the bean at the 22 week scan with good measurements and generally being pretty bouncy has helped, and helped me not to dwell on the past. I feel more in control. When I had those cigarettes on Sunday I spiralled a bit when I realised what I had done but just went to bed and woke up and started again, one day at a time.

5. Feeling Bean kick. It has made a difference. I don't want to smoke and breastfeed or anything, I don't want to die early and leave them.

6. Posting here and talking to people in general. I had such a sense of shame for a long time and it meant I smoked more secretly. I think it's great MNers are sharing their own experiences and not being judgemental, too.

Anyway that's what's been helpful to me so far.

well done you're doing brilliantly! You should feel very proud of yourself.

How exciting that the baby's started kicking too

Bumping for anyone that might be struggling too and need support! I'm still smoke free :)

(But must be said could kill for a pint and a smoke tonight. Alas!)