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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

A 4th child - what do you think? Everyone has been so negative.

68 replies

earthtomummy · 26/09/2006 13:58

Ds is 5.5, DD is 3.5 and DD2 is 1.5. Thinking about trying for our 4th (and final) this Autumn, so hopefully baby would arrive when Ds is 6.5, DD 4.5 and DD2 is 2.5. I've always felt like the broodiness won't ever go, but I really want another but no more after that! Are there any otner MNetters with 4 with similar age gaps. My only concern is making sure we're not being unfair to our current 3. I don't think we are, I think they get a lot from their siblings. DH is keen and v. hands on and has new job just 5 mins away from home (hurrah!). But I know my mum will clearly express her disapproval and I find that hard to handle, esp. in the face of horrible morning sickness. So, I guess I'm looking for someone to be postivie about this, because only my DH and I seem to be. All my friends just look at me like I'm deranged!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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anniediv · 26/09/2006 14:01

earthtomummy, I'm currently expecting No 4 and will have 6.4, 5.3 and 1.8 so almost the same gaps. No 3 was a big surprise and I told myself 'never again' but I am one of 4 and was not happy with the dynamic of having 3 kids. No 4 was also unplanned, but now I am secretly glad (even though everyone else thinks we're crazy) because 4 seems a more logical number to me. (they all think I'm crazy because I have terrible pregnancies). HTH

clairemow · 26/09/2006 14:02

Why not have 4 if that's what you want? Surely it is up to you and DH, and only you and DH how many children you have? If you try this autumn, then by the time it's born, presuming you get pg quickly, DS will be in school, and DD will nearly be in school, so you won't have 4 children at home with you all the time. go for it if it's what you want!

brimfull · 26/09/2006 14:04

I would have loved to have 4 ,I am one of 4 with very similar age gaps to yours and it was lovely being a part of a big family.I think you're very lucky,just try and rise above the critics.

DarrellRivers · 26/09/2006 14:05

So far only have 2 , but I would love to have 4 (DH prefers to stop at 2) , but who knows what will happen.
I think it is wonderful idea (and am jealous of you.)Good luck to you both.

TooTicky · 26/09/2006 14:05

I have 10, 7, 4 and 1. It works very well on the whole, andwith 4 you don't get an odd one out...

lockets · 26/09/2006 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mythumbelinas · 26/09/2006 14:05

I think modern life has made having more kids quite hard, eg, new car seat law, etc
In my mum's days, it was much easier (i think ) and have to say i'm the 4th child in my family. I was born when 1st was 6, 2nd was 5, 3rd was 1.9m.
When i was 10.5m 5th was born
I loved having a big family, and it's always hectic but lots of fun when we all gather or have big days out, which is often, but personally i'm not having anymore than my two.
Good luck

anniediv · 26/09/2006 14:06

Exactly TooTicky. Since having dd3 , I found dd2 was left out a lot. Now this way everyone has a little partner!

DumbledoresGirl · 26/09/2006 14:09

I have 4 children with a smiliar age gap to your (potential) 4. When ds3 was born, ds1 was 6.8, ds2 was 5.2 and dd was 2.11. Everyone thought I ws deranged (or some poor, sex mad woman living in complete ignorance of contraceptive methods) and I did sometimes feel a bit like some peasant bredding cow, walking around with a big belly and a string of little kiddies around me, but hey, if it is what you want, who cares what anyone else thinks?

Go for it! Good luck.

mrsdarcy · 26/09/2006 14:25

You need to move up here to Catholic Central (Liverpool) where 4 children is nothing .

I think a 4th is a great idea. I have 3 and would love a 4th.

lulumama · 26/09/2006 14:26

if you are positive about having a 4th --have one !!!!! who cares what everyone else thinks??

Pollyanna · 26/09/2006 14:29

I have 4 with a similar age gap (my eldest was 6 a few days before my 4th was born).

I am glad now that I have 4, but it has been bloody hard work. dd3 is now 20 months. my 4th wasn't planned, and I'm not sure I would have had 4 otherwise. I don't find that the dynamics work out - they don't always divide into 2 and 2! It does give people carte blanche to be rude to you (asking about whether baby was planned) and alot of people think you are mad. Holidays are prohibitively expensive and we drive a horrible car.

I now love having 4, but just giving you the downsides!!

Pollyanna · 26/09/2006 14:31

oh and my mum felt completely at ease criticising me when I fell pregnant - but she adores dd3 now!

sugarfree · 26/09/2006 14:44

"I'm looking for someone to be postivie about this, because only my DH and I seem to be."

I think your answer is right there in your first post.

2Babies0Bumps · 26/09/2006 14:47

why shouldnt you have 4? i would if i could manage but i'm fully stretched, so to speak, at 2.
if you have a hands on dh aswell (lucky u!) then bloody go for it.

2Babies0Bumps · 26/09/2006 14:47

and polly, your mum will melt when no.4 arrives!

mygirllolipop · 26/09/2006 14:53

Message withdrawn

juuule · 26/09/2006 14:59

If that's what you want then try to ignore the negative comments. Just smile, tell them you and dh are happy and if they've nothing nice to say, shut up. I had my 4th when the other 3 were 5y4m, 2y7m and 15m. Didn't regret it one bit. Then went on to have 5 more If your happy with another one don't let the naysayers spoil it.

agalch · 26/09/2006 15:11

Hi Earthtomummy

I also have 4 but with big and small agegaps so prob not much help to you.

I have a 15 yr old nearly 11yr old a 2 yr old and dd2 is 8 weeks today.

There will be good and bad times with 3 or 4 i suppose.I have found mostly positives tho.

I often get asked a.are they all mine and b.are they all fathered by the same man.None of your business but yes they bloody are.

Go for it!!! You may regret it if you long for another and don't do it.

Original poster

earthtomummy · 26/09/2006 16:06

Thankyou so much everyone for such positive responses - just what i needed! I know that we need to do what we want, but when I told my mum I was pregnant with no.3 she was q. tricky , which when you are feeling v. sick and q. vulnerable was hard. Saying that, she was v. supportive when she got over the shock and adores all 3. I just really feel there's room for 1 more and like so many of you said, think that 3 can be a diff. dynamic at times. Anniediv, hope your pregnancy goes well. I've had terrible pregnancies with my DDs with 40 wk morning sickness and SPD, but I moved house and did lots of DIY during both pregnancies so hope next time I won't feel quite so rough. Somehow your body tricks you into forgetting how grim you felt, but its always worth it.Only thing now, apart from getting pg is thinking about a new car....!!

OP posts:

jabberwocky · 26/09/2006 17:15

etm, I was a bit nervous about the reaction from my family with this pg. Although it's only our second I had a lot of problems when pg with ds and terrible PND afterward, so expected a lot of shock and disapproving looks IYKWIM. I decided to tell my parents at the same time that we told some good friends of ours (who knew we had been trying and were supportive). In the midst of happiness and congrats from the other couple, my mom had no choice really but to follow suit and has really been OK about it ever since. A little manipulation now and then is not really a bad thing, imo...

Good luck with #4!

mooshy · 27/09/2006 22:00

agalch,
I have dd1 14, dd2 11, ds1 3 and would love no.4.
Have always said we would have another as such a big age gap between him and his sisters he would almost be an only child.
Financially we cant really afford it- but then i dont think we could ever afford any of them and we have managed.
I am soo envious of you
Think my mirena is twitching to come out-lovely to see you have the same sort of age gap and hope to follow asap !

jellybeans · 28/09/2006 21:09

I have 4; 10, 7, 4, 4, and pg with #5. I haven't told family yet as they will def be very negative, they always have been about big families and will prob never babysit again. I am dreading it. I found 4 hard work as 2 came together! Having never had 3 it was a big jump from 2 to 4! It is chaos, mess and noise and juggling. BUT I love it and recommend it. As long as we are happy, you only get one life, big families are a blessing

Xena · 28/09/2006 21:22

I got exactly the same reaction as dumbledoresgirl and it drives me mad!! I always wanted a big family and my DC's all adore each other, well most of the time

Xena · 28/09/2006 21:24

ours are 8 4 2 and 5mths

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